Begining of 2nd week...

After a week of preparation, here comes 2nd week of prayer and fasting.....to hear God. 1. The last straw that breaks the Camel Back. The transistion of controlled emotional thinking, with the mind controlling the ouput of emotional energy. The funneling of such enormous energy that has being stored up, or just being created and not released as only via the shedding of tears. This process is a learned process. It is not something that happens overnight but through a long period of time. There was something that I followed and was willing to try via other minor means that I can recall. This without a specific timing as I learnt to express my emotion out. However there was an incident that brought me beyong my emotion and mental floodgate control. That is after my 4 months probation at Singapore Red Cross which, not entirely a pure life to lead, I gave all that I have and just didn't make the mark. It was a incubation time. A incubation of extremes thoughs and emotional energy which I was not able to express. I didn't attend service nor cell group. I just wanted to stay alone. Then I was already sort of influenced by the teaching of rely on self and not to rely on others. Be independent. Thus I didn't look for another for any sort of help or aid. I just kept everything to myself. It just started to bottle up. And my mum, being anxious and unsure. Just did the usual. Asking......limiting....reminding....advicing....digging information out.... As for me, I was just running away, hidding somewhere, emotional. Trying to reflect and recover. Indugling into pain-numbing activities. Even at this moment, I just don't dare to type it here on my personal Blog. A not so private blog now, I know in my heart what it is. Just to put it down in words is so difficult. How to word it in the way that I can accept is really more difficult than I thought. Perhaps I will need to spend more time redefining that moment again with knowing what words to use. Packaging....yup that is what I always like to do...packaging it in the word it encompass the core teaching and learning experience that God allowed, or I caused it to happen. There is all for tonight....I will continue tomorrow....Looks like there is a deep deep deep valley to walk through....Thy staff and rod will comfort me.

More than Conquerors

Have you ever been through a hard experience, or a difficult trial? We know that we have been promised many difficult times and trials in our lives. Some will happen because we are under spiritual attack, and others will be times of testing our faith, and what we really stand for and believe. They will be times when God evaluates us for not only what we say, but also what we actually do.

Regardless of what our trial might be, every persecution - whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual - has the potential to be difficult, of not impossible to overcome.

We cannot separate ourselves from God, and He will not separate Himself from us. He has not only called us to be victorious in this world, but to be triumphant. J.R.Miller says, "To be more than conquerors is to be triumphant conquerors, not merely getting through the battle or the trouble - but coming out of it with rejoicing, with song and gladness." We know that we have trials and troubles, but God never intended for us to focus on these pains. Christ wants us to focus on Him, rather than on our present sufferings, because in Him IS joy. Our walk should not be about where we are at, but where our eyes are fixed on going.

When we focus our eyes on Jesus, we see that our victory is already accomplished. We just need to get there. That might mean we have to wait, or practice patience, or endure. But we already know what will happen in the end, and when the battle is difficult, we should rejoice more, because that just mean victory will be that much sweeter.

Living Life

Victors Over Death

We live in a fallen world full of sin, which means that we ourselves have sinned - whether we mean it or not - and as such there is a penalty: death. Death is something that is demanded from every man, woman and child. For some people, death comes quickly and unexpectedly, while for others it comes slowly. It is scary. It is mysterious. It is the great wall that separates us from eternity. However, there is one important thing to remember about death: it was created by God. John Love writes, "Death is the work of God; it is God frowning upon the sin of man. It follows, that the evil which comes from God, in the way of holy severity, must be completely under His control, and easily conquered and absorbed by His triumphant love." The good news is that god loves us, and He desires us to be with Him. Our God was triumphant for us. He subjected Himself to every pain and torture, even unto death. But our Creator, our God, was victorious in His quest to ransom the world. Jesus paid the wages of sin. Romans 6:23: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." He didn't do it because death is evil. God paid the immeasurable cost of sin because He could, and because He love us. All things were created by God and for God, and nothing - not ourselves and not death - can keep God from us. God does not fail; His plans are destined to succeed. That is the God we serve. That is the God who is our most intimate lover. Living Life