It is now after a year that I start to feel. The feel is strong....although the news are the same. I just wonder....is that a good sign or just something to be dealt with.
It is the same stage as usual. Same answer. Wonder why do I still ask in the first place. Should I even let the feel expand or constrict it to ensure that it does not become unbearable.
In the midst of typing this and watching air crash investigation again and again and again, remember Corrinne May songs......oh well....I can call my name...call my name..
I just want to let it go....let it go...let it be frozen......just the movie.....frozen in time...winter...cold and just plain cold which is easier to managed.......risk is where there is higher return.....but I already given up....given it up.....no more turmoil...I can't or wish not to go through it again...Now I do recognise a difference....a loss of faith....a reluctance to use to a means to return......I want an authentic relation.....A relation not because of such need. So what can I do....what can I proceed....how to I walk in faith again....in faith of aware......
All bottle up and just wish to carry on with life......let it go......move on move on.....dun need to discuss or mention it much.....will there be a closure? Will there just a move on.....Attempt that mounts to nothing or just simply it is not meant for......a dream that is slowly becoming true......no longer I dream....no longer I have vision. A gift that is given up......I just ...being wordless and world-ful.....oh well...so what if.....no surprise....but your will be complete...regardless......no longer what I may want.......just let it be....just let it be.....anything ba.
Thursday, April 03, 2014
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