Christ was born, died and buried. Then He was resurrected. From His birth and into His resurrection, He was victorious over the devil and death. Because God is the conqueror of everything, that means that we must stand before His presence one day. One day, either at the conclusion of this world or through death, we will stand in the throne room of God and be asked, "Why should I let you into My heaven?" Some will be turned away at the entrance to heaven, having let their chance for eternity slip away.
We are distracted, and we let ourselves be distracted by things that do not matter. The jobs or titles we held here on earth will matter very little in heaven. The grades we got on a math test will not matter, nor will how much money we do or do not make. We too often let ourselves be swept away by our own culture of what is and isn't important. Augustus Toplady goes on to challenge us, "If it is the merits of Christ alone that we can stand with safety before God, let us renounce self-dependence in every view, and rely for justification and everlasting life on Him, making mention of Him and His righteousness only, in whom all the seed of Israel are justified, and shall glory."
We will stand in heaven only based on Jesus, and what we did with what we knew about Him. God is aware of what is important, and so He tells us where we should be keeping our focus. This is how we apply the resurrection and victory of Christ: by listening to what He says. And what did Christ say? "Know Me, love Me, and then love others."
Living Life
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Victory Is Forward, Not Reverse
If you take a log and throw it onto a fire, can you revert the log to its original state? Once something has been burned, it is forever changed. Its very chemical makeup has been altered and transformed into something else. It is a reaction that cannon be reversed. Now, that log can be consumed by fire, turned into ash, and used as nutrients for a field or forest, and it can be consumed as nutrients in another tree. But, the log can never go back to what it was.
In the same way, we will never be able to go back to a world that existed before the fall of man. There will be no returning to the Garden of Eden, it is a place that has been forever closed to us. We all have a strong urge in us to try and return things to the way they were. We try to revert relationship back to "the way things were" before a dramatic fight or betrayal. But the truth is, our life is not about moving backwards. Reconciliation is a powerful ministry because it allows us to move on from what we have done, and to learn from it. Experience might be a painful teacher, but we do not forget its difficult lesson.
Vern Sheridan says this about Christ's redemption of us, "Redemption reverses the effects of the Fall. But it does not merely return us to the pre-Fall situation with Adam. God planned from the beginning for development." This is what Christ's victory on the cross means for us in our hearts: there is now room for development.
Living Life
In the same way, we will never be able to go back to a world that existed before the fall of man. There will be no returning to the Garden of Eden, it is a place that has been forever closed to us. We all have a strong urge in us to try and return things to the way they were. We try to revert relationship back to "the way things were" before a dramatic fight or betrayal. But the truth is, our life is not about moving backwards. Reconciliation is a powerful ministry because it allows us to move on from what we have done, and to learn from it. Experience might be a painful teacher, but we do not forget its difficult lesson.
Vern Sheridan says this about Christ's redemption of us, "Redemption reverses the effects of the Fall. But it does not merely return us to the pre-Fall situation with Adam. God planned from the beginning for development." This is what Christ's victory on the cross means for us in our hearts: there is now room for development.
Living Life
Choice and Victory
Our lives are full of choices. Our choices range from what we would like to eat for dinner to what we should do for the evening. We have choices in the television shows that we watch, what church to join, and which brand of clothing to buy. Sometimes our choices are easy, and sometimes our choices are practically made for us. For example, we have to choose to breathe or not to breathe - after all, while breathing is usually good, it's not a good idea for us to try that underwater. We know what choice to make based on the situation.
The same is true in our spiritual lives as well, especially when we are facing temptation. We are never forced to do anything, although varying circumstance will make us choose quickly. The devil can never force us to fall. We always, to some extent, allow the devil to push us over. Thomas Brooks writes, "When he tempts, we must assent; when he makes offers, we must hearken; when he commands, we must obey, or else all his labor and temptations will be frustrated, and the evil that he tempts us to shall be put down only to his account."
God makes it clear that He is in control of all situations, and that He is victorious over everything. That means whatever sin we commit when we are tempted, God forgives. But the power of choice is amazing; just as quickly as we fall, we can rise again. If we choose to fall, we also have the choice have victory; we just simply need to take it.
Living Life
The same is true in our spiritual lives as well, especially when we are facing temptation. We are never forced to do anything, although varying circumstance will make us choose quickly. The devil can never force us to fall. We always, to some extent, allow the devil to push us over. Thomas Brooks writes, "When he tempts, we must assent; when he makes offers, we must hearken; when he commands, we must obey, or else all his labor and temptations will be frustrated, and the evil that he tempts us to shall be put down only to his account."
God makes it clear that He is in control of all situations, and that He is victorious over everything. That means whatever sin we commit when we are tempted, God forgives. But the power of choice is amazing; just as quickly as we fall, we can rise again. If we choose to fall, we also have the choice have victory; we just simply need to take it.
Living Life
Victory over ALL
We will be in job situations with bosses that we like and bosses that we do not. We may find out selves in various political jurisdictions with rulers we agree with and those we do not. But whether we support those over us or not, we need to realize that every power, ruler and authority on any level has been approved by Christ to be there.
Christ is triumphant. We need to drill this in our minds because once we get this, we can do mighty things. It is one thing to understand something in our head, and it is something else to understand something in our heart. If we really believe this, there is nothing that we should be afraid to hope in, and there is nothing that we should be afraid to ask for.
We stunt our own growth in Christ because we do not move our head knowledge to our heart knowledge. If we really accepted this, we would ask for more things from God. We would start to ask for bigger things from God. As John Piper says, there is one thing that we can be sure of: "He will accomplish all His purposes for the church and for the universe."
If you had a best friend who was famous, you would expect to have some benefits associated with that friendship. To say that all things are subject to Christ really means all things. So then ,what more is it going to take to move head knowledge to heart knowledge? How do we test where our knowledge is? By how we pray.
Living Life
Christ is triumphant. We need to drill this in our minds because once we get this, we can do mighty things. It is one thing to understand something in our head, and it is something else to understand something in our heart. If we really believe this, there is nothing that we should be afraid to hope in, and there is nothing that we should be afraid to ask for.
We stunt our own growth in Christ because we do not move our head knowledge to our heart knowledge. If we really accepted this, we would ask for more things from God. We would start to ask for bigger things from God. As John Piper says, there is one thing that we can be sure of: "He will accomplish all His purposes for the church and for the universe."
If you had a best friend who was famous, you would expect to have some benefits associated with that friendship. To say that all things are subject to Christ really means all things. So then ,what more is it going to take to move head knowledge to heart knowledge? How do we test where our knowledge is? By how we pray.
Living Life
Saturday, April 23, 2011
How to Retire on $60,000 a Year
How to Retire on $60,000 a Year
by Charlie Farrell
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
If you're a middle income family, you might be wondering how much money you're going to need to retire. Let's take a look at a 66-year-old couple that's been earning $60,000 a year and see what the numbers tell us.
Social Security
If you've been earning about $60,000 a year and want to retire at your full retirement age of 66, your current Social Security benefit would be about $1,500 a month, or $18,000 a year. Now if you're married, your spouse will basically collect at least half of this amount ($9,000), even if your spouse never worked. That means your estimated combined Social Security benefit at age 66 today would be about $27,000.
If you're getting $27,000 in Social Security benefits and want to retire on $60,000, you need to somehow make up the other $33,000. The only way to do that is to live off the returns on your retirement savings (unless you happen to have a pension, which most people don't).
So at age 66, how much money would you need to have saved to produce $33,000 a year in distributions and not run a big risk of depleting your savings?
Well, there's no precise answer to this question because financial market returns are so volatile. But from studying history, we can get a reasonable sense of what it will take.
A good estimate is that a portfolio can support inflation-adjusted distributions of between 4% and 5% per year, depending on market conditions. So if you're unlucky and retire during a bear market, you might be stuck at 4%. It you're a little more fortunate and financial returns are positive, then you could probably do 5%.
• The reality is that over your retirement years, you'll have good and bad market cycles. So sometimes you'll need to drop your distribution to 4% to get through a rough market, and sometimes you can bump it to 5% in better times.
That means to produce $33,000 of inflation-adjusted distributions, you would need somewhere between $660,000 and $825,000 in retirement savings.
• A 5% distribution on $660,000 gets you $33,000, and a 4% distribution on $825,000 gets you $33,000.
Now that might seem like a lot of money, but it's about right. And the main reason you need so much is because of inflation. If inflation runs at 3% for the next 25 years, your initial distribution would need to grow from $33,000 to about $66,000. Well, if you're taking out $66,000 a year, you can see that even a $660,000 portfolio probably won't last too long.
If you don't think you'll have that much saved, then take whatever amount you think you'll have saved by age 66, and multiply it by .04, to get a sense of the low range of your distributions, and then by .05, to get a sense of the higher range of your distributions.
For instance, let's assume you think you'll have $350,000 saved by age 66. Well, if you multiply $350,000 by .04, you'll get $14,000, which would be your annual distribution at 4%. If you multiply it by .05, you'll get $17,500, which would be your annual distribution at 5%. Add those numbers to your Social Security benefit, and you have a rough estimate of how much income you'll have to live on in retirement.
If you don't think Social Security will be around, then take Social Security out of your calculations and run the estimates just based off your savings. Now you'll see why Social Security is so important. Without it, you'd need somewhere between $1.2 million and $1.5 million just to produce $60,000 of retirement income.
Bottom Line
Even middle income families will need sizable nest eggs to maintain their lifestyles in retirement.
Quoted: http://finance.yahoo.com/focus-retirement/article/112572/how-to-retire-on-60k-year-moneywatch?mod=fidelity-managingwealth&cat=fidelity_2010_managing_wealth
by Charlie Farrell
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
If you're a middle income family, you might be wondering how much money you're going to need to retire. Let's take a look at a 66-year-old couple that's been earning $60,000 a year and see what the numbers tell us.
Social Security
If you've been earning about $60,000 a year and want to retire at your full retirement age of 66, your current Social Security benefit would be about $1,500 a month, or $18,000 a year. Now if you're married, your spouse will basically collect at least half of this amount ($9,000), even if your spouse never worked. That means your estimated combined Social Security benefit at age 66 today would be about $27,000.
If you're getting $27,000 in Social Security benefits and want to retire on $60,000, you need to somehow make up the other $33,000. The only way to do that is to live off the returns on your retirement savings (unless you happen to have a pension, which most people don't).
So at age 66, how much money would you need to have saved to produce $33,000 a year in distributions and not run a big risk of depleting your savings?
Well, there's no precise answer to this question because financial market returns are so volatile. But from studying history, we can get a reasonable sense of what it will take.
A good estimate is that a portfolio can support inflation-adjusted distributions of between 4% and 5% per year, depending on market conditions. So if you're unlucky and retire during a bear market, you might be stuck at 4%. It you're a little more fortunate and financial returns are positive, then you could probably do 5%.
• The reality is that over your retirement years, you'll have good and bad market cycles. So sometimes you'll need to drop your distribution to 4% to get through a rough market, and sometimes you can bump it to 5% in better times.
That means to produce $33,000 of inflation-adjusted distributions, you would need somewhere between $660,000 and $825,000 in retirement savings.
• A 5% distribution on $660,000 gets you $33,000, and a 4% distribution on $825,000 gets you $33,000.
Now that might seem like a lot of money, but it's about right. And the main reason you need so much is because of inflation. If inflation runs at 3% for the next 25 years, your initial distribution would need to grow from $33,000 to about $66,000. Well, if you're taking out $66,000 a year, you can see that even a $660,000 portfolio probably won't last too long.
If you don't think you'll have that much saved, then take whatever amount you think you'll have saved by age 66, and multiply it by .04, to get a sense of the low range of your distributions, and then by .05, to get a sense of the higher range of your distributions.
For instance, let's assume you think you'll have $350,000 saved by age 66. Well, if you multiply $350,000 by .04, you'll get $14,000, which would be your annual distribution at 4%. If you multiply it by .05, you'll get $17,500, which would be your annual distribution at 5%. Add those numbers to your Social Security benefit, and you have a rough estimate of how much income you'll have to live on in retirement.
If you don't think Social Security will be around, then take Social Security out of your calculations and run the estimates just based off your savings. Now you'll see why Social Security is so important. Without it, you'd need somewhere between $1.2 million and $1.5 million just to produce $60,000 of retirement income.
Bottom Line
Even middle income families will need sizable nest eggs to maintain their lifestyles in retirement.
Quoted: http://finance.yahoo.com/focus-retirement/article/112572/how-to-retire-on-60k-year-moneywatch?mod=fidelity-managingwealth&cat=fidelity_2010_managing_wealth
6 surprising causes of back pain.
6 surprising causes of back pain
By Nicole DeCoursy
If you’ve ever had a bout of back pain, you’re not alone: According to the National Institutes of Health, 8 out of 10 people will suffer from back pain at some point in their lives. Most of the time, back pain is set off by something totally minor, says Venu Akuthota, MD, director of the Spine Center at the University of Colorado Hospital in Aurora, Colorado.
Besides obvious causes (constantly lugging a too-heavy purse, for instance), experts say that everyday habits like hunching over your smartphone can strain your spine and the surrounding muscles over time, causing pain and making you more vulnerable to serious injury. To stop back pain now—and avoid future agony—try targeting these unexpected culprits.
Culprit No. 1: Your fancy office chair
Even an expensive, ergonomic chair can be bad for your back if you sit in it all day without a break. Sitting not only lessens blood flow to the discs that cushion your spine (wearing them out and stressing your back), but it puts 30% more pressure on the spine than standing or walking, says New York City chiropractor Todd Sinett, author of The Truth About Back Pain. Be sure to stretch at your desk and get up every hour to walk around. Don’t assume that built-in lumbar support makes your chair back-friendly—in fact, for many people, lumbar supports don’t make a bit of difference, especially if they aren’t positioned properly (at the base of your spine), says Heidi Prather, a physical-medicine and rehabilitation specialist and associate professor of orthopedic surgery and neurology at the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis.
No matter what type of chair you sit in, make sure your head is straight (not tilted down) when you’re typing or reading. Avoid slouching and adjust your seat so it tilts back slightly to help alleviate some of the load on your back, Sinett says. And keep your feet planted firmly on the floor.
Culprit No. 2: The wrong shoes
When you strut in stilettos, your foot strikes the ground in a toe-forward motion rather than the normal heel-toe gait, stressing your knees, hips, and back, Sinett explains. "Wearing heels also alters the angle of your body so your weight isn’t evenly distributed over the spine," he says. This instability can set you up for pain and injury radiating from your knees all the way to your back.
Another shoe no-no: the backless kind (even flats and flip-flops), which allow your heel to slide around. Again, the lack of stability distributes your body weight unevenly, putting more pressure on your spine. Your shoe should firmly hold your foot in place to keep you stable and protect your back, says Sinett, who also advises sticking to heels that are less than three inches high.
Culprit No. 3: Your beloved smartphone or tablet
Mobile technology has not been kind to our backs and necks, Prather says. "We’re hovering over laptops, iPads, and smartphones all the time," she notes. "This head-down position strains the muscles in the neck, and the pain can extend all the way down your spine to your lower back." Take frequent breaks, and try to look straight ahead—rather than down—while using a laptop, tablet, or phone. You can buy a stand to help hold your laptop or tablet at a more back-friendly height and angle.
Culprit No. 4: Extra pounds
Carrying even just a few extra inches around your midsection—whether it’s due to belly fat or pregnancy—makes your pelvis tilt forward and out of alignment, as your body works to keep itself balanced. This can cause excessive strain on your lower back, Dr. Akuthota says. He recommends doing this easy stretch several times daily: Tighten your abs (like you’re bracing for a punch in the stomach) to activate core muscles and take a load off the lumbar discs; hold 10 seconds, then release. (Pregnant? Check with your doctor before doing any exercise.)
And if weight gain is your problem, consider making whole grains an essential part of your slim-down plan: A new study from Tufts University found that those who ate three or more servings of whole grains a day had 10% less abdominal fat compared with those who ate essentially no whole grains.
Culprit No. 5: The wrong bra
Large-breasted women obviously carry significantly more weight in front than those who have smaller breasts. This can lead to hunching and sore neck and back muscles, Sinett says. A bra that offers proper support can actually minimize that forward hunch and relieve pain, while one that doesn’t may exacerbate the problem, as you hunch or strain even more to compensate for uncomfortable straps or a riding-up band.
Research shows that many women wear the wrong size bra, but the right fit can mean the difference between sagging and supported; get fitted by a bra professional. Prather says you may want to try a T-back (a.k.a. racer-back) style. "It gives the body a cue to pull the shoulders back," she says.
Culprit No. 6: Your crazy schedule
Just like the rest of you, your back muscles can tense up when you’re frazzled. Muscles are designed to contract and relax, Sinett explains, but when you’re stressed, they may contract so much that they can eventually start to spasm. Stress also boosts production of the hormone cortisol, which increases inflammation and can lead to achiness, he says.
On top of that, "Chronic stress can affect the way a person perceives pain," says Alan Hilibrand, MD, spokesman for the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons and professor of orthopaedic and neurological surgery at Jefferson Medical College in Philadelphia. "So those who are stressed will often have a harder time managing back pain than those who aren’t." Lower-impact aerobic exercise (think walking or working out on an elliptical trainer) may help relieve back pain and ease stress—so you can beat the pain for good. .
.Quoted: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/6-surprising-causes-of-back-pain-2474057/
Why do I wish to enroll into the Graduate Diploma in Applied Positive Psychology Program?
Why do I wish to enroll into the Graduate Diploma in Applied Positive Psychology Program?
Psychology is the science of mind and behavior. Being of a science background, I have a keen and curious mind to understanding people and things of the world. With that, I always adopt a scientific approach, in depth that is beyond the mere surface visual understanding. This forms the “always want to know more” or “researcher” mindset.
Thus why Applied Positive Psychology?
Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Solution-Focus Brief Therapy via short course with Touch Family Services, and a brief knowledge of Problem-Based Learning expand my knowledge of looking at problem, or solution to a problem in terms of learning or for therapy. Both, from my opinion, are somehow linked with problem of life that may be difficult for some people to accept. The approach “to find and nurture genius and talent ” and “to make normal life more fulfilling ” allows a “non-weakness”, “non-problem-based” perpective of life. This can equip me with a more holistic approach to my service to people around me. Being able to help others is a key principle of my life. Being able to do my best in serving is too. However, I too believe there is also strength in the weakness of people; it is just that my seemingly exposure in more focus on weakness/problem-based rather than on strength-based.
So how I perceive the knowledge from the program will aid me in where I am now?
Working for a while in Board Games Creation and deliever Board Games Creativity School Enrichment Program, this reinforce my approach to learning to be that with fun, application with reinforcement, one can learn more and retend more knowledge. Applied Positive Pyschology I believe will equip me with the knowledge to bring me to the next level in the area I am doing in relationship with Board Games. It will help in crystalising my thought process, backing my creativity with scientific findings to allow games to be created that can better “tools” in personal learning and development with the existing Board Gaming systems.
Other than Board Games Creation, the area of Coaching and Mentorship; be it Personal Coach, BGR Consultation / Coaching are areas that intrigue me. My passion to be able to facilitate change and improvement in other people’s life where I am too a beneficiary. Also to help educate others to take the “road less travelled” or to give a different “I being through that path before with hurt, please be aware” view. Blessed to be a blessing; “… who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive … ” are key life quotes / verses that make parts of my life.
Last and not the least, is that I can better understanding myself, and better equipped to do more self-help. Adopting a “better” resilient view of life, perhaps that can bring me strength and tools to continue this “only once” journey to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world.
Psychology is the science of mind and behavior. Being of a science background, I have a keen and curious mind to understanding people and things of the world. With that, I always adopt a scientific approach, in depth that is beyond the mere surface visual understanding. This forms the “always want to know more” or “researcher” mindset.
Thus why Applied Positive Psychology?
Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Solution-Focus Brief Therapy via short course with Touch Family Services, and a brief knowledge of Problem-Based Learning expand my knowledge of looking at problem, or solution to a problem in terms of learning or for therapy. Both, from my opinion, are somehow linked with problem of life that may be difficult for some people to accept. The approach “to find and nurture genius and talent ” and “to make normal life more fulfilling ” allows a “non-weakness”, “non-problem-based” perpective of life. This can equip me with a more holistic approach to my service to people around me. Being able to help others is a key principle of my life. Being able to do my best in serving is too. However, I too believe there is also strength in the weakness of people; it is just that my seemingly exposure in more focus on weakness/problem-based rather than on strength-based.
So how I perceive the knowledge from the program will aid me in where I am now?
Working for a while in Board Games Creation and deliever Board Games Creativity School Enrichment Program, this reinforce my approach to learning to be that with fun, application with reinforcement, one can learn more and retend more knowledge. Applied Positive Pyschology I believe will equip me with the knowledge to bring me to the next level in the area I am doing in relationship with Board Games. It will help in crystalising my thought process, backing my creativity with scientific findings to allow games to be created that can better “tools” in personal learning and development with the existing Board Gaming systems.
Other than Board Games Creation, the area of Coaching and Mentorship; be it Personal Coach, BGR Consultation / Coaching are areas that intrigue me. My passion to be able to facilitate change and improvement in other people’s life where I am too a beneficiary. Also to help educate others to take the “road less travelled” or to give a different “I being through that path before with hurt, please be aware” view. Blessed to be a blessing; “… who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive … ” are key life quotes / verses that make parts of my life.
Last and not the least, is that I can better understanding myself, and better equipped to do more self-help. Adopting a “better” resilient view of life, perhaps that can bring me strength and tools to continue this “only once” journey to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world.
Tips to avoid breakdown on the road
Tips to avoid breakdown on the road
By Jofelle P. Tesorio in Bangkok/Asia News Network
ANN – Tue, Apr 19, 2011 4:00 PM SGT
..
Bangkok (ANN) - You have decided that it is time to go on travelling with a partner after years of backpacking solo. And you don't mind being with someone this time because travelling as a couple could be double the fun. However, if you decide to travel with another person, whether with a friend or a partner, expect that it's not going to be as smooth as you think.
Many seasoned travellers say if you want to know your partner more, you have to leave your comfort zone and travel as a couple. Travelling can change people. They shed off their skin and show their colours. It's the ultimate test if your relationship is made of rock. I've heard a lot of stories of couples breaking up or friendships getting awry after their travel because they found out they can't even agree on simple things. Travelling has made them realised that they cannot be together, at least on an island.
It's always been a hard decision for couple to travel together especially when one or both are used to a solo flight. It is even harder when one or both of the couple have not travelled outside their home. I've heard of horror stories about honeymooners instantly wanting to get a divorce because their 'coupling' (couple travelling) didn't go as planned. They realised getting married was a mistake because they had so much differences--from food choices to idea of fun--and thought they should have taken the honeymoon first before the marriage to get to know each other better. Seriously, this is not fun. Take the story of a young American couple who went to the lovely islands of Thailand for their honeymoon. The woman was a control freak and the man wanted an easy-going island life. At the end, the man decided to stay behind for an extended holiday in Koh Pangan (for the monthly full moon party) while the wife went back to the US by herself.
But there are also good stories coming out from 'coupling'. Many couples have attested that their relationship became stronger because of the unusual bond they had while travelling. They discovered new things about each other and complimented each other's shortcomings. A British couple who were too bored in their London flat decided to go to Bali, Indonesia to recharge and get a much needed vacation. Together they discovered they both enjoyed biking around the winding roads of Ubud and amidst rice paddies. They enrolled together in meditation classes and found renewed love in Bali.
A successful 'coupling' depends on the couple. But these tips could sweeten the deal:
Planning
Whether going solo or as a couple, planning is crucial. You need to agree on a destination that appeals to both. Thailand and Indonesia appeal to couples because of diverse interests these destinations offer.
Your budget should also be taken into consideration. When you're married, it's probably easier to discuss the budget but for dating couples, it can pose a problem. Both should agree on money allocation on how you are going to split costs. Going to Asia might be more economical than, say, Latin America. It pays to have a good research about your destination, the weather and places to see. It's also worthwhile to check out language barriers. Language is not much of a problem in most of Asia. Even if English is not widely spoken in many countries, it is easy to find someone who speaks the language.
Compromise
In any relationship, compromise is the best solution to any problem. You have to remember that it isn't solo travelling anymore. While you really want to ride the back of an elephant in Thailand while your partner has a fear of the mammal, you just have to compromise. You could agree to let the other ride the elephant while you stay behind your hotel enjoying yourself in the pool. But the best way to avoid fighting is to plan the things you both want to do and the places you want to visit.
Who's in charge
Always remember that it's 'coupling'. While one is a natural leader who takes all the decisions what kind transportation to use, where to go and where to sleep, the other should not just blindly follow. If only one makes the decision, the other partner gets annoyed and feels underappreciated. As a rule of thumb, men are generally better in reading maps so better leave this task to the man. But you can take turns in deciding what to do next and allow the partner to choose. One good tip I got from a couple is dividing the tasks and focus on them. For this American couple, communicating, finding ATM machines and doing most of the driving are left with the husband while keeping track of the itinerary (hotel information, places to see, restaurants) and navigation are the wife's responsibilities.
Luggage issues
Don't fret over small stuff. An argument over who gets more luggage space is one of these. Better have separate luggages which contain only the most essential. The key is always pack light so you have more space for souvenirs. If you are going to Southeast Asia during the dry months and summer, you practically don't need much. Clothes are also cheap to buy so it's better to get some of the clothes you need in your destination.
Patience
There are annoying things that your partner will do during the trip that you don't see back home. You have to exert extra patience in dealing with one's quirkiness unless you want to end up fighting.
Relaxed mind, positive attitude
There will be unexpected events that will happen during your travel such as flight cancellations due to volcanic eruption or flooding in your paradise island. Having a positive attitude coupled with a sense of humour will make things bearable for both of you. If one of you gets impatient for waiting hours at the airport, one should remain calm. If you can make fun out of the dire situation, the better. It means you can weather all storms in your relationship. Travelling should be a wonderful and enriching experience.
Quoted: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/tips-avoid-breakdown-road-080004328.html
By Jofelle P. Tesorio in Bangkok/Asia News Network
ANN – Tue, Apr 19, 2011 4:00 PM SGT
..
Bangkok (ANN) - You have decided that it is time to go on travelling with a partner after years of backpacking solo. And you don't mind being with someone this time because travelling as a couple could be double the fun. However, if you decide to travel with another person, whether with a friend or a partner, expect that it's not going to be as smooth as you think.
Many seasoned travellers say if you want to know your partner more, you have to leave your comfort zone and travel as a couple. Travelling can change people. They shed off their skin and show their colours. It's the ultimate test if your relationship is made of rock. I've heard a lot of stories of couples breaking up or friendships getting awry after their travel because they found out they can't even agree on simple things. Travelling has made them realised that they cannot be together, at least on an island.
It's always been a hard decision for couple to travel together especially when one or both are used to a solo flight. It is even harder when one or both of the couple have not travelled outside their home. I've heard of horror stories about honeymooners instantly wanting to get a divorce because their 'coupling' (couple travelling) didn't go as planned. They realised getting married was a mistake because they had so much differences--from food choices to idea of fun--and thought they should have taken the honeymoon first before the marriage to get to know each other better. Seriously, this is not fun. Take the story of a young American couple who went to the lovely islands of Thailand for their honeymoon. The woman was a control freak and the man wanted an easy-going island life. At the end, the man decided to stay behind for an extended holiday in Koh Pangan (for the monthly full moon party) while the wife went back to the US by herself.
But there are also good stories coming out from 'coupling'. Many couples have attested that their relationship became stronger because of the unusual bond they had while travelling. They discovered new things about each other and complimented each other's shortcomings. A British couple who were too bored in their London flat decided to go to Bali, Indonesia to recharge and get a much needed vacation. Together they discovered they both enjoyed biking around the winding roads of Ubud and amidst rice paddies. They enrolled together in meditation classes and found renewed love in Bali.
A successful 'coupling' depends on the couple. But these tips could sweeten the deal:
Planning
Whether going solo or as a couple, planning is crucial. You need to agree on a destination that appeals to both. Thailand and Indonesia appeal to couples because of diverse interests these destinations offer.
Your budget should also be taken into consideration. When you're married, it's probably easier to discuss the budget but for dating couples, it can pose a problem. Both should agree on money allocation on how you are going to split costs. Going to Asia might be more economical than, say, Latin America. It pays to have a good research about your destination, the weather and places to see. It's also worthwhile to check out language barriers. Language is not much of a problem in most of Asia. Even if English is not widely spoken in many countries, it is easy to find someone who speaks the language.
Compromise
In any relationship, compromise is the best solution to any problem. You have to remember that it isn't solo travelling anymore. While you really want to ride the back of an elephant in Thailand while your partner has a fear of the mammal, you just have to compromise. You could agree to let the other ride the elephant while you stay behind your hotel enjoying yourself in the pool. But the best way to avoid fighting is to plan the things you both want to do and the places you want to visit.
Who's in charge
Always remember that it's 'coupling'. While one is a natural leader who takes all the decisions what kind transportation to use, where to go and where to sleep, the other should not just blindly follow. If only one makes the decision, the other partner gets annoyed and feels underappreciated. As a rule of thumb, men are generally better in reading maps so better leave this task to the man. But you can take turns in deciding what to do next and allow the partner to choose. One good tip I got from a couple is dividing the tasks and focus on them. For this American couple, communicating, finding ATM machines and doing most of the driving are left with the husband while keeping track of the itinerary (hotel information, places to see, restaurants) and navigation are the wife's responsibilities.
Luggage issues
Don't fret over small stuff. An argument over who gets more luggage space is one of these. Better have separate luggages which contain only the most essential. The key is always pack light so you have more space for souvenirs. If you are going to Southeast Asia during the dry months and summer, you practically don't need much. Clothes are also cheap to buy so it's better to get some of the clothes you need in your destination.
Patience
There are annoying things that your partner will do during the trip that you don't see back home. You have to exert extra patience in dealing with one's quirkiness unless you want to end up fighting.
Relaxed mind, positive attitude
There will be unexpected events that will happen during your travel such as flight cancellations due to volcanic eruption or flooding in your paradise island. Having a positive attitude coupled with a sense of humour will make things bearable for both of you. If one of you gets impatient for waiting hours at the airport, one should remain calm. If you can make fun out of the dire situation, the better. It means you can weather all storms in your relationship. Travelling should be a wonderful and enriching experience.
Quoted: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/tips-avoid-breakdown-road-080004328.html
Love Never Fails
It is impossible for us to perceive God in His entirely. This occurs for several reasons, one of which is the fact that God exists in a supernatural realm we cannot often physically perceive. Most people are not aware of the spiritual events that are taking place around them at any given moment. We are not given to dwelling on the fact that we really are never alone. Angels and demons surround us, as does the presence of God.
God has many titles and names, but we have not all experienced God in the same way. Over time, we all come to appreciate God more, and we understand more of His character, but no one fully knows God while they here on earth.
Whether we like it or not, we are limited in our perception of God. And this means that we are incapable of fully loving God in the way He deserves. Hannah Moore challenges us by saying, "We are sometimes inclined to suspect the love of God to us. We are tool little suspicious of our lack love to Him."
But at the same time, that is why He wants us to discover Him, rather than be forced to know and love God. Forced love is never very special. We are not called to love God because we have to, but because we want to.
As we discover God, we come to realize how love and victory are tied together. 1 Corinthians 13 describes the characteristics of love, and the importance of love above all else in our lives. It is through loving others faithfully that Christ's victory is achieved.
Living Life
God has many titles and names, but we have not all experienced God in the same way. Over time, we all come to appreciate God more, and we understand more of His character, but no one fully knows God while they here on earth.
Whether we like it or not, we are limited in our perception of God. And this means that we are incapable of fully loving God in the way He deserves. Hannah Moore challenges us by saying, "We are sometimes inclined to suspect the love of God to us. We are tool little suspicious of our lack love to Him."
But at the same time, that is why He wants us to discover Him, rather than be forced to know and love God. Forced love is never very special. We are not called to love God because we have to, but because we want to.
As we discover God, we come to realize how love and victory are tied together. 1 Corinthians 13 describes the characteristics of love, and the importance of love above all else in our lives. It is through loving others faithfully that Christ's victory is achieved.
Living Life
Friday, April 22, 2011
5 signs that you’ve met your perfect match
5 signs that you’ve met your perfect match
By Amy Spencer
Wonder if this one’s The One? Below are some telltale tip-offs you two are headed for happily ever after — plus, five clear-cut clues that spell bad news.
First, the good news: You’re headed toward happily ever after if…
1. You discover quirky things you have in common
It’s one thing to discover you both like the new Coldplay album. It’s another to discover your tastes or habits jibe in more surprising ways. “What confuses people is that they think they’re a match because they have things in common that many people have in common, like favorite books or songs, so they’re fooled into thinking they’re on the same wavelength,” says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., author of Will Our Love Last? “The more uncommon and surprising your similarities are, the better.” That was definitely the case for one Rochester, NY dater named Patrick McAvoy. “I have this weird habit of belting out what I’m doing in song, so when I started dating Bethany, one morning I started singing ‘Here I am, in the shower...’ to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar,” recalls the 29-year-old. “When she started singing back, making up more words to the same tune, I couldn’t believe it! I knew it would work out.” And it has — for three years so far.
2. Neither of you flinch when the future comes up
It’s a new-couple nightmare: One of you blurts out something like, “Ooh, next summer we should go to Greece” — and then freezes, fearing the other person will think, “Next year? We don’t even know if we’ll make it to next month!” But if you and your date don’t bat an eye — or better, smile and agree — you’ve successfully crossed a crucial divide. “It’s a sign that you both feel stable in the relationship,” says Sharyn Wolf, author of So You Want To Get Married: Guerilla Tactics For Turning A Date Into A Mate. So while we don’t suggest making plans with your date for next Christmas, take careful notes on what happens if you do mention some advance planning.
3. It’s super-important that your friends like your new partner
You thought introducing your date to your parents was the ultimate test? On the contrary, introducing him or her to your friends is even more pivotal. That’s because while you can’t choose your family, you can choose your friends, so they reflect the person you’ve become over the years. So if you find yourself prepping your pals about someone you’d “really like them to meet,” it’s a sign you’re seeing this relationship as more than just a fling. “When I introduced my girlfriend Yvi to my friends, I was completely nervous beforehand because we were from such different worlds — she was a Hispanic girl from Newark, and I was a banker from the Jersey shore,” says Dave Koczan-Santiago. “And truthfully, things didn’t click right away. But when I realized how important it was to me that they all like each other, I knew the relationship was a bigger deal to me than I even thought it was. Now here we are, 10 years later, happily married.”
4. You think in “we” terms even when the going gets tough
Sooner or later, all couples start transitioning from “Hey, what are you doing Saturday night?” to “Hey, what are we doing Saturday night?” Sure, that’s good, but for a real gauge on your relationship, see how you react to these scenarios: If your date wants to leave a party early, do you happily offer to leave as a couple rather than feeling annoyed or wanting to stay on your own? If your boss wants you to plan a business trip, do you wonder whether it fits with your sweetie’s schedule? These are signs you’re truly willing to merge lives, and it’s all the more telling if you weren’t into your date’s “thing” to begin with. “I live in New York and could live my whole life without a car and be happy, but when my boyfriend said he wanted to bring his Chevy pickup with him when he moved here from Boston, of course I offered to help him find cheap insurance and parking,” says Erin Brennan. “The interesting thing is that after driving it a few times and investing all the time in helping him, I found myself telling people about ‘our’ truck and really starting to understand why he loves it so much.”
5. You constantly stumble across things you want to share
Most couples will exchange a few “thinking of you” phone calls or emails when they’re apart. But if you can’t walk down the street without tripping over some funny story to tell later or can’t leave a store without thinking at least once, “Oh, my sweetie would love that…” then things are rosy indeed. Basically, it’s a sign that while you may not realize you’re thinking about your date, you are and just can’t help it, explains Wolf.
Now, the bad news: You could be headed toward a dead end if…
1. You roll your eyes at each other during an argument
You say potato, your date says… well, even if he or she says it the same way, it’s a given you’re not going to see eye-to-eye on everything. And that’s okay — your differences are what make things interesting! But while disagreeing is fine, it’s bad news if one of you rolls your eyes at the other during the argument. “The reason you roll your eyes at someone is because the other person is saying something you think makes absolutely no sense to you and you don’t respect what they’re saying,” says Hamburg. And since R-E-S-P-E-C-T is the cornerstone to any good relationship, take any eye-rolling you or your mate does as a bad omen.
2. You can’t handle the uncomfortable silences
Every date has its quiet lulls here and there when the dialogue runs dry, and if these moments don’t faze you, congratulations for reaching that comfort level. But if you find yourself squirming in your seat, trying to come up with things to say, checking your cell phone hoping to find a voicemail, or going back to the same old topics (“Have you talked to your sister lately?”) that could spell trouble, since it shows you’re not really relaxed when you’re around them. Take it from Jason Parker of Atlanta: “The whole time my date and I were eating dinner, we’d have moments of silence during which she kept checking her cell phone,” he says. “Finally I asked her if she was waiting for a call, and she said, ‘No, I’m just checking the time.’ As if that was any better!” Whether this gal was indeed nervous or just plain rude, either way, Jason was relieved when their brief relationship was happily over.
3. Your dates are always chock-full of distractions
It’s healthy for you and your love to fill your time together with fun activities and mutual friends — that is, as long as that’s not all you do together. “It’s not a good sign if the only things you’re saying to each other are, ‘Let’s hang with friends, or let’s do something like go to the ballgame or a movie,’” says Wolf. The reason: These things are buffers that help you avoid really getting to know each other, which may indicate that your one-on-one time isn’t so thrilling. If an offer of “Tonight, let’s just hang out together alone” doesn’t sound exciting, ask yourself: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person?
4. You find yourself criticizing little things about each other
Everyone tends to be positive to each other on the first few dates, “but if the other person starts making critical comments, like not liking what you’re wearing, that’s not good,” says Dr. Hamburg. Criticism, whether you realize it or not, is a way of pushing someone away — so if either of you are saying things that seem innocuous like, “That shirt looks weird” or “How can you stand living on this street?” you’re tapping into a bigger problem. “As time passes, you should find yourself wanting to treat your partner as well as you did at the beginning of your relationship,” says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., a relationship expert in New York, NY. If not, consider this breakdown in polite behavior very bad news.
5. You only want to deal with each other when the chips are up
It’s a red flag if the person you’re with gives you the cold shoulder when you’re not feeling hunky dory about something in your life. Happily ever after means loving — or at least liking — someone when life isn’t so sweet. “I was seeing a guy who was usually wonderful, but when I would have a bad day and wanted to just talk to him or be near him, I’d call, and he wouldn’t call back for days,” says Rachel Harrison of Brooklyn, NY. “He just didn’t seem to want to know the whole me, in good times and bad.” And being able to weather the tough times — together — is definitely a quality that every good relationship needs.
Amy Spencer is a free lance writer based in New York City. She has contributed to Glamour, Maxim, New York and Real Simple.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=5206&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=684591
By Amy Spencer
Wonder if this one’s The One? Below are some telltale tip-offs you two are headed for happily ever after — plus, five clear-cut clues that spell bad news.
First, the good news: You’re headed toward happily ever after if…
1. You discover quirky things you have in common
It’s one thing to discover you both like the new Coldplay album. It’s another to discover your tastes or habits jibe in more surprising ways. “What confuses people is that they think they’re a match because they have things in common that many people have in common, like favorite books or songs, so they’re fooled into thinking they’re on the same wavelength,” says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., author of Will Our Love Last? “The more uncommon and surprising your similarities are, the better.” That was definitely the case for one Rochester, NY dater named Patrick McAvoy. “I have this weird habit of belting out what I’m doing in song, so when I started dating Bethany, one morning I started singing ‘Here I am, in the shower...’ to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar,” recalls the 29-year-old. “When she started singing back, making up more words to the same tune, I couldn’t believe it! I knew it would work out.” And it has — for three years so far.
2. Neither of you flinch when the future comes up
It’s a new-couple nightmare: One of you blurts out something like, “Ooh, next summer we should go to Greece” — and then freezes, fearing the other person will think, “Next year? We don’t even know if we’ll make it to next month!” But if you and your date don’t bat an eye — or better, smile and agree — you’ve successfully crossed a crucial divide. “It’s a sign that you both feel stable in the relationship,” says Sharyn Wolf, author of So You Want To Get Married: Guerilla Tactics For Turning A Date Into A Mate. So while we don’t suggest making plans with your date for next Christmas, take careful notes on what happens if you do mention some advance planning.
3. It’s super-important that your friends like your new partner
You thought introducing your date to your parents was the ultimate test? On the contrary, introducing him or her to your friends is even more pivotal. That’s because while you can’t choose your family, you can choose your friends, so they reflect the person you’ve become over the years. So if you find yourself prepping your pals about someone you’d “really like them to meet,” it’s a sign you’re seeing this relationship as more than just a fling. “When I introduced my girlfriend Yvi to my friends, I was completely nervous beforehand because we were from such different worlds — she was a Hispanic girl from Newark, and I was a banker from the Jersey shore,” says Dave Koczan-Santiago. “And truthfully, things didn’t click right away. But when I realized how important it was to me that they all like each other, I knew the relationship was a bigger deal to me than I even thought it was. Now here we are, 10 years later, happily married.”
4. You think in “we” terms even when the going gets tough
Sooner or later, all couples start transitioning from “Hey, what are you doing Saturday night?” to “Hey, what are we doing Saturday night?” Sure, that’s good, but for a real gauge on your relationship, see how you react to these scenarios: If your date wants to leave a party early, do you happily offer to leave as a couple rather than feeling annoyed or wanting to stay on your own? If your boss wants you to plan a business trip, do you wonder whether it fits with your sweetie’s schedule? These are signs you’re truly willing to merge lives, and it’s all the more telling if you weren’t into your date’s “thing” to begin with. “I live in New York and could live my whole life without a car and be happy, but when my boyfriend said he wanted to bring his Chevy pickup with him when he moved here from Boston, of course I offered to help him find cheap insurance and parking,” says Erin Brennan. “The interesting thing is that after driving it a few times and investing all the time in helping him, I found myself telling people about ‘our’ truck and really starting to understand why he loves it so much.”
5. You constantly stumble across things you want to share
Most couples will exchange a few “thinking of you” phone calls or emails when they’re apart. But if you can’t walk down the street without tripping over some funny story to tell later or can’t leave a store without thinking at least once, “Oh, my sweetie would love that…” then things are rosy indeed. Basically, it’s a sign that while you may not realize you’re thinking about your date, you are and just can’t help it, explains Wolf.
Now, the bad news: You could be headed toward a dead end if…
1. You roll your eyes at each other during an argument
You say potato, your date says… well, even if he or she says it the same way, it’s a given you’re not going to see eye-to-eye on everything. And that’s okay — your differences are what make things interesting! But while disagreeing is fine, it’s bad news if one of you rolls your eyes at the other during the argument. “The reason you roll your eyes at someone is because the other person is saying something you think makes absolutely no sense to you and you don’t respect what they’re saying,” says Hamburg. And since R-E-S-P-E-C-T is the cornerstone to any good relationship, take any eye-rolling you or your mate does as a bad omen.
2. You can’t handle the uncomfortable silences
Every date has its quiet lulls here and there when the dialogue runs dry, and if these moments don’t faze you, congratulations for reaching that comfort level. But if you find yourself squirming in your seat, trying to come up with things to say, checking your cell phone hoping to find a voicemail, or going back to the same old topics (“Have you talked to your sister lately?”) that could spell trouble, since it shows you’re not really relaxed when you’re around them. Take it from Jason Parker of Atlanta: “The whole time my date and I were eating dinner, we’d have moments of silence during which she kept checking her cell phone,” he says. “Finally I asked her if she was waiting for a call, and she said, ‘No, I’m just checking the time.’ As if that was any better!” Whether this gal was indeed nervous or just plain rude, either way, Jason was relieved when their brief relationship was happily over.
3. Your dates are always chock-full of distractions
It’s healthy for you and your love to fill your time together with fun activities and mutual friends — that is, as long as that’s not all you do together. “It’s not a good sign if the only things you’re saying to each other are, ‘Let’s hang with friends, or let’s do something like go to the ballgame or a movie,’” says Wolf. The reason: These things are buffers that help you avoid really getting to know each other, which may indicate that your one-on-one time isn’t so thrilling. If an offer of “Tonight, let’s just hang out together alone” doesn’t sound exciting, ask yourself: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person?
4. You find yourself criticizing little things about each other
Everyone tends to be positive to each other on the first few dates, “but if the other person starts making critical comments, like not liking what you’re wearing, that’s not good,” says Dr. Hamburg. Criticism, whether you realize it or not, is a way of pushing someone away — so if either of you are saying things that seem innocuous like, “That shirt looks weird” or “How can you stand living on this street?” you’re tapping into a bigger problem. “As time passes, you should find yourself wanting to treat your partner as well as you did at the beginning of your relationship,” says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., a relationship expert in New York, NY. If not, consider this breakdown in polite behavior very bad news.
5. You only want to deal with each other when the chips are up
It’s a red flag if the person you’re with gives you the cold shoulder when you’re not feeling hunky dory about something in your life. Happily ever after means loving — or at least liking — someone when life isn’t so sweet. “I was seeing a guy who was usually wonderful, but when I would have a bad day and wanted to just talk to him or be near him, I’d call, and he wouldn’t call back for days,” says Rachel Harrison of Brooklyn, NY. “He just didn’t seem to want to know the whole me, in good times and bad.” And being able to weather the tough times — together — is definitely a quality that every good relationship needs.
Amy Spencer is a free lance writer based in New York City. She has contributed to Glamour, Maxim, New York and Real Simple.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=5206&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=684591
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Victory in Faith, Not Religion
What are the major religions of the world? Is Christianity among them? If it is a major world religion, it shouldn't be. Christ did not come to abolish His law, but to fulfil it. At the same time, He isn't advocating a new religion; He is simply telling the earth that we are meant to have a relationship with God.
Christ came to earth to reinforce these principals. Jesus' words to the world were, "The Kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news" (Mark 2:15). Christ's effectiveness in various areas and circumstances were often in proportion to the measure of faith that the people had, not how religious they were.
If we know these to be true, then why is the church more likely to still be religious? We regulate ourselves, and we regulate others by what we should do, what we shouldn't do, and how we should do things. Religion is fine, but God is much more concerned about our hearts. Charles Spurgeon contends, "Sirs, it is not the cloak of religion that will do for you; it is a vital godliness you need; it is not a religious Sunday, it is a religious Monday; it is not a pious church, it is a pious closet; it is not a sacred place to kneel in, it is a holy place to stand in all day long. There must be a change of heart, real, radical, vital, entire."
God tells us again and again that we have overcome the world through faith.
Living Life
Christ came to earth to reinforce these principals. Jesus' words to the world were, "The Kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news" (Mark 2:15). Christ's effectiveness in various areas and circumstances were often in proportion to the measure of faith that the people had, not how religious they were.
If we know these to be true, then why is the church more likely to still be religious? We regulate ourselves, and we regulate others by what we should do, what we shouldn't do, and how we should do things. Religion is fine, but God is much more concerned about our hearts. Charles Spurgeon contends, "Sirs, it is not the cloak of religion that will do for you; it is a vital godliness you need; it is not a religious Sunday, it is a religious Monday; it is not a pious church, it is a pious closet; it is not a sacred place to kneel in, it is a holy place to stand in all day long. There must be a change of heart, real, radical, vital, entire."
God tells us again and again that we have overcome the world through faith.
Living Life
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Victory over Doubt
Have you ever wondered if you are saved or not? There are many struggles, trials and temptations in our lives. We will have to deal with external battles, as well as internal wars. Perhaps the most dangerous attack we may have to face, concerns our very salvation... are you saved? John MacArthur challenges us with this advice, "If you're lacking assurance - if you're plagued with doubts and have lost your joy, become useless in Christian service, empty in worship, cold in praise, passionless in prayer, and vulnerable to false teachers - whatever the problem, know there is a cure: obeying God's Word in the power of the Spirit."
Every victory comes from God and is made possible in God. That is why it is so important for us to remain in God in all that we do. There will be times in our lives where we are doing really well. Our prayers are frequent, time in the Word is good, and we are just simply in love with our relationship with God. The belief is flawed that this will continue every single day for the rest of your life here on earth.
James has this to say about receiving gifts from God in James 1:6: "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the win."
Again, the cure for doubt is remaining firm and abiding in Christ. When we are in Him, we are safe. When we pray to Him, we are allowed to have frank and honest conversation with Him. God wants us to grow and triumph, and He obviously wants us to be saved. Knowing that, we know that we can always approach Him.
Living Life
Every victory comes from God and is made possible in God. That is why it is so important for us to remain in God in all that we do. There will be times in our lives where we are doing really well. Our prayers are frequent, time in the Word is good, and we are just simply in love with our relationship with God. The belief is flawed that this will continue every single day for the rest of your life here on earth.
James has this to say about receiving gifts from God in James 1:6: "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the win."
Again, the cure for doubt is remaining firm and abiding in Christ. When we are in Him, we are safe. When we pray to Him, we are allowed to have frank and honest conversation with Him. God wants us to grow and triumph, and He obviously wants us to be saved. Knowing that, we know that we can always approach Him.
Living Life
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Unorthodox Victory
Stories often tell of the battles between good and evil. Whether these stories come in the form of novels, movies, songs, plays, comics and so on, they often depict intense battles in which evil triumphs over good, only for good to win in the end. Most of these battles between light and dark, good and evil manifest themselves into ballads of epic struggles. These are what make the stories gripping, and interesting.
But while the world declares that struggles between good and evil should be nothing less than a battle, Christ points us in a different direction. Instead of being told to fight our enemies, we are told to pray for them. When our enemy curses us, we are told to bless them. These go against everything that we would naturally like to do. It is our natural instinct to either lash out at attackers, or to flee from them.
Consider Christ when He was on the cross, on His way to defeat victory. Vincent Donovan states, "In His case, He could not have overcome death by violently struggling against it, or by disputing with Pilate or Caiaphas over the injustice of it all, and thus avoiding it altogether."
It was necessary for Christ to triumph over death, but that required Him to in fact die and be at the mercy of death. God commands us to be strong. That is why we do not act when we are attacked, because there is no need to. We are meant to be strong due to God's strength, and love, and mercy, and grace. It is through Him and His gifts that we conquer the world, never by anything we say or do.
Living Life
But while the world declares that struggles between good and evil should be nothing less than a battle, Christ points us in a different direction. Instead of being told to fight our enemies, we are told to pray for them. When our enemy curses us, we are told to bless them. These go against everything that we would naturally like to do. It is our natural instinct to either lash out at attackers, or to flee from them.
Consider Christ when He was on the cross, on His way to defeat victory. Vincent Donovan states, "In His case, He could not have overcome death by violently struggling against it, or by disputing with Pilate or Caiaphas over the injustice of it all, and thus avoiding it altogether."
It was necessary for Christ to triumph over death, but that required Him to in fact die and be at the mercy of death. God commands us to be strong. That is why we do not act when we are attacked, because there is no need to. We are meant to be strong due to God's strength, and love, and mercy, and grace. It is through Him and His gifts that we conquer the world, never by anything we say or do.
Living Life
Monday, April 18, 2011
What he really means...
What he really means...
By Jonathan Small
Do you understand “guy-talk?” Can you comprehend all the subtle — and not-so-subtle — nuances of his secret language? If you’re a woman, chances are the answer is: sort of, kind of, er, not really. “Men don’t always say what they mean,” says Scott Haltzman, M.D., a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. “And sometimes we say what we mean but women understand it completely differently.” All in all, that means that cracking the code can be difficult — but not impossible. To give you a head start, we talked to relationship experts and real guys to shed some light on some of a guy’s most common lines — and what in the world he really means by them.
What he says: “We should hang out some time.”
What he means: “I don’t want to flat-out ask you on a date and risk rejection, so first I’m going to gauge your interest.”
Why he says it: “This is the safest way to go,” says Ron Karmel. “If she says ‘yeah’ and gives you her number, you know you’re in, but if she just says ‘yeah’ and does nothing — you know it’s a no-go.” And with the male ego the way it is, this is the preferred way for him to find out. Says Haltzman, “It hurts to be rejected, so asking a woman out this way gives her a chance to pull away without the guy being embarrassingly turned down.”
What he says: “I really like your shoes.”
What he means: “I really like you.”
Why he says it: Granted, he could genuinely like your shoes. But if he says this during the early stages of dating, it also likely means he’s physically attracted to you — but doesn’t want to come right out and say it and seem like a dog. Ty Marciniak claims that this is one of the first things he says when he’s into a girl. “It boosts her confidence, but it also shows her I’m fashionable and sweet,” he says. “She’ll notice that I didn’t come right out and compliment her legs or something.” Which is, of course, what he really was complimenting in the first place. Get it?
What he says: “Maybe we should take some time off from each other — you know, take a break.”
What he means: “Maybe I’m better off keeping my options open.”
Why he says it: Seems harsh, but it’s common: “This kind of statement is driven by the man’s fear of hurting the woman or by wanting to have it both ways — having her without committing,” explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of If Men Could Talk. Problem is, women often take “the break” at face value. Trust me, if a guy is crazy about you, he’ll want to spend as much time with you as possible, period.
What he says: “I am listening!”
What he means: “I’m listening, but I really don’t want to get into a long, emotional discussion right now.”
Why he says it: When a guy zones out, women generally interpret that to mean he’s shut her off. More likely he’s just overwhelmed. “Men process verbal information better when it’s direct and to the point,” says Haltzman. Scott Borchert agrees. “When I say this, it usually means I just wish she’d get to the point sooner,” he says. One way around this is to ask him for his advice — guys love to fix problems — or to make sure he’s primed for a marathon talk session. So rather than launching right in, say, “This story’s kind of involved — can you listen now or should we talk later?”
What he says: “You’re just too good for me.”
What he means: “I need out of this relationship.”
Why he says it: “I’ve said that many times, but not once have I meant it,” admits Ron. “What I meant was I needed an out in the relationship, but I wanted to make her feel good about it.” Another popular alternative to this is the, “You deserve someone better than me” line. So why can’t guys just come out and tell you the truth? Unless you’re new to the planet Earth, you may have noticed men aren’t big on having talks — particularly breakup talks. In fact, they’ll say anything to avoid them, such as buttering you up so you don’t chew them out. “Men don’t go to places they’re afraid of,” says Gratch. “We don’t like to go where we might have to open up about feelings.” Did he just say feelings? Blech!
What he says: “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
What he means: “I am this close to saying the L-word, but I can’t bring myself to say it just yet and when I do say it, I want to be sure you’ll say it back.”
Why he says it: Ron calls this an “in-between line” — it’s a warm-up act to “I love you,” and it tests the waters to see if she’s feeling the same way. For women, talking about your emotions and exposing your vulnerabilities is a way to bond with another person, “but men don’t view exposing your vulnerabilities as a positive,” says Haltzman. “They don’t want to appear weak.” That’s why words like “thinking” and “falling” come in very handy — they give him an out. But they also allow him to express something meaningful in a way only he understands. Hopefully, now you will, too.
Jonathan Small is a freelance journalist based in Los Angeles and coauthor of the book Best Places to Kiss in Southern California.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/magazine/article.aspx?articleid=11997
By Jonathan Small
Do you understand “guy-talk?” Can you comprehend all the subtle — and not-so-subtle — nuances of his secret language? If you’re a woman, chances are the answer is: sort of, kind of, er, not really. “Men don’t always say what they mean,” says Scott Haltzman, M.D., a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. “And sometimes we say what we mean but women understand it completely differently.” All in all, that means that cracking the code can be difficult — but not impossible. To give you a head start, we talked to relationship experts and real guys to shed some light on some of a guy’s most common lines — and what in the world he really means by them.
What he says: “We should hang out some time.”
What he means: “I don’t want to flat-out ask you on a date and risk rejection, so first I’m going to gauge your interest.”
Why he says it: “This is the safest way to go,” says Ron Karmel. “If she says ‘yeah’ and gives you her number, you know you’re in, but if she just says ‘yeah’ and does nothing — you know it’s a no-go.” And with the male ego the way it is, this is the preferred way for him to find out. Says Haltzman, “It hurts to be rejected, so asking a woman out this way gives her a chance to pull away without the guy being embarrassingly turned down.”
What he says: “I really like your shoes.”
What he means: “I really like you.”
Why he says it: Granted, he could genuinely like your shoes. But if he says this during the early stages of dating, it also likely means he’s physically attracted to you — but doesn’t want to come right out and say it and seem like a dog. Ty Marciniak claims that this is one of the first things he says when he’s into a girl. “It boosts her confidence, but it also shows her I’m fashionable and sweet,” he says. “She’ll notice that I didn’t come right out and compliment her legs or something.” Which is, of course, what he really was complimenting in the first place. Get it?
What he says: “Maybe we should take some time off from each other — you know, take a break.”
What he means: “Maybe I’m better off keeping my options open.”
Why he says it: Seems harsh, but it’s common: “This kind of statement is driven by the man’s fear of hurting the woman or by wanting to have it both ways — having her without committing,” explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of If Men Could Talk. Problem is, women often take “the break” at face value. Trust me, if a guy is crazy about you, he’ll want to spend as much time with you as possible, period.
What he says: “I am listening!”
What he means: “I’m listening, but I really don’t want to get into a long, emotional discussion right now.”
Why he says it: When a guy zones out, women generally interpret that to mean he’s shut her off. More likely he’s just overwhelmed. “Men process verbal information better when it’s direct and to the point,” says Haltzman. Scott Borchert agrees. “When I say this, it usually means I just wish she’d get to the point sooner,” he says. One way around this is to ask him for his advice — guys love to fix problems — or to make sure he’s primed for a marathon talk session. So rather than launching right in, say, “This story’s kind of involved — can you listen now or should we talk later?”
What he says: “You’re just too good for me.”
What he means: “I need out of this relationship.”
Why he says it: “I’ve said that many times, but not once have I meant it,” admits Ron. “What I meant was I needed an out in the relationship, but I wanted to make her feel good about it.” Another popular alternative to this is the, “You deserve someone better than me” line. So why can’t guys just come out and tell you the truth? Unless you’re new to the planet Earth, you may have noticed men aren’t big on having talks — particularly breakup talks. In fact, they’ll say anything to avoid them, such as buttering you up so you don’t chew them out. “Men don’t go to places they’re afraid of,” says Gratch. “We don’t like to go where we might have to open up about feelings.” Did he just say feelings? Blech!
What he says: “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
What he means: “I am this close to saying the L-word, but I can’t bring myself to say it just yet and when I do say it, I want to be sure you’ll say it back.”
Why he says it: Ron calls this an “in-between line” — it’s a warm-up act to “I love you,” and it tests the waters to see if she’s feeling the same way. For women, talking about your emotions and exposing your vulnerabilities is a way to bond with another person, “but men don’t view exposing your vulnerabilities as a positive,” says Haltzman. “They don’t want to appear weak.” That’s why words like “thinking” and “falling” come in very handy — they give him an out. But they also allow him to express something meaningful in a way only he understands. Hopefully, now you will, too.
Jonathan Small is a freelance journalist based in Los Angeles and coauthor of the book Best Places to Kiss in Southern California.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/magazine/article.aspx?articleid=11997
For guys: A guide to girl talk
For guys: A guide to girl talk
By Amy Spencer
If you’ve ever spoken to a woman, it’s fair to say you’ve been confused by one. Yes doesn’t always mean yes, no doesn’t always mean no, and most of us have once in our lives even admitted, “Well, I may have said that, but I didn’t mean it.” What’s with all the mixed messages? “Women communicate by giving subtle suggestions instead of being literal, so we can check for positive reinforcement before we continue. We want to be careful about the impact we have on the other person,” explains Sharyn Wolf, CSW, a psychotherapist in New York City. But while figuring out what women really want can be difficult, it’s not impossible. So follow this guide to “girl-speak.” These are some of the things you might hear a woman say as you meet, date and woo her — and the code for reading between the lines.
What she says: “You’re really sweet, but I have a boyfriend.”
What she means: “You’re really sweet, but I definitely don’t want to date you.”
Why she says it: It’s a classic weekend night scene, somewhere in public. You see her sitting by herself and figure it’s as good a time as any to make a move. And it’s all going so well — she’s smiling, she’s answering your questions — until she drops the bomb that she has a boyfriend. Now, she may be telling the truth. But more likely this “boyfriend” is merely a ploy to get you to back off fast. “I use that line all the time; it really works without hurting a guy’s feelings too much,” says Claire McKimmie. “It shows immediately that there’s nothing more to say.”
What she says: “Why don’t I take your number and I’ll call you?”
What she means: “There’s no way I’m giving you my number, so why don’t I take yours?”
Why she says it: Even in this day and age, most women like to be pursued, so if we really like you, we’ll happily hand over our digits and wait for you to call. Pretty much the only time we’ll ask for your number is — sorry — when we want to keep the ball in our court and, well, never see you again. Other not-so-great responses: “Why don’t you email me instead,” “You can get my number through our mutual friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend Marcy” or “I’m listed.” Trust us, if she likes you, she’ll make it easy for you to call.
What she says: “Oh, sorry, I already have weekend plans.”
What she means: “I don’t necessarily have weekend plans, but you’re calling so last-minute I’d feel like a loser if I admitted I was free and took you up on your offer.”
Why she says it: As much as we all say that The Rules is an outdated tome that brews trouble between the genders, there are still some things we can’t let go of. And one of them is that we don’t want to accept plans with you last-minute, because we don’t want you to think we’re that easy to catch. “If a guy waits until Friday to ask me out on Saturday, I’ll probably say no,” says Claire Arnaud. “He has to work for it. And if he doesn’t have the patience to call back next week, too bad, that’s his loss.”
What she says: “This feels good, but we really shouldn’t.”
What she means: “I want you, bad, but don’t want to get burned.”
Why she says it: The night is winding down, and it’s time to decide whether she should hold ‘em, fold ‘em, or soldier on into the morning light with you. So if your date isn’t telling you a flat-out “No,” “I don’t want to,” or “I don’t like you that way,” chances are she really does like you — and want you — that way. She’d just rather wait a few weeks or months until she knows you’re not a love-’em-and-leave-’em type. “It’s possible she’s been in the position before of becoming intimate with a man and wanting to hear from him and then not hearing from him — and she doesn’t want to make that mistake again,” says Wolf. So if you’re a guy who really does want the relationship to go further (be honest now), it’s worth telling her so to see if she’ll change her mind.
What she says: “So, what have you been up to?”
What she means: “Why haven’t you called me? Are you seeing someone else?”
Why she says it: If we haven’t talked to you in a few weeks and then you suddenly start calling again, all we want to know is, What the heck took you so long? But because we want you to think we’re laid-back “Hey, whatever” women, all we dare squeeze out is a general inquiry. “I don’t want him to know I care,” says Emilie Giroud Capet. Our biggest fear? That you’ve been calling other women instead of us. Whether that’s the case or not, you’re best off filling in your missing weeks with very unromantic things. “I’m hoping he’ll tell me he’s been working really hard,” says Emilie, “or better, that he’s been really sick.”
What she says: “If you want to have a guy’s night, go ahead, fine.”
What she means: “I really, really don’t want you to go. And if you do, I’m going to be upset.”
Why she says it: It seemed innocuous enough; you asked her if she’d mind rescheduling your romantic night in so you could go out with the guys. She’s given you the green light. So what’s the red flag in that statement? The word “fine.” See, when a woman says something is fine, it’s decidedly not. “A woman will say it’s fine for him to go without her because she doesn’t want to get in a fight about it, even though deep down, she doesn’t want him to go without her,” says Wolf. Another phrase women often use to clue you into their displeasure: “If you like.” As in, “Sure, you can go out with the guys tonight, if you like.” That’s a pretty clear sign that while you may like it, she sure won’t. Either way, feel free to play dumb and go out with your buddies — just be ready to accept the consequences when you return.
What she says: “So, tell me about Diane.”
What she means: “Should I be threatened by Diane?”
Why she says it: When a man brings up another female’s name in the midst of a story, a woman’s internal panic button is pressed — she fears that you’re talking about her because you’re secretly attracted to her. So until you make it clear you wouldn’t touch Diane with a ten-foot pole, our insecurities will lead us to assume she’s a wasp-waisted blonde who laughs at your jokes — and you’d love to be her boyfriend. So if Diane is attractive and available, please don’t say, “She’s really cool.” Instead, try, “Diane’s just someone I work with. Wow, she can be annoying sometimes. Some guys at the office are drawn to her but I don’t get it; she’s not all that.”
What she says: “I love the way you smell.”
What she means: “I love you, but I don’t dare tell you I love you before you tell me you love me.”
Why she says it: “I just told the guy I’ve been dating for three weeks that I loved the way he smelled,” says Lili De Monseignat, “but it’s more him that I love than his smell.” Then why hold back? Because women know that telling a guy we love him before he tells us could be too much for him to handle. “It’s too soon to tell him I love him, because he’ll freak out and run away!” says Lili. But if you want to be loved, perk your ears up for the word itself. “I love your dog,” “I love your apartment,” “I love the way you dress,” and “I love that you love Indian food” are all signs that something big is bubbling underneath that little heart of hers. In other words, gentlemen, please be gentle.
Amy Spencer writes for Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Real Simple, among other publications, and currently doles out relationship advice to men every week on SIRIUS Satellite Radio’s Maxim channel.
Wondering about the other side of the story? Read The woman’s guide to guy-speak.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=12001&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=686129
By Amy Spencer
If you’ve ever spoken to a woman, it’s fair to say you’ve been confused by one. Yes doesn’t always mean yes, no doesn’t always mean no, and most of us have once in our lives even admitted, “Well, I may have said that, but I didn’t mean it.” What’s with all the mixed messages? “Women communicate by giving subtle suggestions instead of being literal, so we can check for positive reinforcement before we continue. We want to be careful about the impact we have on the other person,” explains Sharyn Wolf, CSW, a psychotherapist in New York City. But while figuring out what women really want can be difficult, it’s not impossible. So follow this guide to “girl-speak.” These are some of the things you might hear a woman say as you meet, date and woo her — and the code for reading between the lines.
What she says: “You’re really sweet, but I have a boyfriend.”
What she means: “You’re really sweet, but I definitely don’t want to date you.”
Why she says it: It’s a classic weekend night scene, somewhere in public. You see her sitting by herself and figure it’s as good a time as any to make a move. And it’s all going so well — she’s smiling, she’s answering your questions — until she drops the bomb that she has a boyfriend. Now, she may be telling the truth. But more likely this “boyfriend” is merely a ploy to get you to back off fast. “I use that line all the time; it really works without hurting a guy’s feelings too much,” says Claire McKimmie. “It shows immediately that there’s nothing more to say.”
What she says: “Why don’t I take your number and I’ll call you?”
What she means: “There’s no way I’m giving you my number, so why don’t I take yours?”
Why she says it: Even in this day and age, most women like to be pursued, so if we really like you, we’ll happily hand over our digits and wait for you to call. Pretty much the only time we’ll ask for your number is — sorry — when we want to keep the ball in our court and, well, never see you again. Other not-so-great responses: “Why don’t you email me instead,” “You can get my number through our mutual friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend Marcy” or “I’m listed.” Trust us, if she likes you, she’ll make it easy for you to call.
What she says: “Oh, sorry, I already have weekend plans.”
What she means: “I don’t necessarily have weekend plans, but you’re calling so last-minute I’d feel like a loser if I admitted I was free and took you up on your offer.”
Why she says it: As much as we all say that The Rules is an outdated tome that brews trouble between the genders, there are still some things we can’t let go of. And one of them is that we don’t want to accept plans with you last-minute, because we don’t want you to think we’re that easy to catch. “If a guy waits until Friday to ask me out on Saturday, I’ll probably say no,” says Claire Arnaud. “He has to work for it. And if he doesn’t have the patience to call back next week, too bad, that’s his loss.”
What she says: “This feels good, but we really shouldn’t.”
What she means: “I want you, bad, but don’t want to get burned.”
Why she says it: The night is winding down, and it’s time to decide whether she should hold ‘em, fold ‘em, or soldier on into the morning light with you. So if your date isn’t telling you a flat-out “No,” “I don’t want to,” or “I don’t like you that way,” chances are she really does like you — and want you — that way. She’d just rather wait a few weeks or months until she knows you’re not a love-’em-and-leave-’em type. “It’s possible she’s been in the position before of becoming intimate with a man and wanting to hear from him and then not hearing from him — and she doesn’t want to make that mistake again,” says Wolf. So if you’re a guy who really does want the relationship to go further (be honest now), it’s worth telling her so to see if she’ll change her mind.
What she says: “So, what have you been up to?”
What she means: “Why haven’t you called me? Are you seeing someone else?”
Why she says it: If we haven’t talked to you in a few weeks and then you suddenly start calling again, all we want to know is, What the heck took you so long? But because we want you to think we’re laid-back “Hey, whatever” women, all we dare squeeze out is a general inquiry. “I don’t want him to know I care,” says Emilie Giroud Capet. Our biggest fear? That you’ve been calling other women instead of us. Whether that’s the case or not, you’re best off filling in your missing weeks with very unromantic things. “I’m hoping he’ll tell me he’s been working really hard,” says Emilie, “or better, that he’s been really sick.”
What she says: “If you want to have a guy’s night, go ahead, fine.”
What she means: “I really, really don’t want you to go. And if you do, I’m going to be upset.”
Why she says it: It seemed innocuous enough; you asked her if she’d mind rescheduling your romantic night in so you could go out with the guys. She’s given you the green light. So what’s the red flag in that statement? The word “fine.” See, when a woman says something is fine, it’s decidedly not. “A woman will say it’s fine for him to go without her because she doesn’t want to get in a fight about it, even though deep down, she doesn’t want him to go without her,” says Wolf. Another phrase women often use to clue you into their displeasure: “If you like.” As in, “Sure, you can go out with the guys tonight, if you like.” That’s a pretty clear sign that while you may like it, she sure won’t. Either way, feel free to play dumb and go out with your buddies — just be ready to accept the consequences when you return.
What she says: “So, tell me about Diane.”
What she means: “Should I be threatened by Diane?”
Why she says it: When a man brings up another female’s name in the midst of a story, a woman’s internal panic button is pressed — she fears that you’re talking about her because you’re secretly attracted to her. So until you make it clear you wouldn’t touch Diane with a ten-foot pole, our insecurities will lead us to assume she’s a wasp-waisted blonde who laughs at your jokes — and you’d love to be her boyfriend. So if Diane is attractive and available, please don’t say, “She’s really cool.” Instead, try, “Diane’s just someone I work with. Wow, she can be annoying sometimes. Some guys at the office are drawn to her but I don’t get it; she’s not all that.”
What she says: “I love the way you smell.”
What she means: “I love you, but I don’t dare tell you I love you before you tell me you love me.”
Why she says it: “I just told the guy I’ve been dating for three weeks that I loved the way he smelled,” says Lili De Monseignat, “but it’s more him that I love than his smell.” Then why hold back? Because women know that telling a guy we love him before he tells us could be too much for him to handle. “It’s too soon to tell him I love him, because he’ll freak out and run away!” says Lili. But if you want to be loved, perk your ears up for the word itself. “I love your dog,” “I love your apartment,” “I love the way you dress,” and “I love that you love Indian food” are all signs that something big is bubbling underneath that little heart of hers. In other words, gentlemen, please be gentle.
Amy Spencer writes for Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Real Simple, among other publications, and currently doles out relationship advice to men every week on SIRIUS Satellite Radio’s Maxim channel.
Wondering about the other side of the story? Read The woman’s guide to guy-speak.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=12001&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=686129
Victory in Defeat
Of all the trials and persecutions that christ endured throughout His life, of all the pain that He saw in the people around Him, few instances are recorded as cutting through the very core of Jesus, so that He breaks down and cries. One such instance is when Jesus' friend, Lazarus, dies. John 11:35 is the shortest verse in all the Bible, but it comes packed with powerful emotion.
"Jesus wept."
Because we know we are going to heaven, we almost brush death off, especially if we have not epxerienced the loss of a loved one.
It is impossible to speak of Victory without speaking of Defeat. Ultimately, we shall experience victory. But that does not mean that we will not be defeated. Ultimately, Lazarus was raised from the dead, but he had to experience death, or defeat, first. Charles Cockroft says, "God not only lets us have Victory but uses the Defeats to accomplish His purposes in our lives."
God never minimizes or pains or sufferings or defeats. We can trust that He knows what is best, and we can trust that the end result will be good, whenever that may be. We are promised hard situations, and those situations may mean defeat. But God has a plan and a purpose for what happens. Consider the Israelites. They chose to disobey God again and again and again. Eventually, God had had enough, so He punished them and they went into exile. But He had an ultimate plan to bring His nation, His chosen people back to Him. You will be defeated. But, continue to trust God in your defeats, and you will see victory, too.
Living Life
"Jesus wept."
Because we know we are going to heaven, we almost brush death off, especially if we have not epxerienced the loss of a loved one.
It is impossible to speak of Victory without speaking of Defeat. Ultimately, we shall experience victory. But that does not mean that we will not be defeated. Ultimately, Lazarus was raised from the dead, but he had to experience death, or defeat, first. Charles Cockroft says, "God not only lets us have Victory but uses the Defeats to accomplish His purposes in our lives."
God never minimizes or pains or sufferings or defeats. We can trust that He knows what is best, and we can trust that the end result will be good, whenever that may be. We are promised hard situations, and those situations may mean defeat. But God has a plan and a purpose for what happens. Consider the Israelites. They chose to disobey God again and again and again. Eventually, God had had enough, so He punished them and they went into exile. But He had an ultimate plan to bring His nation, His chosen people back to Him. You will be defeated. But, continue to trust God in your defeats, and you will see victory, too.
Living Life
Saturday, April 16, 2011
More Quotes
Influence is a result of our love, humility and obedience to God, not a goal to be achieved. It is the fruit of our obedience." - Os Hillman
Vision: An Adventure awaits you, where seeing is just the beginning
Vision: An Adventure awaits you, where seeing is just the beginning
Scientists settle centuries-old debate on perception
Scientists settle centuries-old debate on perception
AFP Relax – Mon, Apr 11, 2011 2:18 AM SGT
..
Researchers said Sunday they had solved a conundrum about human perception that has stumped philosophers and scientists alike since it was first articulated 323 years ago by an Irish politician in a letter to John Locke.
Imagine, William Molyneux wrote to the great British thinker, that a man blind from birth who has learned to identify objects -- a sphere and a cube, for example -- only through his sense of touch is suddenly able to see.
The puzzle, he continued, is "Whether he Could, by his Sight, and before he touch them, know which is the Globe and which the Cube?"
For philosophers of the time, answering "Molyneux's question," as it was known ever after, would resolve a fundamental uncertainty about the human mind.
Empiricists believed that we are born blank slates, and become the sum total of our accumulated experience.
So-called "nativists" countered that our minds are, from the outset, pre-stocked with ideas waiting to be activated by sight, sound and touch.
If a blind man who miraculously recovered his sight could instantly distinguish the cube from the globe it would mean the knowledge was somehow innate, they argued.
More recently, this "nurture vs. nature" debate has found its counterpart in modern neuroscience.
"The beauty of Molyneux's question is that it also relates to how representations are formed in the brain," said Pawan Sinha, a professor at MIT in Boston and the main architect of the study.
"Do the different modalities, or senses, build up a common representation, or are these independent representations that one cannot access even though the other modality has built it?" he asked in a phone interview.
Recent studies have suggested that the mental images we accumulate through sight and touch do, in fact, form a common pool of impressions that can be triggered and retrieved by one sense or the other.
But until now, no one has been able to design a definitive experiment.
The problem was finding subjects. They would have to have been blind at birth and then have had their sight restored, but not until they were old enough to reliably participate in tests.
Most forms of curable congenital blindness, however, are detected and cured in infancy, so such individuals are extremely rare.
More precisely, they are rare in rich countries. So in 2003, Sinha set up a program in India in cooperation with the Shroff Charity Eye Hospital in New Delhi.
Among the many patients he treated, he found five -- four boys and one girl, aged eight to 17 -- who met the criteria for surgery that would almost instantly take them from total blindness to fully seeing.
Once bandages were removed, researchers had to first be sure that the volunteers could see well.
Using objects that looked like Lego building blocks, they tested the ability to discriminate visually between similar shapes. The subjects scored nearly 100 percent.
They scored nearly as well when it came to telling the difference by touch alone, according to the study, published in Nature Neuroscience.
For the critical test, however, in which the children first felt an object and then tried to distinguish visually between that same object and a similar one, the results were barely better than if they had guessed.
"They couldn't form the connection," said Yuri Ostrovsky, also a researcher at MIT and a co-author of the study.
"The conclusion is that there does not seem to be any cross-modal" -- that is, from one sense to the other -- "representation available to perform the task," he said by phone.
The answer to Molyneux's question, then, appears to be "no": the data blind people gather tactically that allows them to identify a cup and a vase, and to tell them apart, is not accessible through vision.
At least not at first.
"From a neuro-scientific point of view, the most interesting finding is the rapidity with which this inability was compensated," said Richard Held, an emeritus professor at MIT and lead author of the study.
"Within about a week, it's done -- and that is very fast. We were surprised," he said by phone.
The overall results suggest that the human brain is more "plastic," or malleable, longer into childhood that previously thought, the researchers said.
"This challenges the dogma of 'critical periods,' the idea that if a child has been deprived of vision for the first three or four years of life, he or she will be unable to acquire any visual proficiency," Sinha said.
mh/gd
Quoted: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/scientists-settle-centuries-old-debate-perception-20110410-111810-596.html
AFP Relax – Mon, Apr 11, 2011 2:18 AM SGT
..
Researchers said Sunday they had solved a conundrum about human perception that has stumped philosophers and scientists alike since it was first articulated 323 years ago by an Irish politician in a letter to John Locke.
Imagine, William Molyneux wrote to the great British thinker, that a man blind from birth who has learned to identify objects -- a sphere and a cube, for example -- only through his sense of touch is suddenly able to see.
The puzzle, he continued, is "Whether he Could, by his Sight, and before he touch them, know which is the Globe and which the Cube?"
For philosophers of the time, answering "Molyneux's question," as it was known ever after, would resolve a fundamental uncertainty about the human mind.
Empiricists believed that we are born blank slates, and become the sum total of our accumulated experience.
So-called "nativists" countered that our minds are, from the outset, pre-stocked with ideas waiting to be activated by sight, sound and touch.
If a blind man who miraculously recovered his sight could instantly distinguish the cube from the globe it would mean the knowledge was somehow innate, they argued.
More recently, this "nurture vs. nature" debate has found its counterpart in modern neuroscience.
"The beauty of Molyneux's question is that it also relates to how representations are formed in the brain," said Pawan Sinha, a professor at MIT in Boston and the main architect of the study.
"Do the different modalities, or senses, build up a common representation, or are these independent representations that one cannot access even though the other modality has built it?" he asked in a phone interview.
Recent studies have suggested that the mental images we accumulate through sight and touch do, in fact, form a common pool of impressions that can be triggered and retrieved by one sense or the other.
But until now, no one has been able to design a definitive experiment.
The problem was finding subjects. They would have to have been blind at birth and then have had their sight restored, but not until they were old enough to reliably participate in tests.
Most forms of curable congenital blindness, however, are detected and cured in infancy, so such individuals are extremely rare.
More precisely, they are rare in rich countries. So in 2003, Sinha set up a program in India in cooperation with the Shroff Charity Eye Hospital in New Delhi.
Among the many patients he treated, he found five -- four boys and one girl, aged eight to 17 -- who met the criteria for surgery that would almost instantly take them from total blindness to fully seeing.
Once bandages were removed, researchers had to first be sure that the volunteers could see well.
Using objects that looked like Lego building blocks, they tested the ability to discriminate visually between similar shapes. The subjects scored nearly 100 percent.
They scored nearly as well when it came to telling the difference by touch alone, according to the study, published in Nature Neuroscience.
For the critical test, however, in which the children first felt an object and then tried to distinguish visually between that same object and a similar one, the results were barely better than if they had guessed.
"They couldn't form the connection," said Yuri Ostrovsky, also a researcher at MIT and a co-author of the study.
"The conclusion is that there does not seem to be any cross-modal" -- that is, from one sense to the other -- "representation available to perform the task," he said by phone.
The answer to Molyneux's question, then, appears to be "no": the data blind people gather tactically that allows them to identify a cup and a vase, and to tell them apart, is not accessible through vision.
At least not at first.
"From a neuro-scientific point of view, the most interesting finding is the rapidity with which this inability was compensated," said Richard Held, an emeritus professor at MIT and lead author of the study.
"Within about a week, it's done -- and that is very fast. We were surprised," he said by phone.
The overall results suggest that the human brain is more "plastic," or malleable, longer into childhood that previously thought, the researchers said.
"This challenges the dogma of 'critical periods,' the idea that if a child has been deprived of vision for the first three or four years of life, he or she will be unable to acquire any visual proficiency," Sinha said.
mh/gd
Quoted: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/scientists-settle-centuries-old-debate-perception-20110410-111810-596.html
Victorious in New Birth
The work of Christ was finished in the cross, but that is not where it began. Christ began His work the moment He appeared as the little baby boy, born through Mary, in the town of Bethlehem. John Piper, writes, "So the first answer to how Christ destroys the work of the devil is that he appears: he comes to live and die and rise again, and somehow that destroys sin."
God said He was going to show up in a certain way at a certain time, and He did not fail to deliver. What's more is that God intended to show us how we ought to live from the moment of our birth to the moment that we die. Jesus' early childhood is not really mentioned in the Bible, but it does not diminish the fact that Christ went through all the stages of growing up in His culture.
It can be said that Christ was victorious in all things, even in His birth, because everything about His life gave glory to God. His birth pointed to God fulfilling prophecies, and therefore it brings glory to God. His life was about showing His people what really in God's heart and bringing them to repentance, and therefore He brought glory to God. Once again, He was victorious in death because He sought to glorify God.
If Christ was victorious in His birth, then, so can we be victorious in our new lives as followers of Christ. Just as Christ was, so are we victorious the moment we are born into His kingdom. Every new birth into God's kingdom destroys the works of the devil, and that is exactly what Christ commissioned us to do, before He departed in Matthew 28:19-20.
Living Life
God said He was going to show up in a certain way at a certain time, and He did not fail to deliver. What's more is that God intended to show us how we ought to live from the moment of our birth to the moment that we die. Jesus' early childhood is not really mentioned in the Bible, but it does not diminish the fact that Christ went through all the stages of growing up in His culture.
It can be said that Christ was victorious in all things, even in His birth, because everything about His life gave glory to God. His birth pointed to God fulfilling prophecies, and therefore it brings glory to God. His life was about showing His people what really in God's heart and bringing them to repentance, and therefore He brought glory to God. Once again, He was victorious in death because He sought to glorify God.
If Christ was victorious in His birth, then, so can we be victorious in our new lives as followers of Christ. Just as Christ was, so are we victorious the moment we are born into His kingdom. Every new birth into God's kingdom destroys the works of the devil, and that is exactly what Christ commissioned us to do, before He departed in Matthew 28:19-20.
Living Life
Friday, April 15, 2011
Victory Requires Action
God has done incredible things here on earth over His enemies. God led Gideon to defeat an immense multitude Midianites with a mere 300 soldiers (Judg. 7:7). God stopped the sun in its place, so that Joshua might defeat the Amorites (Josh. 10:12-13). God pured down plagues on Egypt and divide the Red Sea. However, each story demonstrates two points. One, these show that each victory did indeed come by God's hand alone.
There is no human device that can stop either the sun or the earth in their rotation. We do not possess the means today, and we did not posses the means then, either. Nor is there any feat of human engineering that can stop the flow of a massive body of water, such as the Red Sea. While it is true that dams have created to harvest the energy of water, no dam permanently stops up a river, and no reservoir can contain an ocean.
What we also see here is that the men involved in these stories were not inactive. Moses did not stand in the desert and wait for God to magically move him from danger. God provided the method for escape through His wondrous power, but Hid not mystically teleport Israel away from danger. Nor did God build the ark for Noah, but instead had Noah build the large boat over the course of 100 years. Joshua still had to partake in a bloody battle with Amorites, just as Gideon still had to take his men and attack the Midianites. As Ethan Longhenry writes, "God's victory still requires us to act in faith and live in obedience" (Rom. 6:3-7, 1 Pet. 1:22).
Living Life
There is no human device that can stop either the sun or the earth in their rotation. We do not possess the means today, and we did not posses the means then, either. Nor is there any feat of human engineering that can stop the flow of a massive body of water, such as the Red Sea. While it is true that dams have created to harvest the energy of water, no dam permanently stops up a river, and no reservoir can contain an ocean.
What we also see here is that the men involved in these stories were not inactive. Moses did not stand in the desert and wait for God to magically move him from danger. God provided the method for escape through His wondrous power, but Hid not mystically teleport Israel away from danger. Nor did God build the ark for Noah, but instead had Noah build the large boat over the course of 100 years. Joshua still had to partake in a bloody battle with Amorites, just as Gideon still had to take his men and attack the Midianites. As Ethan Longhenry writes, "God's victory still requires us to act in faith and live in obedience" (Rom. 6:3-7, 1 Pet. 1:22).
Living Life
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Giving Glory to God through Victory
When we examine the Scriptures, one thing that becomes apparent is that God wishes to glorify Himself. John 17:1 says, "After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed: 'Father, the time has come. Glorify your So, that your Son may glorify you.'" Since we have been called into an intimate relationship with Christ, and therefore God, it is important for us to be aware of what God desires.
God desires to glorify Himself, and He seeks to do it in everything that happens here on earth. This includes the death and resurrection of Jesus on the cross. The first thing that Jesus spoke with God while He was in the garden was about seeking to be glorified. The first three of the ten commandments are about bringing glory and honor to God.
If this is what God wants, then we had best be aware of it. Ben Sjogren suggest, "And if Christ suffered to reveal the Father's glory, then we should follow His example and be willing to suffer and reveal the Father's glory, too."
Through this lens, we can start to see another reason why Christ actually desires victory in our lives. He doesn't desire it in us so that we might simply be happy or simply because He wants us to do well. His reason for wanting victory extends beyond these. He wants victory in our lives, so that we may bring glory to Him.
Living Life
God desires to glorify Himself, and He seeks to do it in everything that happens here on earth. This includes the death and resurrection of Jesus on the cross. The first thing that Jesus spoke with God while He was in the garden was about seeking to be glorified. The first three of the ten commandments are about bringing glory and honor to God.
If this is what God wants, then we had best be aware of it. Ben Sjogren suggest, "And if Christ suffered to reveal the Father's glory, then we should follow His example and be willing to suffer and reveal the Father's glory, too."
Through this lens, we can start to see another reason why Christ actually desires victory in our lives. He doesn't desire it in us so that we might simply be happy or simply because He wants us to do well. His reason for wanting victory extends beyond these. He wants victory in our lives, so that we may bring glory to Him.
Living Life
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
How to Keep Impatience from Robbing You of the Gift of Singleness
1. The Right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.
2. You don't need to shop for what you can't afford. - The Joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment 3. Any season of singleness is a gift from God.
How to get on the road of righteousness
1. Respect the deep signifcance of physical intimacy
2. Set your standards too high.
3. Make the purity of others a priority.
5 Important steps for getting on track with God's plan
1. Start with a clean slate
2. Make Your Parents your teammates
3. Establish clear guidelines
4. Check to see who's whispering in your ear.
5. Season Your convction with humility
The Abuse of Harmless Thing - Not to forget the boundaries of guy-girl friendship
1. Understand the Difference between Friendship and Intimacy.
2. Be Inclusive, not exclusive
3. Make a Priority of Same-Sex Frienships
4. Seek Opportunities to serve, not to be entertained. Infatuation, Lust Self-Pity =Guard Your Heart.
Practice Now!
Glimpses of True Character
How a Person Relates to God
How a Person Relates to Others
Personal Discipline
The Impact of Attitude
An Attitude of willing obedience to God
An Attitude of Humility
An Attitude of Industriousness
An Attitude of Contentment and Hopefulness
Principles that can guide you from friendship to Matrimony
1. Casual Friendship - Talking to myself
E.g.
"Josh, what's your relationship to this girl?"
"She's a sister in Christ whom I'm instructed to treat with absolute purity."
"Exactly! She's not just a pretty face or a potential wife!"
"No, she's a child of God. God has a plan for her. He's shaping her and molding her into something speical."
"So what is your responsibility to her?"
"My responsibility is to make sure I don't get in the way of what God is doing. I should encourage her to keep her focus and dependence on God."
"Okay, good. Now to whom is your second responsibility?"
"My Second Responsibility is to the people around me." "Such as...?"
"Such as the people in the church group, non-Christians who might observe our relationship, and even my little brothers, who watch how I relate to girls."
"Why do you have to care whay they think?"
"I have a responsibility to keep the unity of the group here at church; I have a responsibility to model the love of Jesus to outsiders; and I have a responsibility to set an example for other believers." "And your primary responsibility is to God, correct?"
"Exactly, I am responsible to keep my way pure, serve others as Christ did, and love my neighbors as I love myself."
2. Deep friendship Friendship - Deepening Activities, Things to avoid, Watch, Wait and Pray before Moving Past Frienship Question to ask, Green Light: God's Word, You're Ready for Marriage, The Approval and Support of Your parents (or Guardians, Christian Mentors, and Godly Christian Friends), God's Peace
3. Courtship: Purposeful Intimacy with Integrity. - Honor Her Parents, Put Yourself on Trial, Test and Build the Relationship in Real-life Settings, Bringing Romance Home
4. Engagement - Reserve Passion for Marriage, Focus on the Soul, Guided by the Holy Spirit
2. You don't need to shop for what you can't afford. - The Joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment 3. Any season of singleness is a gift from God.
How to get on the road of righteousness
1. Respect the deep signifcance of physical intimacy
2. Set your standards too high.
3. Make the purity of others a priority.
5 Important steps for getting on track with God's plan
1. Start with a clean slate
2. Make Your Parents your teammates
3. Establish clear guidelines
4. Check to see who's whispering in your ear.
5. Season Your convction with humility
The Abuse of Harmless Thing - Not to forget the boundaries of guy-girl friendship
1. Understand the Difference between Friendship and Intimacy.
2. Be Inclusive, not exclusive
3. Make a Priority of Same-Sex Frienships
4. Seek Opportunities to serve, not to be entertained. Infatuation, Lust Self-Pity =Guard Your Heart.
Practice Now!
Glimpses of True Character
How a Person Relates to God
How a Person Relates to Others
Personal Discipline
The Impact of Attitude
An Attitude of willing obedience to God
An Attitude of Humility
An Attitude of Industriousness
An Attitude of Contentment and Hopefulness
Principles that can guide you from friendship to Matrimony
1. Casual Friendship - Talking to myself
E.g.
"Josh, what's your relationship to this girl?"
"She's a sister in Christ whom I'm instructed to treat with absolute purity."
"Exactly! She's not just a pretty face or a potential wife!"
"No, she's a child of God. God has a plan for her. He's shaping her and molding her into something speical."
"So what is your responsibility to her?"
"My responsibility is to make sure I don't get in the way of what God is doing. I should encourage her to keep her focus and dependence on God."
"Okay, good. Now to whom is your second responsibility?"
"My Second Responsibility is to the people around me." "Such as...?"
"Such as the people in the church group, non-Christians who might observe our relationship, and even my little brothers, who watch how I relate to girls."
"Why do you have to care whay they think?"
"I have a responsibility to keep the unity of the group here at church; I have a responsibility to model the love of Jesus to outsiders; and I have a responsibility to set an example for other believers." "And your primary responsibility is to God, correct?"
"Exactly, I am responsible to keep my way pure, serve others as Christ did, and love my neighbors as I love myself."
2. Deep friendship Friendship - Deepening Activities, Things to avoid, Watch, Wait and Pray before Moving Past Frienship Question to ask, Green Light: God's Word, You're Ready for Marriage, The Approval and Support of Your parents (or Guardians, Christian Mentors, and Godly Christian Friends), God's Peace
3. Courtship: Purposeful Intimacy with Integrity. - Honor Her Parents, Put Yourself on Trial, Test and Build the Relationship in Real-life Settings, Bringing Romance Home
4. Engagement - Reserve Passion for Marriage, Focus on the Soul, Guided by the Holy Spirit
Five Attitude Changes to Help you Avoid Defective Dating
1. Every Relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's love.
2. My Umarried Years are a gift from God.
3. I don't need to pursue a romantic relationship before I'm ready for marriage
4. I cannont "Own" someone outside of Marriage
5. I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or mind.
From: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris
Christ's Victory over Our Body
There is not much in this world that looks, acts, and talks in the same manner that humans do. When we think about animals in the animal kingdom, humans are often left out. Whereas many animals walk on four legs, we walk on two. Whereas many animals were gifted with sharp teeth, wings, or fins, we were given a brilliant mind.
Even monkeys, who most closely resemble humans, are somehow very different from us. Or perhaps another way to consider this is that we are different from animals. We are not on the same level as all the rest of creation. Why is that? Because we were designed to take after God.
God gave us bodies for a purpose. He could have given us just spirits, and then we would exist in some ethereal reality. However, God saw fit to give us a body that was tangible, and He declared that good. Gregg Allison says, "Human beings are called to salvation through Christ, and they are not just 'souls to be saved;' the human body is included in this divine work. Thankfully, 'the Lord is for the body' (1 Cor. 6:13) in that His completed work of salvation will include the bodily resurrection."
This should prompt us to declare victory over our body, just as we would declare victory over the world. Whether spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical, there is no area or sphere of our life that we should ever be afraid to declare victory in. As we have been called to be good stewards of our faith, money and time, we have also been called to be good stewards of our bodies.
Living Life
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
A Woman's Question
By Lena Lathrop, Quoted from "I kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris
Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life -
And a woman's wonderful love.
Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy.
You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.
You requires your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.
You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts -
I look for a man and a king.
A king for the beautiful realm called home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say: "It is very good."
I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?
Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.
I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.
If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.
The Fine Print of Dreams (Marriage)
By Advice columnist in the book of "I kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris
I have leveled with the grils - from Anchorage to Amarillo. I tell them that all marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that's tough. I tell them that a good marriage is not a gift, It's an achievement. That marriage is not for kids. It takes guts and maturity.
It separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls. I tell them that marriage is tested daily by the ability to compromise. Its survival can depend on being smart enough to know what's worth fighting about. Or making an issue of or even mentioning. Marriage is giving - and more important, it's forgiving. And it is almost always the wife who must do these things. Then, as if that were not enough, she must be willing to forget what she forgave. Often that is the hardest part. Oh, I have leveled all right. If they don't get my message, Buster, It's beacuse they don't want to get it. Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals Because nobody wants to read the small print in dreams.
Continuous Victory
When Christ redeemed us, we were permanently cleansed. We were instantly ransomed, and immediately saved from death. Yet, while our sins are completely and irrevocably forgiven, we are not instantly made perfect.
Christ's victory in our lives is not the end of our Christian faith, or the goal of the race we run, but it is the beginning. It is the starting point. Now that we have been cleansed, now that we have been freed from the cages and depravity of sin, we can finally run the race that God intended for us to run in the beginning.
Christ's victory over death was a one-time deal; however, our victory over sin - while we still remain on earth - is not. Although we have been freed, sin will constantly ensnare us, and try to tangle us up again. If Satan cannot destroy our soul, he can still make us ineffective in our walk with God. He will do his best to demoralize us, and to diminish our testimony to other believers and non-believers. That is why it is important for us to overcome. As Arthur Pink says, this last part is important. "Faith which 'overcomes the world' (1 John 5:4), not which 'has overcome'. So far from being an immediate achievement, it is a lifelong business, a prolonged and continuous strife."
Christ's achievement is meant to be long-lasting in our lives. It enables us, too, to be able to conquer and triumph over the world. Our faith is not about what we have done, or even what we may do...it is about what we are doing. We are conquering, actively.
Living Life
Monday, April 11, 2011
How birth order affects your love life
How birth order affects your love life
By Lisa Lombardi
Want some fresh insight into your love personality? Forget about whether you’re a Leo, Pisces or Aquarius; instead, consider whether you’re a first-born, middle child, or baby of the family. If you want to understand how you operate in every kind of relationship, “understanding birth order is a lifesaver,” stresses psychologist Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author of The Birth Order Book. Read on for more insight into your love life:
If you’re an oldest child...
It’s no coincidence that most U.S. Presidents were first-borns, because this is the sign of natural leaders. You’re a take-charge person, so not the type to drive friends and romantic partners crazy asking questions like, “I dunno where we should eat; where do you want to go?” Instead, you’ll make sure you have reservations — and land a prime table, too. And anyone lucky enough to pair up with you won’t spend weeknights wondering whether he or she has Saturday night plans, because “oldest kids are planners,” says Dr. Leman. You’re also old-fashioned (in a good way). You always come through on anniversaries and Valentine’s Day.
Your love challenge: Being more spontaneous. First-borns aren’t the “seize the day” sort (you’re not one to text your sweetie to suggest meeting at this fun café you just walked past). Likewise, “you hate surprises,” Dr. Leman warns. Pity the fool who springs meeting the parents on you or when you thought it was just the two of you going out tonight!
Best match: The youngest child. “It’s a case of opposites attracting,” says Dr. Leman. “You help the last-born be more organized, and the last-born helps you lighten up.”
If you’re a middle child...
Contrary to their reputation as insecure messes (example: Jan Brady), middle kids actually make stable and loyal partners. “One thing you’re not is spoiled,” Dr. Leman says. You probably grew up feeling like you got less attention than your siblings, and that drives you to work for every perk — including a happy relationship. Also in the “positives” category: You’re “a compromiser and negotiator,” Dr. Leman notes, so you’ll give your partner plenty of say in everything from how quickly your relationship progresses to where you go on vacation together. And your romance should be free of daily petty squabbles (middles hate conflict); instead, you try to put others at ease.
Your love challenge: Opening up. Have you ever been told you’re hard to read? “Middle children can be very secretive,” says Dr. Leman. “They got hammered by the first-born and swindled by the baby, so they keep their cards close to their chests.” You’re also not the best communicator when you’re upset. But if you learn to speak up instead of holding your anger in, you’ll have a more harmonious relationship.
Best match: Youngest child. “Middles aren’t as threatened by last-borns as they are by exacting first-borns,” says Dr. Leman, so the odds are good for open communication.
If you’re a youngest child...
You’re all about fun. The most outgoing of all in the birth order spectrum, youngest children live to have a good time (it may be because your parents were more laid-back by the time you came along). On a typical first date you’ll have your date laughing so hard that water shoots out his or her nose. In fact, “most famous comedians are youngest children,” says Dr. Leman. A partial list of famous examples: Jon Stewart, Jim Carrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy. And forget ho-hum plans like dinner and a movie; you love to do the unexpected, often on the spur of the moment. You’re the type to take someone to a party only to whisper, “Let’s get out of here” two minutes later... and then convince your date to take a road trip to Atlantic City or Vegas for the weekend.
Your love challenge: “Babies are the least financially dependable,” warns Dr. Leman (it comes from being, well, taken care of all your life). That means your date may be stuck picking up the tab when your credit card is maxed out. Also, some youngest children — not you, of course! — use that last-born charm and charisma to be a bit, ahem, manipulative, says Dr. Leman. That breed of baby will leave a date and sneak off to hit golf balls with pals or something similar, leaving the other person wondering what happened.
Best match: Either the oldest child (they serve as a good counterbalance in a parent-child sort of way) or middle child (they value friendships, so they totally understand why you love being the life of the party).
If you’re an only child...
You’re a rock-solid citizen — and a sweetie. “Only children are super-reliable,” Dr. Leman says. “They’re like oldest children taken to the extreme.” Growing up with only adults made you into a little grown-up early on — meaning you’re serious and dependable. You’re the rare person who will stay up half the night helping a friend or partner prep for a licensing exam or a big work presentation. You’re the type to move your partner’s car so he or she doesn’t get a ticket. Punctual and true to your word, onlies like you never leave a loved one waiting for a call or email. And you’re articulate, too, so your date can expect great conversations that really make a person think.
Your love challenge: Admit it — you’re a bit of a perfectionist. Maybe you send back steaks that aren’t cooked just so or point out a teeny-tiny stain on your date’s sweater. Also, you’re so cautious and pragmatic that you can be very slow to act (i.e., someone else has to make the first move).
Best match: Youngest child, because you balance each other out. The baby of the family adds spontaneity and romance, while you make sure you two aren’t dining by candlelight because the electric bill never got paid.
Lisa Lombardi has written for Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Shape and other publications. A classic middle child, she is happy to have picked a fun-loving last-born mate.
Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=7652&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=744515
How Positivity Opens Doors in Your Career
How Positivity Opens Doors in Your Career
Curt Rosengren, On Friday 8 April 2011, 3:10 SGT
I write frequently about how what's happening between your ears plays a big role in your career potential. A change in how you view the world--as a place of limits or a place of possibility--literally shrinks or expands the options available to you. And I don't mean that from a metaphysical "manifestation" perspective. I mean it from a common sense, logical perspective.
As humans, we are pattern-seeking creatures. It's what we do. Something happens, and our brain decides what box it fits in. When you see the world through a lens of lack and limit, that sets the pattern your brain is looking to match. So when negative things happen, it reinforces that worldview. And when positive things happen, they are both minimized in importance and truncated by waiting for the other shoe to drop. A perspective of possibility and potential, on the other hand, does the opposite.
All of that has an impact on what you'll be willing to try and how you will interpret whatever results you get. And what you are willing to try by definition defines what you have the potential to achieve.
If you want to craft and refine your outlook, a great place to start is by paying careful attention to the language you use. Is it limiting or expansive? Does it assume the best, or does it assume the worst? Often the language we use is habitual, a knee-jerk response.
Eliminate these four phrases from your career vocabulary, and you'll open doors for your future:
I can't
In a decade of my Passion Catalyst work, I have seen this assessment turn out to be wrong so many times. It might feel real, but often it's not. The reality is often something completely different. On closer examination, "I can't" frequently means things like, "I could, but I don't see all the options yet." Or "I could, but I'm not willing to do the hard work it would require." Or "I could, but not immediately."
They won't
Unless you happen to be a mind reader, steer clear of this one. You don't--and can't--know how other people are going to respond until they do. Need help from someone in your job search? Reach out and ask. You're guaranteed to not get it if you don't (in which case "they won't" is spot on). Want to collaborate with someone on a project? Again, don't assume you know the negative answer.
Even if you're right that "they won't" eight out of ten times, that still opens two doors that would otherwise have remained closed forever. Imagine the cumulative impact of that over the course of your career.
It's not possible
When I hear this, one of the things I often ask is, "Do you know that for certain? Can you prove it?" Often people just default to this without really thinking it through. "It's not possible" often winds up being, "It's possible, but it would take a lot of effort," or, "It's not possible in my current scenario, but if I make these changes it could actually be possible."
A good question to ask if this phrase comes up for you is, "What if I HAD to make it happen? How could I?" Stretch your creative problem-solving.
I have to
People have so many ingrained rules about what they have to do, and often they're little more than unquestioned assumptions installed by other people (parents, teachers, past bosses, etc.). If you find yourself operating according to a set of have-to expectations, ask yourself, "Do I really? Why? What if I didn't?"
Now, of course all of these are going to be accurate on occasion. There will be times when you really can't do something. And there will be times when, yes, you really do have to do something. But there will also be times when these assumptions simply aren't accurate.
If you take yourself off autopilot by questioning your assumptions when these phrases come up, you'll open the door to possibility and potential. And step-by-step, you'll leave that knee-jerk perspective of limits and lack behind.
After years as a professional malcontent, Curt Rosengren discovered the power of passion. As speaker, author, and coach, Rosengren helps people create careers that energize and inspire them. His book, 101 Ways to Get Wild About, and his E-book, The Occupational Adventure Guide, offer people tools for turning dreams into reality. Rosengren's blog, The M.A.P. Maker, explores how to craft a life of meaning, abundance, and passion.
Quoted: http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/How-Positivity-Opens-Doors-in-usnews-3221928141.html?x=0
Peace Because of Victory
When you are in a competition and you win, how do you feel afterwards? Especially if a competition was particular challenging or difficult, you may feel very good about what you have accomplished. You congratulate yourself, and let others congratulate you.
You are in some sense at peace with the results. You are no longer worried about your opponent or the outcome.
Your victory has been achieved, and you can now be at rest in the results. But how did you feel in the midst of your test or trouble? Were you really at peace, were you really confident in victory? More often than not, the answer is going to be no.
Something to note is that God prepares us in advance for what is going to happen. It never came to God as a surprise that one day Israel would ask for a king, or that His people would rebel against Him. In fact, He told Israel exactly what was going to happen in its history long before it ever came to pass. Christ did the same with the disciples. God know us, and He knows our hearts. He knows that in the midst of suffering, we are not going to be calm and cool and collected.
Nevertheless, He tells us to be at peace, because although we have trouble, we also have Him who is victorious. But Christ is not calling us into any random peace, but peace in Him and His word. J.C. Philpot tells us, "Now the Lord designs that all His dear family should have peace in Him...no peace in self...no peace [in the world]... no peace in anything else, [that] they may come as poor broken hearted sinners... and find peace in believing."
Living Life
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Reading a I Kissed Dating Goodbye by John Harris,
Here are the 7 Habits of Highly Defective Dating
1. Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship
2. Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
3. Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships
4. Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future
5.Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness.
6. Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character
7. Dating often becomes an end in itself.
20 Secret Signs of Addiction
20 Secret Signs of Addiction
By Melanie Haiken, Caring.com
Mon, Mar 14, 2011
Knowing whether someone you love has a problem with alcohol or drugs isn't as straightforward as it sounds. Despite the stereotypes of the staggering drunk or the emaciated addict, most people who overuse alcohol and drugs become adept at disguising their behavior. Shame, embarrassment, and fear of consequences are powerful motivators. And in many cases, the person who's drinking too much or using drugs doesn't want to recognize or admit that he's not in control of the situation.
Sadly, many times we don't find out until a tragedy, such as a drunk driving accident or an overdose, has occurred. And then we're left wondering why we didn't spot the signs of addiction earlier. Knowing these 20 secret signs of addiction can help you prevent that from happening.
1. Quantity control
Over time, a higher tolerance to alcohol or drugs leads people with addiction problems to increase the quantity and frequency of their substance of choice without showing signs of being out of control. You might notice that someone refills his or her glass more often than anyone else or is always the one to suggest opening another bottle of wine. Prescription drug users will start going through a prescription faster, complaining that they "ran out" or that "the doctor forgot to renew my prescription."
To spot drug dependence, notice if the person you're concerned about frequently seems to need an early refill, always with a different reason, says physician Gregory A. Smith, medical director of the Comprehensive Pain Relief Group in Redondo Beach, California. Excuses Smith says he's heard a thousand times: "The pills spilled into the sink and went down the drain." "My car got broken into, and they took my bag that had all my pills." "My brother's friend who has a drug problem stole my pills." "The pharmacy shorted me on my pills . . . there were supposed to be 120, but there were only 95 pills in the bottle when I got home and counted them."
2. Hide-and-seek around the house
Quick, check under the bathroom sink -- is there a bottle hiding behind the Ajax? How about in the laundry room behind the detergent, or in the garage? Finding a bottle or a six-pack tucked where it shouldn't be is one of the most common tip-offs that someone's drinking is getting out of hand. Similarly, pills and powders may turn up in glove compartments, the inside pockets of purses, jewelry boxes, or the toolbox.
Over time, alcoholics and addicts develop a network of hiding places to stash their drugs. You may notice that the person is oddly protective of certain rooms or areas of the house or garage, insisting that they be kept private, says physician John Massella, regional program director of Gateway Rehabilitation Center in Pittsburgh. There may even be a sense that the family member is "guarding" the alcohol, Massella says. Outbursts of temper may ensue if someone disturbs the private territory.
3. The disappearing act
When it comes to drug addiction, items don't so much appear around the house as disappear, says Jacqueline E. Barnes, author of The Whirlpool -- Surviving a Loved One's Addiction. "You notice that checks are missing from your checkbook, sometimes taken from the middle of the checkbook rather than from the back of it," Barnes says. The need for money and the desperation of addiction make anything fair game. "Items like cameras and jewelry begin to disappear from your house; family heirlooms are taken to a pawn shop," Barnes says. "Sadly, addicts lose touch with guilt and remorse. They'll sell anything belonging to family and friends to get money to buy drugs."
4. A head start
"Priming the pump" or drinking alone before going out with friends is a big red flag, experts say. "Alcoholics will often drink wine, beer, or liquor before meeting with friends so that it appears that they're drinking the same amount as everyone else -- when, in fact, they're way ahead," says Joseph Garbely, chief medical officer at Friends Hospital in Philadelphia. Why? Alcoholics want to appear to be just like their friends in public, but their tolerance is much higher, so they have to drink a lot more.
5. Tricks and manipulations
Hiding an addiction leads to constant subterfuge. Alcoholics will often drink before and/or after a social event, then drink very little while other people are imbibing. Teenagers and young adults who are starting to use drugs may throw parents and teachers off the track by admitting to use of a lesser drug, like pot, when harder drugs are the real problem.
And all alcoholics and addicts make great use of the "divide and conquer" strategy, manipulating family members by telling one thing to one person, something else to another. This typically takes the form of half-confessions. "They may be honest with one family member about one thing and honest about another thing to someone else, but no one family member will know everything," says John Massella of Gateway. If it feels like your family's getting tangled up in lies and half-truths, it's time to pay attention.
6. The money magnet
Drugs are expensive, and so is stopping at the bar four times a week. Impaired judgment also leads many people to get in financial hot water simply by not minding the store.
Just about any unusual money behavior can tip families off to drug or alcohol abuse, experts say. Bills may pile up unopened, or someone might suddenly start selling possessions on eBay when he or she has never done so before. The manic periods of elation from coke and speed can send people on buying sprees; alcohol can fuel gambling binges. Other tip-offs: Asking friends for loans or using a family member's credit card without asking.
7. The clear choice
Vodka is a drink of choice for alcoholics for one reason only: It's clear and looks just like water when poured in a tumbler. Vodka can also be added to soft drinks and juice without changing the color or giving off a noticeable smell.
"A definite sign of abuse is when people put vodka in their thermos and mix it with their morning coffee," says Neil Capretto, medical director of Gateway Rehabilitation Center in Pittsburgh. If someone you love switches from a previous drink of choice to vodka, it's cause for alarm. Ditto if sipping from their cup of coffee or coke reveals that it's spiked. Pay attention to grocery receipts, too -- is vodka on the list?
8. Missing in action That birthday party that Dad didn't show up for, the high school graduation your sister swanned into halfway through -- these are the kinds of things people remember when they look back and wonder why they didn't recognize a loved one's addiction sooner. Becoming unreliable and secretive is a trademark of the alcoholic or addict. They start to forget appointments, miss important events, roll in late to work or school.
Maintaining and hiding an addiction takes time; you have to make your connection, pop by the bar on the way home, stop for coffee to sober up. Sneaking around the house is another tip-off, including slipping into the house to reach the bathroom (and the toothpaste and Visine) before talking to anyone. If every time you turn around, your loved one seems to be somewhere else, trust your instincts and start checking up.
9. A narrower world
As addiction takes hold, it tends to block out other interests and activities that used to be important sources of pleasure and fulfillment. Loss of interest in friends, sports, social activities, and anything else that used to define someone can be a clue that something's not right.
Sometimes the signs of addiction can be as subtle as a sense that the person isn't himself anymore. "You might notice someone finding an excuse not to go to family functions because they know they'll be under tremendous scrutiny from 'the village that raised them' -- the extended family," says Joseph Garbely of Friends Hospital in Philadelphia.
Another sign of isolation is changing their daily routine without a good reason; they may be redirecting their steps as they try to avoid friends, coworkers, and family.
10. Magic bottles
Checking the state of the liquor cabinet is a time-honored ritual for those who live with heavy drinkers. Harder to spot but even more telltale is the "magic bottle" -- the bottle that never seems to get empty. If the liquid levels in liquor bottles seem to rise and fall mysteriously, your only recourse is to taste. Watered-down liquor is a sure sign that the person you're worried about wishes to hide his liquor intake from you.
You might also suspect that bottles are being hidden. "Many people with alcohol abuse and alcoholism hide beer cans, wine bottles, etc., at the bottom of their recycling bins so their neighbors don't get suspicious about their problem," says Neil Capretto of Pittsburgh's Gateway Rehabilitation Center. If you hear the clink of bottles being moved around in the recycling bin or carried out to the car late at night, your secret addict may be doing a midnight drop-off.
11. Can I try the diet you're on?
Crystal meth, cocaine, and other "uppers" stimulate energy to the point that people feel like they can go and go and go without eating. Many have no appetite at all. A natural side effect of this behavior pattern is, of course, rapid weight loss.
While this seems like an obvious sign of abuse, it's actually frequently missed because it's not considered something to worry about, experts say. "Weight loss is usually seen as a positive thing in our society, so it's often overlooked as a symptom of drug abuse," says Joseph Garbely of Friends Hospital in Philadelphia.
12. Squeaky clean
Sure we all want to be hygienic. But overuse of certain products signals that someone's trying to hide something. Constant use of gum or breath mints? Someone might be trying to mask the smell of alcohol. The same goes for excessive use of mouthwash or hand gel (and constantly smelling like these products). Antistatic dryer sheets treated with a fragrance can be used to disguise the smell of smoke on clothes.
A bottle of eyedrops in the purse can be a tip-off that someone's trying to hide reddened eyes, especially if he or she seems to go through bottles remarkably quickly. And eyedrops first thing in the morning? Enough said.
13. The bathroom game
Where do you find prescription drugs? In the bathroom. And if your own bathroom cabinets are empty of supplies, the obvious next choice is other people's bathroom cabinets. Someone who's abusing prescription drugs won't be able to resist the temptation to scrounge them in other people's houses, usually by making pretenses to visit the bathroom.
What you'll notice, if you pay attention, is overly frequent trips and taking a long time during bathroom visits. Hint: Listen for the sound of water running for an extended time to disguise the noise of cabinets and drawers opening and closing. Another telltale oddity: When visiting a home with more than one bathroom, a drug user will find excuses to use a different bathroom each time. "People abusing prescription drugs may even attend real estate open houses just so they can look in unsuspecting homeowners' medicine cabinets," says physician John Massella of Gateway.
14. Mood management
Many family members describe the emotional experience of living with an alcoholic or addict as being like a roller-coaster ride. "Hallmarks of any kind of addiction are unstable mood and unpredictable emotions and actions," says addiction specialist Clare Kavin, director of the Waismann Method of dependency treatment. Moods can go from numb and calm to extremely aggressive within minutes, often with no apparent explanation.
Someone smoking a lot of pot will be in "slow-down mode, with no ambition or energy," says Liliane Desjardins, an addiction specialist and co-founder of Pavillion International, a recovery treatment center in Texas. "They're playing it mellow, but what's really happening is that thinking and feeling are impaired, as is the ability to make rational choices or to follow up on decisions."
15. Sleeping sickness
"Mommy's asleep on the couch and won't wake up," is how a young child of an alcoholic or addict typically describes the behavior she witnesses, and it's a pretty apt description. Alcohol and many common drugs are sedatives, or "downers," which means they make you feel more relaxed but also make you sleep, and sleep heavily. If you notice that someone you're concerned about falls asleep at inappropriate times or has a hard time waking up, pay attention.
Excessive sleepiness can also signal crashing out after a drug binge, experts warn. "After cocaine or meth binges, users become listless and very low on energy and will sleep for days," says Harold Urschel, author of Healing the Addicted Brain and medical director of Enterhealth, a recovery center in Dallas. One clue that this isn't just the flu or a need to "sleep in" is that, just as suddenly, the person wakes up with a ravenous appetite.
16. Pain that never ends
Prescription drug addiction is one of the most common types of addiction today, and abusers learn a closetful of tricks to get hold of medications. Back pain is one of the most common symptoms used to get pain meds, doctors say, because it's nondescript and hard to prove, even with testing. It's also relatively easy to fake. If a young, healthy person claims to be suffering from chronic back pain and asks for narcotic pain medication, look closely.
Another tactic is going to more than one doctor and getting prescriptions for similar drugs or claiming that certain drugs don't work. "If someone tells their physician that they're allergic to NSAIDs (nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) such as Motrin, and they say that only narcotics work for pain, that's a red flag," says Joseph Garbely of Friends Hospital in Philadelphia. The reason? When a patient says this, a doctor is automatically limited and can only prescribe narcotic painkillers, Garbely says.
17. Sickness without cause
When people are abusing alcohol or drugs, they just don't feel good much of the time, so frequent, vague illnesses can be a sign that something's up. Sickness can also be an excuse to duck out of work. Typically, you'll hear a lot of different explanations, all of them vague and hard to prove or disprove, says Gregory Smith of California's Comprehensive Pain Relief Group. Seafood poisoning, headache, diarrhea, constipation, and "my back went out" are all common -- and sometimes real, sometimes not.
In addition, low energy, fatigue, and depression that seem to come on suddenly without reason may not be caused by the drug itself but by withdrawal, says Smith. All of these symptoms are likely to be accompanied by irritability and even flashes of anger, especially if you question their authenticity or seriousness.
18. Paranoia and panic attacks
Attacks of paranoia are a well-known occurrence to anyone who's smoked pot, but they're also a common side effect of many other drugs and alcohol. Panic attacks, too, can be caused by many drugs, particularly stimulants.
Sometimes these symptoms are temporary, but over time drug addicts' personalities can completely change. "Cocaine alters the brain and can cause a variety of psychological symptoms, including thoughts that 'everyone is out to get me' or 'the walls are closing in around me,'" says Harold Urschel of Dallas.
Those abusing alcohol and drugs may develop social anxiety, feeling nervous and anxious in public situations and avoiding them whenever possible.
19. The storyteller
Would it surprise you to know that someone who proclaims dramatically that he hasn't had a drink in two weeks is probably an alcoholic? It shouldn't; telling stories to yourself and others is a natural reaction for someone who can't admit he has a drinking problem.
Even more frustrating, he may not even know they're stories. Drugs and alcohol cause memory lapses and blackouts; he may honestly not remember what happened. It's hard to admit that, of course, so rather than confess to a blackout, he makes up a story about it.
The lies don't just involve family members -- they can extend to bosses, doctors, cops, anyone in the person's life. Prescription drug addicts often take a family member such as a child or an aging parent to the doctor and try to get a prescription that they really intend for themselves. "The person will say: 'Listen, my mother won't tell you, but she's in terrible pain and really needs painkillers," says Joseph Garbely of Friends Hospital in Philadelphia.
20. The blame game
The craziness that overtakes families when a family member is abusing drugs and alcohol can feel like a contagious disease. The reason? The need to deny the addiction leads to an epidemic of blame.
"Addicts and alcoholics are known for blaming, guilt-tripping, and making others responsible for their misery," says Liliane Desjardins of the Pavillion International treatment center in Texas. Endless excuses for bad behavior become the norm, but no matter what happens, somehow it's always someone else's fault. That dented bumper? Well, why did you leave the car in the driveway where he didn't expect it to be?
The blame game ups the conflict level; a formerly peaceful family can begin to feel like a war zone. But the conflicts are always the fault of someone other than the alcoholic or addict.
Quoted: http://health.yahoo.net/caring/20-secret-signs-of-addiction
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