Blogging off to distract and to remember

To distract and to remember.... today is a day. Just a friday. Even I don't get to eat with Ms Smoky, Cool with it....as I get to really go back to a better social life. Manage to talk to my initial lunch kakis. Being hearing and involved in too many things.. This is the 3rd day...or 2nd day that I am blogging about the journey or just a work experience with Ms Smoky.  I know that I had already ran some simulation in my mind before this . But most of them I totally forgot about them..... Dream or not dream.....not longer I have the faith for that.

Anyway.....as usual I ask her.....after she had meetings after meeting. And she realise that she is not open to suggestion....haha...what a way...My immediate reply to her....ya you are not open to suggestion...haha....what a way....

So I was glad she was direct and I was just glad to hear she ask and the communication. Asking about my afternoon which I intend to mark my work...perhaps suggesting that I don't mind going somewhere to mark...dropping hint am I? Well I did message and leave it to her to decide....or was that a suggestion...well in the end she chose to stay at home to mark instead.....an answer is better than none..... have I really cross the boundary....or committed emotionally already? A question that I now I doubt i can answer anymore. A question i being asking around....how do one know one is emotionally attached to someone.

This week is a week that ups and downs..... what will be the 3 things i am positive or give thanks.....really I not sure how to word it now....all will be the same theme??

Anyway, a few things i enjoy with her.

Her company, I really just like to look at her now.... omg...omg ...omg...it is just comfortable and being at ease with her around...... also working with her.... for the better of the students and for the club....she wants to be low key and I told her it is difficult with me around......but well I did told her to give me some time to think through it.... And really how to? Only God can give wisdom and let things be.....to hide behind ION ..... it is quite difficult with her calibre...

Some how my body is just reacting weirdly and I am fully aware.....just trying to reduce it.....And I think they are quite visible....Twitching of my forehead for a few weeks already.

Soon I need to figure out where is/was the point of commitment or the starting point.

How come I don't remember the start of this....where it is.... I feel it is really going beyond me...beyond the usual me.....just a motivated focus person. slightly more focused... i think... So how to move on from here.....I know Encounter God. I know 40 days fast.

To distract and to remember.....two opposing forces to begin distract already indicate the sign of remember something...with me....it just increase the roots of the memory.

Does it bound down to like or love or ? I don't really think that is a question to be answered....it is a matter of action that speaks more now....sigh sigh sigh...OMG OMG OMG......please have more self discipline and control.....don't play with other people's feeling......but be a blessing be a blessing purely a blessing....and that may be already outdated and over-stepping already.....

I thank God that the PT urge is not there any more...some difference helps to reduce the urge.....Change state may means morphing into a different person?  This is week 4....6 more weeks and how things are different from then.....May Lord lead and see how He flows.... In faith to grow, with faith seeds that sprouts love of God in heaven.