5 romantic mistakes worth making
By Laura Schaefer
Are you proud of your mistakes? Chances are good you’d rather forget them. Who wants to think about the four times you changed your college major, or the day you accidentally called your uptight boss “dude” in a meeting? Mistakes in your love life are probably a whole other can of cringe-worthy worms. But what if these missteps were really a good thing? Maybe you should embrace your romantic pratfalls and make a few more of them.
“Mistakes in relationships represent one of the best ways we can learn what we like and don’t like, and what others like and don’t like,” explains Maryanne Fisher, Ph.D., an associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Saint Mary’s University in Halifax, Canada and coauthor of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Chemistry of Love. “They also help us push our boundaries. Mistakes represent fantastic opportunities for growth — but you have to have some time to see it that way.”
So, if comedy equals tragedy plus time…perhaps a successful love life equals mistakes plus time, too. With that in mind, go ahead and commit these five dating sins, knowing that wisdom can come of it:
1. Date the bad boy
C’mon, you know you want to. There’s just something alluring about a man who is confident and unpredictable. Often, these bad boys get their dubious reputations because they are only available for a short-term dalliance, and that isn’t necessarily a terrible thing. Dating someone who doesn’t want to settle down could open you up to new experiences and adventures that you might not otherwise have. A corollary to dating the bad boy is dating someone with whom you have absolutely nothing in common. After all, you might just find you really do like watching hockey or playing air guitar.
The key is to go into short-term dalliances with realistic expectations. “If a woman decides to date a ‘bad boy,’ she should know what she’s getting into,” advises Scott Barry Kaufman, Ph.D., the Adjunct Assistant Professor of Psychology Department of Psychology at New York University. “Many women date bad boys hoping they can change them. The fact is, they won’t change them. Women shouldn’t have pretensions about that.” So why bother, then? Kaufman explains, “Sometimes women need to date a bad boy or two before they realize how valuable nice guys really are.” After a few dating mistakes like this one, you’ll be less likely to take a stable relationship when it comes along for granted.
2. Say “I love you” (when you know it’s too soon)
This has to be one of the most classic dating mistakes of all time. As Jerry Seinfeld would say, “If you don’t get that return, that’s a pretty big matzoh ball hanging out there.” Still, being cautious isn’t always the best way to play it in real life. Matzoh ball or not, do you really want to conduct your love life as if it’s some carefully planned military operation? Sometimes blurting out how you feel is the right thing to do. If people stop copping to their feelings all together, where would we be? If you do blurt out those three little words and later regret it, you can recover without changing your cell phone number. Just explain that you were wrapped up in the moment and are of a calmer mind now.
3. Give it one more chance
It might be tough to get back together with an ex when you think of your friends groaning about it. But this “mistake” could be the right thing for you. “In many cases it would be unwise because you have all this baggage as a couple,” Fisher concedes. “However, getting back together and working through that baggage could be useful. It might help you determine why the relationship ended, if that’s still unresolved, or it might actually lead to a long-term relationship with that person.” Finding a real connection with someone isn’t something one should dismiss too easily, after all. Making this particular “mistake” shows you understand that relationships can come with some bumps in the road and still be worthwhile.
4. Go the distance
When you tell your friends she’s moving away but you’re staying together, there might be a few raised eyebrows. After all, conventional wisdom says long-distance relationships are hard to sustain. And, for the most part, the conventional wisdom is correct. When you’re in different time zones, it can be really tough — and expensive — to connect. Laura Stafford, Ph.D., a communication professor at the University of Kentucky-Lexington who studies long-distance courting, elaborates: “When it comes to figuring out compatibilities, [long-distance relationships] deserve a bad rap. A huge number of people who think they will live happily ever after break up when they become proximal to each other.”
But long-distance love doesn’t have to be all bad. Stafford says that a major advantage to the LDR is that you can spend all of your time together like it’s a honeymoon. You tend to be on your best behavior when you get together, and when you’re not in the same city, you can focus completely on work and other obligations. Some people, in fact, prefer dating this way for this very reason. It can be a good fit for the ultra-independent soul, or for young people working to establish themselves in a demanding career. Stafford advises that if you want your LDR to last, you have to get past the honeymoon behavior and make an effort to stay current with your partner — not just on the big things, but on all the little things, too.
5. Let a good one get away
You cannot plan out your love life ahead of time. The perfect person could come along before you’re ready for each other. Don’t be too hard on yourself for letting a good one get away. In fact, this might be the most instructive dating mistake of them all — the game-changer, the one they write screenplays about. The sting you feel when you learn your “good one” has truly moved on — thanks for all those photo updates, Facebook! — is a healthy one. It means that when you meet a new good match for you, you’ll be less cavalier about it.
Laura Schaefer is the author of The Teashop Girls and the forthcoming novel, The Secret Ingredient. She’s already made every dating mistake on the planet so you don’t have to. (You’re welcome.)
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=12305&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=758883
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Don't Neglect God's Faithfulness
as much of our God is faithful to our spiritual life, He is also faithful in our physical life. He is faithful to do what we don't consider. He faithfully allows each new day to come. He faithfully brings season in their time. Our God faithfully provides us with food to eat, water to drink, and air to breathe. Our faithful God provides wind, sun and rain so that crops may grow and flourish.
Our Father in Heaven faithfully gives us new knowledge to learn and explore. Our Abba faithfully gifts us with minds that comprehend, and tongues to communicate. Our God faithfully gives us language, and music and emotions. As hard as it is to conceive, God does not have to allow any one of these things. God is under no compulsion to let the earth keep spinning. God did not have to provide us with language, or bless us with a wide range of emotions. But our God is good. Our God faithfully provides for us. He provides mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Nevertheless, as Richard Patterson writes, "God's goodness is not to be taken lightly. Even as Israel learned, those who are members of His earthly family are to respond in faithfulness to him and his high moral standards. Otherwise God's favor can be turned into needed chastisement and correction (2 Kings 17:1-23, Isa. 26: 1-6)."
God is faithful to us, but He didn't have to be. Because He is faithful, we need to make sure that we respond to God with appropriate measure of action.
Living Life
Our Father in Heaven faithfully gives us new knowledge to learn and explore. Our Abba faithfully gifts us with minds that comprehend, and tongues to communicate. Our God faithfully gives us language, and music and emotions. As hard as it is to conceive, God does not have to allow any one of these things. God is under no compulsion to let the earth keep spinning. God did not have to provide us with language, or bless us with a wide range of emotions. But our God is good. Our God faithfully provides for us. He provides mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Nevertheless, as Richard Patterson writes, "God's goodness is not to be taken lightly. Even as Israel learned, those who are members of His earthly family are to respond in faithfulness to him and his high moral standards. Otherwise God's favor can be turned into needed chastisement and correction (2 Kings 17:1-23, Isa. 26: 1-6)."
God is faithful to us, but He didn't have to be. Because He is faithful, we need to make sure that we respond to God with appropriate measure of action.
Living Life
Faithful Redeemer
There is an entire backstory that we are missing. The New Testament provides us with great teachings on how to be all that we can be. In it we find out who God is, and what we must do to be saved. But many Christians spend too much of their time focusing on the New testament, often ignoring the Old Testament.
Simply reading the Old Testament is a lot like reading the climax of a book. The climax of a book is supposed to be the most exciting part. It answers all the questions the book has posed, and it is the final confrontation between the protagonist and the antagonist. The ending may be exciting, but the reader will never understand the importance of thew hole story by only reading the ending.
The Old Testament is still important today because it provides us with the full story. Books such as Exodus paint brighter pictures on the importance of Jesus as the redemptive figure. Mike Wilkerson writes, "How is it that we can hear the words that define hope and yet not hear the hope they offer? I think it's partially due to a lack of context. You can hear the climax of God's story -"Jesus is your redemption" -but a climax without context just doesn't pop."
Exodus picks up with Israel enslaved in Egypt. Then God walks in and redeems them. Israel found itself in the bondage of slavery again after the reign of the Kings of Israel and Judah, but God again came back to redeem His people. When we start putting the New Testament in the context of the Old Testament, we being to understand the great news of how faithful our Redeemer really is.
Living Life
Simply reading the Old Testament is a lot like reading the climax of a book. The climax of a book is supposed to be the most exciting part. It answers all the questions the book has posed, and it is the final confrontation between the protagonist and the antagonist. The ending may be exciting, but the reader will never understand the importance of thew hole story by only reading the ending.
The Old Testament is still important today because it provides us with the full story. Books such as Exodus paint brighter pictures on the importance of Jesus as the redemptive figure. Mike Wilkerson writes, "How is it that we can hear the words that define hope and yet not hear the hope they offer? I think it's partially due to a lack of context. You can hear the climax of God's story -"Jesus is your redemption" -but a climax without context just doesn't pop."
Exodus picks up with Israel enslaved in Egypt. Then God walks in and redeems them. Israel found itself in the bondage of slavery again after the reign of the Kings of Israel and Judah, but God again came back to redeem His people. When we start putting the New Testament in the context of the Old Testament, we being to understand the great news of how faithful our Redeemer really is.
Living Life
Faithful in Disgrace
Gos is always faithful when we sin against God. But God is also faithful, when we are sinned against. Understand that if a man cheats on his wife, and the wife is never made aware of the adultery that has been committed, she is a victim of the sin of adultery.
Some victims are treated with respect, and grace, and sympathy. But there are victims of sin who are not. This is most clearly seen in cases of sexual abuse and assault. This is an outrageous problem, for many reasons: First, because sex crimes such as slavery and prostitution exist; Second, because we are more likely to turn a blind eye and shun the women - an men - who are victimized.
Our culture has led us to believe that everyone always has a choice, and this is wrong. Children do not have a choice when their homes are torn apart. Children do not have a choice when they are kidnapped or stolen, or sold by their parents. Thankfully, God knows all circumstances, and He always faithfully and abundantly give grace. Just and Lindsey Holcomb writes, "Jesus' resurrection is proof that Gos is about redeeming, healing and making all things new."
That is the God that we serve. As humans we are not full of enough grace. But God is. We can never be so full of disgrace that god cannot wash it away. There is no level of victimization that we cannot be rescued from by the hands of God. There is no sin or wound that Gos cannot break through or heal. There is no length that God would not go. He is always faithful to find His sheep. You are His sheep.
Living Life
Some victims are treated with respect, and grace, and sympathy. But there are victims of sin who are not. This is most clearly seen in cases of sexual abuse and assault. This is an outrageous problem, for many reasons: First, because sex crimes such as slavery and prostitution exist; Second, because we are more likely to turn a blind eye and shun the women - an men - who are victimized.
Our culture has led us to believe that everyone always has a choice, and this is wrong. Children do not have a choice when their homes are torn apart. Children do not have a choice when they are kidnapped or stolen, or sold by their parents. Thankfully, God knows all circumstances, and He always faithfully and abundantly give grace. Just and Lindsey Holcomb writes, "Jesus' resurrection is proof that Gos is about redeeming, healing and making all things new."
That is the God that we serve. As humans we are not full of enough grace. But God is. We can never be so full of disgrace that god cannot wash it away. There is no level of victimization that we cannot be rescued from by the hands of God. There is no sin or wound that Gos cannot break through or heal. There is no length that God would not go. He is always faithful to find His sheep. You are His sheep.
Living Life
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
God's Treasured Possession
Can God break His promise? Did God break His covenant with Israel? God declared to Israel that they would always be His treasured possession (Deut. 7:6). Why then, if God said His chosen people are the Israelites, does God act through the Christian church and not the Jewish people anymore? These may be hard questions to consider, but, we cannot put our absolute faith in someone who changes his mind.
So, was the old covenant not good enough, and is that why Jesus came to create a new covenant? The simple answer is no. There is nothing wrong with the first covenant or promise. The problem is not with God's law or promise; the problem is with ourselves. Jesus says in Matthew 5:17, "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."
Furthermore, Jesus makes it clear in John 8:31-43 that God was not simply calling a bloodline to salvation. God was calling His true worshippers to salvation. God is not, nor has He ever been, impressed with where we come from. After all, He called a shepherd to be a king. John Piper writes, "The way God brings into being the true Israel is, finally by sending His Son, Jesus Christ, as the true Seed of Abraham, the true Son of David, and, in a profound sense, the true Israel himself. Jesus fulfilled all that Israel was destined for. And now every person, Jew or Gentile, who trusts in Christ, is united to Him and becomes part of this true Israel in Christ."
Christ did not destroy a promise or break any covenants. He simply shed new light and perspective on a old promise.
Living Life
So, was the old covenant not good enough, and is that why Jesus came to create a new covenant? The simple answer is no. There is nothing wrong with the first covenant or promise. The problem is not with God's law or promise; the problem is with ourselves. Jesus says in Matthew 5:17, "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."
Furthermore, Jesus makes it clear in John 8:31-43 that God was not simply calling a bloodline to salvation. God was calling His true worshippers to salvation. God is not, nor has He ever been, impressed with where we come from. After all, He called a shepherd to be a king. John Piper writes, "The way God brings into being the true Israel is, finally by sending His Son, Jesus Christ, as the true Seed of Abraham, the true Son of David, and, in a profound sense, the true Israel himself. Jesus fulfilled all that Israel was destined for. And now every person, Jew or Gentile, who trusts in Christ, is united to Him and becomes part of this true Israel in Christ."
Christ did not destroy a promise or break any covenants. He simply shed new light and perspective on a old promise.
Living Life
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Genealogies: Who God Is Faithful To
When we study the Bible, there are the sections of Scripture that we are usually more interested in studying or reading, because we can readily glean something from them. There are, however, other sections of Scripture which do not appear to be very exciting. Some of the hardest sections of the Bible to read are not the ones that discuss hard-to-understand truths, but lists of regulations such as how to prepare a proper offering, and genealogies.
Even so, 2 Timothy 3:16-17 declares, "All scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for ever good work."
Since we know this is true, that means that everything in the Bible must serve some purpose. So what purpose do lists such as genealogies provide? What can we glean from them? David Powlson reminds us, "Among the things taught are these: The Lord writes down names in His book of life; Families and communities matter to Him; God is faithful to His promises through long history... You "apply" to a list of ancient names and numbers by extension, not directly."
When we read about lists, we are reading examples, literal proof that God is faithful. Among many things, these lists show evidence that god really does record down names in His book of life. And while these names are not important to you, they are still important to God. God amazingly shows us some examples of who He was faithful to.
Living Life
Even so, 2 Timothy 3:16-17 declares, "All scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for ever good work."
Since we know this is true, that means that everything in the Bible must serve some purpose. So what purpose do lists such as genealogies provide? What can we glean from them? David Powlson reminds us, "Among the things taught are these: The Lord writes down names in His book of life; Families and communities matter to Him; God is faithful to His promises through long history... You "apply" to a list of ancient names and numbers by extension, not directly."
When we read about lists, we are reading examples, literal proof that God is faithful. Among many things, these lists show evidence that god really does record down names in His book of life. And while these names are not important to you, they are still important to God. God amazingly shows us some examples of who He was faithful to.
Living Life
Monday, May 23, 2011
Faithful in Fear
Everyone is afraid of something, or at least they should be. Fear can be a positive emotion. It can keep us safe and cautious. Fear of getting to close to fire will prevent us from getting burnt. Fear of heights will prevent us from jumping off 20-story building. In these instances, our rational, controlled fear will keep us safe.
Throughout the Bible, we are told to fear God, but that does not mean we are to have a phobia such a Theophobia (the fear of God or religion). Fear is not a bad thing, but when fear is coupled with worry and anxiety, it is. Brian Borgman writes, "The problem with fear, anxiety and worry is that it is ultimately rooted in unbelief. Not fearing God, not believing that He is for us, not trusting His will for our lives and His ability to work things out for the good is the root of fear, anxiety and worry. The way to overcome these feelings that can easily grip us and throttle us is to think rightly."
Our God is for us, and we know His character. God proves who He is and what He is capable of day in and day out. Our God is faithful, loving, wise and sovereign. God says to take our worries and doubts and lay that at his feet. We are human, so we will worry. However, we have an Almighty God who will talk to us about our fears, and who will work through them with us. God has been God for a long time, and He knows what we do-and don't-need. As hard as it is to let go, that is exactly what we need to do: surrender and trust God.
Living Life
Throughout the Bible, we are told to fear God, but that does not mean we are to have a phobia such a Theophobia (the fear of God or religion). Fear is not a bad thing, but when fear is coupled with worry and anxiety, it is. Brian Borgman writes, "The problem with fear, anxiety and worry is that it is ultimately rooted in unbelief. Not fearing God, not believing that He is for us, not trusting His will for our lives and His ability to work things out for the good is the root of fear, anxiety and worry. The way to overcome these feelings that can easily grip us and throttle us is to think rightly."
Our God is for us, and we know His character. God proves who He is and what He is capable of day in and day out. Our God is faithful, loving, wise and sovereign. God says to take our worries and doubts and lay that at his feet. We are human, so we will worry. However, we have an Almighty God who will talk to us about our fears, and who will work through them with us. God has been God for a long time, and He knows what we do-and don't-need. As hard as it is to let go, that is exactly what we need to do: surrender and trust God.
Living Life
Sunday, May 22, 2011
5 eligible guys who stay single
5 eligible guys who stay single
By Matt Schneiderman
We all know this guy — or are this guy: in his 30s, affable, attractive, and yet he’s never been in a serious long-term relationship. And as his single status stretches into a third decade, one has to wonder: What’s the deal? Far from being undateable, this guy may simply not be ready to change his independent ways. Or, he may be all too willing to do so — but something’s blocking him. If you feel you may fall into the latter category (or know someone who does), stop worrying about what’s slowing you down and read on to learn about how five types of die-hard bachelors contribute to their perpetually single status and what steps to take to break the cycle.
The workaholic
For the guy who makes work priority number one, a relationship can seem like a hindrance for which he hasn’t the time or energy. It’s likely that he’s set lofty career goals for himself — perhaps finishing medical school, rising to make partner in his law firm or starting his own business — with personal deadlines (say, by age 35). Take it from Doug, 31, of Washington, D.C.: “My main focus is getting to a point in my career where I am stable and accomplished enough to move on to a job that I really want to do,” he says. “I can’t sacrifice or compromise my career path for anyone yet.”
Reality check: Waiting for the “right time” isn’t the solution, according to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of DSI: Date Scene Investigation. “This guy needs to understand that life doesn’t start when he schedules it,” Dr. Kerner points out. And it needn’t be a lonely climb to the top: rather than derail his career, a supportive mate could provide stability, encouragement and an attentive ear. And for the guy who is working to become husband material, consider this: 91 percent of women in a Match.com survey reported that they tend to fall in love with a moderately successful career person with a balanced life rather than a very successful workaholic.
The partier
For this guy, weekends in Vegas and hitting up the newest parties and clubs has too much appeal to entertain the possibility of settling down. Says self-described “committed bachelor” Sean, 30, of Brooklyn: “I go out to have a good time — mingle, dance, have fun — and not to meet someone.”
Reality check: As the Seans of the world mature, they may notice that their party-hearty peers are becoming fewer in number or that the average age of his social circle — and of his dates — remains constant as he ages. Another warning sign? More numbers in his cell phone for “friends with benefits” than those belonging to actual friends. The bottom line is, for all the fun of casual encounters and late nights out, a partier would do well to understand that a committed relationship has its own joys, too — even excitement and novelty. “These guys are adrenaline junkies, and they fear that a commitment to one person will be no fun,” says Dr. Kerner. “But really getting to know one person in a relationship can be a source of passion and adrenaline, too.”
The shy guy
It’s a fact: Meeting women requires conversation — which can be problematic for a shy guy and can stunt his relationship prospects. “I go out with the express purpose of meeting people, but I hardly ever screw up enough courage to talk to strangers,” admits Alex, 31, of Raleigh, NC. “Even if I do, I wuss out and leave before I get anywhere.”
Reality check: Rather than forcing social behavior in a high-stress situation, like at a loud nightclub, shy guys may be better off searching for potential mates who share the same affinities. “The shy guy doesn’t have to walk up to someone cold,” says Dr. Kerner. “Instead, he should put himself in situations that present opportunities for easy conversation.” Dr. Kerner suggests theater clubs, team sports or anything else with expectations for regular participation, like volunteering. Or, if you do start dating someone, suggest making it a double date or an activity date, thereby reducing the pressure of a one-on-one outing.
The too-picky guy
For all his many, many first dates, this guy is resolutely single, never having met anyone who quite fits his mold for the ideal mate. He is convinced that there is someone out there and is alternately determined to find The One or frustrated by his inability to do so. Says Andrew, 30, of Scarsdale, NY: “It’s impossible for me to compromise. I can’t settle for someone who doesn’t attract me physically, emotionally, intellectually and so on.” Compounding this inability to compromise is the belief that perfection in another personal really exists — a notion that could lend itself to fantasies of discovering love at first sight. “A guy with impossibly high standards may fall for someone, but then he’ll see this person’s flaws and imperfections and become disappointed,” says Dr. Kerner. Unfortunately, this can lead to discounting potentially great matches, as the picky guy may be unwilling to give a date with, say, a tendency to use emoticons in emails or “too short” hair a chance.
Reality check: What these guys need to accept is that no one’s perfect — and include themselves in that statement. And, in Dr. Kerner’s opinion, “There is no such thing as a soul mate,” he says. “Rather, it’s the journey of building a great relationship over time that leads to a ‘soul mate’-type of closeness.” So the next time you’re iffy about a girl, give her more of a chance before you write her off.
The none-of-the-above guy
Of course, there are guys who might not fall into (just) one of these categories, who are comfortable with themselves, outgoing and trying to meet someone to share their lives with — but for whom it just hasn’t happened yet. Guys like “chronically single” Greg, 30, of Boston, explains: “I’m ready to give my heart to someone and to do some hard work to find her, but I have yet to find that person.”
Reality check: Keeping adages such as “Love happens when you least expect it” in mind may not totally assuage feelings of “What the heck is going on here?” Suffice to say that this still-single guy is not alone — and won’t be for long if he keeps an open mind, gets active in organizations that provide opportunities to meet others and gives luck (or some effort) a chance to work. “Regardless of his circumstances, the important thing for a single guy in his 30s to do is to put himself in situations where he’s meeting women — whether it’s making time to join in activity groups, dating online or signing up for singles’ events,” says Dr. Kerner. So, single guy, keep your chin up and continue taking those leaps of faith into the dating pool. Sooner or later, you’ll find someone who sees you for the catch you truly are.
Matt Schneiderman is a writer based in New York City.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=8041&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=689629
By Matt Schneiderman
We all know this guy — or are this guy: in his 30s, affable, attractive, and yet he’s never been in a serious long-term relationship. And as his single status stretches into a third decade, one has to wonder: What’s the deal? Far from being undateable, this guy may simply not be ready to change his independent ways. Or, he may be all too willing to do so — but something’s blocking him. If you feel you may fall into the latter category (or know someone who does), stop worrying about what’s slowing you down and read on to learn about how five types of die-hard bachelors contribute to their perpetually single status and what steps to take to break the cycle.
The workaholic
For the guy who makes work priority number one, a relationship can seem like a hindrance for which he hasn’t the time or energy. It’s likely that he’s set lofty career goals for himself — perhaps finishing medical school, rising to make partner in his law firm or starting his own business — with personal deadlines (say, by age 35). Take it from Doug, 31, of Washington, D.C.: “My main focus is getting to a point in my career where I am stable and accomplished enough to move on to a job that I really want to do,” he says. “I can’t sacrifice or compromise my career path for anyone yet.”
Reality check: Waiting for the “right time” isn’t the solution, according to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of DSI: Date Scene Investigation. “This guy needs to understand that life doesn’t start when he schedules it,” Dr. Kerner points out. And it needn’t be a lonely climb to the top: rather than derail his career, a supportive mate could provide stability, encouragement and an attentive ear. And for the guy who is working to become husband material, consider this: 91 percent of women in a Match.com survey reported that they tend to fall in love with a moderately successful career person with a balanced life rather than a very successful workaholic.
The partier
For this guy, weekends in Vegas and hitting up the newest parties and clubs has too much appeal to entertain the possibility of settling down. Says self-described “committed bachelor” Sean, 30, of Brooklyn: “I go out to have a good time — mingle, dance, have fun — and not to meet someone.”
Reality check: As the Seans of the world mature, they may notice that their party-hearty peers are becoming fewer in number or that the average age of his social circle — and of his dates — remains constant as he ages. Another warning sign? More numbers in his cell phone for “friends with benefits” than those belonging to actual friends. The bottom line is, for all the fun of casual encounters and late nights out, a partier would do well to understand that a committed relationship has its own joys, too — even excitement and novelty. “These guys are adrenaline junkies, and they fear that a commitment to one person will be no fun,” says Dr. Kerner. “But really getting to know one person in a relationship can be a source of passion and adrenaline, too.”
The shy guy
It’s a fact: Meeting women requires conversation — which can be problematic for a shy guy and can stunt his relationship prospects. “I go out with the express purpose of meeting people, but I hardly ever screw up enough courage to talk to strangers,” admits Alex, 31, of Raleigh, NC. “Even if I do, I wuss out and leave before I get anywhere.”
Reality check: Rather than forcing social behavior in a high-stress situation, like at a loud nightclub, shy guys may be better off searching for potential mates who share the same affinities. “The shy guy doesn’t have to walk up to someone cold,” says Dr. Kerner. “Instead, he should put himself in situations that present opportunities for easy conversation.” Dr. Kerner suggests theater clubs, team sports or anything else with expectations for regular participation, like volunteering. Or, if you do start dating someone, suggest making it a double date or an activity date, thereby reducing the pressure of a one-on-one outing.
The too-picky guy
For all his many, many first dates, this guy is resolutely single, never having met anyone who quite fits his mold for the ideal mate. He is convinced that there is someone out there and is alternately determined to find The One or frustrated by his inability to do so. Says Andrew, 30, of Scarsdale, NY: “It’s impossible for me to compromise. I can’t settle for someone who doesn’t attract me physically, emotionally, intellectually and so on.” Compounding this inability to compromise is the belief that perfection in another personal really exists — a notion that could lend itself to fantasies of discovering love at first sight. “A guy with impossibly high standards may fall for someone, but then he’ll see this person’s flaws and imperfections and become disappointed,” says Dr. Kerner. Unfortunately, this can lead to discounting potentially great matches, as the picky guy may be unwilling to give a date with, say, a tendency to use emoticons in emails or “too short” hair a chance.
Reality check: What these guys need to accept is that no one’s perfect — and include themselves in that statement. And, in Dr. Kerner’s opinion, “There is no such thing as a soul mate,” he says. “Rather, it’s the journey of building a great relationship over time that leads to a ‘soul mate’-type of closeness.” So the next time you’re iffy about a girl, give her more of a chance before you write her off.
The none-of-the-above guy
Of course, there are guys who might not fall into (just) one of these categories, who are comfortable with themselves, outgoing and trying to meet someone to share their lives with — but for whom it just hasn’t happened yet. Guys like “chronically single” Greg, 30, of Boston, explains: “I’m ready to give my heart to someone and to do some hard work to find her, but I have yet to find that person.”
Reality check: Keeping adages such as “Love happens when you least expect it” in mind may not totally assuage feelings of “What the heck is going on here?” Suffice to say that this still-single guy is not alone — and won’t be for long if he keeps an open mind, gets active in organizations that provide opportunities to meet others and gives luck (or some effort) a chance to work. “Regardless of his circumstances, the important thing for a single guy in his 30s to do is to put himself in situations where he’s meeting women — whether it’s making time to join in activity groups, dating online or signing up for singles’ events,” says Dr. Kerner. So, single guy, keep your chin up and continue taking those leaps of faith into the dating pool. Sooner or later, you’ll find someone who sees you for the catch you truly are.
Matt Schneiderman is a writer based in New York City.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=8041&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=689629
Why to date beyond your “type”
Why to date beyond your “type”
By Barrie Dolnick
No one knows the power of dating against type better than I do. At the height of my dating career, I was a textbook example of a coffee-swigging, designer-clothing-wearing woman looking for Mr. Right. Working in Manhattan as a marketing consultant, I went to art openings dressed in black, black and black. I flirted with artists, documentary filmmakers, musicians — pretty much anyone who I thought looked dark, deep and passionate. No one clicked. Sitting with a girlfriend at an outdoor café one night, a young guy approached us and bummed a cigarette. He then proceeded to sit down and chat me up. He was a scientist — not at all my artsy type — but I agreed to one date. It seemed like a novel idea, and one night out wouldn’t kill me. We’ve been married for nine years now. Talk about dating against type!
Listen to some other stories of single people who found love by dating against their type — hey, it might work for you, too.
Trading in ‘bad boys’ for a nice guy led to her happily ever after
“I always liked ‘bad boys’ because they were popular, attractive and the center of attention. I always got blown off and treated second-rate, but I couldn’t imagine not having the ‘challenge’ of winning them over. In the end, it was a horrible way to live. So I made the deliberate decision to try someone different. I started dating a sweet guy who complimented me, planned romantic dates, and wanted to be with me every second. He even made me laugh. And now I’m getting married to him! Happiness comes in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times.”
- Tiffany Tarrant, Atlanta, GA
He found his soul mate in a single mom
“I did what many 40-year-old single men do and only considered dating never-married women between ages 32 and 36. Joan was really different — recently separated, two college-aged kids, and she was eight years older than I was. In terms of being ‘my type,’ she was off the radar, off the map, off the planet! But romance being romance, she laughed at my jokes and fell for my enthusiasm for life in general — and then I adopted a few enthusiasms of hers (kayaking, old houses, gardening and marriage). Now we can’t live without each other.”
- Noah Henderson, Bridgeport, CT
Falling in love with someone older has made her wiser about relationships
“I went for the artsy, free-spirited types, and the more brooding, the better. I mistook moodiness for sensitivity and being serious about their work. Hah! I think they were just mean-spirited. These men were usually around my age or younger, and I swore I’d never date someone with kids. Then I met Steven — and tried throwing my type out the window. He’s got a demanding office job; he’s 10 years older than I am and he has two teenagers, but once I opened myself up to it, it just worked. The age gap hasn’t bothered me at all, and he’s a happy, well-adjusted person. The kids have been harder to get used to, but after some time they opened up more to me and probably think I’m not so bad now. Which is pretty good for teenagers.”
- Suzanne Noli, Brooklyn, NY
A free spirit finally captured his heart
“I always thought the women I went to business school with were my type — smart, focused and ambitious. That’s pretty much the kind of woman I dated through my twenties and thirties, but nothing clicked. On a lark, I let a friend set me up. I could tell once I met the woman that she wasn’t my type — she was a pastry chef (and part-time at that!) who focused as much on her mountain bike as on her job — but I decided to make the best of the night and have a pleasant time chatting with her. Well, we wound up having a great time... and I asked her out again and again — until I asked her to be my wife.”
- Mark, San Anselmo, CA
Astro-coach Barrie Dolnick helps people find love and happiness by understanding their stars and their karmic energy. She is the author of twelve books, including Enlighten Up! and KarmaBabe.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/cp.aspx?cpp=/cppp/yahoo/article.html&articleid=6005&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=751734
By Barrie Dolnick
No one knows the power of dating against type better than I do. At the height of my dating career, I was a textbook example of a coffee-swigging, designer-clothing-wearing woman looking for Mr. Right. Working in Manhattan as a marketing consultant, I went to art openings dressed in black, black and black. I flirted with artists, documentary filmmakers, musicians — pretty much anyone who I thought looked dark, deep and passionate. No one clicked. Sitting with a girlfriend at an outdoor café one night, a young guy approached us and bummed a cigarette. He then proceeded to sit down and chat me up. He was a scientist — not at all my artsy type — but I agreed to one date. It seemed like a novel idea, and one night out wouldn’t kill me. We’ve been married for nine years now. Talk about dating against type!
Listen to some other stories of single people who found love by dating against their type — hey, it might work for you, too.
Trading in ‘bad boys’ for a nice guy led to her happily ever after
“I always liked ‘bad boys’ because they were popular, attractive and the center of attention. I always got blown off and treated second-rate, but I couldn’t imagine not having the ‘challenge’ of winning them over. In the end, it was a horrible way to live. So I made the deliberate decision to try someone different. I started dating a sweet guy who complimented me, planned romantic dates, and wanted to be with me every second. He even made me laugh. And now I’m getting married to him! Happiness comes in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times.”
- Tiffany Tarrant, Atlanta, GA
He found his soul mate in a single mom
“I did what many 40-year-old single men do and only considered dating never-married women between ages 32 and 36. Joan was really different — recently separated, two college-aged kids, and she was eight years older than I was. In terms of being ‘my type,’ she was off the radar, off the map, off the planet! But romance being romance, she laughed at my jokes and fell for my enthusiasm for life in general — and then I adopted a few enthusiasms of hers (kayaking, old houses, gardening and marriage). Now we can’t live without each other.”
- Noah Henderson, Bridgeport, CT
Falling in love with someone older has made her wiser about relationships
“I went for the artsy, free-spirited types, and the more brooding, the better. I mistook moodiness for sensitivity and being serious about their work. Hah! I think they were just mean-spirited. These men were usually around my age or younger, and I swore I’d never date someone with kids. Then I met Steven — and tried throwing my type out the window. He’s got a demanding office job; he’s 10 years older than I am and he has two teenagers, but once I opened myself up to it, it just worked. The age gap hasn’t bothered me at all, and he’s a happy, well-adjusted person. The kids have been harder to get used to, but after some time they opened up more to me and probably think I’m not so bad now. Which is pretty good for teenagers.”
- Suzanne Noli, Brooklyn, NY
A free spirit finally captured his heart
“I always thought the women I went to business school with were my type — smart, focused and ambitious. That’s pretty much the kind of woman I dated through my twenties and thirties, but nothing clicked. On a lark, I let a friend set me up. I could tell once I met the woman that she wasn’t my type — she was a pastry chef (and part-time at that!) who focused as much on her mountain bike as on her job — but I decided to make the best of the night and have a pleasant time chatting with her. Well, we wound up having a great time... and I asked her out again and again — until I asked her to be my wife.”
- Mark, San Anselmo, CA
Astro-coach Barrie Dolnick helps people find love and happiness by understanding their stars and their karmic energy. She is the author of twelve books, including Enlighten Up! and KarmaBabe.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/cp.aspx?cpp=/cppp/yahoo/article.html&articleid=6005&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=751734
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Faithful in Compassion
On Tuesday January 12 2010, a 7.0 earthquake rocked the nation of Haiti. Hurricanes, earthquakes,famines and floods have impact and shaped this world since this it began. Holocausts and wars, diseases and plagues take the lives of thousand, even millions.
Should all of these events be interpreted as acts of God?
Whether they are or are not, we know that God is not unaffected. He cares for us deeply. We do not understand everything that happens, and because of our ignorance, because God loves us, He is move to sympathize with us. Justin Holcomb writes, "God's solidarity with and compassion for those who suffer is the motivation for His response of grief... God knows suffering. He sees, responds, and invites [people] to participate in the sorrow and grief He has from their situation."
God takes compassion on us because He knows what we go through. God did not ignore the pleas of Israel when Israel was taken into forced slavery. He heard the cries of His beloved nation, and sent Moses to lead them into the land promised from the time of Abraham.
When Israel face oppression from their neighbors, so they were punished by God's hand. However, God's punishment did not last forever. God was always faithful to bring about the judgment He had promised. But, God was also faithful to show compassion and mercy. There cannon be mercy without judgment.
Living Life
Should all of these events be interpreted as acts of God?
Whether they are or are not, we know that God is not unaffected. He cares for us deeply. We do not understand everything that happens, and because of our ignorance, because God loves us, He is move to sympathize with us. Justin Holcomb writes, "God's solidarity with and compassion for those who suffer is the motivation for His response of grief... God knows suffering. He sees, responds, and invites [people] to participate in the sorrow and grief He has from their situation."
God takes compassion on us because He knows what we go through. God did not ignore the pleas of Israel when Israel was taken into forced slavery. He heard the cries of His beloved nation, and sent Moses to lead them into the land promised from the time of Abraham.
When Israel face oppression from their neighbors, so they were punished by God's hand. However, God's punishment did not last forever. God was always faithful to bring about the judgment He had promised. But, God was also faithful to show compassion and mercy. There cannon be mercy without judgment.
Living Life
Friday, May 20, 2011
Faithful to Mourn
There are some topics which are difficult to talk about. Death is one of the topics. Even as Christians, death is hard for us to cope with. It is the mysterious veil that separates us from the rest of eternity. We can only guess what is on the other side, and although we still have our hope placed in Christ, it is still somewhat frightening. When calamity strikes and our loved ones are taken away from us, how should we respond? John Berridge once wrote, "God is infinitely wise - and knows what is best for me. God is infinitely gracious - and will be tender of the weakest of His children. God is infinitely sovereign - and may do what He please with His own!"
Death will come. But physical death is not the end. For this world to continue to exist and function, death is necessary. Both literally and figuratively, if people do not die, there will be no room for life or growth. These are not pleasant thoughts to think about, but we can put our hope in Christ. God is still faithful, even in our death, and the death of our friends and family. God knows what He is doing, and He has a different perspective on death.
This does not take away from the pain. When friends and family are grieving, grieve with them. And know that God grieves with you. God says that He is the faithful one. He will be there with us in our pain and trials and tribulations. This includes trials such as death. God is our faithful friend. He is faithful to mourn with us in our pain.
Living Life
Death will come. But physical death is not the end. For this world to continue to exist and function, death is necessary. Both literally and figuratively, if people do not die, there will be no room for life or growth. These are not pleasant thoughts to think about, but we can put our hope in Christ. God is still faithful, even in our death, and the death of our friends and family. God knows what He is doing, and He has a different perspective on death.
This does not take away from the pain. When friends and family are grieving, grieve with them. And know that God grieves with you. God says that He is the faithful one. He will be there with us in our pain and trials and tribulations. This includes trials such as death. God is our faithful friend. He is faithful to mourn with us in our pain.
Living Life
Faithful in Doubt
At one time or another, we will be in situations where we asked to share our testimony. Or perhaps we will encounter people who are sharing their testimony. Some testimonies appear mundane and normal while other testimonies are very dramatic. They depict people in the worst situations, bound by the worst sins. Then, one day, they met God. God freed them from abusive situations, and God freed them from sins of gambling and drunkenness.
There are awesome stories, but they can lead us to believe that once we become Christian, we are freed forever, God can certainly be instantly victorious over any sin, be it big or small.
However, not everyone will experience immediate victory over sin and temptation. Although we are saved, we may become plagued by doubts concerning our salvation because we still struggle with a particular sin. The problem is that we get focused on the person, rather than what God has done. God makes it clear that our testimony is not about what we have done, but it is about God. Russell Moore writes, "Yes, celebrate those who have escaped the grip of sin. But don't just pretend that this means an escape from temptation."
Christ Himself was tempted, even though Christ never sinned. The belief that temptation will no longer attack us is naive. The devil will do everything in his power to make us ineffective. This includes tempting us to old and new sins. This is why it is important to remember the character of God. He alone gives us strength and victory. He is faithful to our cause, and He will fight for us. When we fall - and we WILL fall - God will be faithful to comfort us, encourage us, and urge us onwards.
Living Life
There are awesome stories, but they can lead us to believe that once we become Christian, we are freed forever, God can certainly be instantly victorious over any sin, be it big or small.
However, not everyone will experience immediate victory over sin and temptation. Although we are saved, we may become plagued by doubts concerning our salvation because we still struggle with a particular sin. The problem is that we get focused on the person, rather than what God has done. God makes it clear that our testimony is not about what we have done, but it is about God. Russell Moore writes, "Yes, celebrate those who have escaped the grip of sin. But don't just pretend that this means an escape from temptation."
Christ Himself was tempted, even though Christ never sinned. The belief that temptation will no longer attack us is naive. The devil will do everything in his power to make us ineffective. This includes tempting us to old and new sins. This is why it is important to remember the character of God. He alone gives us strength and victory. He is faithful to our cause, and He will fight for us. When we fall - and we WILL fall - God will be faithful to comfort us, encourage us, and urge us onwards.
Living Life
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
God Responds in Measure to Our Faith
We say we serve the God who can do anything, but how often do we really believe that? What and how we pray is a litmus test for our faith. If we pray for a shiny red bicycle, do we really believe that will get it, or is it just something we wish for? When we pray for freedom in North Korea, do we then actually expect North Korea to be freed?
Jesus once encountered a Roman citizen. This man demonstrated more faith than anyone Jesus had ever met. This man, who was neither Jew, Samaritan, a priest, nor Sadducee, made a simple request found in Luke 7:7: "But say the word, and my servant will be healed."
This man understood something of who God was. This man, who was a Roman centurion, realized God's power was not limited to touch, but that God really was capable to do anything at any time.
This is the God that we still serve today. He is capable of anything, at any time. But this brings us back to the question: do we really believe that? We limit God and what He can do because of how our own relationship with God stands. Jon Bloom argues, "Jesus is not as impressed with titles, degrees, and achievements as we are. He is impressed with those who really do humbly believe Him."
Jesus summed up the Old Testament law like this. Love God, Love others. Everything else will fall into place. God isn't looking for us to be perfect. He is just asking us to step out in humble faith, and recognize what He really is capable of. When we do that, He will faithfully respond accordingly.
Living Life
Jesus once encountered a Roman citizen. This man demonstrated more faith than anyone Jesus had ever met. This man, who was neither Jew, Samaritan, a priest, nor Sadducee, made a simple request found in Luke 7:7: "But say the word, and my servant will be healed."
This man understood something of who God was. This man, who was a Roman centurion, realized God's power was not limited to touch, but that God really was capable to do anything at any time.
This is the God that we still serve today. He is capable of anything, at any time. But this brings us back to the question: do we really believe that? We limit God and what He can do because of how our own relationship with God stands. Jon Bloom argues, "Jesus is not as impressed with titles, degrees, and achievements as we are. He is impressed with those who really do humbly believe Him."
Jesus summed up the Old Testament law like this. Love God, Love others. Everything else will fall into place. God isn't looking for us to be perfect. He is just asking us to step out in humble faith, and recognize what He really is capable of. When we do that, He will faithfully respond accordingly.
Living Life
Faithful Lover
It is not uncommon for that romanticism to fade after marriage. Couples no longer have to try to captivate their spouse, because the battle for their heart has already been won. While this is certainly not true for every relationship, it is true for some. If this can be true for our relationships with our significant other, can't this also be true in our relationships with God?
God continues to pursue us. He pursued us before we were ever interested in Him. He chases after us after we have been brought into the family of God.
God will never stop desiring an intimate relationship with us. In the midst of backsliding, God still desires a relationship with us. When we don't feel that we are being faithful in our quiet times, God still wants to develop our relationship.
Hearing the Gospel is not just for non-Christian or new believers. We need to preach the Gospel to ourselves every day. We need to be reminded of our first love, because our hearts are prone to wander. Tullian Tchividjian writes, "Real freedom (the freedom that only the Gospel grants) is living for something because we already have favor instead of living for something in order to gain favor."
God is our faithful lover, and He will always pursue us, regardless of how we think we are doing spiritually. He is in love with us, and He will constantly seek us out. As we let Him draw close to us, we will find that we want to draw close to Him. After all, isn't that what intimacy is about?
Living Life
God continues to pursue us. He pursued us before we were ever interested in Him. He chases after us after we have been brought into the family of God.
God will never stop desiring an intimate relationship with us. In the midst of backsliding, God still desires a relationship with us. When we don't feel that we are being faithful in our quiet times, God still wants to develop our relationship.
Hearing the Gospel is not just for non-Christian or new believers. We need to preach the Gospel to ourselves every day. We need to be reminded of our first love, because our hearts are prone to wander. Tullian Tchividjian writes, "Real freedom (the freedom that only the Gospel grants) is living for something because we already have favor instead of living for something in order to gain favor."
God is our faithful lover, and He will always pursue us, regardless of how we think we are doing spiritually. He is in love with us, and He will constantly seek us out. As we let Him draw close to us, we will find that we want to draw close to Him. After all, isn't that what intimacy is about?
Living Life
God Does Not Compromise
We try to be everything to all people. We often change who we are and how we act around different people. Especially if we are trying to impress someone or a group of people, we will find ourselves doing things that we would not normally do. However, compromises can very quickly lead us to places that we should never go. Compromise all too often, leads to sin. But while we deal with the struggles of compromise, we can be sure that Christ does not.
Christ does not compromise His character. He never has, and He never will. God will always be faithful to who He is. Numbers 23:19 states, "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Because Christ will not compromise, every man and women is forced to come to a decision: to either reject Him or accept Him. As Alexander MacLaren says, "All the manifestations and operations of that divine Character have a twofold aspect. Christ is either a stone of stumbling or a sure foundation. Men are either the better or the worse for Him."
So what do we do when we are confronted with Jesus? As Christians, we have already accepted Jesus, the immovable object, for who He is. Now, the next step for us is to become immovable objects of grace ourselves.
Living Life
Christ does not compromise His character. He never has, and He never will. God will always be faithful to who He is. Numbers 23:19 states, "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Because Christ will not compromise, every man and women is forced to come to a decision: to either reject Him or accept Him. As Alexander MacLaren says, "All the manifestations and operations of that divine Character have a twofold aspect. Christ is either a stone of stumbling or a sure foundation. Men are either the better or the worse for Him."
So what do we do when we are confronted with Jesus? As Christians, we have already accepted Jesus, the immovable object, for who He is. Now, the next step for us is to become immovable objects of grace ourselves.
Living Life
Faithful Father
In the past, God walked in the Garden of Eden with Adam. God spoke with Abraham and Moses. He appeared in visions to Ezekiel and Daniel. He came in human flesh as Jesus to John and Peter. Clearly, these men, and others like them, had the chance to carry a conversation with God. Do we still have that same opportunity, today?
We know that God does not change, and that His purpose today is still the same purpose He had 100 years ago, 1000 years ago, even at the very beginning of time. God declares in Hebrews 6:17, "Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath."
Therefore, if we know that God has not changed, nor has His plan changed, we can safely assume that He wants to communicate with us today, just as much as He wanted to communicate with men and women of God in the past. That is why we pray. Winfield Bevins says, "Prayer begins by understanding that God is our loving Father and we are His children."
This is the faithful God that we serve. It does not matter who we are or what we do, what matters is that we are His children. God is not distant from us, but He desires to show us who He is. He is the Father who will always be there. He is the Father who will always love us. He is our Father, our Daddy. Some of us have been blessed with a good relationship with our father, while others have not. Regardless of where our relationship with our earthly fathers lies, we can trust in God to be the Faithful Father.
Living Life
We know that God does not change, and that His purpose today is still the same purpose He had 100 years ago, 1000 years ago, even at the very beginning of time. God declares in Hebrews 6:17, "Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath."
Therefore, if we know that God has not changed, nor has His plan changed, we can safely assume that He wants to communicate with us today, just as much as He wanted to communicate with men and women of God in the past. That is why we pray. Winfield Bevins says, "Prayer begins by understanding that God is our loving Father and we are His children."
This is the faithful God that we serve. It does not matter who we are or what we do, what matters is that we are His children. God is not distant from us, but He desires to show us who He is. He is the Father who will always be there. He is the Father who will always love us. He is our Father, our Daddy. Some of us have been blessed with a good relationship with our father, while others have not. Regardless of where our relationship with our earthly fathers lies, we can trust in God to be the Faithful Father.
Living Life
Monday, May 16, 2011
Gaining Proper Perspective
When you pray, how do you pray? It might be easy for all of us to start by confessing our sins to God and asking for forgiveness. But then again, if prayer is meant to be a time where we can speak with our Father in heaven, why would we start in this fashion?
No one would start every conversation with their friends by saying all the horrible things that they have done. Nor should anyone start every conversation by complaining about all the things that are wrong in their lives. If we know we shouldn't do this with our own friends and family, doesn't it only stand to reason, that we shouldn't do this with God as well.
Of the prayers that we see in the Bible, many of them start off by praising God, and giving glory to Him. When asked how to pray, Jesus told His disciples a prayer which is now known as the Lord's prayer. Joe Virgo encourages us to "Start with God and His Mission. Look to Him. That way you get know Him better too."
The whole purpose of prayer is to talk with God, so that we might get to know Him better. As we get to know God better, we begin to better understand what He wants in our lives. This is what it means to pray with perspective. We need to realize who God is. Among many things, God is faithful, but we will never understand this (or God's other attributes), if we can't take the time to listen to God, and what He would tell us.
Living Life
No one would start every conversation with their friends by saying all the horrible things that they have done. Nor should anyone start every conversation by complaining about all the things that are wrong in their lives. If we know we shouldn't do this with our own friends and family, doesn't it only stand to reason, that we shouldn't do this with God as well.
Of the prayers that we see in the Bible, many of them start off by praising God, and giving glory to Him. When asked how to pray, Jesus told His disciples a prayer which is now known as the Lord's prayer. Joe Virgo encourages us to "Start with God and His Mission. Look to Him. That way you get know Him better too."
The whole purpose of prayer is to talk with God, so that we might get to know Him better. As we get to know God better, we begin to better understand what He wants in our lives. This is what it means to pray with perspective. We need to realize who God is. Among many things, God is faithful, but we will never understand this (or God's other attributes), if we can't take the time to listen to God, and what He would tell us.
Living Life
God Doesn't Make Empty Threats
It is easy to talk about how much God loves us, and what He wants to do in our lives. But there are some topics that we do not like to discuss. We do not like talking about God's wrath or what it means. We know that we were saved from it, but it is unpleasant to continue to dwell on the subject. Most people would prefer to think about heaven, rather than the doom of hell.
Nonetheless, hell is a reality, and it too, is a part of God's plan, not apart from it. He is serious when He says that we all deserve death, and that the wages of sin is death. Hell is not an empty threat. It is a reality of what will happen. While on Earth, everyone has the chance to escape the destiny of eternal damnation. After death, however, our fates are sealed. Whatever happens WILL happen. There are only two destinations: heaven and hell. You will either be a permanent resident of one or a permanent resident of the other. As James Hamilton writes, "It shows the enormity of what Jesus accomplished when He died to save all who would trust Him from the hell they deserved. If there were no hell, there would be no need for the cross."
God is faithful to all His promises, even the ones that we do not like. We may not like the idea of hell, but that should be all the more motivations to realize the plight of the earth. It should move us to realize the levity of the situation. Our friends, our family members, and even us. We need to learn to take God and His word more seriously, because God takes His word VERY seriously.
Living Life
Nonetheless, hell is a reality, and it too, is a part of God's plan, not apart from it. He is serious when He says that we all deserve death, and that the wages of sin is death. Hell is not an empty threat. It is a reality of what will happen. While on Earth, everyone has the chance to escape the destiny of eternal damnation. After death, however, our fates are sealed. Whatever happens WILL happen. There are only two destinations: heaven and hell. You will either be a permanent resident of one or a permanent resident of the other. As James Hamilton writes, "It shows the enormity of what Jesus accomplished when He died to save all who would trust Him from the hell they deserved. If there were no hell, there would be no need for the cross."
God is faithful to all His promises, even the ones that we do not like. We may not like the idea of hell, but that should be all the more motivations to realize the plight of the earth. It should move us to realize the levity of the situation. Our friends, our family members, and even us. We need to learn to take God and His word more seriously, because God takes His word VERY seriously.
Living Life
Called to Be Faithful
God has called us to many difficult challenges. Just because we are not perfect nor can we ever be perfect, does not mean that we should ever try to settle for anything else. He desires a people which worships Him and which is completely sold out to Him. We are incapable of being perfect, but with God, all things are possible. Through God's strength and victory, we can do all things. This is one of the benefits of coming to Christ.
We can be hard on ourselves, believing that it is not possible for us to succeed. We may even come to the belief that there is really no point to doing anything, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He has called us into His truth and His kingdom to be His servants. He asked us to be His messengers, so that is what we are. Now it's time to run.
As we continue to run our race, we realize more and more the importance of selling out to God. We discover that the rewards that come with being faithful far out weight the costs. John Piper shares these thoughts on faithfulness: "Faithfulness means finishing the race, and finishing the race means unimaginable joy forever and ever and ever."
Not everyone is called to set world records, not everyone is called to sprint full speed, and not everyone is called to the same race (though some are). We are, however, all called to run the race that God has given us, and to finish the race that we have been given.
Living Life
We can be hard on ourselves, believing that it is not possible for us to succeed. We may even come to the belief that there is really no point to doing anything, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He has called us into His truth and His kingdom to be His servants. He asked us to be His messengers, so that is what we are. Now it's time to run.
As we continue to run our race, we realize more and more the importance of selling out to God. We discover that the rewards that come with being faithful far out weight the costs. John Piper shares these thoughts on faithfulness: "Faithfulness means finishing the race, and finishing the race means unimaginable joy forever and ever and ever."
Not everyone is called to set world records, not everyone is called to sprint full speed, and not everyone is called to the same race (though some are). We are, however, all called to run the race that God has given us, and to finish the race that we have been given.
Living Life
“My most embarrassing date ever”
“My most embarrassing date ever”
By Kimberly Dawn Neumann
It comes with the territory: as a single person, you’ll rack up some bad dates, some really bad dates, and some totally mortifying dates — and those stories are the ones most of us love swapping later on. So listen in as some of our readers share their most, um, memorable rendezvous mistakes with you...
Awarding the Heimlich
“On a first date once, we were eating chips and salsa as an appetizer. He was telling some joke and when I laughed at the punchline, I inhaled the chip a bit too hard... and it lodged in my throat! Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe at all. There was salsa pouring out of my mouth, and I was doing that ‘choking’ signal towards him. So he came around and started beating on my back. After a few scary seconds, the chip finally dislodged itself. I don’t even want to think about what I looked like at that moment, all stained with salsa. It took me the whole night of apologizing to feel comfortable around him.”
— Stephanie, Atlanta, GA
Killing the mood
“One time I agreed to go to a haunted house for Halloween with a guy, despite the fact that I hate haunted houses. No matter how cheesy they are, I get irrationally afraid. This one was set up in the woods in Louisiana. It wasn’t so bad at first: they had the requisite bowls of stuff you put your hand in, the rocking chair with a witch rocking in it who lunges at you. Then, just when I thought we were coming out of the woods, I heard the rip-start of a chainsaw and ‘Jason’ from Friday the 13th, hockey mask and all, comes tearing toward us. I freaked. And I mean freaked! I started running full-speed through the woods, shrieking like a wounded animal. I could hear my date saying, ‘It's OK,’ but I kept running until I hit the parking lot... and a concrete parking bumper. I tripped, then skidded on my face and hands. It was terrible. We spent the rest of the evening picking gravel out of my skin.”
— Molly, Chicago, IL
Dropping the ball
“I was dating this guy and it was the first time I was meeting his family, so I was really trying to fit in. So when a game of football on the beach nearby started up, I jumped right into playing the game, even though I’m not really into sports. How hard could it be? Well, let’s just say I was terrible. I missed throw after throw. When my guy made a toss in my direction, I attempted to redeem myself with a brilliant catch — but instead felt the ball completely jam my fingers. Not wanting to appear weak, I tried to shake it off. But then we moved on to tennis. Not only was I terrible at that, too, every time the ball hit my racquet, I felt excruciating pain. Finally my fingers got so swollen I had to go to the hospital, where we discovered I’d shattered the bones in my fingers! It was really embarrassing to have my souvenir of the big date be a cast up to my elbow.”
— Regina, Fairfax, VA
Double-indemnity dating
“I was pals with this guy Chris, and it seemed our friendship might be developing into something more. So we decided to have an actual date, and I invited him to meet me at a dance music concert. But when I arrived, Chris showed up…with a date. He’d come straight from yoga and had brought along his instructor, who also thought he was on a date with Chris. When the instructor and I finally put the pieces together, we tried competing for Chris’ attention. I mean, that’s just plain weird! But the best part? By the end of the night, the instructor and I became friends and had a better time than Chris did.”
— Lance, New York, NY
Splitting your sides
“I felt like a sexy, powerful woman as I pushed my date down on the couch and gave him a passion-fueled stare. I felt sexy and powerful, too, when I leaped to plant a big kiss on him. Can’t say I felt particularly sexy or powerful, though, when my pants split right down the middle.”
— Caroline, Los Angeles, CA
Doing a spit-take
“I went to Philly for the weekend to see an old friend. We’d kept in touch and agreed to meet to see if maybe there was something more there. But while we were eating brunch, I ‘gleeked’ a stream of saliva into his orange juice while telling a story. It was so embarrassing. Adding insult to injury, he said, ‘Well, at least I can say I swapped spit with Carrie this weekend!’ Believe me, that was the only spit-swapping we did!”
— Carrie, Nashville, TN
Playing for the wrong team
“I became friends with this adorable guy who was very affectionate, always taking me out to dinner or on long romantic walks. We even talked about future plans, like how the next summer we hoped to have picnics, play frisbee, the works. I was so sure he loved me. He even said at one point, ‘Sorry, I just get kind of nervous because I'm trying to impress you.’ Finally, after many outings, I decided to go for it and leaned in for a kiss. Well, he was quite surprised and said, ‘Sweetie, I thought you knew: I’m gay.’ I was so mortified. Fortunately our friendship survived, but I definitely had to have my gaydar adjusted.”
— Jenny, New York, NY
Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a popular New York City-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in such publications as Cosmopolitan, Maxim, Health, Redbook and frequently online. A certified dating/relationship coach, she’s the author of The Real Reasons Men Commit and is the founder of www.DatingDivaDaily.com. For the record, she believes in love. For more, visit www.KDNeumann.com.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=6128&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=722005
By Kimberly Dawn Neumann
It comes with the territory: as a single person, you’ll rack up some bad dates, some really bad dates, and some totally mortifying dates — and those stories are the ones most of us love swapping later on. So listen in as some of our readers share their most, um, memorable rendezvous mistakes with you...
Awarding the Heimlich
“On a first date once, we were eating chips and salsa as an appetizer. He was telling some joke and when I laughed at the punchline, I inhaled the chip a bit too hard... and it lodged in my throat! Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe at all. There was salsa pouring out of my mouth, and I was doing that ‘choking’ signal towards him. So he came around and started beating on my back. After a few scary seconds, the chip finally dislodged itself. I don’t even want to think about what I looked like at that moment, all stained with salsa. It took me the whole night of apologizing to feel comfortable around him.”
— Stephanie, Atlanta, GA
Killing the mood
“One time I agreed to go to a haunted house for Halloween with a guy, despite the fact that I hate haunted houses. No matter how cheesy they are, I get irrationally afraid. This one was set up in the woods in Louisiana. It wasn’t so bad at first: they had the requisite bowls of stuff you put your hand in, the rocking chair with a witch rocking in it who lunges at you. Then, just when I thought we were coming out of the woods, I heard the rip-start of a chainsaw and ‘Jason’ from Friday the 13th, hockey mask and all, comes tearing toward us. I freaked. And I mean freaked! I started running full-speed through the woods, shrieking like a wounded animal. I could hear my date saying, ‘It's OK,’ but I kept running until I hit the parking lot... and a concrete parking bumper. I tripped, then skidded on my face and hands. It was terrible. We spent the rest of the evening picking gravel out of my skin.”
— Molly, Chicago, IL
Dropping the ball
“I was dating this guy and it was the first time I was meeting his family, so I was really trying to fit in. So when a game of football on the beach nearby started up, I jumped right into playing the game, even though I’m not really into sports. How hard could it be? Well, let’s just say I was terrible. I missed throw after throw. When my guy made a toss in my direction, I attempted to redeem myself with a brilliant catch — but instead felt the ball completely jam my fingers. Not wanting to appear weak, I tried to shake it off. But then we moved on to tennis. Not only was I terrible at that, too, every time the ball hit my racquet, I felt excruciating pain. Finally my fingers got so swollen I had to go to the hospital, where we discovered I’d shattered the bones in my fingers! It was really embarrassing to have my souvenir of the big date be a cast up to my elbow.”
— Regina, Fairfax, VA
Double-indemnity dating
“I was pals with this guy Chris, and it seemed our friendship might be developing into something more. So we decided to have an actual date, and I invited him to meet me at a dance music concert. But when I arrived, Chris showed up…with a date. He’d come straight from yoga and had brought along his instructor, who also thought he was on a date with Chris. When the instructor and I finally put the pieces together, we tried competing for Chris’ attention. I mean, that’s just plain weird! But the best part? By the end of the night, the instructor and I became friends and had a better time than Chris did.”
— Lance, New York, NY
Splitting your sides
“I felt like a sexy, powerful woman as I pushed my date down on the couch and gave him a passion-fueled stare. I felt sexy and powerful, too, when I leaped to plant a big kiss on him. Can’t say I felt particularly sexy or powerful, though, when my pants split right down the middle.”
— Caroline, Los Angeles, CA
Doing a spit-take
“I went to Philly for the weekend to see an old friend. We’d kept in touch and agreed to meet to see if maybe there was something more there. But while we were eating brunch, I ‘gleeked’ a stream of saliva into his orange juice while telling a story. It was so embarrassing. Adding insult to injury, he said, ‘Well, at least I can say I swapped spit with Carrie this weekend!’ Believe me, that was the only spit-swapping we did!”
— Carrie, Nashville, TN
Playing for the wrong team
“I became friends with this adorable guy who was very affectionate, always taking me out to dinner or on long romantic walks. We even talked about future plans, like how the next summer we hoped to have picnics, play frisbee, the works. I was so sure he loved me. He even said at one point, ‘Sorry, I just get kind of nervous because I'm trying to impress you.’ Finally, after many outings, I decided to go for it and leaned in for a kiss. Well, he was quite surprised and said, ‘Sweetie, I thought you knew: I’m gay.’ I was so mortified. Fortunately our friendship survived, but I definitely had to have my gaydar adjusted.”
— Jenny, New York, NY
Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a popular New York City-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in such publications as Cosmopolitan, Maxim, Health, Redbook and frequently online. A certified dating/relationship coach, she’s the author of The Real Reasons Men Commit and is the founder of www.DatingDivaDaily.com. For the record, she believes in love. For more, visit www.KDNeumann.com.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=6128&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=722005
The Faithful Witness
When was the last time you purposefully went out to go evangelizing? For that matter, what does it mean to go evangelizing? Is evangelism about shouting that everyone is going to go to hell? Is it going door to door asking people if they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Or is it simply in our everyday actions? Whether with words or actions, we are all called to bear witness to who Christ is, and what He has done. This is to say, we are all called to evangelize in some form or another.
Thankfully, God came to Earth to show us how He wanted to be represented. We do not have to try figure out exactly what it means to represent Christ, because Christ was His own witness.
Jesus Christ even says that He is His own witness. John 8:17-18 states, "In your own Law it is written that the testimony of two men is valid. I am on who testifies for myself; my other witness is the Father, who sent me."
God will never cease to be a witness and testimony to Himself. He always seeks to show His Glory to the world. That is what God the Father wants: the world to know His glory. Revelation 1:5-6 says, "And from Jesus Christ , who is the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth." Why is Jesus the Faithful Witness? Because He will always testify to what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will continue to do. He simply asks us to join in this testimony.
Living Life
Thankfully, God came to Earth to show us how He wanted to be represented. We do not have to try figure out exactly what it means to represent Christ, because Christ was His own witness.
Jesus Christ even says that He is His own witness. John 8:17-18 states, "In your own Law it is written that the testimony of two men is valid. I am on who testifies for myself; my other witness is the Father, who sent me."
God will never cease to be a witness and testimony to Himself. He always seeks to show His Glory to the world. That is what God the Father wants: the world to know His glory. Revelation 1:5-6 says, "And from Jesus Christ , who is the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth." Why is Jesus the Faithful Witness? Because He will always testify to what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will continue to do. He simply asks us to join in this testimony.
Living Life
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Faithful, Even in Punishment
If there is one thing that we can count on the devil for, it is to be against the people of God. But Satan isn't just against God's chosen people spiritually, but he opposes them physically too, even to the point of death. Satan has tried to wipe out the Jews from the face of this Earth, and if he gets the chance, he will do so again. The Jews faced mass extermination in the days of the Holocaust of World War II. The people of god have also faced eras of mass persecution in former days, such as in the account of Esther. While we do not know how everyone might respond to tribulations such as the extermination of one's ethnicity, we do have some cases of how some people have responded. Because of Israel's unfaithfulness, God punished Israel with exile. In the midst of serving its sentence, Israel came under attack by a man named Haman who sought to destroy the Jews. Mordecai, the uncle of Esther, did not believe that God would let His people be totally destroyed. Even more, the thought that God would allow His people to be wiped out never crossed his mind. Don Carson writes, "Granted that God is faithful to His covenant promises, Mordecai cannot conceive that He would permit the people of God to be destroyed."
God's promises stand. He does not forget what He has promised, nor can He. Even in His fierce anger and judgment, He did not ignore the promises that He had made to them. Promises such as this are found in Jeremiah 29:11-14, which states that God will bring His people out of captivity.
Regardless of the current state of our relationship with Christ, His promises endure. He is faithful.
Living Life
God's promises stand. He does not forget what He has promised, nor can He. Even in His fierce anger and judgment, He did not ignore the promises that He had made to them. Promises such as this are found in Jeremiah 29:11-14, which states that God will bring His people out of captivity.
Regardless of the current state of our relationship with Christ, His promises endure. He is faithful.
Living Life
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Fear the Victor
It is kind of scary to think that everything was created by God for His own purpose. Why is this scary? Because it means that God created some things for the purpose of destruction, or rather, He knew that they would be destroyed. Would you spend time on a masterpiece painting if you knew that it would some day, perhaps even in the near future, be totally destroyed?
When we think about God, we usually think about His "good qualities." God is the creator of all things. This means that all things come from Him, are subject to Him, and in some way are owned by Him. God is entitled to do whatever He wants with His things. It may not make sense, by a painter is perfectly within his own right to burn a masterpiece, because it is his. Keep in mind that God is not irrational, and that He does everything for a purpose. God's perspective on life, and death, are different from ours. The sooner we get that, the better. Because we belong to Him, He will defend us. F.F.Bruce elaborates on this point. "Whatever forces there are, of either kind, that hold human souls in bondage, Christ has shown Himself to be their Master, and those who are united to Him by faith need have no fear of them."
Christ is the divine Master of all things, and that includes us. But He is more than just our Master; He is our Friend, He is our Father, and He is our Lover. There are different expression of love in each of these relationships because that is who Christ is. He is the master, the conqueror, the victor who loves us on many different levels.
Living Life
When we think about God, we usually think about His "good qualities." God is the creator of all things. This means that all things come from Him, are subject to Him, and in some way are owned by Him. God is entitled to do whatever He wants with His things. It may not make sense, by a painter is perfectly within his own right to burn a masterpiece, because it is his. Keep in mind that God is not irrational, and that He does everything for a purpose. God's perspective on life, and death, are different from ours. The sooner we get that, the better. Because we belong to Him, He will defend us. F.F.Bruce elaborates on this point. "Whatever forces there are, of either kind, that hold human souls in bondage, Christ has shown Himself to be their Master, and those who are united to Him by faith need have no fear of them."
Christ is the divine Master of all things, and that includes us. But He is more than just our Master; He is our Friend, He is our Father, and He is our Lover. There are different expression of love in each of these relationships because that is who Christ is. He is the master, the conqueror, the victor who loves us on many different levels.
Living Life
Losing Value, Becoming Priceless
We have been called slaves of sin, but we are servants of Christ. A slave has no choice and no free-will. It must do what it is commanded. A slave really is no longer a person; a slave is an "it." A slave has moved from being a someone to being a something. People are either worthless or priceless, depending on the perspective-these words denote the same thing but have different connotations God does not see us in term of value. He looks upon us through a completely different paradigm, one that does not involve cost, profit, value or money - the things which seems to run our world. He embraces us as people. Realizing that there has been this shift should be mind-altering and life-changing.
We have been set free from death, sin, being weighed on scales of worth, and the slavery of this world. Instead, we have been made into servants. The different between slaves and servants in that slaves are forms of currency, whereas servants are given forms of currency. And God does give us wonderful gifts.
God calls us to be more than just servants, He calls us to be good servants. Arthur Pink declares, "A good servant will have ready feet: ' I will run in the way of Your commandments" (Psalm 119:32). A good servant will have a submissive will; that is the primary and essential qualification -to have no will of my own - but to be completely yielded to the Lord."
Knowing what we have gained - freedom- compared to what was lost - slavery - it should not be difficult to motivate ourselves to be good servants.
Living Life
We have been set free from death, sin, being weighed on scales of worth, and the slavery of this world. Instead, we have been made into servants. The different between slaves and servants in that slaves are forms of currency, whereas servants are given forms of currency. And God does give us wonderful gifts.
God calls us to be more than just servants, He calls us to be good servants. Arthur Pink declares, "A good servant will have ready feet: ' I will run in the way of Your commandments" (Psalm 119:32). A good servant will have a submissive will; that is the primary and essential qualification -to have no will of my own - but to be completely yielded to the Lord."
Knowing what we have gained - freedom- compared to what was lost - slavery - it should not be difficult to motivate ourselves to be good servants.
Living Life
God is Faithful
What does it mean to be faithful? Faithful, according to some definitions, is being loyal, constand and steadfast. Faithful is never having a sexual or an intimate relationship with anyone other than your husband or wife. Faithful is being reliable, resolute, and true to the original.
Anyone who has been with Christ for more than a day, knows that we are not faithful to Him, even though this is what we are called to be. We constantly leave Him in pursuit of our own interests. We might have long moments of being intimate with God, but at some time or another, we will fall away from Him..
Thankfully, our God does not call us into His kingdom because of who we were or who we still are. God called us into His kingdom because of who HE is. Our salvation - and every other good gift we have - is from God. God gives us these things because of who HE is. James Smith writes, "His love never varies. His purposes never change. His promises are always true... The waves are always in motion - but the rock never moves... God is the same, and knows not the shadow of a turning."
Although we change day to day in how we respond to God, God's love doesn't. He always loves us immensely. He always has a plan and purpose for us, even when we fall away from Him. At the same time, He is always faithful to act in wrath and judgment on those who reject His name. How often are we faithful? Sometime. How often is God faithful? Every. Single. Time. So, even when we cannot have confidence in ourselves, we can still have confidence in our Christ.
Living Life
Anyone who has been with Christ for more than a day, knows that we are not faithful to Him, even though this is what we are called to be. We constantly leave Him in pursuit of our own interests. We might have long moments of being intimate with God, but at some time or another, we will fall away from Him..
Thankfully, our God does not call us into His kingdom because of who we were or who we still are. God called us into His kingdom because of who HE is. Our salvation - and every other good gift we have - is from God. God gives us these things because of who HE is. James Smith writes, "His love never varies. His purposes never change. His promises are always true... The waves are always in motion - but the rock never moves... God is the same, and knows not the shadow of a turning."
Although we change day to day in how we respond to God, God's love doesn't. He always loves us immensely. He always has a plan and purpose for us, even when we fall away from Him. At the same time, He is always faithful to act in wrath and judgment on those who reject His name. How often are we faithful? Sometime. How often is God faithful? Every. Single. Time. So, even when we cannot have confidence in ourselves, we can still have confidence in our Christ.
Living Life
The Lie of Self-Esteem
When we are tempted, Christ is faithful, and He will be there for us. We have been told a lie that we all too often believe. In our modern society, we are told that we can do anything if we put our mind to it. We have been told that we are winners, and if we aren't winners, we just need to try harder, or to have more self-esteem.
What's the lie here? That we can anything through our own strength and effort, even overcome our own sin. What's the problem here? We believe that we really can do anything we want, whenever we want, and then all of our good "self-esteem" transforms into pride. Galatians 6:14 states, "May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world."
We face an enemy who is powerful and who really does not like us. He will do whatever he can to keep us from God, and to make us be ineffective. This includes engulfing us in our own pride. We cannot defeat him in our power or our own strength, any more than we can conquer the world by ourselves. Mark Driscoll writes, "Here's the truth. Jesus is the winner. That's the truth. We're not victorious. He is. We're not righteous. He is. We don't redeem ourselves from slavery to sin."
In our lives and all that we say and do, it is far better for us to focus on Christ rather than on ourselves. Christ is faithful. When we are happy, sad, prideful, humble, at peace or in turmoil. Christ is faithful. Our emotional or spiritual state will never change that. Nothing will.
Living Life
What's the lie here? That we can anything through our own strength and effort, even overcome our own sin. What's the problem here? We believe that we really can do anything we want, whenever we want, and then all of our good "self-esteem" transforms into pride. Galatians 6:14 states, "May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world."
We face an enemy who is powerful and who really does not like us. He will do whatever he can to keep us from God, and to make us be ineffective. This includes engulfing us in our own pride. We cannot defeat him in our power or our own strength, any more than we can conquer the world by ourselves. Mark Driscoll writes, "Here's the truth. Jesus is the winner. That's the truth. We're not victorious. He is. We're not righteous. He is. We don't redeem ourselves from slavery to sin."
In our lives and all that we say and do, it is far better for us to focus on Christ rather than on ourselves. Christ is faithful. When we are happy, sad, prideful, humble, at peace or in turmoil. Christ is faithful. Our emotional or spiritual state will never change that. Nothing will.
Living Life
Unfaithfulness: Looking for Loopholes
Evil men will avoid jail terms and sentences because crafty lawyers find loopholes in the law. Whatever contracts are signed can always be broken and nullified. Divorce rates are climbing in both Christian and non-Christian homes. What does this say about our culture? What does this say about us? These are just a few examples that show our word is no longer our bond. Furthermore, these say unfaithfulness is ok. There are even website dating services for married men and women.
Unfaithfulness is not just a character problem; it is a cultural problem. It is not a new phenomenon that has suddenly sprung upon the current generation. Unfaithfulness, or betrayal, has been a common theme in the story of the world for a long time. It is who we, as people, all too often are.
But if unfaithfulness is a character trait of humanity, faithfulness is one of the essential character traits of God. Arthur Pink declares, " God is true. His Word of Promise is sure. In all His relations with His people God is faithful. He may be safely relied upon. No one ever yet really trusted Him in vain."
God did not promise a perfect or easy life, but He did promise that He would always be there with us, in spite of our circumstances. We need to stop running from the truth of who God is, and stop trying to find loopholes. We need o stop trying to find the loopholes in the Bible, and come to accept God for who He says He is" Always Faithful."
Living Life
Unfaithfulness is not just a character problem; it is a cultural problem. It is not a new phenomenon that has suddenly sprung upon the current generation. Unfaithfulness, or betrayal, has been a common theme in the story of the world for a long time. It is who we, as people, all too often are.
But if unfaithfulness is a character trait of humanity, faithfulness is one of the essential character traits of God. Arthur Pink declares, " God is true. His Word of Promise is sure. In all His relations with His people God is faithful. He may be safely relied upon. No one ever yet really trusted Him in vain."
God did not promise a perfect or easy life, but He did promise that He would always be there with us, in spite of our circumstances. We need to stop running from the truth of who God is, and stop trying to find loopholes. We need o stop trying to find the loopholes in the Bible, and come to accept God for who He says He is" Always Faithful."
Living Life
Relying on God
When your family experiences a crisis, do you turn to each other for support, or do you turn on each other? When we recognize that the attack is on our entire family, we typically band together. For example, if a family member has been in a life-threatening car accident, families often put aside personal disputes or problems and focus their attention on that family member. However, we don't recognize that an attack is from outside, but instead perceive a crisis within our family, we turn on each other. For example, sons or daughters who have embraced the pleasures of the world might cause their mother and father to fight over what to do next.
In the midst of our trials, whatever they may be, we are also challenged in our relationship with God.
One thing that we do know for sure; trials are coming. As we live for Christ more and more, Satan will rise up against us more and more. Whether our opposition is external or internal, we need to trust in our faithful Christ. Jamie Munson says, "Jesus opens up significant opportunities to preach the gospel and glorify Him. Be wise and be ready. Expect opposition, but don't be afraid. "[Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.]" (Eph. 6:10).
But notice here the expectation is that we are living for Christ, and not ourselves.Satan is coming for us, regardless of whether we are living for Christ or not. It is, then, far better to make sure that we are grounded in Christ, so that when Satan comes, we can withstand the devil through Jesus. Christ is faithful to support us. He is faithful to give us His strength in the midst of an attack, each and every time.
Living Life
In the midst of our trials, whatever they may be, we are also challenged in our relationship with God.
One thing that we do know for sure; trials are coming. As we live for Christ more and more, Satan will rise up against us more and more. Whether our opposition is external or internal, we need to trust in our faithful Christ. Jamie Munson says, "Jesus opens up significant opportunities to preach the gospel and glorify Him. Be wise and be ready. Expect opposition, but don't be afraid. "[Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.]" (Eph. 6:10).
But notice here the expectation is that we are living for Christ, and not ourselves.Satan is coming for us, regardless of whether we are living for Christ or not. It is, then, far better to make sure that we are grounded in Christ, so that when Satan comes, we can withstand the devil through Jesus. Christ is faithful to support us. He is faithful to give us His strength in the midst of an attack, each and every time.
Living Life
I AM: Faithful and Just!
We know God is good and faithful. We know we are not. We know that we should be doing more. We should pray more, have longer quiet times, memorize Scripture, take better care of our finances, spend more time with family, evangelize more, and in essence become perfect in every way. None of these things are bad. Nor are the things which we enjoy, inherently evil. Dancing, singing, drinking, eating, sleeping, etc. are not bad things which we can never do again.
Somehow, in the midst of all these ideas of what we can and can't do, we got trapped in a wrong belief about religion.
But that is the beauty of Christ. 1 John 1:9 illustrates this point well. "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteous." We are not called to do anything more than confess ours sins to God. He will take care of the rest. We are called to first admit that we do indeed have a problem. This passage depicts two characteristics of God. God calls Himself faithful. Every time you confess your sins, God declares, "I will pardon and purify you." Kevin Deyoung writes, "We are meant to live in the joy of our salvation. So when we sin - and we'll all sin (1 Kings 8:46; 1 John 1:8) - we confess it, get cleansed, and move on."
We might feel that we aren't good enough. God says, "You're right. You are not. But I am. Don't wallow in self pity. Come back to Me. You will always find Me, if you really want to. And let's move one, together."
Living Life
Somehow, in the midst of all these ideas of what we can and can't do, we got trapped in a wrong belief about religion.
But that is the beauty of Christ. 1 John 1:9 illustrates this point well. "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteous." We are not called to do anything more than confess ours sins to God. He will take care of the rest. We are called to first admit that we do indeed have a problem. This passage depicts two characteristics of God. God calls Himself faithful. Every time you confess your sins, God declares, "I will pardon and purify you." Kevin Deyoung writes, "We are meant to live in the joy of our salvation. So when we sin - and we'll all sin (1 Kings 8:46; 1 John 1:8) - we confess it, get cleansed, and move on."
We might feel that we aren't good enough. God says, "You're right. You are not. But I am. Don't wallow in self pity. Come back to Me. You will always find Me, if you really want to. And let's move one, together."
Living Life
25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9.
25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9
Helping your child master these simple rules of etiquette will get him noticed -- for all the right reasons.By David Lowry, Ph.D.
Your child's rude 'tude isn't always intentional. Sometimes kids just don't realize it's impolite to interrupt, pick their nose, or loudly observe that the lady walking in front of them has a large behind. And in the hustle and bustle of daily life, busy moms and dads don't always have the time to focus on etiquette. But if you reinforce these 25 must-do manners, you'll raise a polite, kind, well-liked child.-
Manner #1
When asking for something, say "Please."
Manner #2
When receiving something, say "Thank you."
Related: Kid-Made Thank You Notes
Manner #3
Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency. They will notice you and respond when they are finished talking.
Manner #4
If you do need to get somebody's attention right away, the phrase "excuse me" is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation.
Manner #5
When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first. It can save you from many hours of grief later.
Manner #6
The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.
Manner #7
Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome.
Related: Raise Polite Kids
Manner #8
When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are.
Manner #9
When you have spent time at your friend's house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had.
Manner #10
Knock on closed doors -- and wait to see if there's a response -- before entering.
Manner #11
When you make a phone call, introduce yourself first and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling.
Manner #12
Be appreciative and say "thank you" for any gift you receive. In the age of e-mail, a handwritten thank-you note can have a powerful effect.
Related: Print and Color Cards for Birthdays, Thank-Yous and More!
Manner #13
Never use foul language in front of adults. Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant.
Manner #14
Don't call people mean names.
Manner #15
Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel.
Related: Raise a Compassionate Kid
Manner #16
Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.
Manner #17
If you bump into somebody, immediately say "Excuse me."
Related: Quiz: What's Your Parenting Style?
Manner #18
Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don't pick your nose in public.
Related: How to Handle Inappropriate Behavior
Manner #19
As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.
Manner #20
If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say "yes," do so -- you may learn something new.
Manner #21
When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.
Related: Use this Table-Setting Map as a Guide
Manner #22
When someone helps you, say "thank you." That person will likely want to help you again. This is especially true with teachers!
Manner #23
Use eating utensils properly. If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do.
Related: Mrs. McVeigh Weighs in on Proper Utensil Use and More!
Manner #24
Keep a napkin on your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.
Manner #25
Don't reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.
See more on teaching manners to your toddlers and preschoolers.
Originally published in the March 2011 issue of Parents magazine.
Quoted: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/25-manners-every-kid-should-know-by-age-9-2480238/
5 bad relationship habits to dump
5 bad relationship habits to dump
By Bob Strauss
OK, so you used to be married and now you’re not. You may be out there happily dating, but are the habits from your wedded days dogging you? Consider the fact that when you’re married, you have the luxury of a long, indefinite “’til death do us part” future in which to settle into a comfortable routine or slowly work through issues with your spouse. On a date, though, everything happens in accelerated time, with equally accelerated consequences. An indelicate remark on your first rendezvous may forever put the kibosh on a second. In fact, there are five key behaviors left over from your married days that can wreak havoc on your current romantic forays. We asked Marty Friedman, author of Straight Talk for Men About Marriage, to discuss how to recognize — and get rid of — these bad habits so your love life can prosper.
Bad Habit #1: Never ending your arguments. One of the dubious perks of being married, Friedman says, is being able to “stomp out of the room, cool yourself down, and bring up the issue again a few days or weeks later — or let it fester forever.” While having a knock-down, drag-out argument with someone you’ve just started dating isn’t exactly a good sign, you don’t want to fall into the trap of thinking, “If I ignore the problem, it’ll just go away.” That just won’t cut it when you’re dating.
Tactic to try: The challenge now, says Friedman, “is to hang in there and keep the lines of communication open.” You want to work through the issue, not allow it to linger.
Bad Habit #2: Letting yourself go. When two people are married for a long time, they stop trying to impress each other — thus fueling the market for dumpy sweatshirts, socks with sandals, and New York Yankees baseball caps. This may be fine for a lazy evening at home, but it’s a sure-fire date repellent, according to Friedman. “It’s easy to say, ‘I just want someone who likes me for who I am,’ but truthfully, the way humans operate is to feel more comfortable with and attracted to someone who cares enough about appearance to look presentable.”
Tactic to try: Simply put, make an effort. There is such a thing as dressing up, and it’s worth trying when wooing someone.
Bad Habit #3: Under-communicating your needs. Most married couples have the ability to read each other’s minds: to intuit, from an imperceptibly cocked eyebrow or a slightly fluttery tone of voice, that now may not be the best time to admit to spending junior’s college fund on a 72-inch plasma TV. Unless your date is a professional poker player, don’t expect her to interpret your tics and grimaces as a request for a nice glass of iced tea.
Tactic to try: “You need to state your needs and feelings out loud, in a responsible way,” Friedman says. “The good news is, by speaking up you can help shape how your new partner treats you.”
Bad Habit #4: Sniping instead of talking. The only time you’re allowed to treat constant bickering as a form of affection is when you’re both at least 75 and celebrating your golden wedding anniversary.
Tactic to try: Instead of criticizing your new partner, Friedman says, you should make an effort to “request what you need in a specific, caring way. For example: instead of shouting ‘You’re always late for everything,’ you can say gently, ‘This Saturday night, it would really mean a lot to me if you showed up on time or even a few minutes early.’”
Bad Habit #5: Not saying “thank you.” Common courtesy is one of the first casualties of an unsuccessful marriage — and even thriving couples can occasionally say things to each other that would make Emily Post blanch.
Tactic to try: “You should start your new relationship on a solid foundation of gratitude and appreciation, right from the beginning,” Friedman says. “Be thankful for the little things... even the fact that this person is spending the evening with you.” And while you’re at it, go ahead — say it out loud.
Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=5433&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=751022
By Bob Strauss
OK, so you used to be married and now you’re not. You may be out there happily dating, but are the habits from your wedded days dogging you? Consider the fact that when you’re married, you have the luxury of a long, indefinite “’til death do us part” future in which to settle into a comfortable routine or slowly work through issues with your spouse. On a date, though, everything happens in accelerated time, with equally accelerated consequences. An indelicate remark on your first rendezvous may forever put the kibosh on a second. In fact, there are five key behaviors left over from your married days that can wreak havoc on your current romantic forays. We asked Marty Friedman, author of Straight Talk for Men About Marriage, to discuss how to recognize — and get rid of — these bad habits so your love life can prosper.
Bad Habit #1: Never ending your arguments. One of the dubious perks of being married, Friedman says, is being able to “stomp out of the room, cool yourself down, and bring up the issue again a few days or weeks later — or let it fester forever.” While having a knock-down, drag-out argument with someone you’ve just started dating isn’t exactly a good sign, you don’t want to fall into the trap of thinking, “If I ignore the problem, it’ll just go away.” That just won’t cut it when you’re dating.
Tactic to try: The challenge now, says Friedman, “is to hang in there and keep the lines of communication open.” You want to work through the issue, not allow it to linger.
Bad Habit #2: Letting yourself go. When two people are married for a long time, they stop trying to impress each other — thus fueling the market for dumpy sweatshirts, socks with sandals, and New York Yankees baseball caps. This may be fine for a lazy evening at home, but it’s a sure-fire date repellent, according to Friedman. “It’s easy to say, ‘I just want someone who likes me for who I am,’ but truthfully, the way humans operate is to feel more comfortable with and attracted to someone who cares enough about appearance to look presentable.”
Tactic to try: Simply put, make an effort. There is such a thing as dressing up, and it’s worth trying when wooing someone.
Bad Habit #3: Under-communicating your needs. Most married couples have the ability to read each other’s minds: to intuit, from an imperceptibly cocked eyebrow or a slightly fluttery tone of voice, that now may not be the best time to admit to spending junior’s college fund on a 72-inch plasma TV. Unless your date is a professional poker player, don’t expect her to interpret your tics and grimaces as a request for a nice glass of iced tea.
Tactic to try: “You need to state your needs and feelings out loud, in a responsible way,” Friedman says. “The good news is, by speaking up you can help shape how your new partner treats you.”
Bad Habit #4: Sniping instead of talking. The only time you’re allowed to treat constant bickering as a form of affection is when you’re both at least 75 and celebrating your golden wedding anniversary.
Tactic to try: Instead of criticizing your new partner, Friedman says, you should make an effort to “request what you need in a specific, caring way. For example: instead of shouting ‘You’re always late for everything,’ you can say gently, ‘This Saturday night, it would really mean a lot to me if you showed up on time or even a few minutes early.’”
Bad Habit #5: Not saying “thank you.” Common courtesy is one of the first casualties of an unsuccessful marriage — and even thriving couples can occasionally say things to each other that would make Emily Post blanch.
Tactic to try: “You should start your new relationship on a solid foundation of gratitude and appreciation, right from the beginning,” Friedman says. “Be thankful for the little things... even the fact that this person is spending the evening with you.” And while you’re at it, go ahead — say it out loud.
Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=5433&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=751022
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