Always the friend, and never the girlfriend?

Always the friend, and never the girlfriend?
Avoiding the dreaded "friend zone" is easier than you think.

Text: Denise Ngo
Photos: Getty Images

When it comes to unrequited love, the worst thing you can experience isn't outright rejection - it's being told that the object of you affection loves you like a friend, or even worse, like a sibling. Rejection entitles you to walk away, embarrassed but under no obligation to continue speaking with that person. But things only become more complicated as a friendship develops between you and a crush - the more you time you devote to him in hope that he'll come around, the more he'll enjoy the emotional intimacy of a romantic partnership without being saddled to any of its responsibilities.

Here's how to avoid being relegated to the "friend zone," so to speak, and thus increase your chances of being regarded as more than just good company.

1. Don't become a shoulder to cry on.
Now here's a mistake even the smartest of us make. How can you not want to comfort the potential love of your life in his time of need? But if you become his go-to sounding board, you risk making him so comfortable with the arrangement, that he won't see the point of taking things to another level. Eventually, he'll refrain from making a move out of fear that it will ruin the friendship.

2. Be wary of becoming a stand-in girlfriend.
A stand-in girlfriend is somebody who does all the "relationship" stuff without enjoying the status of being an actual girlfriend. Do you find yourself helping him cook dinner? Watching entire television series one on one with him? Shopping with him and helping pick out his shirts; without being taken on actual dates? Then you are in the friend zone.

3. Don't share deeply about past relationships.
Yikes - again, this is a trap we all fall into once we enter into a friendship with our crush. Regular friends talk about their exes all the time, so it's only natural for conversations between you and your friend-crush to veer into that territory. But hearing too much angst about your ex-boyfriend may turn him off from dating you, as he'll imagine you ranting about him the same way if things don't work out.

4. Don't try manipulating him with jealousy.
If you meet a cute guy at work, avoid the temptation to make the person you already like jealous by telling him about it. If anything, he will just think YOU are friend zoning him since you are interested in other guys.

5. Don't spend so much time one on one

Minimizing your alone time will not only protect you from becoming emotionally attached to him, but it will make the heartbreak less jarring in the event that he starts dating somebody else, and thus, spending all his time with her.

6. Don't be so available
If he regularly calls for late-night chats without showing intentions for you, turn off your phone and go to sleep. This is an emotional booty call. Do you go over to his place to watch movies at the drop of a hat? How many times have you cleared your schedule just accommodate his spontaneous requests to hang out? Be wise in how you invest your time; while it's good to persevere, you also need to recognize when someone is taking advantage of your availability, however unintentionally.

So the big question is, how do you get to know somebody without being relegated to "BFF" status? How do you establish a healthy friendship as the basis of a relationship, without having it null the possibility of a romance in the first place?

The number one thing to keep in mind is that being a friend is not the same as being friend zoned. The former leaves room for intrigue. The latter establishes you as the safe, liability-free alternative to a girlfriend. So practice some boundaries. It's okay to hang out one on one, just make sure you spend more time together in a group than alone. You'll be able to observe his character in how he treats others, but the distance will keep you from forming a premature emotional bond.

People say they don't want to risk ruining a good thing by dating a friend, but if they really are attracted to you, they'll see your friendship as a natural avenue to romance, and not friendship and romance as two forks in a road.

If you're really gutsy, you could confess your feelings to him and see how he reacts. But if nothing happens between you and your crush, don't force it - and don't ever tell yourself that being his best friend is the next best thing to being his girlfriend. Because when he does find a girlfriend, you'll be forced to observe first-hand how he feels toward her compared to how he feels about you. Is a friendship, especially one sustained by false hopes, really worth the sting? Save your heart for somebody who not only likes you, but who will take the initiative to ask you out rather than keeping you in perpetual limbo.

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Tune in to God's voice to create your story

Stages prior to marriage
1. Formation
From a scale of one to one hundred, what would you rate your fruit:
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodnes
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control

2. Waiting on God
Making a covenant with God does not only protect you, but it also strengthen you as you wait. Right now, kneel down and make a covenant with your Heavenly Father promising Him that:
A. You'll never do anything in secret.
B. You'll never have a relationship with a person who doesn't share the same Christian principles
C. You'll wait until your eighteen-years-old before you think about your emotional area.

3. Establishing Principles
Establishin prinicples in our lives helps us never to fail God.

Make a list of twelve principles that will help you to guard your heart, to not fail the Lord, or eat of the forbidden fruit.

If you are currently in a relationship, write your principles together, share them with your leader, remember them, and fulfil them.

4. Falling in Love
Have you ever skipped stages of the process? What were the consequences of giving your heart to someone hastily? Commit yourself to wait for God's designated time.

5. Marriage
The greatest and most beautiful blessing that one can experience is to have a marriage in God's will. When you correctly go through each of the stages, you will receive God's full blessing in every area of your life.