10 signs your date isn’t The One

10 signs your date isn’t The One

By Bob Strauss

Despite what you’ve been taught in school, that small voice in the back of your mind isn’t necessarily your conscience — it may be the last fully functioning piece of your brain, desperately trying to tell you that the guy or gal you’ve been seeing isn’t even close to being your soul mate. As unwelcome as this conclusion is, isn’t it better to come to it by yourself rather than being lectured about it by an expert? No? Well, in that case, read on for a list of signs that it’s time to get back into the trenches and continue that trudge toward true love.

1. Your date is devoted to another.

"On a regular basis, he spoke to his mother more than he did to me," says Bethany from Minneapolis. "He talked to her every day, and then he would compare me to her. She has him on such a short leash that he hasn’t ever made a major decision without her!"

2. Your spending habits don’t match. "

If she shops to make herself feel good, and he feels better when money is saved for the future, look out: irritation, frustration, and arguments can result," says Rita Benasutti, Ph.D., a therapist in Boca Raton, FL. In other words: Get out now, while your credit-card balance is still manageable.

3. Your politics are too different.

Although there are some famous liberal/conservative couples out there, "If you have opposite ideologies, it’s usually a deal-breaker," says John Seeley, author of Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life. So, "if you find yourself saying things like ‘I can’t believe you voted for him’ or ‘I can’t even kiss someone who likes that person,’" it’s time to move on.

4. Your sweetie just doesn’t get your jokes.

Take it from me: If that obscure Monty Python reference provokes polite but uncomprehending giggles on a first date, it’ll be met with frosty silence six months down the road. The same formula applies if she thinks Garrison Keillor is hilarious, but you’re more like Homer Simpson banging on the TV set and shouting, "Be more funny!"

5. Your love interest isn’t ready.

"I met someone over a year ago, and we really hit it off," says Michele from Atlanta. "He would call me from work daily, saying that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again. But the closer we got, the more he started to pull back. Finally, I threw in the towel, realizing that even though we were compatible in many ways, he was not emotionally ready for a relationship."

6. Your honey wants kids and you don’t (or vice versa).

"Often, a person is so happy to find The One that he or she assumes love, marriage and having children go together, but for the other person, being a twosome and being in love is enough," says Dr. Benasutti. "It’s a good idea to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your potential mate to understand his or her perspective."

7. Your tastes are too different.

"The number-one reason for failed relationships is what I call ‘refinement incompatibility,’" says Zannah Hackett, author of The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking. "Some of us are content to go camping, while others can’t survive outside a Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Some things are negotiable, but refinement incompatibility is not one of them, no matter how magnetically attracted you are to each other."

8. Your lifestyles clash. If you’re a corporate executive pulling in six figures a year, you’ve probably figured out by now whether you can tolerate a guy or gal who earns an order of magnitude less in terms of salary. No harm, no foul: ending things now is better than leading someone along (or unexpectedly sticking your date with the tab at that expensive restaurant).

9. Your first connection fizzles.

"When we first met, the chemistry wasn’t there," says Lauren from New York, speaking of a relationship she had high hopes for... at first. "Sometimes that attraction develops as you get to know a person and sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s very different from instantly having that sizzle of chemistry when your date glances at you for the very first time."

10. Your relationship has you on edge.

"I believe that The One strengthens you, lifts you up and does not produce anxiety," says Kathryn Alice, author of Love Will Find You. "When something isn’t right, your intuition keeps trying to let you know by putting nagging doubts in your mind as well as continual anxiety. This is a gut thing, and your gut is rarely wrong."

Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.

5 reasons why she stopped seeing you

5 reasons why she stopped seeing you

By Julie Taylor
It happens to the best of men: you’ve been dating a girl for a couple of months and things seem to be going well. She laughs at your jokes, plays footsie with you under the table at restaurants, and sends every possible signal that she’s smitten. Just about the time you start thinking you two might have a meaningful future together (or at least another date), poof! She disappears. What just happened? In truth, women’s reasons for bailing are as varied as the women themselves. Here, we consulted relationship experts and real women to pinpoint the top five so you can predict (and maybe even prevent) another disappearing act.

Reason #1:

She’s dying to get hitched"After a few months, a commitment-minded woman is really taking inventory to see if you’re marriage material," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of Be Honest — You’re Not That Into Him Either. "If she decides you’re not, she’d rather quit wasting her time and move on." It’s quite possible that she’s never talked to you about any of this — after all, her bringing up the M-word when you’ve only been going out for a few weeks or months would make her look overeager, if not desperate. But that doesn’t mean she’s not secretly sizing you up — and has decided you’re not Mr. Right or that you’re just not ready to settle down yet.

Reason #2:

Someone better came alongThe truth hurts, but sometimes a girl simply gets a better offer. That’s what often happens to Robin Orr, 43. "I’ll meet a guy online who seems great, but I don’t take my profile down because the relationship is so new. Then another guy will email me who seems interesting, and I’ll start dating him — and, before you know it, Guy #1 is outta there." Breakup expert Elizabeth Kuster, author of Exorcising Your Ex, says this is common, especially among online daters. "There are so many potential partners out there, women often get overwhelmed by their choices," she explains. "Before long, their attitude becomes, ‘So many men, so little time.’" If you’ve been burned by a flighty woman like that, try not to take it personally. There are plenty of women out there who’ll think you’re a catch.

Reason #3:

The romance has fizzledSome women are romantics at heart, utterly intoxicated by the new-love giddiness that permeates those early dates. However, when the honeymoon period subsides, they quickly lose interest. "After a few months, you two have gotten comfortable with each other, so the newness and novelty wears off," Dr. Kerner says. This is completely natural, but for romance junkies, it can spell the end of the relationship. "By the time a guy feels OK about burping or picking his nose in front of me, he’s pretty much history," says one veteran dater named Jill Parkinson. "I’d been dating my last boyfriend around seven weeks when he decided to clip his toenails around me. To me, it was the ultimate turn-off. I want to be the girl guys want to impress, not a girl around whom guys are fine passing gas."

Reason #4:

She’s afraid to settleYou’re great… but could she get someone better? Harsh as it sounds, this question often nags women until they decide to cut bait and find out what else — or who else — is out there. "A woman will often wonder: ‘He’s a good guy, but is he good enough?’" says Kuster. But please, don’t take it personally. This question says very little about your desirability as a mate — and much more about her obsession with status. And that’s probably not someone you want to be with anyway, right?

Reason #5:

You innocently did something that offended herWomen often have an unspoken laundry list of dating "red flags" — and if you inadvertently do something on that list, she may high-tail it out of there. "Maybe you did something small — like asking her to split the dinner bill — that makes her feel she’s not being treated well," says Dr. Kerner. "Instead of talking to you about it, she’ll likely just bail without ever telling you why." (She’ll tell her girlfriends the whole story, but — because these deal-breakers can be so obvious to her — she may not discuss them with you, unfortunately.) And because each woman is different, those "no-no’s" will vary — making it practically impossible to predict what is going to set her off.Luckily, there is a way to cut her off at the pass: If you notice your date acting weird when you do something, ask her about it. If she confesses that she’s turned off by splitting the check for dinner, for instance, you can talk about it then. It could turn out that her last boyfriend was an unemployed mooch whom she supported for two years, and she doesn’t want to go down that road again. "If you can communicate about what’s really going on, that’s a good sign," Kuster says. "As long as you can both be open and honest, you’re on the right track."

Best Party Games

Best Party Games

Wednesday November 3, 2010 12:13 am PDT
By Ben Tan, Yahoo! Southeast Asia
Game on!
Yahoo! Singapore Weekend Edition's "Planning The Ultimate Party" series aims to help you plan memorable events with insider info and success-proven tips. In the second part of the series, Ben Tan gives the run down on party games.
The music is rocking, the food is excellent and the drinks are plentiful. Yet somehow there is a disconnect among the revelers. Conversations are stunted. People seem lost. A general buzz is lacking about the place.
Cue the party game.
Whether its an intimate gathering among close friends or a big bash, these games are sure to liven up any atmosphere and serves as an ice breaker.
Charades
A simple game that exhibits people's improvisation and acting skills, and is a good way to get a lot of people involved in the festivities. Played by 2 teams acting out words or phrases, the aim of the game is to guess as many of them correctly as possible.
With crazy categories like "Porn movie titles" and "Most annoying people you've ever met", Charades can be that laugh-a-minute party energizer to get everybody in the mood for a good time.
Remember to have your cameras ready!
You will need: Lots of imagination and a healthy sense of humour!
Circle of death
In this game, players do certain actions that are pre determined for each card. Usually, cards are shuffled and dealt into a circle around an empty cup, and each player takes turn drawing cards, and the players must participate in the instructions corresponding to the drawn card.
The beauty of this game is that it is very flexible and can contain an assortment of mini games that encourage drinking, you'll be amazed at how everyone starts to ‘sabotage' each other, with each praying that they won't have to drink out of the King's cup!
You will need: A deck of cards, cups, and alcohol. For non alcoholic parties, water will suffice, though no one is allowed to go to the bathroom until the end of the game.
Power hour
This is one of the ultimate ‘guys night out' games. Every guy has a shot glass in front of him, with a few cans of beer handy. All you need to do is chug a big gulp of beer every minute for the next hour and beyond. Skip a gulp and you lose. Puke out the beer and you're thrown out as well. The last man standing wins.
It sounds easy, but like every good drinking game, take this lightly at your own peril! The least number of shots I've seen taken was 18. And the most? 150. Can you top that? Girls are more than welcome to try, some of you might even give the guys a run for their money!
You will need: Glasses for every participant and lots of beer. You could use hard liquor although I would highly NOT recommend it.
Never have I ever
Time to get everyone to let their innermost secrets out! The game is about people taking turns to say "Never have I ever ______". And for those people who have done what that person has not does a forfeit.
You'll be amazed at the revelations and might even see your friends in a different light after all the juicy details have spilled out.
You will need: An open mind.
7 up
7 up is a game that can push your maths skills to the limits. Players sit in a circle and start counting from 1 in a direction. Every time the number 7, or its multiples are called, replace it by saying "Up". So numbers like 7,14,17, 21 are out of bounds. The first person to break the cycle does a forfeit.
To make things more challenging, you can add in extra rules, like "No finger pointing", "You can only hold a cup with your left hand" and "Change directions at every "Up".
With a bit of booze, this game can be absolutely hilarious.
You will need: Alcohol. Calculators and arithmetic tables are strictly prohibited.