How to shortlist a HUSBAND
Preliminary round (General Criteria only) eg. introduction through friends/colleagues/SDU/SDS
1. Comparable education background or at least a stable job
2. Nice guy (in your friends’ opinion)
3. Non smoker, leisure drinking only
4. Same religion – unless you don’t mind converting
5. Sense of Humour
Detailed Criteria – during dating
Friends usually can’t screen the below for you, unless they know the guy very closely. So you can only discover these during the dating stage.
Tips to screen for HUSBAND material
Children
1. Does he want to have children after marriage ? You got to ask tactfully though- eg. When you see a kid crying in public & creating a scene, ask him what does he think of that kid, whether he find that child a nuisance ?
Ex-girlfriend
2. Should not have more than 2 preferably, otherwise you should wonder why can’t he sustain a serious relationship….commitment issue ? character flaws & hence got dumped ?
3. When did he last break off with his ex-girlfriend ?- If it’s too recent (such as a few months ago), watch out for emotional rebound !- You wouldn’t want to start a relationship with a guy who’s still thinking of his ex and likely to quickly jump into another relationship in order to forget his ex. Be extra careful with such guys.
Family
4. only child ?- Do you need to stay with in-laws after marriage ? not a problem if you don’t mind staying with in-laws
5. Relationship with parents & sibling ?-
How close is he to his mother ?
Does he admire his mother a lot ?
Although you do want someone who is filial but preferably not a mommy’s boy.
- Does his parents quarrel a lot ? Did his dad ever hit his mom or him brutally ?
you don’t want a guy who’s being abused since young in case he might become abusive himself too (according to reports by the Straits Times).
- Does he need to support his parents financially ? Find out the monthly contribution. Is it a huge commitment ?. If he’s earning a lot, then it’s alright since he can afford it. Otherwise do you need to help support his family after marriage ? It’s alright if u don’t mind.
- Does he have siblings ? Is he close to his siblings ? Does he need to help his siblings financially ? Does he have problematic siblings such as sisters or family members who always quarrel ?
- Once you got married, they become your relatives too. Hence they should preferably be easy to get along, otherwise they may become a source of conflict between you & your husband in the future.
Personal
6. Does he have any objectives / goals in life ?
- eg. 5 year career plan ? Where does he see his career in 5 years time?
- or personal objective such as taking MBA or upgrade himself or something lah.
- He should have some goals in life unless you don’t mind that he’s someone who just drifts along with life- But then again, his goals must be realistic. Danger if he’s just day-dreaming !
7. Spendthrift ?
- In debt ? Owe credit card bills ?
- Got expensive hobbies ?
- Is he in deficit every month (spent more than he earned) ?
8. Over Thrifty ?
- Find out his savings habits ? Is he too thrifty (stingy) ? You should ideally find a guy who’s willing to spend on you and thrift on him. Not the other way round.
9. Financial commitment
- Owns a car ? Other financial commitments such as paying installment for HDB ?
- contribution to family (as above under Family section)
- If he has a lot of financial commitments, it may affect your future married life as you are likely to worry about money constantly. It’s alright if you don’t mind contributing
10. Is he willing to share housework with you after marriage? Can he at least cook a little ?
11. No long courtship (Most important)
- Is he looking for a spouse too ? ie. Ready to settle down & get married ?
- Some guys in 30s may still think they are very young and wish to concentrate on their career. Please make sure he is on the same bandwidth as you ie. Looking to start a family in near future.- Unless you are <>
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Rise in STD: Youngsters Just Not Thinking?
Media reported that more young people are having sex at a younger age, constituting a potential social youth problem. Also, as reported on Jan 13, the number of sexually-transmitted disease is also on the rise. Our writers share with you their thoughts and opinions.
Ex beauty queen Ris “Boomz” Low is now the new spokesperson for a certain brand of condoms. An astute move by the brand? I think so. Negative publicity is no longer pariah given the popularity of reality TV whereby the most famous contestants (read: those that got acting or modeling offers after their stints) are those who are the most devious, loud and probably not the most suitable ambassadors of morality.Sad to say, this piece of news is going to generate more heated discussion amongst our shiny, happy citizens than the dour news that more young Singaporeans in their 20s and 30s are being infected by sexually transmitted diseases being reported.
Someone I knew just shared with me, as we commiserated with each other over our recent misfortunes, that she had just undergone an abortion. At that point, whatever misfortune I had experienced seem minute when compared to what she had to go through just a week ago. But what really hit me, was that a single, smart, university graduate in her late 20s like her did not use a condom when having sex with a fling from her workplace. She barely knew the guy except that “he doesn’t seem like those who would sleep around”.
I was flabbergasted. I not going to stand on moral high ground and judge the act. What was truly worrying that a highly educated individual, a child of the Information Super Highway we know as the Internet made her decision not to use any protection based purely on how the man looked. What more can we expect of teenagers and young adults who might not be as savvy with information? Suddenly, the rising trend of STIs among youths does not seem all that surprising. What exactly went wrong here?
In our rush to equip our youngsters with the necessary education and skills to cope with the increasing demands of the 21st century economy, have we forgotten to teach them simple life skills like not judging a book by its cover, to consider the consequences of your actions? How about assessing and evaluating risks?
Morally, sex has been devalued. Teenagers speak of it more like a sport. Like a game of Soccer, they are eager to earn their own high scores. Even with sport, you wear protection when you run the risk of physical injury. Would anyone in the right mind play ice hockey without a helmet? Why shouldn’t this simple truth apply to the sport they call sex?
Perhaps its just a numbers game. Since more people have it, the disease is bound to spread and even more will be infected. That is unless we find a cure to completely eradicate it. If this is so, we then arrive at the issue of social responsibility. Those infected aren’t “retiring” from the game yet. The lack of social responsibility has far reaching implications, especially in this age of terrifying pandemics like the H1N1.
We need to address the problem fast and the carrot and stick approach will no longer work with our youths. We need to change mentalities, capture hearts and minds. Youths need to really know what they are getting into.
Miss Low certainly has her work cut out for her.
Writer: Mok Wen Guang, Educator
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/in-the-news/commentary-young-adults-need-to-know-what-they-are-getting-into/
Ex beauty queen Ris “Boomz” Low is now the new spokesperson for a certain brand of condoms. An astute move by the brand? I think so. Negative publicity is no longer pariah given the popularity of reality TV whereby the most famous contestants (read: those that got acting or modeling offers after their stints) are those who are the most devious, loud and probably not the most suitable ambassadors of morality.Sad to say, this piece of news is going to generate more heated discussion amongst our shiny, happy citizens than the dour news that more young Singaporeans in their 20s and 30s are being infected by sexually transmitted diseases being reported.
Someone I knew just shared with me, as we commiserated with each other over our recent misfortunes, that she had just undergone an abortion. At that point, whatever misfortune I had experienced seem minute when compared to what she had to go through just a week ago. But what really hit me, was that a single, smart, university graduate in her late 20s like her did not use a condom when having sex with a fling from her workplace. She barely knew the guy except that “he doesn’t seem like those who would sleep around”.
I was flabbergasted. I not going to stand on moral high ground and judge the act. What was truly worrying that a highly educated individual, a child of the Information Super Highway we know as the Internet made her decision not to use any protection based purely on how the man looked. What more can we expect of teenagers and young adults who might not be as savvy with information? Suddenly, the rising trend of STIs among youths does not seem all that surprising. What exactly went wrong here?
In our rush to equip our youngsters with the necessary education and skills to cope with the increasing demands of the 21st century economy, have we forgotten to teach them simple life skills like not judging a book by its cover, to consider the consequences of your actions? How about assessing and evaluating risks?
Morally, sex has been devalued. Teenagers speak of it more like a sport. Like a game of Soccer, they are eager to earn their own high scores. Even with sport, you wear protection when you run the risk of physical injury. Would anyone in the right mind play ice hockey without a helmet? Why shouldn’t this simple truth apply to the sport they call sex?
Perhaps its just a numbers game. Since more people have it, the disease is bound to spread and even more will be infected. That is unless we find a cure to completely eradicate it. If this is so, we then arrive at the issue of social responsibility. Those infected aren’t “retiring” from the game yet. The lack of social responsibility has far reaching implications, especially in this age of terrifying pandemics like the H1N1.
We need to address the problem fast and the carrot and stick approach will no longer work with our youths. We need to change mentalities, capture hearts and minds. Youths need to really know what they are getting into.
Miss Low certainly has her work cut out for her.
Writer: Mok Wen Guang, Educator
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/in-the-news/commentary-young-adults-need-to-know-what-they-are-getting-into/
Top 10 Ungraceful Habits of Singaporeans
Ever felt irritated by your fellow Singaporeans? Or maybe by that auntie who is always gossiping so loudly in public areas? Well, SGClub presents to you the top 10 most irritating habits Singaporeans have. You’d probably find yourself having at least one, if not a few of these!
Must.. Get In… First
Seriously, what is this overwhelming need with some Singaporeans to rush in first when the doors of a lift or trains open? If you are already the first person in-front of the door, YOU WILL GET IN! Can you let me get our first?? Then there will be more space for everyone else and you won’t be creating some kind of traffic jam right at the doors where I might get seriously hurt when the doors close. I’m warning you, the next time you try to rush in when I’m getting out, I’ll be standing my ground and you can forget about being the first person to get in!
Phone Blasting
Ever gotten onto a double-decker bus after a really long day, only to endure the entire trip having to listen to poor quality music blasted on someone’s phone? It’s even worse when they sing along and out of tune. Trust me; it’s more common than you think.
Stop Staring, I’m Not Done
You can stare all you want, if I’m not done with my meal, you can bet that I’m staying on. And while I recognise that tables are scarce in many places, but hey, I’m entitled to some time to finish off my ‘teh ping’ without you making me feel guilty about it. If you must maintain a watchful eye over my table, at least do it discretely and politely as I’m sure you don’t like it too when others stare while you finish of the last morsel of your food. Let’s be a little more graceful can we?
Tissue = Taken?
Personally, I don’t see how people can actually stand being told off by an auntie when you thought you have finally found a place to sit in a crowded eatery. That tissue counts for nothing! It is worse when you finally stoop to their level and realise that some tissue packets on the tables AREN’T for reservation purposes, but were left behind by previous patrons.
Edgy Escalators
It is widely known that we have to keep left on escalators, unless we’re walking on it. I’m not really sure why some people enjoy standing on the right side, but apparently it’s a habit that’s pretty rampant here. Be it rushing to watch a movie in a shopping centre, or to simply move faster when you’re already on an escalator (for reasons that elude me), it is quite a pain to have someone block you on the right when there is obviously place for them to stand on the left.
Hear Ye, Hear Me!
google_protectAndRun("ads_core.google_render_ad", google_handleError, google_render_ad);
Why oh why, do people have to talk so loudly over the phone in public areas? If it’s hard for the other person to hear you on the other end, excuse yourself and go to a quieter place. Or, you could make use of the technology we call ‘SMS’. Most of us do not need to know what you had for dinner, or who recently won a consolation prize in 4D.
Failed Flushing
The number of times I've used a cubicle that wasn’t flushed, could be close to equivalent to the number of times I’ve been to a toilet outside Changi Airport and home. Other than the times I’ve been to the nicer shopping malls such as Ion Orchard and Tampines One, the cubicles are mostly unsatisfactory. Sometimes, I wonder if the automatic flush system even works in certain places. Would it be so much of a chore to flush? Just press the metal button if it doesn’t flush after use! It would help make the experience so much more pleasant for the next person.
Spitting
This is just plain disgusting. It’s so much of an eyesore to see spit on the ground, worse if it’s phlegm. If you ever step on it, I'm pretty sure you’ll be cringing inside. If you hang around the bus interchange at Bedok long enough, you’ll get to meet the culprits. The sound they make before spitting it onto the floor makes it hard to miss them!
My Bag Needs a Chair
This is pretty self-explanatory and is an endemic problem both with the young and the old. I understand that floor is dirty, but it is still not a good excuse to deny a person a seat just because of your bag. In addition, there is a more insidious form of this bad habit where one person hogs two tables just for his laptop and his papers. The cafe and any public area is not your office or personal space to hog, and I believe that if you are one person, an entitlement of 1 space is fair and if there is no one who needs the space, it's perfectly fine to 'expand' your space. However if the place is packed with many looking for a place, it is common courtesy to give up any additional space you have taken.
Turn Your Handphone Off!
Can you count the number of times that you are reminded to turn your cellphones to off or silent mode before a movie or a theatre? You would think that it should be enough to remind any blur king that he needs to take out his phone and check it. But no..... at the most crucial moment of the movie, you will hear an irritating ring that distracts everyone. And that is not the worse thing. Sometimes, this inconsiderate person will take his own sweet time to answer it, afraid that someone in the cinema might not have heard hisu irritating ringtone. And to cap things off, he starts starts talking on the phone as though he was the only person in the entire room! I feel my nachos cheese flying in that direction...
And that’s that for the Top 10 Irritating Habits. But remember people; it’s never too late to change.
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/self-improvement/top-10-ungraceful-habits-of-singaporeans/
Must.. Get In… First
Seriously, what is this overwhelming need with some Singaporeans to rush in first when the doors of a lift or trains open? If you are already the first person in-front of the door, YOU WILL GET IN! Can you let me get our first?? Then there will be more space for everyone else and you won’t be creating some kind of traffic jam right at the doors where I might get seriously hurt when the doors close. I’m warning you, the next time you try to rush in when I’m getting out, I’ll be standing my ground and you can forget about being the first person to get in!
Phone Blasting
Ever gotten onto a double-decker bus after a really long day, only to endure the entire trip having to listen to poor quality music blasted on someone’s phone? It’s even worse when they sing along and out of tune. Trust me; it’s more common than you think.
Stop Staring, I’m Not Done
You can stare all you want, if I’m not done with my meal, you can bet that I’m staying on. And while I recognise that tables are scarce in many places, but hey, I’m entitled to some time to finish off my ‘teh ping’ without you making me feel guilty about it. If you must maintain a watchful eye over my table, at least do it discretely and politely as I’m sure you don’t like it too when others stare while you finish of the last morsel of your food. Let’s be a little more graceful can we?
Tissue = Taken?
Personally, I don’t see how people can actually stand being told off by an auntie when you thought you have finally found a place to sit in a crowded eatery. That tissue counts for nothing! It is worse when you finally stoop to their level and realise that some tissue packets on the tables AREN’T for reservation purposes, but were left behind by previous patrons.
Edgy Escalators
It is widely known that we have to keep left on escalators, unless we’re walking on it. I’m not really sure why some people enjoy standing on the right side, but apparently it’s a habit that’s pretty rampant here. Be it rushing to watch a movie in a shopping centre, or to simply move faster when you’re already on an escalator (for reasons that elude me), it is quite a pain to have someone block you on the right when there is obviously place for them to stand on the left.
Hear Ye, Hear Me!
google_protectAndRun("ads_core.google_render_ad", google_handleError, google_render_ad);
Why oh why, do people have to talk so loudly over the phone in public areas? If it’s hard for the other person to hear you on the other end, excuse yourself and go to a quieter place. Or, you could make use of the technology we call ‘SMS’. Most of us do not need to know what you had for dinner, or who recently won a consolation prize in 4D.
Failed Flushing
The number of times I've used a cubicle that wasn’t flushed, could be close to equivalent to the number of times I’ve been to a toilet outside Changi Airport and home. Other than the times I’ve been to the nicer shopping malls such as Ion Orchard and Tampines One, the cubicles are mostly unsatisfactory. Sometimes, I wonder if the automatic flush system even works in certain places. Would it be so much of a chore to flush? Just press the metal button if it doesn’t flush after use! It would help make the experience so much more pleasant for the next person.
Spitting
This is just plain disgusting. It’s so much of an eyesore to see spit on the ground, worse if it’s phlegm. If you ever step on it, I'm pretty sure you’ll be cringing inside. If you hang around the bus interchange at Bedok long enough, you’ll get to meet the culprits. The sound they make before spitting it onto the floor makes it hard to miss them!
My Bag Needs a Chair
This is pretty self-explanatory and is an endemic problem both with the young and the old. I understand that floor is dirty, but it is still not a good excuse to deny a person a seat just because of your bag. In addition, there is a more insidious form of this bad habit where one person hogs two tables just for his laptop and his papers. The cafe and any public area is not your office or personal space to hog, and I believe that if you are one person, an entitlement of 1 space is fair and if there is no one who needs the space, it's perfectly fine to 'expand' your space. However if the place is packed with many looking for a place, it is common courtesy to give up any additional space you have taken.
Turn Your Handphone Off!
Can you count the number of times that you are reminded to turn your cellphones to off or silent mode before a movie or a theatre? You would think that it should be enough to remind any blur king that he needs to take out his phone and check it. But no..... at the most crucial moment of the movie, you will hear an irritating ring that distracts everyone. And that is not the worse thing. Sometimes, this inconsiderate person will take his own sweet time to answer it, afraid that someone in the cinema might not have heard hisu irritating ringtone. And to cap things off, he starts starts talking on the phone as though he was the only person in the entire room! I feel my nachos cheese flying in that direction...
And that’s that for the Top 10 Irritating Habits. But remember people; it’s never too late to change.
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/self-improvement/top-10-ungraceful-habits-of-singaporeans/
Asking for a Date at the Right Time
The moment you have chosen the right time you have almost won halfway.
The timing is the most important thing when you are asking someone to come out with you. Of course there are many other factors too but this one is the one that will get you either a yes or no. Which night that you ask a girl out is the one that will make or break your date?
When I go down memory lane and recollect the relationships that I had the ones that went wrong were mostly because of the time. The wrong girl at the wrong time can ruin things for both of you. Imagine meeting someone when you are in high school looking for someone to get married to. Or meeting someone at work but office romances are strictly not a part of the policies and procedures. Or you are in a city for a short assignment and you meet a fabulous girl but the next day you are leaving for hometown never to come to that city again. Most of these circumstances will not be under your control as that is how life works. Bad timing can sure be your downfall where dates are concerned.
Sometimes the time for the girl might not be right. She might already be involved in a relationship and not looking around. If she has just broken up and is disillusioned with men big time then she is certainly not going to bite the bait with you. Maybe she has a career or family crisis and cannot be bothered to devote time to dating. This is just one of the quirks of life.
Once the invitation for a date has been accepted then you do have the timing in your hands. Weekends are always a good bet as you have no work the next day and lots of places have many offers over the weekends. Clubs and pubs want to attract enough customers by offering them lots of enticing offers they can’t resist.Having said that weeknights could also be attractive propositions. You could get a very good deal then too. But, weekday dates are not as fun as weekend ones. The hard work at the office and the traveling can certainly take the zeal out of you.
Moreover, when you go out during the weekday you cannot stay out until real late into the night thinking of the next morning alarm. Weekday dates can be a possibility that you guys meet up and make plans for the coming weekend. So the timing for the weekday date has its pros and cons too.
google_protectAndRun("ads_core.google_render_ad", google_handleError, google_render_ad);
Now, what could happen when a girl denies your offer for a date? You need not take it to heart. Let the girl have options to choose from for location and the time. This will make it more difficult for her to reject your offer. A denial need not result in a closed door forever. Try again for another day and time. The timing thing again plays an important role out here. Let your interest be known really clearly. Do not seem too eager to please the girl and let it be known to her that you too have some days that you aren’t available. This will add on to the appeal of being not easy to get.
Do not get bogged down by the excuses that come your way. They are there to back you off. If the girl’s interest index is low then nothing can be done in that case. Take a no at face value and try your luck somewhere else. It just means that the timing hasn’t been right. If the girl says no and you still persist then there is not much of a chance of you getting her to say yes.
You have finally got yourself to a nightclub. Timing is of utmost importance out here too. When a girl is chatting with a big group of gal friends and you go and ask her for a dance you certainly know that the answer is going to be a big no. time it right and you will come out a winner. Wait for when she is alone and strike then. The last song is being played and you ask her for a dance? What could the answer be but a no?Time things right by knowing the surrounding and the strategies involved. Without that you will not come out a winner.
In a nutshell let us sum this up as:
The reason why a woman is saying no
Do not be rigid in the day and time
Take a no as a no and do not persist unnecessarily.
Do not sound as though you have no work and are free all the days.
Accept gracefully that there is something called a wrong time
Remember the rule that first dates on weekdays only.
The right moment to approach the girl
Ask confidently.
Maximum outcome will only happen at the right time.
Do not exhibit annoyance.
Find out the best moment to approach and strike then.
A girl who looks busy and stressed is guaranteed to say no.
So, after having looked at all these factors you know that there is a right time and a wrong time for everything even where dating is concerned. Girls do not say yes at every given time and you do need to keep this in mind. At the same time do not give up easily and persistence will pay you for sure.Furthermore, even after you get a date you will have to ensure that you seriously think about the timing for everything so that you get the maximum out of it.
http://www.sgclub.com/communication/talking-to-girls/asking-for-a-date-at-the-right-time/
The timing is the most important thing when you are asking someone to come out with you. Of course there are many other factors too but this one is the one that will get you either a yes or no. Which night that you ask a girl out is the one that will make or break your date?
When I go down memory lane and recollect the relationships that I had the ones that went wrong were mostly because of the time. The wrong girl at the wrong time can ruin things for both of you. Imagine meeting someone when you are in high school looking for someone to get married to. Or meeting someone at work but office romances are strictly not a part of the policies and procedures. Or you are in a city for a short assignment and you meet a fabulous girl but the next day you are leaving for hometown never to come to that city again. Most of these circumstances will not be under your control as that is how life works. Bad timing can sure be your downfall where dates are concerned.
Sometimes the time for the girl might not be right. She might already be involved in a relationship and not looking around. If she has just broken up and is disillusioned with men big time then she is certainly not going to bite the bait with you. Maybe she has a career or family crisis and cannot be bothered to devote time to dating. This is just one of the quirks of life.
Once the invitation for a date has been accepted then you do have the timing in your hands. Weekends are always a good bet as you have no work the next day and lots of places have many offers over the weekends. Clubs and pubs want to attract enough customers by offering them lots of enticing offers they can’t resist.Having said that weeknights could also be attractive propositions. You could get a very good deal then too. But, weekday dates are not as fun as weekend ones. The hard work at the office and the traveling can certainly take the zeal out of you.
Moreover, when you go out during the weekday you cannot stay out until real late into the night thinking of the next morning alarm. Weekday dates can be a possibility that you guys meet up and make plans for the coming weekend. So the timing for the weekday date has its pros and cons too.
google_protectAndRun("ads_core.google_render_ad", google_handleError, google_render_ad);
Now, what could happen when a girl denies your offer for a date? You need not take it to heart. Let the girl have options to choose from for location and the time. This will make it more difficult for her to reject your offer. A denial need not result in a closed door forever. Try again for another day and time. The timing thing again plays an important role out here. Let your interest be known really clearly. Do not seem too eager to please the girl and let it be known to her that you too have some days that you aren’t available. This will add on to the appeal of being not easy to get.
Do not get bogged down by the excuses that come your way. They are there to back you off. If the girl’s interest index is low then nothing can be done in that case. Take a no at face value and try your luck somewhere else. It just means that the timing hasn’t been right. If the girl says no and you still persist then there is not much of a chance of you getting her to say yes.
You have finally got yourself to a nightclub. Timing is of utmost importance out here too. When a girl is chatting with a big group of gal friends and you go and ask her for a dance you certainly know that the answer is going to be a big no. time it right and you will come out a winner. Wait for when she is alone and strike then. The last song is being played and you ask her for a dance? What could the answer be but a no?Time things right by knowing the surrounding and the strategies involved. Without that you will not come out a winner.
In a nutshell let us sum this up as:
The reason why a woman is saying no
Do not be rigid in the day and time
Take a no as a no and do not persist unnecessarily.
Do not sound as though you have no work and are free all the days.
Accept gracefully that there is something called a wrong time
Remember the rule that first dates on weekdays only.
The right moment to approach the girl
Ask confidently.
Maximum outcome will only happen at the right time.
Do not exhibit annoyance.
Find out the best moment to approach and strike then.
A girl who looks busy and stressed is guaranteed to say no.
So, after having looked at all these factors you know that there is a right time and a wrong time for everything even where dating is concerned. Girls do not say yes at every given time and you do need to keep this in mind. At the same time do not give up easily and persistence will pay you for sure.Furthermore, even after you get a date you will have to ensure that you seriously think about the timing for everything so that you get the maximum out of it.
http://www.sgclub.com/communication/talking-to-girls/asking-for-a-date-at-the-right-time/
10 Sure Signs She is Flirting with You
The art of flirting is something that everybody must know if they wish to make progress with a relationship with the opposite sex. Though it is a complex skill and many articles have been written on how to flirt without letting the opposite person know that you are doing so, many individuals are not able to make much headway with members of the opposite sex. The reason is these articles give you only one half of the picture and do not emphasize much on the fact that flirting like most skills require a good sense of timing and the person must be able to recognize whether the opposite individual is ready or in the mood to flirt.
Similarly, very often men are not able to make out when a woman is actually flirting with them and lose out on some of the opportunities to take the relationship a step further due to this lack of understanding of woman behavior.
This article informs you about 10 apparent signals given by women indicating their willingness to either flirt or actually telling you that they are flirting with you to seek your attention.
#10. She smiles
A woman is unlikely to just smile at any person across a room and when you have somebody actually smiling at you, make sure you return the smile. The fact that she has identified you amongst many in the room and taken the initiative to smile at you is a definite sign of interest in you and you should not miss this opportunity.
#9. She keeps walking by
When you are standing alone and there is a woman who keeps walking by you rather aimlessly, it signifies her intention to draw your attention. You must seize this chance and engage in some conversation with her. Of course, you must first make sure that she is indeed going out of her way to just walk by you and you can make this out from her body language.
#8. She draws attention to her mouth
One very important physical and alluring part in a woman’s body is her lips and mouth. They are very much aware of this and would invariably try to draw your attention towards that part by either applying a fresh coat of lipstick or gloss or by running her fingers on her lips. Some may even use the straw to sip the cocktail as a very seductive gesture. The woman’s mouth is a tremendously seductive weapon and most of them will use it to their advantage to get the attention they want. You must be alert to such gestures and make use of the opportunities presented by such women as definite indicators of them soliciting your company.
#7. She isolates herself
Having established eye contact, a woman may excuse herself from her group as she is aware that you will not be able to break through this wall of her group. This deliberate action from her is a sure sign of her interest in you and she is indicating to you that she is amenable to a relationship with you. It is now up to you to take it further from here by talking to her and do your bit to develop the contact.
#6. She mimics your body movements
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It is a well known fact that two people very much in love with each other tend to imitate certain actions of each other. So if you notice a woman mimicking some of your actions, you can be dead sure that she is interested in you and wants your attention.
#5. She plays with her hair
Like the lips and mouth, the woman’s hair is another potent weapon of seduction which she uses selectively. One very popular gesture is twirling her fingers around her hair or letting the hair fall so as to partially cover an eye. This lends a mysterious look to her persona and is another indication of her interest in you.
#4. She touches you
Any physical contact from her side is a sure sign of flirting and wanting to take the relationship further. So when she gently brushes your arm, shoulder, wrist or hand, you can be rest assured that she is very keen to make progress and you must spare no effort to reciprocate.
#3. She makes eye contact
It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and that through the eyes truth can be gleamed. Eye contact is a sign of confidence and trust. She’s stating that she is not interested in games and that her intentions are straightforward. The duration of the eye contact is proportional to her level of initial interest.
#2. She enters your personal space
When someone comes so close to you so as to occupy your personal space by just brushing you with a smile, she is giving you definite hints that she is interested in your company and providing you with a invitation to get to know her better. You need to reciprocate accordingly and demonstrate to her that you are equally interested.
#1. She approaches you to talk
This action is very similar to the earlier one and is a much more forthright approach in letting you know that she means business. By choosing to speak to you, she is cutting through any overt gestures and allows her to gain your singular attention. While talking to you, she may maintain total eye contact, sometimes touch you, imitate you and will do any of the above mentioned flirting mannerisms. This is your chance to impress her and make rapid strides in developing the relationship as quickly as you can.
The above tips are some of the typical gestures that women will make to gain your attention and are by no means exhaustive. It is up to you to remain alert and pick up other gestures and mannerisms that you notice and take full advantage of them.
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/dating/10-sure-signs-she-is-flirting-with-you-2/
Similarly, very often men are not able to make out when a woman is actually flirting with them and lose out on some of the opportunities to take the relationship a step further due to this lack of understanding of woman behavior.
This article informs you about 10 apparent signals given by women indicating their willingness to either flirt or actually telling you that they are flirting with you to seek your attention.
#10. She smiles
A woman is unlikely to just smile at any person across a room and when you have somebody actually smiling at you, make sure you return the smile. The fact that she has identified you amongst many in the room and taken the initiative to smile at you is a definite sign of interest in you and you should not miss this opportunity.
#9. She keeps walking by
When you are standing alone and there is a woman who keeps walking by you rather aimlessly, it signifies her intention to draw your attention. You must seize this chance and engage in some conversation with her. Of course, you must first make sure that she is indeed going out of her way to just walk by you and you can make this out from her body language.
#8. She draws attention to her mouth
One very important physical and alluring part in a woman’s body is her lips and mouth. They are very much aware of this and would invariably try to draw your attention towards that part by either applying a fresh coat of lipstick or gloss or by running her fingers on her lips. Some may even use the straw to sip the cocktail as a very seductive gesture. The woman’s mouth is a tremendously seductive weapon and most of them will use it to their advantage to get the attention they want. You must be alert to such gestures and make use of the opportunities presented by such women as definite indicators of them soliciting your company.
#7. She isolates herself
Having established eye contact, a woman may excuse herself from her group as she is aware that you will not be able to break through this wall of her group. This deliberate action from her is a sure sign of her interest in you and she is indicating to you that she is amenable to a relationship with you. It is now up to you to take it further from here by talking to her and do your bit to develop the contact.
#6. She mimics your body movements
google_protectAndRun("ads_core.google_render_ad", google_handleError, google_render_ad);
It is a well known fact that two people very much in love with each other tend to imitate certain actions of each other. So if you notice a woman mimicking some of your actions, you can be dead sure that she is interested in you and wants your attention.
#5. She plays with her hair
Like the lips and mouth, the woman’s hair is another potent weapon of seduction which she uses selectively. One very popular gesture is twirling her fingers around her hair or letting the hair fall so as to partially cover an eye. This lends a mysterious look to her persona and is another indication of her interest in you.
#4. She touches you
Any physical contact from her side is a sure sign of flirting and wanting to take the relationship further. So when she gently brushes your arm, shoulder, wrist or hand, you can be rest assured that she is very keen to make progress and you must spare no effort to reciprocate.
#3. She makes eye contact
It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and that through the eyes truth can be gleamed. Eye contact is a sign of confidence and trust. She’s stating that she is not interested in games and that her intentions are straightforward. The duration of the eye contact is proportional to her level of initial interest.
#2. She enters your personal space
When someone comes so close to you so as to occupy your personal space by just brushing you with a smile, she is giving you definite hints that she is interested in your company and providing you with a invitation to get to know her better. You need to reciprocate accordingly and demonstrate to her that you are equally interested.
#1. She approaches you to talk
This action is very similar to the earlier one and is a much more forthright approach in letting you know that she means business. By choosing to speak to you, she is cutting through any overt gestures and allows her to gain your singular attention. While talking to you, she may maintain total eye contact, sometimes touch you, imitate you and will do any of the above mentioned flirting mannerisms. This is your chance to impress her and make rapid strides in developing the relationship as quickly as you can.
The above tips are some of the typical gestures that women will make to gain your attention and are by no means exhaustive. It is up to you to remain alert and pick up other gestures and mannerisms that you notice and take full advantage of them.
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/dating/10-sure-signs-she-is-flirting-with-you-2/
Tips to Enhance Survival of a Long Distance Relationship
As people become more global, it becomes more frequent that one person in a relationship needs to be overseas for a prolonged period of time for studies or for work. This is especially true for a small country like Singapore, where there are tons of priceless opportunities to be picked up when outside of our small island. For students, the chance to study in a prestigious ivy-leagued school and to interact with the very best brains around the world should never be passed up. Similarly, if given the opportunity to expand your horizons while working in an MNC and be stationed abroad, many know that there are lots of benefits to such an opportunity.
All these just makes it more and more likely that many couples will have to struggle with the challenge of maintaining a long-distance relationship. Many couples start out never intending or believing in this concept of LDR, until they come face-to-face with this decision, either to try a LDR or to break it off clean. Whatever the decision, it will not be easy. Thus for those who are optimistic and feel that your partner is worth the wait and the challenge, here are some useful pointers that can help enhance the survival of your relationship.
Have a Target Date in Mind
No one likes uncertainty when it comes to interpersonal relationships and hence you must discus the separation with your partner. You two must decide on an end to the separation. We all need a target and a goal to work towards and it is always good to state upfront honestly how long the LDR is going to last. If you one party is going for studies, decide how long it is going to be and if it is for a work assignment, have a confident date that the assignment will be concluded. All in all, you have to have a definite goal to look forward to or else it will feel like you are groping in the dark. That particular feeling may be very frustrating.
Do not try to rush through emotions, take your time. Leave enough room before setting the end point so that you can fulfill the original goals that brought on the separation. Keep it realistic and don’t get carried away. Making unrealistic promises that you will never be able to keep will be absolute disasters for your relationship.
Establish a Realistic & Regular Communication Plan
As you embark on a long distance relationship, rest assured that your phone bills will skyrocket. Because talking to her regularly and having a good time talking is going to become necessary to maintain your relationship with her. Prepare for this by moving to a phone plan that has unlimited long distance calls or at least make sure you have the best rates. Make sure you call her as much as she calls you. If she feels ignored and forgotten, you will be in a world of trouble.
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Also schedule physical dates with her and mark them down. They are very important and you must try not to miss any of them. If you think you will miss one, let her know in advance. For solutions that are easier on your pocket, try PC based voice chat options like Skype and AIM.
Regular Visits
Before the actual end arrives, regular physical meetings make things a lot easier to bear. Of course this may not be easy to achieve if both of you are on different ends of the world, but if possible and if you think this relationship is important enough, you'll want to try to schedule visits as far as possible. A short visit like a weekend together can make a world of difference and you need to make it at least once every two months or so. Voice and video chats can only go so far but nothing can (yet) replace your touch or your smell. There is nothing like physically meeting her that shows her that you still care about her.
The best thing to do is to take a vacation together, away from respective homes. Go somewhere you haven’t been to before and spend some quality time together. This will infuse some fresh life into the relationship. This will help your relationship to grow stronger even though it is long-distance.
Trust is Everything
As you start spending more time away from your partner, you will notice that your older habits of being a single person are kicking in. It may not be very noticeable and it will of course not be exactly the same. But they will be there and it will be the same for her as well. Soon, you will hear her talking about people you have not met, other men she is spending her time with. She will change like people do with time and when you next meet her, she won’t be the exact same person. The same thing will happen to you and there will be slight changes in you. You won’t notice these changes in a close relationship because you see each other regularly.
When you go long-distance, you are no longer able to give her company during her free time like you used to. So she will be looking to spend her time with someone else. The same will apply to you as you look for people to spend time with. So do not get overtly jealous just because she is spending time with somebody else.The Long Distance Love
Remember that it is all about what is more important to both of you. If you both value the relationship more, you will be willing to sacrifice some career success. If you are both career oriented, then you might be willing to hold the relationship back for while. In the end, it all boils down to mutual understanding.
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/dating/tips-to-enhance-survival-of-your-long-distance-relationship/
All these just makes it more and more likely that many couples will have to struggle with the challenge of maintaining a long-distance relationship. Many couples start out never intending or believing in this concept of LDR, until they come face-to-face with this decision, either to try a LDR or to break it off clean. Whatever the decision, it will not be easy. Thus for those who are optimistic and feel that your partner is worth the wait and the challenge, here are some useful pointers that can help enhance the survival of your relationship.
Have a Target Date in Mind
No one likes uncertainty when it comes to interpersonal relationships and hence you must discus the separation with your partner. You two must decide on an end to the separation. We all need a target and a goal to work towards and it is always good to state upfront honestly how long the LDR is going to last. If you one party is going for studies, decide how long it is going to be and if it is for a work assignment, have a confident date that the assignment will be concluded. All in all, you have to have a definite goal to look forward to or else it will feel like you are groping in the dark. That particular feeling may be very frustrating.
Do not try to rush through emotions, take your time. Leave enough room before setting the end point so that you can fulfill the original goals that brought on the separation. Keep it realistic and don’t get carried away. Making unrealistic promises that you will never be able to keep will be absolute disasters for your relationship.
Establish a Realistic & Regular Communication Plan
As you embark on a long distance relationship, rest assured that your phone bills will skyrocket. Because talking to her regularly and having a good time talking is going to become necessary to maintain your relationship with her. Prepare for this by moving to a phone plan that has unlimited long distance calls or at least make sure you have the best rates. Make sure you call her as much as she calls you. If she feels ignored and forgotten, you will be in a world of trouble.
google_protectAndRun("ads_core.google_render_ad", google_handleError, google_render_ad);
Also schedule physical dates with her and mark them down. They are very important and you must try not to miss any of them. If you think you will miss one, let her know in advance. For solutions that are easier on your pocket, try PC based voice chat options like Skype and AIM.
Regular Visits
Before the actual end arrives, regular physical meetings make things a lot easier to bear. Of course this may not be easy to achieve if both of you are on different ends of the world, but if possible and if you think this relationship is important enough, you'll want to try to schedule visits as far as possible. A short visit like a weekend together can make a world of difference and you need to make it at least once every two months or so. Voice and video chats can only go so far but nothing can (yet) replace your touch or your smell. There is nothing like physically meeting her that shows her that you still care about her.
The best thing to do is to take a vacation together, away from respective homes. Go somewhere you haven’t been to before and spend some quality time together. This will infuse some fresh life into the relationship. This will help your relationship to grow stronger even though it is long-distance.
Trust is Everything
As you start spending more time away from your partner, you will notice that your older habits of being a single person are kicking in. It may not be very noticeable and it will of course not be exactly the same. But they will be there and it will be the same for her as well. Soon, you will hear her talking about people you have not met, other men she is spending her time with. She will change like people do with time and when you next meet her, she won’t be the exact same person. The same thing will happen to you and there will be slight changes in you. You won’t notice these changes in a close relationship because you see each other regularly.
When you go long-distance, you are no longer able to give her company during her free time like you used to. So she will be looking to spend her time with someone else. The same will apply to you as you look for people to spend time with. So do not get overtly jealous just because she is spending time with somebody else.The Long Distance Love
Remember that it is all about what is more important to both of you. If you both value the relationship more, you will be willing to sacrifice some career success. If you are both career oriented, then you might be willing to hold the relationship back for while. In the end, it all boils down to mutual understanding.
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/dating/tips-to-enhance-survival-of-your-long-distance-relationship/
10 Reasons Why You Should Tell Her You have Cheated
The deed is done. You have cheated on your partner and you cannot reverse the fact. Instead of lying about it and constantly having to fight the fear of being found out, we suggest that the better option would be to come clean and ask for her forgiveness.
While there are merits and demerits to both options, it may be better to opt for making a clean breast of it and ask for her forgiveness. Given below are ten reasons supporting this option and why hiding this incident of infidelity on your part can never be an ideal option. If you are still skeptical, read on and find out for yourself.
No.10 - Because you can't count on your partner in crime
It is possible that you had a fling with somebody whom you do not know well enough and she is equally unaware of your relationship with somebody else. In which case, you cannot blame her. However, once she does come to know, you cannot be sure that she would not squeal about it to your partner and create problems in the future. You cannot be sure that this woman, with whom you just had a steamy one night stand, would not want something more substantial from you and end up at your apartment one fine day. She might also start calling you at odd hours and make your life a misery. It is this uncertainty that is a strong enough reason for you to come clean with your partner about your mistake.
No.9 - Because the guilt will drive you mad
All said and done, as human beings we are bound to nobody else but our own conscience and the guilt factor is bound to make your life very difficult. Whenever your partner mentions how trustworthy you are or takes good care of you showering her love and affection, your conscience is likely to prick you for that misdemeanor on your part. This feeling will persist all your life and that is why you must confess to your partner and break free of this burden on your conscience.
No.8 - To regain the respect of your peers
It is likely that somebody whom you know would become aware of this incident and this person might end up telling some of your other associates and acquaintances, including women. You will then be judged by them and whenever you run into one of them, you will feel a strange uneasiness. Coming clean will resolve this problem and your friends and acquaintances will appreciate the fact that you have realized your mistake and will even pardon you for it. They will recognize the fact that you are human after all and will respect you for the gumption you showed in confessing about the incident. Getting back some of the lost respect of your associates is another compelling reason as to why you should inform your partner about your mistake.
No.7 - So you can live without paranoia
In addition to the guilt, leading your life with the knowledge of having cheated your partner will not be easy. You will always be on the edge and will want to cover your tracks, in the fear that the truth might get revealed. This insecure feeling and paranoia can be very difficult to deal with and can lead to high stress, anxiety and depression thus providing adequate justification as to why you should come clean with your partner about your infidelity.
No.6 - Because it was a mistake
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Confessing your mistake immediately after the event will make your partner you’re your mistake as a genuine one done in the heat of the moment and she might forgive you, as long as you make a commitment that such a thing will not happen again. However, hiding it and taking the risk of her finding it out sometime in the future will put your relationship at grave risk, as it would be construed by her to be a case of deliberate cheating on your part. The price could be a heavy one and you could lose her forever.
No.5 - Because you don't want to make a second mistake
By hiding your mistake from your partner, you are compounding your problems. If making the mistake was not bad enough, hiding it from her and lying about it will make it seem worse than it is and your image will take a severe beating in the eyes of your partner. The chances of forgiveness from your partner also diminish greatly as it would definitely disturb her that you chose not to come clean on the issue.
No.4 - Because you care about her
Perhaps the strongest and most plausible reason as to why you should confess to your partner is the fact that you love her and care about her. This is the basis of a strong relationship and just the knowledge that your partner is still the same individual should be enough motivation and cause for you to tell her that you committed an error and since you love her so much, you felt it your duty to confess to her. This will surely make her view your indiscretion with some understanding and she is more than likely to forgive you.
No.3 - Because you want to make it work
If you want your existing relationship with your partner to blossom and continue for a long time, you must make a clean breast of your mistake to your partner. Relationships sustain them selves on the basis of love, affection, fidelity and transparency. By doing so, you will reinforce the trust your partner has in you and this will create a stronger foundation of belief and respect for you from your partner and that is going to augur very well for the future of this relationship.
No.2 - Because it's the right thing to do
As human beings, all of us are answerable to our conscience and know instinctively that is right and what is wrong. You know that it was wrong that you cheated and you also know that it is going to be the right thing to do by owning up to your mistake and that is enough to stop thinking of all other reasons and just concentrate on doing the right thing. By doing the right thing and confessing, you will get the satisfaction that you were man enough to admit your mistake and did not lie like a coward.
No.1 - So she hears it from you
It is always best that she hears about it from you, rather than from somebody else. That will keep the relationship going and put it on a stronger wicket. When she hears about it from elsewhere, the consequences can be disastrous for you and the relationship. Moreover, even if the relationship does survive, it will always disturb you that your partner got to know about it and your image has taken a beating in her eyes.
All of us know that honesty is the best policy and there is no reason as to why you should not practice this in real life with your partner. Treat it as a wonderful opportunity to regain her trust and you will not regret it.
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/dating/10-reasons-why-you-should-tell-her-you-have-cheated/
While there are merits and demerits to both options, it may be better to opt for making a clean breast of it and ask for her forgiveness. Given below are ten reasons supporting this option and why hiding this incident of infidelity on your part can never be an ideal option. If you are still skeptical, read on and find out for yourself.
No.10 - Because you can't count on your partner in crime
It is possible that you had a fling with somebody whom you do not know well enough and she is equally unaware of your relationship with somebody else. In which case, you cannot blame her. However, once she does come to know, you cannot be sure that she would not squeal about it to your partner and create problems in the future. You cannot be sure that this woman, with whom you just had a steamy one night stand, would not want something more substantial from you and end up at your apartment one fine day. She might also start calling you at odd hours and make your life a misery. It is this uncertainty that is a strong enough reason for you to come clean with your partner about your mistake.
No.9 - Because the guilt will drive you mad
All said and done, as human beings we are bound to nobody else but our own conscience and the guilt factor is bound to make your life very difficult. Whenever your partner mentions how trustworthy you are or takes good care of you showering her love and affection, your conscience is likely to prick you for that misdemeanor on your part. This feeling will persist all your life and that is why you must confess to your partner and break free of this burden on your conscience.
No.8 - To regain the respect of your peers
It is likely that somebody whom you know would become aware of this incident and this person might end up telling some of your other associates and acquaintances, including women. You will then be judged by them and whenever you run into one of them, you will feel a strange uneasiness. Coming clean will resolve this problem and your friends and acquaintances will appreciate the fact that you have realized your mistake and will even pardon you for it. They will recognize the fact that you are human after all and will respect you for the gumption you showed in confessing about the incident. Getting back some of the lost respect of your associates is another compelling reason as to why you should inform your partner about your mistake.
No.7 - So you can live without paranoia
In addition to the guilt, leading your life with the knowledge of having cheated your partner will not be easy. You will always be on the edge and will want to cover your tracks, in the fear that the truth might get revealed. This insecure feeling and paranoia can be very difficult to deal with and can lead to high stress, anxiety and depression thus providing adequate justification as to why you should come clean with your partner about your infidelity.
No.6 - Because it was a mistake
google_protectAndRun("ads_core.google_render_ad", google_handleError, google_render_ad);
Confessing your mistake immediately after the event will make your partner you’re your mistake as a genuine one done in the heat of the moment and she might forgive you, as long as you make a commitment that such a thing will not happen again. However, hiding it and taking the risk of her finding it out sometime in the future will put your relationship at grave risk, as it would be construed by her to be a case of deliberate cheating on your part. The price could be a heavy one and you could lose her forever.
No.5 - Because you don't want to make a second mistake
By hiding your mistake from your partner, you are compounding your problems. If making the mistake was not bad enough, hiding it from her and lying about it will make it seem worse than it is and your image will take a severe beating in the eyes of your partner. The chances of forgiveness from your partner also diminish greatly as it would definitely disturb her that you chose not to come clean on the issue.
No.4 - Because you care about her
Perhaps the strongest and most plausible reason as to why you should confess to your partner is the fact that you love her and care about her. This is the basis of a strong relationship and just the knowledge that your partner is still the same individual should be enough motivation and cause for you to tell her that you committed an error and since you love her so much, you felt it your duty to confess to her. This will surely make her view your indiscretion with some understanding and she is more than likely to forgive you.
No.3 - Because you want to make it work
If you want your existing relationship with your partner to blossom and continue for a long time, you must make a clean breast of your mistake to your partner. Relationships sustain them selves on the basis of love, affection, fidelity and transparency. By doing so, you will reinforce the trust your partner has in you and this will create a stronger foundation of belief and respect for you from your partner and that is going to augur very well for the future of this relationship.
No.2 - Because it's the right thing to do
As human beings, all of us are answerable to our conscience and know instinctively that is right and what is wrong. You know that it was wrong that you cheated and you also know that it is going to be the right thing to do by owning up to your mistake and that is enough to stop thinking of all other reasons and just concentrate on doing the right thing. By doing the right thing and confessing, you will get the satisfaction that you were man enough to admit your mistake and did not lie like a coward.
No.1 - So she hears it from you
It is always best that she hears about it from you, rather than from somebody else. That will keep the relationship going and put it on a stronger wicket. When she hears about it from elsewhere, the consequences can be disastrous for you and the relationship. Moreover, even if the relationship does survive, it will always disturb you that your partner got to know about it and your image has taken a beating in her eyes.
All of us know that honesty is the best policy and there is no reason as to why you should not practice this in real life with your partner. Treat it as a wonderful opportunity to regain her trust and you will not regret it.
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/dating/10-reasons-why-you-should-tell-her-you-have-cheated/
10 Signs that Your Relationship is in Trouble
You are having a wonderful relationship going and the initial excitement and hope with which you started the relationship seems to be sustaining. However, at times, you do experience some signs of negativity during times of togetherness and that can be quite disturbing and even dangerous for the long term health of the bonding if allowed to develop. It is thus essential to recognise the warning signs and be aware of any cracks that are about to develop or are already putting your rapport under strain and take corrective action as necessary.
- No Long-term Plans. The partnership is just meandering along without any long term plans and one of the partners is not keen to discuss this in detail. Absence of clarity and resistance to a discussion about the relationship is a sure sign of dwindling interest. If your partner is not willing to participate in an open manner about the future, then you must insist on knowing his or her intentions and urge your partner to be more open about it.
- Excessive Demand for Attention. When one of the partners begins demanding a lot of attention and pampering, then that is also a sign of him or her seeking instant happiness over long term contentment. It also shows a streak of bossiness and obsession with self and that is definitely not something you can ignore. Yes, most individuals demand extra attention at some time and point in a relationship, but if this becomes a habit and one of the partners is always trying to satisfy the demands of the other, then the bonding may not last over time as this may not be something that would be sustainable on a consistent basis.
- Excessive Talking By One Party. One more sign of a relationship under strain is when the partners always talk of the problems they are facing and do not seem to be enjoying each other’s company. If every meeting or the time spent during the meeting is spent towards solving issues then that is not a good sign.
- Frequent Fault-finding.If you and your partner are constantly picking faults with one another and are blowing things out of proportion, then that is another indicator of a relationship that is weakening. It is essential for partners to forgive and sometimes even cover up for one another rather than be on a perpetual fault finding mission. When you forgive and give the benefit of doubt to your partner, you will find that there is reciprocation and that is how a partnership can sustain itself over time.
- Frequent quarrels. When frustration and anger is very spontaneous and you seem to be flying off the handle at the slightest provocation, then it means that you are under some stress and that is only likely to worsen the already fragile relationship and weaken it further. So check for your own emotions and that of your partner so that you can spot the danger signs.
- Fizzling-out of Passion. If you and your partner feel that the passion and liking for each other is not as intense as it used to be at the beginning of the partnership, then you need to take stock and take remedial measures. Of course, any solution is only possible when you discuss issues rationally with each other and do not get emotional about it and start blaming each other for any of the problems that may have come up on the way.
- Insecurity. Insecurity is one more deadly poison that can weaken the strongest of relationships. This arises out of suspicion and the fear that you may be losing your partner to somebody else and that makes you do things or behave in a manner that becomes a big problem and would not be conducive for a healthy relationship.
- I Always Seem to be Doing More. Feelings of inequality and complexes arising out of the insecurity mentioned above can make partners think that they are the only ones working at the relationship and are having to sacrifice a lot. This if allowed to fester would soon lead to a situation where the person feels victimised and would not mind if the partnership were to end. That is again not at all recommended and it is important for the couple to have a healthy discussion about the role each one is playing to sustain the relationship.
- Lack of Personal Space. The feeling of insecurity can also come about when one of the partners feels that the other is meeting people or going to places without him or her. It is therefore necessary to allow independence and have trust in each other for any relationship to flower.
- Divergence of Interests. And the last sign that will indicate that your relationship is in trouble is when you begin noticing that you and your partner's interest have started diverging. Both of you were once interested in the same things, and enjoyed doing things together. However along the way, as people grow and change, your interests may no longer be as aligned as before. That is fine if there are still some common interests. However when it comes to the point that both of you are always doing everything apart and there is hardly any common shared interests, then it is a sure sign that this relationship is headed for some troubles.
It is important to recognise that a relationship will go through difficult phases. It is up to the couple to make the best use of time and closeness to take it to great heights and not allow it to collapse. That can only happen when they sit together and make a conscious effort to iron out any problems that come along, without blaming one another.
Transparency and honesty in the discussion will help both partners to learn about each other and about themselves which will surely enable the relationship to sustain itself and carry on for many years.
VN:F [1.8.1_1037]
http://www.sgclub.com/dating/10-signs-that-your-relationship-is-in-trouble/
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Are You an Idol Worshipper?
Have you ever considered the vital relationship between worship and the commandments given by God to His people? As I have said before, the first four commandments establish God's essential requirements for acceptable worship. If we sincerely desire to understand what true worship is, we must begin by studying these commandments.
The first commandment God gave to the children of Israel established the fact that He was the only God they were to worship...
Throughout the Old Testament, the breaking of the first commandment evoked God's anger against His people more than anything else they did. When this one was broken, the breaking of the next three was soon to follow.
We may think that we no longer have this tendency to worhsip other gods. Maybe this is because we don't recognize the ones we may be serving. When we think of other gods, we usually think of those who worship Buddha, Mohammed, or the multitude of other deities in the world. Of course we believe there is only one God, and He is the only one we are going to worship. We would never be guilty of worshiping other gods! Yet this first commandment may be the one most often violated by God's people today. Maybe we have turned to the worhsip of idols without even realizing it.
The first commandment God gave to the children of Israel established the fact that He was the only God they were to worship...
Throughout the Old Testament, the breaking of the first commandment evoked God's anger against His people more than anything else they did. When this one was broken, the breaking of the next three was soon to follow.
We may think that we no longer have this tendency to worhsip other gods. Maybe this is because we don't recognize the ones we may be serving. When we think of other gods, we usually think of those who worship Buddha, Mohammed, or the multitude of other deities in the world. Of course we believe there is only one God, and He is the only one we are going to worship. We would never be guilty of worshiping other gods! Yet this first commandment may be the one most often violated by God's people today. Maybe we have turned to the worhsip of idols without even realizing it.
- Returning to Worship: A God Centered Approached by Ron Owens
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The Sovereignty of God
Our God is in the heavens' he does all that he please (Psalm 115:3). The implication of this text is that God has the right and power to do whatever makes Him happy. That is what it means to say that God is sovereign. Think about it for a moment. If God is sovereign and can do anything he pleases, then none of His purposes can be frustrated...
And if none of His purposes can be frustrated, then He must be the happiest of all beings...
Can you imagine what it would be like if the God who ruled the world were not happy? What if God were given to grumbling and pouting and depression, like some Jack-and-the-beanstalk giant in the sky?... Could we join David and say, "OO God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water" (Psalm 63:1)
I don't think so. We would all relate to God like little children who have a frustrated, gloomy, dismal, discontented father. They can't enjoy him. They can only try not to bother him, or maybe try to work for him to earn some little favor.
Therefore if God is not a happy God, Christian Hedonism has no foundation. For the aim of the Christian Hedonist is to be happy in God, to delight in God, to cherish and enjoy His fellowship and favor.
And if none of His purposes can be frustrated, then He must be the happiest of all beings...
Can you imagine what it would be like if the God who ruled the world were not happy? What if God were given to grumbling and pouting and depression, like some Jack-and-the-beanstalk giant in the sky?... Could we join David and say, "OO God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water" (Psalm 63:1)
I don't think so. We would all relate to God like little children who have a frustrated, gloomy, dismal, discontented father. They can't enjoy him. They can only try not to bother him, or maybe try to work for him to earn some little favor.
Therefore if God is not a happy God, Christian Hedonism has no foundation. For the aim of the Christian Hedonist is to be happy in God, to delight in God, to cherish and enjoy His fellowship and favor.
- Desiring God by John Piper
Monday, June 21, 2010
Practical Jeremiah
Jeremiah, during these weeks, was shut up in prison. He had been accused of collaboration with the enemy, a false charge, but in the war hysteria it stuck. He was an unpopular figure at best, and so, as far as the people were concerned , prison was not an inappropriate place for him. In this prison -we must imagine a kind of loose confinement in the palace court where he was openly visible and had access to visitors - Jeremiah did what at the time appeared absolutely crazy; he bought a filed for seventeen dollars.
It was crazy beacuse at the very moemnt that he was buying it, the Babylonian armies were camping on it. He himself was in prison with no prospects for getting out. The enemy was pounding the city walls and about to take the peoploe off to exile. At that moment Jeremiah bought a field on which he would never plant an olvine tree... a fiend that in all probability he would never see.
Why did he do it? For the most practical of reasons: he did it because he was convinced that the troubles everyone was experienceing were at that very moment being used by God in what would eventually turn out to be the salvation of that land. The essential reality for Jeremiah was not thaht the Babylonians were camped on that field in Anathoth...but that God was using that ground to fulfill his promises.
It was crazy beacuse at the very moemnt that he was buying it, the Babylonian armies were camping on it. He himself was in prison with no prospects for getting out. The enemy was pounding the city walls and about to take the peoploe off to exile. At that moment Jeremiah bought a field on which he would never plant an olvine tree... a fiend that in all probability he would never see.
Why did he do it? For the most practical of reasons: he did it because he was convinced that the troubles everyone was experienceing were at that very moment being used by God in what would eventually turn out to be the salvation of that land. The essential reality for Jeremiah was not thaht the Babylonians were camped on that field in Anathoth...but that God was using that ground to fulfill his promises.
- Run with the Horses: The Quest for Life at Its Best by Eugene H.Peterson
Saturday, June 19, 2010
The Worst Judgment, Abandonment
The worst judgment God can give a person is abandoning him. He simply leaves him. Leaving a man to his own devices is God's wrathful decision. You might say, "I left God and his word. I lived a rebellious life, and yet, all is well for me." This isn't something to boast about. It is simply proof that you have received the harshest of judgements, the worst of curses. Being able to do whatever you please means you've received judgement.
Are we capable of living as we desire before God? That is simply not possible for God refuses to leave us alone. He won't let us live however we want. He molds us through great trials and tribulations when our actions are not aligned with his will. This is a great blessing and an expression of his deepest lvoe. Hebrews 12 tells us that "If you are not disciplined, you are illegitimate children." If you, a child choosen by God, don't listen. God will beat you. If that doesn't work, he'll grab you by the neck and place you in a position where you have no other choice but to obey. He loves you. He disciplines those he loves. He wants you to become like gold through that discipline. he will make you turn away from sinful temptations and return to him.
Are we capable of living as we desire before God? That is simply not possible for God refuses to leave us alone. He won't let us live however we want. He molds us through great trials and tribulations when our actions are not aligned with his will. This is a great blessing and an expression of his deepest lvoe. Hebrews 12 tells us that "If you are not disciplined, you are illegitimate children." If you, a child choosen by God, don't listen. God will beat you. If that doesn't work, he'll grab you by the neck and place you in a position where you have no other choice but to obey. He loves you. He disciplines those he loves. He wants you to become like gold through that discipline. he will make you turn away from sinful temptations and return to him.
- Power Ecclesiastes by Byung-Wook Jeon
Friday, June 18, 2010
Suffering and Hope
Suffering need not destroy the heart; it has the potential to lead to life. But few people I know suffer deeply and profit. Instead, pain is seldom expected nor embraced when it comes. It is often denied or swept under the spiritual rug of "God's sovereignity." The apostle Paul tells us that as we "groan inwardly," we "wait eagerly" for our final redemption (Romans 8:23). But few of us enter the tragedy of living in a fallen world and simultaneously struggle with God until our hearts bleed with hope. We either give into pain with a hopeless cynicism, or we settle for an arificial resolution that insists that things really aren't too bad and we need not muck around in the "negatives" of life.
God's perspective on suffering is very different. He invites us on a healing journey through the valleys and over the cliffs of an evil world, but we often miss out on his redemptive path. Too many of us suffer for naught...
Healing in this life is not the resolution of our past; it is the use of our past to draw us into deeper relationship with God and his purposes for our lives. We need a new understanding of how to deal with past hurts, one that acknowledges that damage to the human spirit while charting a path toward the abundant life God promises.
God's perspective on suffering is very different. He invites us on a healing journey through the valleys and over the cliffs of an evil world, but we often miss out on his redemptive path. Too many of us suffer for naught...
Healing in this life is not the resolution of our past; it is the use of our past to draw us into deeper relationship with God and his purposes for our lives. We need a new understanding of how to deal with past hurts, one that acknowledges that damage to the human spirit while charting a path toward the abundant life God promises.
- The Healing Path; How the Hurts in Your Past Can Lead You to a More Abundant Life
by Dan B. Allender
Thursday, June 17, 2010
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not?
I have played that game most of my life, trying to sort out in any given moment how God might feel about me personally. I grew up learning that he is a God of love, and for the most part I believed it to be true. In good times, nothing is easier to believe. In days when my family is healthy and our relationships a joy; when my ministry thrive and both income and ooportunity increase; when we have plenty of time to enjoy our friends and are not burdened down with need, who wouldn't be certain of God's love?
But that certainty when those times of bliss are interrupted with more troublesome events...
The day one of my friends in high school died of a brain tumor even as we prayed earnestly for his healing.
When I wasn't selected for a job I wanted in college because someone had lied about me.
The night my house was robbed...
Then I wonder how God really felt about me. I couldn't understand how a God who loved me would either allow such things into my life or wouldn't finx them immediately so that I or people I loved wouldn't have to endure such pain...
Only in the last twelve years have I discovered that my methods of discerning God's love were as flawed as pulling petals from a daisy. I haven't been the same since.
But that certainty when those times of bliss are interrupted with more troublesome events...
The day one of my friends in high school died of a brain tumor even as we prayed earnestly for his healing.
When I wasn't selected for a job I wanted in college because someone had lied about me.
The night my house was robbed...
Then I wonder how God really felt about me. I couldn't understand how a God who loved me would either allow such things into my life or wouldn't finx them immediately so that I or people I loved wouldn't have to endure such pain...
Only in the last twelve years have I discovered that my methods of discerning God's love were as flawed as pulling petals from a daisy. I haven't been the same since.
- He Loves Me! Learning to Live in the Father's Affection by Wayne Jacobsen
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
How to Find What We're Looking For
The moments of pleasure and happiness experienced by the atheist should be rightfully credited to God, who gave him the capacity for pleasure, and by His common grace exposes him to the sources of happiness. At the moment the atheist feels profoundly grateful, he is without knowing it recognizing a personal Being whose gracious provision has prompted those feelings of gratitude. The face that when he feels thankful the atheist doesn't know who to thank may be embrassing, but it says more about himself than God, who is in no danger of being voted out of existence by those who don't believe in Him.
In a fallen corrupted world, people keep searching and searching, like frustrate channel changes, never finding what satisfies (and often never turning off the TV to look elsewhere.) Ultimate satisfaction can be only found in God, the gracious giver of all good things. We were made for
Him and we will never be satisfied with less. Coming to grips with this is one of the great keys of Christian living. As long as we hold onto the illusion that we can find what we're looking for somewhere else, we'll never give ourselves fully to God. It's easier not to. And yet, in the long run, the easy road we choose proves to be much harder than the hard road we turned away from.
In a fallen corrupted world, people keep searching and searching, like frustrate channel changes, never finding what satisfies (and often never turning off the TV to look elsewhere.) Ultimate satisfaction can be only found in God, the gracious giver of all good things. We were made for
Him and we will never be satisfied with less. Coming to grips with this is one of the great keys of Christian living. As long as we hold onto the illusion that we can find what we're looking for somewhere else, we'll never give ourselves fully to God. It's easier not to. And yet, in the long run, the easy road we choose proves to be much harder than the hard road we turned away from.
- from "Longing for God and Joy, from Augustine" by Randy Alcorn
Monday, June 14, 2010
I Never Know You
A pastor friend of mine was studying the assigned text for the day for Matthew 7 in which Jesus said, rather fiercely, "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles? Then I will tell them plainly, ' I never know you. Away from me, you evildoers!"
The phrase "I never know you" leaped out from the page. Ppointedly, Jesus did not say "You never know me," or "You never knew the Father." It struck my friend that one of tour main tasks, perhpas the main task, is to make ourselves know to God. Good works are not enough - "did we not prophesy in your?" - any relationship with God must be bvased on full disclosure. The masks must come off.
"We cannot find Him unless we know we need Him," wrote Thomas Merton. For someone raised in a strong church background, that awareness may not come easily. My own church tended toward perfectionism, which tempted us all to follow the example of Ananias and Sapphira is misrepresentating ourselves spiritually. On Sundays, well-scrubbed families emerged from their cars with smiles on their faces even though, as we later found out, they had been fighting abusively all week long.
The phrase "I never know you" leaped out from the page. Ppointedly, Jesus did not say "You never know me," or "You never knew the Father." It struck my friend that one of tour main tasks, perhpas the main task, is to make ourselves know to God. Good works are not enough - "did we not prophesy in your?" - any relationship with God must be bvased on full disclosure. The masks must come off.
"We cannot find Him unless we know we need Him," wrote Thomas Merton. For someone raised in a strong church background, that awareness may not come easily. My own church tended toward perfectionism, which tempted us all to follow the example of Ananias and Sapphira is misrepresentating ourselves spiritually. On Sundays, well-scrubbed families emerged from their cars with smiles on their faces even though, as we later found out, they had been fighting abusively all week long.
- What's so Amazing about Grace? by Philip D.Yancey
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Hope and the Future
Hope is about the future. Sometimes our hopes may be orientated to the next hour, or the next day, or the next month or year or decade. But hope is always about anticipation. Those of us who like to control things often find hope difficult because we do not control the future. Many of us are compulsive makers of plans. We are willing to work ourselves to death trying to make our plans become reality. But when our hopes and vision for the future are based only on what we can control, our vision is inevitably narrowed and impoverished.
We need to remind ourselves regularly, therefore, that God's vision for the future is better than our own. He sees possibilites and opportunities that we cannot see. The horizons of God's imagination are not bounded. When we root our hope in God, a totally different future is possible. It is not a future we can control. God's plan may not be the same as our plans. But we can return again and again to God as our source of hope, and he will remind us that his plans for us are good.
God has been clear about his plans for us. It is God's intention to give us a hope and a future. This is not a promise of a trouble-free life. It is not a promise of immunity from struggle. But it is a promise of hope...
We need to remind ourselves regularly, therefore, that God's vision for the future is better than our own. He sees possibilites and opportunities that we cannot see. The horizons of God's imagination are not bounded. When we root our hope in God, a totally different future is possible. It is not a future we can control. God's plan may not be the same as our plans. But we can return again and again to God as our source of hope, and he will remind us that his plans for us are good.
God has been clear about his plans for us. It is God's intention to give us a hope and a future. This is not a promise of a trouble-free life. It is not a promise of immunity from struggle. But it is a promise of hope...
- Rooted in God's Love by Dale and Junita Ryan
Friday, June 11, 2010
Is It REaly from God?
When I raise this question, people sometimes ask me a question in return, 'I believe in leadings,' they say, 'I am willing to obey. In fact, I often have done so. But I know that there are other spirits loose in this world, and they aren't all holy. I also know that I cam capable of thinking that my own intense desires are the Holy Spirit's wishes. How can I be sure that a leading is truly from God?'
This is a valid question. The Bible warns us that Satan, the evil one, is capable of both issuing his own leadings for destructive purpose and undermining God's leadings in your life.
Paul wrote to Timothy, ' The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons' (1 Tim 4:1)
These lying spirits may appear to be channels of God's power. John referred to 'spirits of demons performing miraculous signs' (Rev. 16:14) and Jesus predicted that 'false Christ and falst prophets' would 'perform great signs and mircales to deceive even the elect - if that were possible' (Mt 24:24)
Evil spirits are not necessarily easy to distinguish from God's ministering spirits, the angels. As Paul pointed out, 'Satan himself masquerades as an angel of lig' (2Cor 11:14) Therefore it is verry important to know the orgini of the leadings coming into your mind.
This is a valid question. The Bible warns us that Satan, the evil one, is capable of both issuing his own leadings for destructive purpose and undermining God's leadings in your life.
Paul wrote to Timothy, ' The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons' (1 Tim 4:1)
These lying spirits may appear to be channels of God's power. John referred to 'spirits of demons performing miraculous signs' (Rev. 16:14) and Jesus predicted that 'false Christ and falst prophets' would 'perform great signs and mircales to deceive even the elect - if that were possible' (Mt 24:24)
Evil spirits are not necessarily easy to distinguish from God's ministering spirits, the angels. As Paul pointed out, 'Satan himself masquerades as an angel of lig' (2Cor 11:14) Therefore it is verry important to know the orgini of the leadings coming into your mind.
- Too Busy Not to Pray by Bill Hybels
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Prophetic Pitfalls
The apostle Paul said, "If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ!" (Gal. 1:10). People-pleasing is a killer for all minstry, not just for prophetic ministry. Sometimes church-going people can be the meanest, most demanding folks in the world. When someone not only thinks he's right, but is also sure that God is one his side, look out! In that person's mind, by opposing them you are opposing God, and they will not hesitate to launch a holy crusade against you. I think it was Pascal who said, "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." It's much easier to try to please these rebellious folks than to resist them, to flatter them instead of tell them the truth.
In the Old Testament, false visions and flattery go hand in hand (Ezek. 12:24). When prophetic people give in to the pressure of telling people what they want to hear, they end up prophesying out of their own imaginations (Ezek. 13:2). The desire to please people leads a prophet, or any other leader, to ignore sin and give vain comfort (Lam. 2:14; Ezek. 13:15-16; Zech. 10:2). In the worst case, this desire to please can open the door for a demonic spirit to speak through a prophet (1 Kings 22:6-28)
In the Old Testament, false visions and flattery go hand in hand (Ezek. 12:24). When prophetic people give in to the pressure of telling people what they want to hear, they end up prophesying out of their own imaginations (Ezek. 13:2). The desire to please people leads a prophet, or any other leader, to ignore sin and give vain comfort (Lam. 2:14; Ezek. 13:15-16; Zech. 10:2). In the worst case, this desire to please can open the door for a demonic spirit to speak through a prophet (1 Kings 22:6-28)
- Surpruised by the Voice of God by Jack Deere
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Through the Exile Experience
Early in his life, Dostoevsky underwent a virtual resurrection. He had been arrested for belonging to a group judged treasonous by Tsar Nicholas I, who, to impress upon the young parlor redicals the gravity of their erros, sentenced them to death and staged a mock execution. The conspirators were dressed in white death gowns and led to a pbulic square where a firing squad awaited them. Blindfolded, robed in white burial shrouds, hand bound tightly behind them, they were paraded before a gawking crowd and then tied to posts. At the very last instant, as the order," Ready, aim!" was heard and rifles were cocked and lifted upward, a horseman galloped up with a pre-arranged message from the tsar: he would mercifully commute their sentences to hard labor.
Dostoevsky never recovered from this experience. He had peered into the jaws of death, and from that moment life became for him precious beyond all calculation. "Now my life will change," he said;" I shall be born again in a new form." As he boarded the convict train to Siberia, a devout woman handed him a New Testament, the only book allowed in a prison. Believing that God had given him a second chance to fulfill his calling, Dostoevsky pored over that New Testament during his confiement. After ten years he emerged from exile with unshakable Christian convictions, as expressed in one famous passage, "If anyone proved to me that Christ was outside the truth...then I would prefer to remain with Christ than with the truth."
Dostoevsky never recovered from this experience. He had peered into the jaws of death, and from that moment life became for him precious beyond all calculation. "Now my life will change," he said;" I shall be born again in a new form." As he boarded the convict train to Siberia, a devout woman handed him a New Testament, the only book allowed in a prison. Believing that God had given him a second chance to fulfill his calling, Dostoevsky pored over that New Testament during his confiement. After ten years he emerged from exile with unshakable Christian convictions, as expressed in one famous passage, "If anyone proved to me that Christ was outside the truth...then I would prefer to remain with Christ than with the truth."
- The Jesus I never Knew by Philip D.Yancey
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
A Safeguard against Idolatry
Idolatry makes love impossible. Perhaps that is why it is the first of all of the commandments that God gives to Israel:" Then God sppoke all these words: I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, you shall have no other gods before me." (Exod. 20:1-3). If we break any of the other commandments, the ones that (literally) get prime time, we have already broken the first one. We have already elevated ourselves and our perceived desires above all else.
Biblical images of idolatry, especially that of the people of Israel dancing in front of a golden calf, were of little use to me as a child, seeing more comical than not. I began to understand that idolatry was more than the literal worshipping of graven images when I was able to see it it in the context of the great commandment that Jesus gives in the gospels, to love God with all your heart and soul, and to love your neighbor as yourself. And all of these loves are interrelated: self-love is nothing if it doesn't include the love of our neighbor, and of the God who created us all in the divine image. A measure of balance in these objects of our devotion is a safeguard against idolatry, which can give any of the three too much weight. We can love ourselves too much, but we can also love others to a possessive excess.
Biblical images of idolatry, especially that of the people of Israel dancing in front of a golden calf, were of little use to me as a child, seeing more comical than not. I began to understand that idolatry was more than the literal worshipping of graven images when I was able to see it it in the context of the great commandment that Jesus gives in the gospels, to love God with all your heart and soul, and to love your neighbor as yourself. And all of these loves are interrelated: self-love is nothing if it doesn't include the love of our neighbor, and of the God who created us all in the divine image. A measure of balance in these objects of our devotion is a safeguard against idolatry, which can give any of the three too much weight. We can love ourselves too much, but we can also love others to a possessive excess.
- Amazing Grace by Kathleen Norris
Monday, June 07, 2010
Enneagram Test Results
Main Type | Overall Self |
 |  |
Enneagram Test Results
Your variant is social |
type score type behavior motivation
2 19 I must be helpful and caring to be happy.
5 19 I must be knowledgable and independent to be happy.
6 18 I must be secure and safe to be happy.
9 15 I must maintian a peaceful and easygoing environment to be happy.
1 13 I must be perfect and good to be happy.
4 12 I must be true to my emotions to be happy.
8 11 I must be strong and in control to be happy.
7 10 I must be high and entertained to be happy.
3 9 I must be impressive and attractive to be happy.
Your main type is which ever behavior you utilize most and/or prefer. Your variant reflects your scoring profile on all nine types: so = social variant (compliant, friendly), sx = sexual variant (assertive, intense), sp = self preservation variant (withdrawn, security seeking). For info on the flaws of the Enneagram system click here.
Servanthoos and Self-promotion Don't Mix
Servants don't promote or call attention to themselves. Instead of acting to impress and dressing for success, they "put on the apron of humility, to serve one another." If recognized for their service, they humbly accept it but don't allow notoriety to distract them from their work.
Paul exposed a kind of service that appears to be spiritual but is really just a put-on, a show, an act of get attention. He called it "eyeservice" - serving in order to impress people with how spiritual we are. This was a sin of the Pharisees. They turned helping others, giving and even prayer into a performance for others. Jesus hated this attitude and warned, "wheyn you do good deeds, don't try to show off. If you do, you won't get a reward from your Father in heaven."
Self-promotion and servanthood don't mix. Real servants don't serve for the approval or applause of others. They live for an audience of One. As Paul said, "If I were still trying to please men, I would not be servant of Christ."
You won't find any real servants in the limelight; in fact, they avoid it when possible. They are content with quietly serving in the shadows.
Paul exposed a kind of service that appears to be spiritual but is really just a put-on, a show, an act of get attention. He called it "eyeservice" - serving in order to impress people with how spiritual we are. This was a sin of the Pharisees. They turned helping others, giving and even prayer into a performance for others. Jesus hated this attitude and warned, "wheyn you do good deeds, don't try to show off. If you do, you won't get a reward from your Father in heaven."
Self-promotion and servanthood don't mix. Real servants don't serve for the approval or applause of others. They live for an audience of One. As Paul said, "If I were still trying to please men, I would not be servant of Christ."
You won't find any real servants in the limelight; in fact, they avoid it when possible. They are content with quietly serving in the shadows.
- The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Towards the Nations
Missionary Underwood came to Korea with the Gospel when Korea was in the midst of darkness. He loved and served the Korean people. The Underwood family first set foot on this land in 1884, and four generations served for a total of 120 years before returning to America. When many missionaries including the Underwoods came to Korea with Jesus' love, preached the Gospel, and prayed for the nation, they saw God's amazing hand at work. The people of Korea began to see new light.
When Korean people learn from the sacrifice that these missionaries made for Korea and carry it on to love their neighboring countries, and pray for the severed peninsula, they will be able to witness God's hand at work in not only unifying the country but also using Korea to influence Asia and the world.
There is no special way to love. You can start right where you are. Not yesterday, not tomorrow. Right now, look around yourself and take in the weaknesses of yourself, the people around you, your nation, and your people. Pray for them and serve them. When you do so, God will work through you to write a new history for your nation and revive your church.
When Korean people learn from the sacrifice that these missionaries made for Korea and carry it on to love their neighboring countries, and pray for the severed peninsula, they will be able to witness God's hand at work in not only unifying the country but also using Korea to influence Asia and the world.
There is no special way to love. You can start right where you are. Not yesterday, not tomorrow. Right now, look around yourself and take in the weaknesses of yourself, the people around you, your nation, and your people. Pray for them and serve them. When you do so, God will work through you to write a new history for your nation and revive your church.
- The Holy-Spirit Fuelled Revolution by Ji0Chul Kim
After the Bitternesss
It is enough, sometimes to make one vomit,
and to have long periods of upset stomach.
Our vomiting over injustice and recalcitrance is a social problem,
not done in good company.
Your vomiting over arrogance and recalcitrance is more dangerous,
causing upheavals that shock the markets,
disturb the peace, and
destablize our way in the world.
Give us, after your upset, a better taste;
give us, after your rage, sweetness in our mouths;
give us, after the bitterness, a cup of blessing.
You are the one who
takes...and blesses...and breaks...and gives,
and to have long periods of upset stomach.
Our vomiting over injustice and recalcitrance is a social problem,
not done in good company.
Your vomiting over arrogance and recalcitrance is more dangerous,
causing upheavals that shock the markets,
disturb the peace, and
destablize our way in the world.
Give us, after your upset, a better taste;
give us, after your rage, sweetness in our mouths;
give us, after the bitterness, a cup of blessing.
You are the one who
takes...and blesses...and breaks...and gives,
and gives,
and gives,
and gives,
and gives,
We, in the end, receive that Easter cup, and are grateful. Amen.
- Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth, Prayeres of Walter Brueggemann
Ddited by Edwin Searcy
Friday, June 04, 2010
Wrath Inseparable from Love
The Bible does not see the love and wrath of God as two conflicting impulses, wrath restraining love from time to time: on the contrary, wrath is tempered with mercy. In the New Testament it is nowhere said directly that God is angry. Two words are used for wrath, orge and thumos, and when they are used, wrath is seen as something ordained by God but distinct from hm, a kind of indirect relationship to God. Nobody in the New Testament speaks of appeasing of 'propitiating' God's wrath, a grotesque idea which has entered into and seriously damaged the Christian doctrine of the atonement. On the other hand, the New Testament does say that we can escape the wrath of God. Wrath is as inseparable from love as darkness from light. To reject, and live apart from, the love of God is to enter the world of wrath, of ruin, of disaster. Wrath is not a deranged divine temperament, nor is it justice opposing love: it is the inevitable consequence of a rejection of God's love.
- True Prayer by Kenneth Leech
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Fatih Grows Out of Actions
Saving Faith - that by which we are justified, made right with G0d - is a gift of God; and, yes it involes a rational process as well since it comes from hearing the Word of God... "All right," the struggling Christian may say, "but practically speaking, how does my faith become real? How do I get that vibrant, strong faith of Christian maturity?"
That's where obedience comes in. For maturing faith - faith which deepens and grows as we live our Christian life - is not just knwoledge, but knowledge acted upon. It is not just belief, but belief lived out- praciced. James said we are to be doers of the Word, not just hearers. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor martyred in a Nazi concentration camp, succinctly stated this crucial interrelationship: " Only he who believes is obedient; only he who is obedient believe."
This may sound like a circular proposition, but many things are - in truth and in practice. Think of learning how to swim. We are told what to do. We gingerly enter the water, launch out, and promptly forget everything we've been told. We flail about, splashing frantically, gasping and sinking. Finally, usually at the point of utter despair, we capture for a moment the sensation of staying afloat. Realizing it is possible, we remember our instructions and begin to follow them. They work. Like learning to balance a bicycle or mastering a foreign language, faith is a state of mind that grows out of our actions, just as it also governs them.
That's where obedience comes in. For maturing faith - faith which deepens and grows as we live our Christian life - is not just knwoledge, but knowledge acted upon. It is not just belief, but belief lived out- praciced. James said we are to be doers of the Word, not just hearers. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor martyred in a Nazi concentration camp, succinctly stated this crucial interrelationship: " Only he who believes is obedient; only he who is obedient believe."
This may sound like a circular proposition, but many things are - in truth and in practice. Think of learning how to swim. We are told what to do. We gingerly enter the water, launch out, and promptly forget everything we've been told. We flail about, splashing frantically, gasping and sinking. Finally, usually at the point of utter despair, we capture for a moment the sensation of staying afloat. Realizing it is possible, we remember our instructions and begin to follow them. They work. Like learning to balance a bicycle or mastering a foreign language, faith is a state of mind that grows out of our actions, just as it also governs them.
- Loving God by Charles Colson
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Rejoicing Despite Circumstances
Circumstances aren't what makes a day - or a lifetime- good or bad. What else can explain the fact that many people have beautiful homes, secure jobs, every material possession imaginable, financial security, perfect health, and yet are miserable, even suicidal? And that many others live in poverty, own nothing, have poor health, and yet are filled with the joy of life?
Most people rejoice when their circumstances are good and get depressed when their circumstances are bad. As Christians we are to "rejoice in the Lord always" (Philippians 4:4-6). Do you know what the word translated "always" mean in the original Greek? It means always. (That's why it's translated that way.) "Always" means we are to rejoice regardless of our circumstances - not because of them.
As Christians we always have reason to rejoice because of truths that are untouched and unchanged by outward circumstances. We are created by God, loved by God, cared for by God whether it rains or shines, whether there's war or peace. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever" whether the church splits, the pastor leaves, or there's a terrible scandal.
Most people rejoice when their circumstances are good and get depressed when their circumstances are bad. As Christians we are to "rejoice in the Lord always" (Philippians 4:4-6). Do you know what the word translated "always" mean in the original Greek? It means always. (That's why it's translated that way.) "Always" means we are to rejoice regardless of our circumstances - not because of them.
As Christians we always have reason to rejoice because of truths that are untouched and unchanged by outward circumstances. We are created by God, loved by God, cared for by God whether it rains or shines, whether there's war or peace. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever" whether the church splits, the pastor leaves, or there's a terrible scandal.
- from "Circumstances or Perspective?" by Randy Alcorn
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