24 Hana 1st birthday 25 JB full day of build up to still doing it

23 Sept 1900 - 2330 -> 4.5 hours -> 212.5 hours
24 sept 1000-2330 ->13.5 hours -> 226 hours
25 sept 0730-2330 -> 16hours -> 242 hours

Blk 183 120th
Lake 154.5
Carpark 160.5
First Hut 171st
Morning Half way 178.5
Non Cure Treatment 207
We still do it with lips- 241
Bra 13th
Together 6.5
U did me 3 times

24 Hana Birthday - about 10 at her place.... Went to her home. Waited for a while..... then went to V Hotel. We are the youngest non married pair...the rest are married with kids..... some mother came with kid. we still N to N a bit.... church service.... great word...... reach her home at 2300....  I wonder how long had I spent in her room with her since..... as I type this....

Type history: Or I stay over to finish up your need :)
We did move a little unfinished as she sat on my lap N to N with occasional Lip touch..... exploring but time is limited....15 minutes.... only.... That I think may have set the stage for tomorrow.... Unfinished business. - The prolonged N to N which was significant until the position/height is awkward...she is on the bed, me on the chair.

25 JB trip....woke up at 0530.....went her place 0700....0720 then enter....a small miscom which test patient.... I was like ok....perhaps I just go downstairs to start my work.
                     
Ya still on my bed Zz sleepy                      
 Ok... I am just a few stops away from your home... Yeah I get to see you in sleeping clothes haha                      
 So u want me to wait in your place or downstairs?                      
U decide                      
M: I at door step                      
M: Erm I have no keys lol                      
K: Coming sorry                      
M: Thanks... I almost wanted to go downstairs and perhaps work there

N to N
1. at checkpoint
2. at the lift area
3. along the walkway (in cinema) when outside cinema
4. Out of sight along the exit
5. outside near the glass area until another cinema exit
plus more short ones.... up to 10 +

shared 2 meals together, take some we-fie together....  Then we went back..... although we did what is supposed to be clean activity...... no clean sheet is sufficient. When it starts..... it does not stop...... even after saying we are not going to do anything after she bathed.....

Trigger is just need to sit on lap,..... I remember I was in the I desire it mood liao. Then the escalation is N to N with really more sustained L to L ...light one....  then off go the usual B. Then longer and longer N to N with others..... L to F...... the moment is when it is front to front.... even on the seat..... with H to T. And near the V. Even before the usual B is off.......once we changed location..... that is where all things break loose..... the key thing is even though I am not into the mood, the mind just didn't want to stop..... A choice still remains but the choice is not made..... but somehow nothing is stop......once the bed after usual B is off...... All it like the mind is going for it..... no obstacle to stop.... mind is just flowing into it. No where to stop the flow of thoughts of what to do next....

So once one the bed..... then once on the floor..... after the flood one, my emotion/ S- is used up...... I just lay down there ....want to cool down and take a rest..... she ask if I want it..... I didn't reply..... then by don't know what reason, I place her hand after she tried to initiate..... near my G....... then she just self service and continue..... till now I couldn't remember.... I got a feeling that I just fall asleep for that 1 -2 minutes... or my body just completely numb or void of sensation .....  when I regain consciousness.... I know I was completely zipped up...... I understand from checking with her that I actually snored.

Ok this really warrants concern....and Thank God to allow things to flow without incident.... Especially after the word. Love offers Grace

Truth wrapped in love hurts, he never breaks anyone's trust.
Love always makes a way for healing
God offer his grace, embrace and freely share with others.

Follow up action:
Less time spend in her room. I may have to remove my privilege to help remove her usual B.

N to N may be another consideration....

Together we will talk and work it together..... both sentimental are the same....PTL...  This week likely to meet for CG ...or perhaps on thurday if she OT and I finished my work too. Saturday thank God it is church service as usual. 1 Oct....

So period comes..... whichever ba.... God just guard us... and protect us... May your Grace be sufficient for all. Your love that offer grace.

18 Sept - Went over for dinner after a day of work 19 Sept cousin outing 21 Sept non cure treatment

17 Sept 2016 - 0000 - 1130 => 11 hours -> 181.5 hours
1400 - 2330 => 9.5 hours -> 193.5 hours
18 Sept 1830-2330 -> 5 Hours -> 198.5 hours
19 Sept 1830-2330 -> 5 hours -> 203.5 hours
21 Sept 1900 - 2330 -> 4.5 hours - > 208 hours
23 Sept 1900 - 2330 -> 4.5 hours -> 212.5 hours


Blk 183 120th
Lake 154.5
Carpark 160.5
First Hut 171st
Morning Half way 178.5
Non Cure Treatment 207

18 Sept

Morning disagreement
Then I work, trying to finished up my work ....managed 1 out of 2 task..... then went out to find her to eat porridge dinner.
Then we did the Word. Did just like any couple did....walk around chit chat..... exploring......all the stairs...but we just didn't do anything.... Enjoy each other presence

Then I went home. After routine at her place...... 8?

19 Sept
Out with cousin.....meet her half way to Potong Pasir MRT.  She wore the same dress as she wore on the blind date.

Simple nice dinner.... my youngest cousin got lost....almost got her to pay.....she also almost become pek chek - wanted to go home

K asking my cousin who I am.  My cousins all share I believe.....  Then I get to use about most of the $400 initial for my Maybank card.

Went back .....routine at her place 9?

21 Sept
She wanted to do manicure/pedicure.... I suggested bishan.....she came over while I try to finish my work
I obliged to her request to eat mos burger. Then we walked around...... for a while....then we leave early..... 2130....to reach her home about 2230......

Then it all started.....2230 is 207th hour...... so I did my routine......then she hug tightly......as it is still early, so allow her to hug longer.....then she said need to take a sit.......then she sat on my lap..... my mind is already off the mood.......then we did more N to N, N to F.... my hands are just fixed a location....refusing to do much.....then she guided my hand to her back..... ...as she sat on my lap..... I put my hand in front of my G.... to protect....but she seems into the mood......anything near.....she can just start..... I find it hard to believe....but she just start.....so somewhat I know nothing is going to stop her.....so i offer my hand.....she rock to my hand......not just once but 2 rounds.........as I think back....what is the need to do so? What is she using to overcome? Yup before that there were some hint about park and carpark....but how does that lead to it..... I maybe hinting but I have no intention..... after her 2 rounds.... in which at some point i just wanted to lay down...... I did that after 2 rounds.... just want to rest....at the corner of my mind think what will she do? ride on me? or others..... she started to move her hand around me..... just focusing on the back.....then after I lay down.....to rest and relax....not expecting anything....she self-help herself to G..... without asking she just did it.... and best part is I didn't stop her..... I also don't know at this moment why I didn't stop her. Only time was the limiting factor....it was about 5-7 minutes......simple slow stroke.... This is the 2nd time she did this to me..... this time she self-serve....she said I have tears in my eyes..... which I don't know why....but guess I was really stunned, shocked or just unexpressive on what happened. I shared with her abit..... It just leave me not sure..... and why this still continues..... I suspect there is a deeper thing....but now I am not stopping.....May God grace reign and be sufficient.....let it not led to a dark journey... I don't deny I may have prayed for it..... or joked about it....But God your grace is more than that.....there is a greater purpose that physical satisfaction. May Your will be done...May your healing start in her life.

16 Sept F1 race and all the build up......I learnt more that what I expect.... 17 Sept is meeting her close GF

16 Sept 2016 - 1730 - 0000 => 7.5 hours -> 170 hours
17 Sept 2016 - 0000 - 1130 => 11 hours -> 181.5 hours
1400 - 2330 => 9.5 hours -> 191 hours
Thursday didn't meet for lunch and dinner.....though thru chat she said, if I want, she will give......omg lol

It is a nice experience at F1 pit on 15 Sept..... how I wish she can be there. took some photos to send her.... It is a nice experience. Nice toilet compare to on Friday. Thank God my colleague drove me back....or nearby. Looking forward for 16 Sept

16 Sept work work work
Enjoy ourselves
KFC fast food
Eat Melon ice cream.
Drank Coffee Bean together Black forest with cherry
Watch the car zooming past together.

Taking photos together
Enjoying each other company
can't remember what we chatted.... causal chat nothing too serious. Really being a couple
Point out of the various car. The different color car.... the sky line, the F1 cars on MBS. The multi color merlion.
Then we walk and took photo at fullerton... found some nice place ...the mirror underpass is also quiet and good.Erm erm..... for MOut
So we took train back, not really at the concert....as she lean against my lap....looking at MBS....enjoying the ice cream

So when we back in Pasir ris....time to get a drink....then ask her if she wants to stay at Mac or go somewhere else....she say she would follow me....  So since I already hinted her before hand, I brought her to the place which we had our second round....

I think it started of with sitting on the lap... N to N, then tip of M to M...... then she started with M to N and H to B. Same goes for me.... for her.

To my surprise as much I am not in the mood, my mind is blank with some thoughts, I actually went close to M to B.......then first round...... yup simple and of a sustain length..... she is totally into it.....

the M to B continues after I help her with her top..... then...back to M to B, N to N...... I think it is only 2 rounds......thus the 2nd round I went H to G. or Close to it. I can't really see her reaction....but I know I didn't want to go too far.....neither do I want to take those out.... just to heighten her sensation..... so that she is enjoying it

So second or third round..... then she continues to hug me as she cools down.....

Then after all I told her i am going to release my guard....and allow myself to sink into it.....sink into the mood.....and she just auto pilot...... H to B, ...... I thought she would dig into the same places..... I just encourage her to go bolder.....though I was prepared mentally for almost all the way.... well what goes after really builds me up..... H to BB....... she just slowly and I allow my body to go into .... I really enjoy the sensation around my body....not just a part of my body. I shiver/vibrate once...and that put me a little off guard....woah....She is driving me up..... not long after my first shiver......she did something I didn't expect she would do at that stage.... as I look back I think she just followed me.

H to G ......and there she goes with a bit of my assistance.... I thought only perhaps on the outside....but she dig deeper .....she is the first who did such a thing to me....my very first....she did it for a while......until my mind was totally out of the mood..... My mind just went autopilot and cut off all sensation....and I also don't want to do too much clean up.... so I told her....yup.... I have enough....told her that we should not do this again like that.... and told her she surprised me...and asked her where she learnt this from.....and I connected the dots.....from the 1st .....and why lead to the second....... I see the build up to why she will do it for the second...... nothing happens without a seed somewhere....

Woah....this is just common but sadly this is how it is..... thus I just asked a few more question for information..... and that concludes that night.....from just a cup of green tea....yup we were really overtimed.....we went back at 3-4 am......and there are no more tension or things rise up....for the night...as both of us are just tired....and need to wake up in 2 -3 hours time... I slept soundly at her bed while she sleeps with her mum.

The next morning is also another shocking....she in her t-shirt dress...... and I just made on her......letting her feel it..... my mind wasn't awake yet...my body just reacting......and that moment things happen quite fast.....even she is reluctant ......after a door open....we compose ourselves later....and that is how we started 17 sept instead..... I know my hands are right spot then....and we went thru a few motions....ops.... woah that was just too spontaneous.

This sums up to be
Blk 183 120th
Lake 154.5
Carpark 160.5
First Hut 171st
4.5 times.... as I type this...... there is 5.5 times already..... omg.....


17 Sept
Joking about having beer....don't know what will happen....no beer...
passed the 1st stage...2nd stage is to drink 1/2 pint beer....
Talk about my story.... the journey chit chat with them. Have a very nice atas tea....
Sharing life experience and focus on Cheryl? one of the single of her GF

Service was a struggle to keep away..... then the usual routine according to 22 Sept 2016 - 7th time?

13 Sept I meet my friend and received a message 14 Sept K and I talked

 12 Sept 2016 - 1500 - 2330 => 8.5 hours => 156.5 hours
14 Sept 2016 - 1 hour lunch + 1830 - 2330 = 6 hours => 162.5 hours                        
16 Sept 2016 - 1730 - 0000 => 7.5 hours -> 170 hours
17 Sept 2016 - 0000 - 1130 => 11 hours -> 181.5 hours
1400 - 2330 => 9.5 hours -> 191 hours
Again: 160.5 hours

13 Sept didn't meet  K lunch. Then dinner Finally meet Sharon,  Day was effective in some ways.
Lunch with Smoky.... with her as she politely asked if she mind I join her....sooo sweet and kind of her. 2 times.....and she has her own lunch.....already and she still don't mind joining me for lunch. Chatted and talk....she shared her life, and how her date is.....well I shared abit of mine.... mostly hearing her out.

Evening, dinner was quick and good....Japanese food.  talked about life, work, biyang, then as we proceed to a place where Mandarin Gallery, Artique Café

Then chat .....K message she feel jealous...so I told Sharon Chia, I need to attend to this first....

I learnt: Destiny. Support group, Otter sleep, PT on a intimate level beyond marriage.

I was concerned and shared with K about things.... on the next day 14 Sept.  We pray through the phone and talked about something....

14 Sept.... I told her that for lunch, lets spend time together in love.....just really as a couple.... nothing else..... enjoying each other and showering each other with TLC..... let the evening be the evening. It rained still and she grab me close to her heart..... But it was nice

Evening comes...... I napped in the afternoon in prep...didn't do much but the time arrives...... I used about 5-10 minutes to prepare...... Negative emotion and its impact.
1. What are negative emotion
2. How does Negative emotion affects our lives
3. Our reaction / responds to negative emotions
4. Factor of consideration and the reason why it is a concern.

So on myside, aloof, disappointed, upset, jealous, self-critical.
Reactions: Sin more, Can't be bother mode, do more harm to self and to others, being extreme.

Affect our lives - we doubt, we argue, we can't love each other purely, we spilt up, we just do the things we agree not to

Factor of consideration - one major one for me negative emotion => creation of  desire for love via PT - > with the right amount of arousal, lead to G to G, then hurt or guilt that hurt me....and I don't know how I will respond to it......

Thus as I thought of it, I am prepared of the possibility too...I thank God.... I know I will keep to the commitment and the promise told to her..... just that there is another issue to clear

So we finish 2130...... we walked back.....she lay her head on my shoulder..... then we start to escalate a little..... I told her as we walked what I appreciate her....one which I like at time girls to take the lead..... so as we were not be able to interact with people around..... I know in my heart I sense it....she also ....then she told me let walk around.... I told her you lead the way....so we walked.....and she brought up the car park...as I approached the carpark.... I already sense it....and I just prayed in tongues..... in preparation for what is to come..... so yup we walked all the way to the top...... found a place out of sight near the lift...... and we started...... I asked permission as usual..... and she just take it off. It is more difficult but yup a least a few moments for her to release.....until time does not allow....and she feel like why is she the one who wants it..I told her....it is ok....coz I already know I am at stage 8 unconditional love.....stage 7 is just one type of expression.....when stage 8, whether stage 7 exist or don't have it is fine with me..... I desire and yearn but I can live without it. I assure her.... with just 15 minutes... one last round for her.....sooo near her place....I told her I will find the place ....I lead then since she is not satisfied.... after that I ask does she wants more....she said enough already..... due to time ..... I am glad to hear that....that I allow her to release those desires....safely....

I went back to my home.....the moment my undies were off..... I felt soooooo weak and desire....just like the day before.....she just message....quick shower and get dress up.....immediately the weak feeling left me...... and I could just shower quickly and go and sleep....Thank God for everything and Praise the Lord...... this is really accelerated preparation for Marriage lol

12 Sept 2016 - I meet friend. Meet parents dinner session formally, blueberry session at the park

11 Sept 2016   1200 - 2330 => 16.5 hours => 148 hours
12 Sept 2016 - 1500 - 2330 => 8.5 hours => 156.5 hours

meet parents 1830 - 151.5 hours
Again - 2130 - 154.5 hours

Talking in the morning....mum ask serious question..... I say got to meet her parents first.
Then we are all just joking about last night..... saying perhaps 3 girls and 5 boys...haha
Just a happy time together as a family finally without any worries and things.

Meet a friend....chit chat....chat about the whole process of my dating from day 1 until the day which the official start - 19th day consider 1st day on 14 August. then the whole process. then K came.  They chatted and chatted abit...

Then dinner was simple. simple interaction..... simple family time. Then my mum held her hands.... and things are ok

Then off we went for pasir ris.... went to the same place....the usual place was occupied...we went to a more open hut....we went into the mood....N to N..... but I wanted to finish the blueberry.....we feeded each other.....lip to the fingers.....I believe we know we are into it...

After blueberry, I set aside the things....take out my glasses....in prep......and there we look at each other.... and we started. N to N, hugging each other. Slowly our hands move a bit more...... with permission down to bottoms..... she sat on my lap.... I can feel the tension..... and I was a little into the mood... then there she massage my back....i could feel myself build up.... i am really into it slowly...10-25%.....then she place her hands into my bottoms.....that was sensational......but it triggered my body alarm..... trigger my mind too...... then she kissed me from cheek to neck.....that is the point that my mind started to take over.... I some how know I am no longer into the mood...but I know she is into the mood.  So I just follow along......help her...to rise up....with permission along the way.

Another moment - took her clips off.....rise it up.....then arouse her back......then excuse is to feel her heartbeat.....yup with permission did the cupping.... and that is the limit..... not sure how she feels......then I lift her up....with my hands and she is into it all..... not once......but for a sustained time......2 burst of it....as my arms were tired....then one more time that is close contact with my P. In between I wore it back for her..... through it these, I was already out of mood......I was only in it until the point she miss me around.......

hot and sweaty.....times does not allow....so I send her back.  N to N...K to forehead.....

The surprise thing or some what not special, I am in that mood in the bus..... I could still feel the sensation of her hands in my B. through the bus journey.....not a portion but for the whole journey.... I was like....have the desire to have it..... but I know I just need to stop thinking or imaging....

So back home..... when I was bathing, after chatting with her...... I can't imagine as I touched my back and stuff.... I was feeling sooooooooo desired and wanting that my body reacts..... I feel my legs weaken..... my body really yearned for it....... that was too dangerous....too close..... only shower and some prayer ...calm me down..... Thank God that He has given me quick way to calm myself..... But that lead to maybe next friday may go into another level...... and today I am concerned..... Friday is just 2 shorts aways.....very easy compare to the previous 2 experience.....oh well......

Feeling still lingers and move on.....well I don't know why still the experience still....  One learning is she is firm on the no.....no take out bottom to experiment.... I am glad that she is firm. It will be tough journey since I know the floodgates are open..... It is really overwhelming for her...and I feel bad now....why did I open the floodgates.......all things have its consequence....so I just trust God since He has journey with me, he will not let me sink too deep or drift too far away.....In trust in Him, I just follow with wisdom and strength and just make sure my limits are strong...and pray that God will not allow such strong emotion to cause more harm in the most unexpected situatiohn

Strong emotion love vs hate => a deed => deep wounds for me...which I did a pre stimulated and I can sense the amount of hurt that may come...

09 Sept 2016..... On Leave, our first word, sharing of my childhood places....and an expected turn of events

06 Sept 1 hours lunch, 1830 - 2330 = 5 hours instead.=> 106 hours
08 Sep2016 - 1 hour lunch, 1830 - 2330 = 6 hours => 112 hours
09 sept 2016 - 1000-2330 => 13 hours => 125 hours

Happen at 1800 at 120th hour Reward 1st at 1100 hours 113th hour


she didn't sleep much
reward back.
K on the forehead
my childhood place (renovated) told her all the places that is out of sight.....she detected....and deliver as request with build up - H to H
She came school look for me after my meeting
Breakfast
first word 1330
then late lunch veggie crunch at J8 mac.
I was cold and activated. she took adv to tickle me....
Walked to my sec place point block 183
went all the way up...... hug close H to H can't remember how it started.... from shoulder then.....it started...

I can feel the movement.....up and down....though after I am in control.... in 2 different places at the same location..... the 2nd being longer.
at moment stop due to lift... then we continued.....to point ask...so until she can't control or stop there after a while already.... then ask who is in her mind.... and evaluate with her...at that moment she can't.... but today....she told it is more of a body reaction. And she feel warm. to be discuss on another blog.

11 Sept - JB day....and meeting of parents unexpected

11 Sept 2016   1200 - 2330 => 16.5 hours => 148 hours
12 Sept 2016 - 1500 - 2330 => 8.5 hours => 156.5 hours

Met her place......sat at void deck...thinking how she will come look for me....  will she jump on me on my lap...haha.

Well we walk to WS ...have our shared breakfast...... for a budget meal....no big breakfast. she can have most of the harshbrown. I drank 3 cups of my milk tea..... and we chatted chatted and chatted....we just chatted....talk about yesterday night 13 minutes eye interaction....how our body  reacts and almost there.....

Day started with Mac breakfast....and then we really interact with each other. all aspect....chit chat...sharing.... we had to wait for 2 hours at the custom until she really tired....so we just interact.....I was have the idea...perhaps we have eye interaction for 2 hours...haha....don't know how far we will go....

in the midst, I owe her 2 things: 5 min hug...and a k on the cheek...on my cheek.... opps...in the end....we went past checkpoint.... I told her....lets go see the "less people" walk that place..... see what is new the other area ...then I told her.....here no one can see....no one will walk pass..... haha....finally she got the hint..... she kissed me...haha although after that I thought I was suppose to give her instead.


Anyway we queue for 2 hours....went to get something for her mum we walked around... then we went back to the same place, just a different angle and slightly different area to take photo.

Just shared our late lunch ......double cheese burger. and orange juice....yum yum.

Then we walked past and I was thinking....how about we go into those lingerie shops...haha...

Then she was showing her bruise on the cheek.....then I just look look look at then swift actions.... k on the spot.

Drink bubble tea. She cough I concerned....buy roti boy is a good choice as we waited a long time.  She rest on my shoulder for the whole journey....We even took the wrong side of the train to Kranji and not woodlands.  She was cold, I let her wear my jacket.

Reached there... Fish soup her usually, with bee hoon. I asked to eat first....showing concern.  She tied a pony tail....woah that melts my heart

Oh ya..... when we were queuing for the bus, we were chatting and slip my mouth to say in relation to marriage .... next year...haha

We did bible study at Mac, messaged my dad to notify him.... didn't prepare my mum will come.... didn't do necessary stuff...... we were slightly just on time then my mum, in cab, smiled...with that smile in the shadow... even I am scared...

So I sent her back....k her on the forehead....

today we going to meet again...I look forward with my parents with K...maybe we can continue after the round 2 hut....I wonder what lay beyond

10 Sept 2016...... Final round ....no physical but therapeutic

08 Sep2016 - 1 hour lunch, 1830 - 2330 = 6 hours => 112 hours
09 sept 2016 - 1000-2330 => 13 hours => 125 hours
10 Sept 2016   1200-2330 => 11.5 hours => 136.5 hours
11 Sept 2016   1200 - 2330 => 16.5 hours => 148 hours

Confession 100th hour
Storhub = 102th hour

The big "reward" yesterday was around 1730-1800? Or 1800-1830 => 118th hours
Revisit => site => 130th hour

morning self-high and heigthen state

lost sprint and sumo both on first round. ...with K....so find time to spend with her.... Shared Jiu xian with her...bought by jie jie Jess


Went science centre for a while....bought lunch together.....for the students. Watched the finals of NJRC
Ate lunch together.... we discuss about yesterday.....
Mentioned I can't remember what was the trigger between hands on shoulder to hands on butt.
Was review where were the checkpoints...which she was asking why re-visit. I rationale with her that it is part of facing the truth....a process of counselling. A process of healing....

Also as she mentioned that her body started to feel warm and hot. then the unknown why trigger..... 1st location, some stop which is politely asked....but yet continue a bit more....then move to a second place, just 90 degree to the first.....and continued.....for a longer period of time....which I ask her why did she said stop.....she said she is feeling warm tooo hot....and she is not used to saying no....always being giving in.  then we talking about other things....in the end she felt better.... about herself....and how I was think....which sadly it at 2nd location then my mind is thinking of something. at the 1st location, my mind isn't thinking...all at the top floor of my old place.... which today we went to take photo...ops

It still concern me but it shows that I will need to be the gate keeper.....Just do more work.... well it is worth it....  Also ask her to hug me with some distance and the close hip to hip hug.... even telling her...hip to hip hug.. as long as she recognise the difference. the two hug.

I was also in a heighten state in the morning..... linking to the effect from last evening...delayed effect.... I was at the front and I was really sensitive....luckily I was in front..... but i was really sooo high up.....anyone can just send waves into me. somewhat last till 12 noon. I learnt she can be a firm say no person/ That made me love her more.


Thank God for his faithfulness......a silly idea in midst of worship .....the faithful of God in my life...poured into me.

10-13 minutes of eye look.......I can feel the urge....then sense her urge....then woah...we are creating new ways....then i forgot to signal her to kiss on check...totally forgot as wanted to debrief the long eye interaction

So send her back...used her home bathroom....help her set them free...then thought she didn't wear and accompany me down...zzzz....she ate something....more peck on her cheers for the day.
Then which is now...leep
sleep

She mentioned ow her story.... her ability to change people view..... for bgf t o

08 Sept 2016 - round 3 and we really go quite far...... Unbelieveable but it is all under control

08 Sep2016 - 1 hour lunch, 1830 - 2330 = 6 hours => 112 hours
09 Sept 2016 - 0930 - 2330 = 14 hours => 126 hours

It started on about 2000 - 108-109th hour

The day of execution has come. We met for lunch even though my colleague asked me where I going for lunch. And she sort of guess that I am going out for lunch with my GF. We had a simple lunch, chit chat. Talk about what to do during weekend...just merely enjoy each other company...she also talked about her work....give thanks.... favour in her work. I just hear her out....listen and agree....just listening to all these. But really it is heart to heart....with no barrier....just really being there for her....though I think I should up my listening skill.... engaging listening.

I also Thank God that I managed to finish my important urgent work....Just left some to clear that is not sooo urgent. Well work was easy for me then.... Well rest abit and looked forward to dinner with K.

So on the way she mentioned she was pissed off......omg....hope fully that pissed off will not cause any disruption of the night activity. So first thing is to comfort her.....and allow her to ventilate. A ventilated girl is easy to predict than a bottled-up girl....as a bottled-up girl is more capable to more compulsive and impulsive. So we talked and relaxed.....just held hands ....chit chat about anything....just like as per normal..... walked up and down coz Storhub does not have toilet....haha.... it is a walk journey.... just a walk....

So when we reach storhub..... preparation of place....showed her the bear allow her to hug. Also after preparing the venue, I shared with her the plan.... all the learning outcome and objective. I also told her that I dun understand why should I plan such a thing...... or even think about it. After going through what is the activity and rationale once....though I think she is fearful.... I repeat the activity in detail.... let her know she has all right to say stop or say no...but she just agreeable to it.... Here is the activity planned

STORHUB Experiential Learning Activities

Learning Objective:

1. Reaction and responds to limits
2. Choice making
3. Consideration of possible consequence
4. Consequence management
5. Sharing of plans and ideas

Venue: Storhub Toa Payoh

Duration: 30 + 13 + 40 + 40 = up to 123 minutes

• Strict compliance is needed and enforced. Failure of compliance can lead undesired outcome or not achieving the learning objective. As a deterrence, if one party fails any compliance, he/she is obliged to complete a task that the other has asked, within allowable and permissive limits.  The recipient is allowed to negotiate for a similar but more comfortable punishment.
• Certain wear is recommended but not required. This is to facilitate the activity only. Shirt or sleeve clothes are not advised. Jeans is not advised too.
• At any point either party can stop the activity temporarily or permanently. Reflection will need to be followed through after
• Alternative method of execution of activity are allowed. E.g. Discussion or Simulation. The activity and method suggested here are meant to be a guide and it is one sided.

Activity Schedule

Duration	Activity	Rationale
Preparation (30 minutes)
10 minutes	Tour of Storhub room Shifting of 2 board games boxes out	Familiarisation of location. Setting up of location for conducive environment for activity
About 10 minutes	Sharing of Activity plan	Sharing of ideas and plans, open communication
About 5 minutes	Laying out possible outlook	More of understanding and just being me. Also managing expectation and hearing possible reaction/responds
About 5 minutes	Preparation to execute Activity All the TnC and the limits setting and the open conditio	Set the framework and regulation of the activity so that it will be within allowable limits to avoid unforeseen circumstances of dire consequences
Execution of Activity (13 minutes)
2 x 2 + 1 minutes	2 minutes of individual insolation in the place	To observe own reaction of being in an enclosed space though knowing someone is still outside still - Biblical reference
2 + 1 minutes	2 minutes of being together in the place	To observe the feelings together in a place, and as compare to individual
About 5 minutes	Preparation to execute Next Activity All the TnC and the limits setting and the open conditio	Set the framework and regulation of the activity so that it will be within allowable limits to avoid unforeseen circumstances of dire consequences
Execution of Next Activity (40 + 40 minutes)
20 minutes	Execution of her part. She is the main recipient Always seeks clearance and permission before proceeding to the next step. It is fluid and any point intervention can be introduced. Both parties can vary the execution so long the learning objective is met, within permitted limits	For the recognition of the vulnerability and any possible feelings and desires. Also about choice making reaction and responds leading towards a consequence, mindset and thoughts. Also can be sharing, communication in awkward purpose.
20 minutes	Prediction and simulation Status Quo, if possible, seek to understand and explore what are the possible outcome when others options. Scenario finding	With the current state, it may be easier to simulate further scenario as the current situation may lead to. Also to observe all the learning outcome for both parties Limits need to be strictly adhered at all times
20 minutes	Since She done 2 things, He will need to do for her 2 things. Negotiable and within permitted limit. His limit has to be the same as the previous activity and of similar nature	Eye for eye. Observe learning outcome for both parties Limits need to be strictly adhered at all times
20 minutes	Final reflection for both party, in a safe or compromised state so long factors are considered.	Learning of each other and other learning
Ice Cream at Toa payoh mac	Sundae as usual
1 hr 25 minutes	Travel back + maybe she shared why she like to lay head on shoulder

Others notes:

Activity description

Activity	Description of activity	Any additional activity
Tour of Storhub room	Seeing some of the my belonging….my bear. Also preparing the space needed for activity. And create the needed factor
Sharing of Activity plan	Sharing of the activity schedule and my rationale behind that. Also allow discussion and negotiation for changes or modification if needed according to individual and situation.
Laying out possible outlook	This is to make it clear or understand by both to be aware of the possible consequence and undesired outcome
Individual and paired isolation	Just being alone or in pair with known or unknown duration of time.
Preparation to execute Next Activity	This is to prepare for the next activity. The usual TnC and other factors
Execution of experiential activity	Ask the top first Then store it aside properly Do reflections Then the bottom Then store it properly Do reflections Another further variation
Return of experiential activity	Since she did 2 items, I will need to return the favor of up to similar magnitude in return. In same order too.
Final Reflection	Depending on the state of situation and comfort level, this is to share feelings emotions and all other information Also to reinforce certain things, goals and objective and learning outcome and TnC

My remarks:

Started with simple isolation activity

Tuesday at Pasir Ris Park just “tainted” it all

Led to reluctance and “sadness” why do I allow such taint and why do I have such desires

I believe there is more learning than planned. However it should only be done once, with limits applied.

I am very concerned with all the possible repercussion after this that is not in the conscious but subconscious and other unknown factors

In the end - rather than I plan, it is also the start to share and plan together, perhaps in preparation for further situation ahead or other life matters

She is really feeling scared and nervous. However she still trusted me and willing to go through it..... So we did the isolation that is just a appetizer....just a minor thing as there is light. ....even when are in the same place.....also nothing much....the difference between the 2 chair....then I told her.... I don't need to know the color...but she realise that the difference....so she sat on my lap...... which I sort of suggested in the morning.....in which she asked permission prior....

So as she hug and lay her head on my shoulder..... it just make her feel safe...... as the activity entails, and our hearts decided already of the limits...... however it is a challenge. Especially in such a hot and stuffy place. Well as she hug and feel more secure......and when asked again. She agree.....

It was really a slow mo moment ....as sleeved and with strap.....it is a slow process to remove however first the behind....... off it goes ...then the sides......than slowly thru the APit hole...which is quite small but yet still can pull it out.....there is the under.....no cushion ......just a simple one.  It is then placed in a bag. So there after that continue to still sit on my lap.......and we continue.......she continue to hug....and lay her head on my shoulder..... so I did ask repeatly again and again.....she can stop it if she don't wish to continue...... To me in my mind and body, it is just a job, something to be executed. .... The mind is in full control...thinking what to do next......focus on the main objective....and observing all the signs and things for debriefing later..... it is an experiential experience for her...... also a release of anything possible....a weird way. To be set free if possible. Though it will open up doors.... well it is a start of sharing of plans together...she is involved and she is open to change things around.

So the next phase......as she nodded and verbalised.......so one first.......then I was nottie to move my hand up......then after awhile she nodded and clear the second layer....... so she went back to her favourite seat..... which sat for quite a while..... ... I was continuously checking on her.....asking but she didn't really reveal much but only after the whole thing. She did thought of it. ..... I stopped short of it.... coz I was not prepared to go all the way.....

After this, it is my turn....she didn't really think too much.....asked of the same thing......and she just poke my tummy lol....... and after that she asked for my J...... ok.....I reminded her on J and dun take advantage of everything...... so we keep it to limits.  So she could see it all....in plain side view as there is light....

So after a while, I reminded I am now more vulnerable than her....she is still in her dress....so I wore back mine.....and I ask permission....she do it herself or I help put back.....she selected the later.... the P and covering layer is easy......we struggle with the top layer.....so I notice a zip at the back.....after squeezing in where it managed to squeeze out.....then straighten up things with a zip behind...all the way to the waist.... help straighten and I panic abit in case I spoilt something.... it was sight....from the back..... I could had just pull it down from behind.....well before the thought can take root...up goes the zip.

We looked at each other and smile......with thank giving in our heart.  and we left....the most unfortunate thing is we didn't get to eat our sundae....even the day after

Rationale and conclusion for my side is clear and state in the plan
Hers is similar after asking the day after...... she also want to know her limits too.....

Not sure what it opens up.... But well thank God for it all....and it is all within limits.....

07 Sept 2016 - 24th day knowing each other - plus others

06 Sept 1 hours lunch, 1830 - 2330 = 5 hours instead.=> 106 hours
08 Sep2016 - 1 hour lunch, 1830 - 2330 = 6 hours => 112 hours

07 Sept, marks the 24th day. It is just a unique day.... I have to wake up really early. Bring my boy for competition. They have prepared hard and long for it. It is final the day has come. It is also a day that I don't get to have lunch or dinner with K. First planned day due  to competition and courier..... so it is a seemingly difficult choice to make, however unexpectedly it reveal something more beautiful. It is the thought and feeling of really missing someone. Though it is only for 1 day, a good start is seemingly pleasant. However it needs to be managed otherwise it will turn out too overwhelming and may cause undue desires. Well there are moments of missing....though I think work is more focus..... or somewhat distracted.

I am glad that the boys enter the final day...though it is for the side events, the main event we didn't get in. That sadden but at least they made effort...torturing me for 1 month. So it is now toward Saturday that we go forth...

Also today is a day that we have a planned prayer call.....nothing just usually....praying for holy and righteous..... soo contrary to what I am planning for tonight. It was a struggle for me as initially a simple experiential activity become taint into what is planned tonight. After 06 Sept experience in the dark park. I somewhat regretted letting those desire fly loose..... Thus it will be a struggle or a solidified commitment not to let desire fly too loose....and let them contaminate other things. Not sure if K enjoys it or prefer not to be used to the pounding heart and ticklish. At one point I didn't really want to do it.... I just don't want.....I wonder will I cry, will I react, will I bring it to the next level beyond what is limited? Well I was really feeling mixed and vulnerable...not knowing what are the consequence will be..... So thank God that the idea is....shared the plan with K and see how she is for? unlike the previous 2 which only I know what is in for, now she will come into the picture. She really trusted me a lot.... that is very assuring. And that also reinforce and make me believe that I will not go beyond the limits. Though this is test the boundary, it will be kept within the limits....The learning I hope will really set things free and let us learn about each other. I was concerned about myself in it too and for her too..... though the timing, I don't think this is the best timing. Well since my desire surface, ok ...plan for it...and see how things flows....with guidance. I apologies and may regret but what is there anything new to regret about..... I am looking forward to this exciting night where perhaps God will reveal more than what I planned for.....Let it be controlled and monitored.... Carefree accident free trust-free.....an activity to build trust even more and set some things free too....for this is the only time it should happen and not happen again until due time.

6 Sept 2016......another more adventorous and exciting one unplanned event and journey... Round 2

06 Sept 1 hours lunch, 1830 - 2330 = 5 hours instead.=> 106 hours

06 Sept 2016....unplanned lunch and supposingly a quick dinner to send her home.

So lunch was unplanned.... met her near her workplace.....Mouse fen no chilli, vinegar for myself and another one is vinegar with tomato for her. I kenna scolded by the chef auntie for complicated order...sigh.... I just sigh on my non-simple instruction.

Did my blogging which I was surprised that a surge of grief or hurt came in..... Thank God as I look back, I managed to actually finish it and not didn't finish it.....though I missed out the juicy parts...or the critical parts which can be easily recalled or filled in later.

So 06 Sept 2016..... we met for dinner as usual. We didn't want to eat at white sands. We went to Sport centre. Talked about going swimming....she in her swim suit....me in my trunks....haha....we just didn't went for one for a while ourselves. That sport centre really nothing to eat....so macdonald....she grilled chicken meal, me the veggie crunch meal....cheap and nice.....though we/ or to be exact I had to let a 4 seat table to sit the 2 seat table next to it to a bunch of uhmmm uhmmm youngster females.

So we knew we couldn't stay there.....occupation sickness and I told I feel like educating them ...haha...

So then we went to the park..... we chatted chatted....appreciating each other and all the toufu and stuff.....but to our surprise ....near the eco pond....she is scared of the sound in the dim light....and we came to a path where there were no light but just the light fro the sky....she initially didn't want to go in....but I encouraged her....muhahahaha....to go in with me..... she held me close to her hearts......woah that is really just woah..... so I teased her......distracting her and myself....that I appreciated eating toufu......and she just feel secure....and she just said she trusted me being a safe guy. We walked in the still not as bad as in ubin...which I told her how the experience was. Woah...it is a place where things can happen...haha.... well finally we found a place...she is scared.We found a bench seat.....then she was scared and tired...and like to do what she always like to do....lay her head on my shoulder..... so I being notti.... I told her..... I am going to play with her bra straps...haha....and I did......some how as things progress....and I can't remember what eventually ended up I told her....as a punishment or something I will do because of something is..... I will go to her bra buckle and unclip it....she later told me her heart was pounding and ticklish..... of course I told her I only knew but don't dare to do so..... not at that occasion.....how scandalous/ simulating it is..... from the public eyes. I didn't have much thoughts....as I know it can progress further..... oh ya....it was when I shared with her I had difficult writing the post with the holy grief that she cried and ask me to hug her.... that was in return...

The amazing thing after that.....as we cuddle...or as she place her head on my shoulder.....at one moment I started to pray.....and she started to cough and cough....and somehow instantly, I just ask all the unwanted things in the temple of God to go....to go away and fill this temple with the holy spirit. Woah ....woah it is just amazing.....
Nothing happen later though she was really tired....then we decided to walked back as it was going late.....later than planned. Though she would ask me to send her up immediately or walk me to the bus stop...instead...she just ask me to sit down at bench and she lay her head on my shoulder again.... well she really loves it.... and she just fall asleep or napped...

Well after that as she is in the lead, she told me to send her up and opening the metal gates, her mum open the door....we greeted and as expected she asked me to come in.... I pre-empted with her....and politely decline with her help by closing the gate...... It is a night that really anything can happen..... Thank to the prayer coverage..... which was already there.....

There is going to be round 3 which is even more challenging.....then ubin will be the last which will be after permission granted. Round 3 coming Thursday...venue where I stored my things..... planned is just simple