It has being a while that I have yet to post a spiritual blog;....guess I have not being that spiritual as before.....do you believe in that?.
This is just for myself to account for the 3 mistake that I believe are mistake that I have made and will be accountable to me and myself. They are things that I should not have done and should not do in the first place. However, they are already done and hereby, I record them down so that I will be able to keep a record, a document that I know what I have done and how much I am ready to face the situation.
1. Apr 2005 - Here is where all it begins. Just with a thought to know that person more, CSI, an action of just trying to bless, but I know I should not and try to control but failed to. Guess the failure to do so really hurts abit and shaken things abit, especially only days after my comeback from spiritual retrenchment. Just a simple act of trying to give pandols could mean so much to me....just how much and deep rooted the problem is that I may have forgotten most of it already. Now it is the time to resurface them to meet new challenges ahead, a new calling and to a new level of faith and service. That was also the time that I first ever though of stalking someone, after almost 7years, other 2 other people.
2. Sep19 2005 BBQ. Another stupid mistake by me, adding a very simple word which is just "always". A word that just come out so fluent, acting out, or of truth in mind. Regardless of which reason, the situation ahead seems different, from my own point of view. Or perhaps nothing have changed in the first place. But just I have being too sensitive. Am I just as always, picking on someone?
3.Last of the 3, the most prevailing one, and also the one that really shock me up thinking, am I out of control of the situation already? Stalking thought as usual, now coupled even worse, a type of feeling that I have not really ready to handle....something that was new to my life this 3-5 years, jealousy. Before that, I have never had really such issue. Perhaps I was so broken that the word does not even apply to me. But now, in a different situation and status, perhaps, me afraid to lose again, some sort of jealously have arised. Perhaps the words does not encompass the whole meaning of the current situation, but just plain fact that I am not ready for it. Or perhaps I should abandon the whole idea totally?
Anyway, mistakes are just moment of time where God can still move. As long as one is willing to be changed by God. For it is all these mistakes that I have made that make me so unique from the rest, haa haa UNIQUE. For Christ is whom defines me, and his way is which pings me, and his love is what assures me. As a quote I remember, a unreflected life is a life not worthy of going through. As i spare the limited time that I have to reflect upon my life, I realise God's grace and provision upon me. In all the mistakes I made, God is still there always. And even now, HE is always there, was and will always be.
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