DISC Personality Profiles
The DISC Personality System is the universal language of behavior. Research has shown that behavioral characteristics can be grouped together in four major divisions called personality styles. People with similar personality profiles styles tend to exhibit specific behavioral characteristics common to that profile. All people share these four styles in varying degrees of intensity. The acronym DISC stands for the four personality styles represented by the letters:
D (Drive)
I (Influence)
S (Steadiness)
C (Compliance)
How is DISC used?
D (Drive) (top)
General Characteristics:
Direct. Decisive. High Ego Strength. Problem Solver. Risk Taker. Self Starter
Value to Team:
Bottom-line organizer. Places value on time. Challenges the status quo. Innovative
Possible Weaknesses:
Oversteps authority. Argumentative attitude. Dislikes routine. Attempts too much at once.
Greatest Fear:
Being taken advantage of.
Motivated By:
New challenges. Power and authority to take risks and make decisions. Freedom from routine and mundane tasks. Changing environments in which to work and play.
Ideal Environment:
Innovative focus on future. Non-routine challenging tasks and activities. Projects that produce tangible results. Freedom from controls, supervision, and details. Personal evaluation based on results, not methods.
Remember a High D May Want:Authority, varied activities, prestige, freedom, assignments promoting growth, "bottom line" approach, and opportunity for advancement.
DO:
Be brief, direct, and to the point. Ask "what" not "how" questions. Focus on business; remember they desire results. Suggest ways for him/her to achieve results, be in charge, and solve problems. Highlight logical benefits of featured ideas and approaches.
DON'T:
Ramble. Repeat yourself. Focus on problems. Be too sociable. Make generalizations. Make statements without support.
While analyzing information, a High D may:Ignore potential risks. Not weigh the pros and cons. Not consider others' opinions. Offer innovative and progressive systems and ideas.
D's possess these positive characteristics in teams:
Autocratic managers - great in crisis. Self-reliant. Innovative in getting results. Maintain focus on goals. Specific and direct. Overcome obstacles. Provide direction and leadership. Push group toward decisions. Willing to speak out. Generally optimistic. Welcome challenges without fear. Accept risks. See the big picture. Can handle multiple projects. Function well with heavy work loads. Personal
Growth Areas for D's:
Strive to be an "active" listener. Be attentive to other team members' ideas until everyone reaches a consensus. Be less controlling and domineering. Develop a greater appreciation for the opinions, feelings, and desires of others. Put more energy into personal relationships. Show your support for other team members. Take time to explain the "whys" of your statements and proposals. Be friendlier and more approachable.
I (Influence) (top)
General Characteristics:
Enthusiastic. Trusting; Optimistic. Persuasive; Talkative. Impulsive; Emotional
Value to Team:
Creative problem solver. Great encourager. Motivates others to achieve. Positive sense of humor. Negotiates conflicts; peace maker.
Possible Weaknesses:
More concerned with popularity than tangible results. Inattentive to detail. Overuses gestures and facial expressions. Tends to listen only when it's convenient.
Greatest Fear:
Rejection.
Motivated By: Flattery, praise, popularity, and acceptance. A friendly environment. Freedom from many rules and regulations. Other people available to handle details.
Ideal Environment: Practical procedures. Few conflicts and arguments. Freedom from controls and details. A forum to express ideas. Group activities in professional and social environments
Remember a High I May Want:
Social esteem and acceptance, freedom from details and control, people to talk to, positive working conditions, recognition for abilities, opportunity to motivate and influence others.
DO:
Build a favorable, friendly environment. Give opportunity for them to verbalize about ideas, people and their intuition. Assist them in developing ways to transfer talk into action. Share testimonials from others relating to proposed ideas. Allow time for stimulating, sociable activities. Submit details in writing, but don't dwell on them. Develop a participative relationship. Create incentives for following through on tasks.
DON'T:
Eliminate social time. Do all the talking. Ignore their ideas or accomplishments. Tell them what to do.
While analyzing information, a High I may:
Lose concentration. Miss important facts and details. Interrupt. Be creative in problem solving.
I's possess these positive characteristics in teams:
Instinctive communicators. Participative managers - influence and inspire. Motivate the team. Spontaneous and agreeable. Respond well to the unexpected. Create an atmosphere of well being. Enthusiastic. Provide direction and leadership. Express ideas well. Work well with other people. Make good spokespersons. Will offer opinions. Persuasive. Have a positive attitude. Accomplish goals through people. Good sense of humor. Accepting of others. Strong in brainstorming sessions.
Personal Growth Areas for I's:
Weigh the pros and cons before making a decision; be less impulsive. Be more results oriented. Exercise control over your actions, words, and emotions. Focus more on details and facts. Remember to slow down your pace for other team members. Talk less; listen more. Consider and evaluate ideas from other team members. Concentrate on following through with tasks.
S (Steadiness) (top)
General Characteristics:
Good listener; Team player. Possessive. Steady; Predictable. Understanding; Friendly.
Value to Team:
Reliable and dependable. Loyal team worker. Compliant towards authority. Good listener, patient and empathetic. Good at reconciling conflicts.
Possible Weaknesses:
Resists change. Takes a long time to adjust to change. Holds a grudge; sensitive to criticism. Difficulty establishing priorities.
Greatest Fear:
Loss of security.
Motivated By:
Recognition for loyalty and dependability. Safety and security. No sudden changes in procedure or lifestyle. Activities that can be started and finished.
Ideal Environment:
Practical procedures and systems. Stability and predictability. Tasks that can be completed at one time. Few conflicts and arguments. A team atmosphere. Remember a High S May Want:Security in situations, sincere appreciation, repeated work patterns, time to adjust to change, limited territory of responsibility.
DO:
Create a favorable environment: personal and agreeable. Express a genuine interest in them as a person. Provide them with clarification for tasks and answers to "how" questions. Be patient in drawing out their goals. Present ideas or departures from current practices in a non-threatening manner; give them time to adjust. Clearly define goals, procedures and their role in the overall plan. Assure them of personal follow-up support. Explain how their actions will minimize the risks involved and enhance current procedures.
DON'T:
Be pushy, overly aggressive, or demanding. Be too confrontational.
While analyzing information, a High S may:
Be openly agreeable but inwardly unyielding. Internalize their concerns and doubts. Hesitate to share feedback during presentation. Slow down the action. Provide valuable support for team goals.
S's possess these positive characteristics in teams:
Instinctive relaters. Participative managers - accomplish goals through personal relationships. Make others feel like they belong. Show sincerity. Can see an easier way of doing things. Focused and intuitive about people and relationships. Full of common sense. Buy into team goals. Dependable. Identify strongly with the team. Strive to build relationships. Provide stability. Consider elements of a total project. Realistic and practical. Even-tempered. Provide specialized skills. Show patience with others. Loyal.
Personal Growth Areas for S's:
Be more open to change. Be more direct in your interactions. Focus on overall goals of the team rather than specific procedures. Deal with confrontation constructively. Develop more flexibility. Increase pace to accomplish goals. Show more initiative. Work at expressing thoughts, opinions, and feelings.
C (Compliance) (top)
General Characteristics:
Accurate; analytical. Conscientious; careful. Fact-finder; precise. High standards; systematic.
Value to Team:
Perspective: "the anchor of reality." Conscientious and even-tempered. Thorough to all activities. Defines situation; gathers, criticizes and tests information.
Possible Weaknesses:
Needs clear-cut boundaries for actions/relationships. Bound by procedures and methods. Gets bogged down in details. Prefers not to verbalize feelings. Will give in rather that argue.
Greatest Fear: Criticism.
Motivated By: Standards of high quality. Limited social interaction. Detailed tasks. Logical organization of information. Ideal Environment: Tasks and projects that can be followed through to completion. Specialized or technical tasks. Practical work procedures and routines. Few conflicts and arguments. Instructions and reassurance that they are doing what is expected of them.
Remember a High C May Want:
Autonomy and independence, controlled work environment, reassurance, precise expectations and goals, exact job descriptions, planned change.
DO:
Prepare your case in advance. Delineate pros and cons of proposed ideas. Support ideas and statements with accurate data. Reassure them that no surprises will occur. Submit an exact job description with a precise explanation of how that task fits into the big picture. Review recommendations with them in a systematic and comprehensive manner. Be specific when agreeing. Disagree with the facts rather than the person when disagreeing. Be patient, persistent, and diplomatic while providing explanations.
DON'T:
Refuse to explain details. Answer questions vaguely or casually.
While analyzing information, a High C may:Become overly cautious and conservative. Get too bogged down in details. Avoid or postpone decisions, especially if they perceive a risk. Be an effective trouble shooter.
C's possess these positive characteristics in teams:
Instinctive organizers. "Do it yourself" managers - create and maintain systems. Strive for a logical, consistent environment. Control the details. Conscientious. Evaluate the team's progress. Ask important questions. Maintain focus on tasks. Offer conservative approaches. Emphasize quality. Think logically. Will share risks and responsibilities. Work systematically. Will strive for consensus. Diplomatic. Analyze obstacles.
Personal Growth Areas for C's:
Concentrate on doing the right things, not just doing things right. Be less critical of others' ideas and methods. Respond more quickly to accomplish team goals. Strive to build relationships with other team members. Be more decisive. Focus less on facts and more on people. Take risks along with other team members.
How is DISC used?
Discover behavioral strengths, areas for augmenting, blending, capitalizing
Value and learn to respect the strengths of others
Deal with conflict effectively by learning adaptive behaviors
Enhance work group with teamwork and minimize team conflict
Develop strategies to meet diverse needs of others
Improve communication skills by determining communication styles
Increase sales skills and understanding of the prospect, client, customer with people reading.
Improve customer relationships by identification and meeting needs
Reduce conflict and stress, in both interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships
Manage interpersonal communication better
Used by many Fortune 500 Companies, HR professionals, consultants, coaches, trainers, dentists, clergy, government agencies, sales firms, and educational institutions. DISC helps these clients to:
Build productive teams
Develop effective managers, supervisors, leaders
Train a powerful sales force
Improve customer service
Ease frustrations and interpersonal conflict
Enhance Communication
Conflict Management resolution
Team Development and team building
Improves personal diversity awareness and recognition
Improve the bottom line: productivity
Assists in hiring, recruiting, placement, promotion, outsourcing
Change management, Quality enhancement
Managing, counseling, coaching
Quoted from: http://www.discinsights.com/cyber/scripts/disc.asp
Thursday, December 30, 2010
DISC - one type of description
Based upon the work of Carl Jung, the DISC approach was invented by William Moulton Marston, inventor of the lie detector and a Harvard MBA, over 30 years ago. The statistically based profiles show a person’s preferred styles on four scales of behavior — Problems, People, Pace and Procedures:
Dominance (“D” factor) How one handles problems and challenges
Influence (“I” factor) How one handles people and influences others
Steadiness (“S” factor) How one handles work environment, change and pace
Compliance (“C” factor) How one handles rules and procedures set by others
Depending on our differences in style and approach, we can either get along very easily together (because we’re much alike!) or we can have significant clashes in our relationship.
Partially quoted from: http://www.the-collaborative.com/our-services/behaviorial-tools/behavioral-and-values-assessment/
Dominance (“D” factor) How one handles problems and challenges
Influence (“I” factor) How one handles people and influences others
Steadiness (“S” factor) How one handles work environment, change and pace
Compliance (“C” factor) How one handles rules and procedures set by others
Depending on our differences in style and approach, we can either get along very easily together (because we’re much alike!) or we can have significant clashes in our relationship.
Partially quoted from: http://www.the-collaborative.com/our-services/behaviorial-tools/behavioral-and-values-assessment/
11 mistakes women make in middle age
11 mistakes women make in middle age by Health.com, on Thu Dec 23, 2010 10:26am PST
By Ashley Macha
Let’s not kid ourselves. Getting older is a drag, and middle age is particularly fraught with tension.
Do the sexy clothes you wore in the past now seem just plain wrong? Will smoky eye makeup that looks great on 19-year-olds make you appear just plain crazy?
Part of the problem is that aging often requires change, but most women don’t want to move to a frumpy town called Middle Age, where sensible shoes and boring clothes are de rigueur.
Here are the 11 most common mistakes aging women make—and how to avoid them.
Not realizing you need to change
The biggest mistake women make is not doing anything at all. Hair, makeup, and clothing that made you look fantastic in your younger years, often won’t cut it as you grow older.
If you want to age gracefully, you’ll need to make some changes.
“Many women keep doing the same things they’ve been doing for decades, which very often no longer works and may not be as flattering for a woman over 50,” says Barbara Grufferman, author of The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts’ Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money, and More.
“They often don’t even realize they are making mistakes, so it’s all about finding what those mistakes are before they can happen.”
Not spending enough on your clothes
Remember the good old days, when you could snag a bikini off the sale rack and look like hot stuff on the beach? Unfortunately, those days are gone. (Unless you’re Madonna, Helen Mirren, or happen to look like them.)
The rest of us need to invest in clothing that’s a bit more, well, constructed. Think Lycra panels, butt-boosting jeans, and Spanx.
It’s a challenge to find flattering clothes at any age, but it’s even harder in middle age. You’ll probably need to fork over more dough for body-squeezing swimsuits and well-fitted business clothes that do the trick.
Health.com: The best jeans for your body
Comparing yourself to you in your 20s
Have your kids ever asked, “Who’s that pretty lady in your photo album?” You’re not alone.
Few people look as attractive in middle age as they did in their younger years. So take a walk down memory lane if you must, but don’t get depressed if you run into your younger self.
The goal is to look as good as you can—and be as healthy as you can—not recreate the body and face you had decades ago.
Skipping exercise
Tempted to stop working out as you get older? (Or use it as another excuse not to start?) Sorry, that won’t cut it.
You’ll have to exercise despite the aches and pains of middle age—the bum knee, tricky back, or it-just-makes-me-feel-like-hell feeling.
Exercising can actually relieve pain, and stave off health problems in coming years, such as creeping weight gain, diabetes, heart disease, or dementia.
If you can manage a marathon, great. If not, now is the time to check out the gym pool, start taking yoga, or fall in love with power walking.
Health.com: Your 50s strength workout
Not getting enough sleep
Gone are the days when you could stay up all night and still make it to work with a glowing complexion and a spring in your step.
The fact is, you may have heard a “you look tired” comment even after a good night’s sleep. (It’s OK to grit your teeth on that one.)
While it may be tempting to shortchange sleep, particularly if you’re juggling parent- and child-care duties, this may be one more thing you need to change.
Fewer hours of sleep are more likely to show up on your face, true. But it’s also linked to a greater risk of diabetes and other health problems, which become even more important as you age.
Health.com: 8 things keeping you up at night
Ignoring your teeth
You may be focusing on your wrinkles or thinning hair, but don’t forget to smile at yourself in the mirror.
One thing that can make you appear older is yellowing teeth, but it is about more than just looks. Dental health is closely linked with overall health, and gum disease—which gets more common as you age—has been associated with a higher risk of heart problems.
So don’t skip those visits to the dentist.
Overdoing anti-aging efforts
This is a common mistake made by celebrities and real women alike.
No one likes crow’s-feet or laugh lines, but a frozen Botox face or scary lip plumping isn’t a great look either.
The right skin products (such as those containing retinol) can help diminish fine lines and wrinkles. If you’re not happy with the result, then explore other alternatives—but don’t aim to look like a teen again.
“No wrinkles can be unrealistic and unnatural,” says Grufferman.
Health.com: 14 health products you probably don't need
Thinking there are hair “rules”
Do you have to cut your tresses short or above the shoulders once you’re 50? No, because there aren’t really any hair “rules” for middle-aged women, says Grufferman. “It depends on a woman’s height, shape, lifestyle, and the condition of her hair.”
The fact is that your hair will probably get more gray and thin as you age, and the texture may get coarser as well.
Choose a cut and color that’s flattering, keeping in mind that it probably won’t be the cut and color that worked for you in your 20s and 30s.
Using the wrong makeup
The makeup colors and brands you’ve been wearing for years probably don’t reflect what’s best for your skin anymore.
And resist the urge to slather on heavy-duty powders and concealers to cover up wrinkles and under-eye circles as caked-on or dark makeup can make you seem even older. For a more natural look, Grufferman suggests using a magnifying mirror and having a “lighter touch” when applying. Keep your cosmetic bag current—replace foundations, powders, and concealers every 6 months to a year, and steer clear of dated makeup styles too.
Health.com: The best colors for your complexion
Settling for a boring sex life
Our culture tends to sell the message that young equals sexy, but you don’t have to buy into it.
You should have the confidence and freedom to dress and feel as sexy as you want to, and explore your sexual needs as well.
“Women over 50 can have the best sex of their lives,” Grufferman says. “For many women, it’s the first time they are having sex for fun and enjoyment, not for a result (children)."
Health.com: 8 reasons sex is better after 50
Wearing the wrong bra
It’s inevitable—gravity has an impact on our bodies. But while you might be saggy where you were once perky, that doesn’t mean you have to stay that way.
“Many women continue to wear the same size and brand they’ve always worn, without considering that our bodies change as we age,” says Grufferman.
The right underwear can help lift and slim your body, so re-evaluate your undergarments and invest in some new pieces. Most large department stores and lingerie shops offer free bra-fitting services
By Ashley Macha
Let’s not kid ourselves. Getting older is a drag, and middle age is particularly fraught with tension.
Do the sexy clothes you wore in the past now seem just plain wrong? Will smoky eye makeup that looks great on 19-year-olds make you appear just plain crazy?
Part of the problem is that aging often requires change, but most women don’t want to move to a frumpy town called Middle Age, where sensible shoes and boring clothes are de rigueur.
Here are the 11 most common mistakes aging women make—and how to avoid them.
Not realizing you need to change
The biggest mistake women make is not doing anything at all. Hair, makeup, and clothing that made you look fantastic in your younger years, often won’t cut it as you grow older.
If you want to age gracefully, you’ll need to make some changes.
“Many women keep doing the same things they’ve been doing for decades, which very often no longer works and may not be as flattering for a woman over 50,” says Barbara Grufferman, author of The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts’ Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money, and More.
“They often don’t even realize they are making mistakes, so it’s all about finding what those mistakes are before they can happen.”
Not spending enough on your clothes
Remember the good old days, when you could snag a bikini off the sale rack and look like hot stuff on the beach? Unfortunately, those days are gone. (Unless you’re Madonna, Helen Mirren, or happen to look like them.)
The rest of us need to invest in clothing that’s a bit more, well, constructed. Think Lycra panels, butt-boosting jeans, and Spanx.
It’s a challenge to find flattering clothes at any age, but it’s even harder in middle age. You’ll probably need to fork over more dough for body-squeezing swimsuits and well-fitted business clothes that do the trick.
Health.com: The best jeans for your body
Comparing yourself to you in your 20s
Have your kids ever asked, “Who’s that pretty lady in your photo album?” You’re not alone.
Few people look as attractive in middle age as they did in their younger years. So take a walk down memory lane if you must, but don’t get depressed if you run into your younger self.
The goal is to look as good as you can—and be as healthy as you can—not recreate the body and face you had decades ago.
Skipping exercise
Tempted to stop working out as you get older? (Or use it as another excuse not to start?) Sorry, that won’t cut it.
You’ll have to exercise despite the aches and pains of middle age—the bum knee, tricky back, or it-just-makes-me-feel-like-hell feeling.
Exercising can actually relieve pain, and stave off health problems in coming years, such as creeping weight gain, diabetes, heart disease, or dementia.
If you can manage a marathon, great. If not, now is the time to check out the gym pool, start taking yoga, or fall in love with power walking.
Health.com: Your 50s strength workout
Not getting enough sleep
Gone are the days when you could stay up all night and still make it to work with a glowing complexion and a spring in your step.
The fact is, you may have heard a “you look tired” comment even after a good night’s sleep. (It’s OK to grit your teeth on that one.)
While it may be tempting to shortchange sleep, particularly if you’re juggling parent- and child-care duties, this may be one more thing you need to change.
Fewer hours of sleep are more likely to show up on your face, true. But it’s also linked to a greater risk of diabetes and other health problems, which become even more important as you age.
Health.com: 8 things keeping you up at night
Ignoring your teeth
You may be focusing on your wrinkles or thinning hair, but don’t forget to smile at yourself in the mirror.
One thing that can make you appear older is yellowing teeth, but it is about more than just looks. Dental health is closely linked with overall health, and gum disease—which gets more common as you age—has been associated with a higher risk of heart problems.
So don’t skip those visits to the dentist.
Overdoing anti-aging efforts
This is a common mistake made by celebrities and real women alike.
No one likes crow’s-feet or laugh lines, but a frozen Botox face or scary lip plumping isn’t a great look either.
The right skin products (such as those containing retinol) can help diminish fine lines and wrinkles. If you’re not happy with the result, then explore other alternatives—but don’t aim to look like a teen again.
“No wrinkles can be unrealistic and unnatural,” says Grufferman.
Health.com: 14 health products you probably don't need
Thinking there are hair “rules”
Do you have to cut your tresses short or above the shoulders once you’re 50? No, because there aren’t really any hair “rules” for middle-aged women, says Grufferman. “It depends on a woman’s height, shape, lifestyle, and the condition of her hair.”
The fact is that your hair will probably get more gray and thin as you age, and the texture may get coarser as well.
Choose a cut and color that’s flattering, keeping in mind that it probably won’t be the cut and color that worked for you in your 20s and 30s.
Using the wrong makeup
The makeup colors and brands you’ve been wearing for years probably don’t reflect what’s best for your skin anymore.
And resist the urge to slather on heavy-duty powders and concealers to cover up wrinkles and under-eye circles as caked-on or dark makeup can make you seem even older. For a more natural look, Grufferman suggests using a magnifying mirror and having a “lighter touch” when applying. Keep your cosmetic bag current—replace foundations, powders, and concealers every 6 months to a year, and steer clear of dated makeup styles too.
Health.com: The best colors for your complexion
Settling for a boring sex life
Our culture tends to sell the message that young equals sexy, but you don’t have to buy into it.
You should have the confidence and freedom to dress and feel as sexy as you want to, and explore your sexual needs as well.
“Women over 50 can have the best sex of their lives,” Grufferman says. “For many women, it’s the first time they are having sex for fun and enjoyment, not for a result (children)."
Health.com: 8 reasons sex is better after 50
Wearing the wrong bra
It’s inevitable—gravity has an impact on our bodies. But while you might be saggy where you were once perky, that doesn’t mean you have to stay that way.
“Many women continue to wear the same size and brand they’ve always worn, without considering that our bodies change as we age,” says Grufferman.
The right underwear can help lift and slim your body, so re-evaluate your undergarments and invest in some new pieces. Most large department stores and lingerie shops offer free bra-fitting services
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Happiness: Closer Than You Think
Happiness: Closer Than You Think
As the year comes to a close, all of us are inevitably starting to reflect upon the year that has passed. Some among us may be satisfied with how things happened, but most of us must have felt at some point in time that there were many things we could have done better: be it with our finances, personal or work relationships, or just the direction that life is taking. In this article, we will attempt to examine the reason behind this phenomenon, and posit an alternative approach to tackling these prevalent issues.
Impediments to happiness typically revolve around these root causes:
A Sense of Belonging
Everyone wants to be wanted. It’s a no brainer, really. It’s a notion deeply held by anthropologists, and one that certainly explains the way humanity has banded together in social groups since history began. Through shared experiences, people in these groups formed identities that were relative to each other. Essentially, playing to each other’s strengths increased each individual’s chances of survival.
Are We Truly Among The Happy?
Individuals in our day and age are afforded more access to increasingly advanced tools to work with. Effectively, what this means is that each person has the ability to do tasks that required more people in the past.
Although the rise in productivity has been immense, such a progression affects us – as social animals – negatively as well. Simply because it isn’t needed in our daily lives, interactions with others have decreased as a natural consequence, and our abilities to communicate effectively become increasingly limited.
Interestingly enough though, there has been strong research showing that throughout human history, playing games have been invaluable for people to learn concepts and develop communication skills both quickly and effectively.
Feelings of Powerlessness
We live in a very connected society, and recent statistics have shown that the average Facebook user has more than 100 friends. Within these statistics, however, lies an undercurrent of insularity:
Many of us have great ideas and thoughts, but keep them within us due to the fact that we feel that there isn’t an avenue for us to express them. This affects our day to day interactions negatively, and gives us a sense that we’re stuck in mediocrity – because we feel we can’t make a difference.
The Answer to All This: Play Games
Aristotle believed that the ultimate happiness lay in practicing virtuous habits, whereas the Hedonists argued that pleasure is the only intrinsic good. Here at MatchMove Games, we believe in a happy medium.
According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, after we’ve satisfied our basic (i.e. food, water, and shelter) needs, we as a species look towards higher needs such as achievement, expressing our creativity, problem solving, and morality. And in a previous article, we discussed at length about how people who played online games were more fulfilled with their lives. A study by Prof. Jane McGonigal from the Institute for the Future revealed that gamers tend to be fiercely optimistic and extremely cooperative when completing quests together.
Interestingly enough, she believes that in such cooperative social games, these gamers can tangibly seek what seems to be missing from everyday life: an epic win. Epic wins, for the uninitiated, are achievements of an unparalleled magnitude, and the prospect of one propels gamers to embark on large quests that can change the status quo.
A social element has also been incorporated within games. Players now have the ability to join guilds or factions, opening up opportunities for cooperation and consequently allowing them to feel a sense of belonging. More significantly, playing cooperatively gives players resources they were not privy to before, and affords individual players the ability to make a much larger difference together than they could alone.
The thing about playing a game is that the happiness that a player derives does not lie with his or her achievements, but instead in the pursuit. We as humans are engineered to seek greatness, and along this search we realize that we become better than we were – more ideal versions of ourselves. And as this betterment unfolds, we become aware, naturally, that there is always something to look forward to and to work towards.
Finding Your Own Happiness
No matter what anyone prescribes, you know yourself best. Every person has a different perception of what makes them happy, so in that vein, finding your own happiness is the best thing you can possibly do.
It could be as simple as baking that apple pie your mother used to make at home, or as complex as setting up a grand plan to build schools in Africa. But at its essence, being happy is about acknowledging that we are in a position to make a difference, wherever we are in the world.
So in this New Year, take the time to tell the people who matter to you that they are important. Play games with your loved ones. Make the extra effort to smile at a stranger. Laugh more.
Because when it’s all said and done, the little things are what matters most.
Zhang Wenjie, Shaun
Shaun is the Staff Writer at MatchMove Games
Great night and things are cleared
Just now was a great night. With things cleared too
Went to store early. Watched a few epsoide of Robin William Stand-up comedy on youtube. Link..well just youtube Robin Williams and you can get a lot of it. Indeed he has the content to talk talk talk talk talk talk talk ...and drink drink...well nice one. Very American Culture
Then tried to start off looking at phones and getting the necessary features. Just started but a start is better than none.
Wanted to go to a place near Little India, but gosh...carrying a big black table, 2 books, a lappy around....gosh I really feel old and unexcerised. Really un-excerised. In the end, got BY to help me abit. It really lighten my load quite a bit
So both of us ate at Ichiban. Sorry no photograph...haha...I mean I forgot too...well...yummy Salmon Sukiyaki....in the end I had it as Sashimi instead..haha.. or thin smoked salmon. yummy yum...the soup is really salty..and tasty...well yum yum....had a nice meal...talk to CBY....he was getting me to notice about...and how he has spurted SGD 14K.....woah...that is alot....but it is worth the investment...I will get a better CBY, more confident, less emotional swing at times...and of course some one whom, when I am stress, I know can support me. Well in all, he is indeed a more than a friend. Inner circle as I told him.
I am also glad to clear the air with him about how triggered. Clearing the air objective was to let him know that he is more that a friend, an inner circle support whom his words matters. Well, perhaps he has the access key to the RED button in me...haha...well...it is the stress period, a learning journey...well I am happy ...can hear his voice has more powerful, more self-confidence in him....those girls out there....this is one man that is not easy to find.....if you catch him, he is yours forever....good husband material in the making....with $$$...haha..
Cleared the air. Things back to normal...with no time...haha really no time.... I just hope that he can help.....all just need to do is.....tell his friends: I got a friend doing blah blah blah....nice and honest guy, great person to work with....you can look for him at xxxx....not the X-rated hor...
I am glad and still not sleeping now...sigh...well enjoying singlehood always....and always singlehood enjoyed.
Love indeed is the best seller. Well I really wonder at times, when will be the next meeting with her.....well...indeed It;s unhealthy how much I think about you....
Time to sleep.... got lots of work to do.....and so little work hours to spare.
Went to store early. Watched a few epsoide of Robin William Stand-up comedy on youtube. Link..well just youtube Robin Williams and you can get a lot of it. Indeed he has the content to talk talk talk talk talk talk talk ...and drink drink...well nice one. Very American Culture
Then tried to start off looking at phones and getting the necessary features. Just started but a start is better than none.
Wanted to go to a place near Little India, but gosh...carrying a big black table, 2 books, a lappy around....gosh I really feel old and unexcerised. Really un-excerised. In the end, got BY to help me abit. It really lighten my load quite a bit
So both of us ate at Ichiban. Sorry no photograph...haha...I mean I forgot too...well...yummy Salmon Sukiyaki....in the end I had it as Sashimi instead..haha.. or thin smoked salmon. yummy yum...the soup is really salty..and tasty...well yum yum....had a nice meal...talk to CBY....he was getting me to notice about...and how he has spurted SGD 14K.....woah...that is alot....but it is worth the investment...I will get a better CBY, more confident, less emotional swing at times...and of course some one whom, when I am stress, I know can support me. Well in all, he is indeed a more than a friend. Inner circle as I told him.
I am also glad to clear the air with him about how triggered. Clearing the air objective was to let him know that he is more that a friend, an inner circle support whom his words matters. Well, perhaps he has the access key to the RED button in me...haha...well...it is the stress period, a learning journey...well I am happy ...can hear his voice has more powerful, more self-confidence in him....those girls out there....this is one man that is not easy to find.....if you catch him, he is yours forever....good husband material in the making....with $$$...haha..
Cleared the air. Things back to normal...with no time...haha really no time.... I just hope that he can help.....all just need to do is.....tell his friends: I got a friend doing blah blah blah....nice and honest guy, great person to work with....you can look for him at xxxx....not the X-rated hor...
I am glad and still not sleeping now...sigh...well enjoying singlehood always....and always singlehood enjoyed.
Love indeed is the best seller. Well I really wonder at times, when will be the next meeting with her.....well...indeed It;s unhealthy how much I think about you....
Time to sleep.... got lots of work to do.....and so little work hours to spare.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Top 10 Most Common Makeup Mistakes
Top 10 Most Common Makeup Mistakes Don't you hate to see women who make the same makeup mistakes over and over again? Send them this list!
Ever spot a serious makeup mistake and think, "I wonder if she knows?" Chances are she doesn't, and she'll walk in to her next corporate meeting or parent/teacher conference totally oblivious to her makeup faux pas. Don't let that blurred vision of beauty become you! Review the top ten ugliest and goofiest makeup mistakes women make and give yourself an honest grade. Then share your new found information and make the world a prettier place.
Concealer/Foundation Confusion
Cruise the Internet long enough and you will come across all sorts of advice on this subject; concealer and foundation application. Never before have so many women got such bad advice and it shows. The real key to good concealer and foundation coverage is to start with a moisturized face. Then dab yellow concealer sparingly on brown or red spots. Don't worry about blending it in; it's concealer. Then apply your foundation. Do not put concealer over mineral powder or cream to powder makeup—it won't blend! You'll end up with an obvious patch job. Ugh!
Wrong Foundation Shade
Okay "summer girl" let go of the dark foundation. Your tan is gone and there is no sense in pretending. Let go of your summer foundation shade and embrace a paler, prettier you. Something to remember when shopping for foundation shades—color match to your jawbone, not your hand. Your hand skin is always darker than your facial skin.
Excessive Concealer
I hate watching my favorite all chick talk shows and seeing the show host wearing obvious white circles under her eyes. Girlfriend! Lay off the excessive under eye concealer or at least invest in one that does a little better job matching your skin tone. White is alright but too much of it will give you the reverse raccoon look.
Heavy Handed Eyeliner
I (sadly) am old enough to remember burning the tip of kohl black eyeliner before applying it to the inner rim of my eyelid. In the eighties, we liked our hair big and our eyeliner dark. Fortunately, style-wise, those days are over. Don't ring your eyes excessively, instead focus on using attractive colors in a flattering way.
Over Frosted Eye Shadow
Some may disagree with me but too much frosted eye shadow looks well... cheap. A bit of shimmer under the brows, a touch on the lid, these are pretty effects. However covering your eyelid from top to bottom with unblended, globbed on eyeshadow is unattractive. Go easy on the frosting!
Dry Face
No matter how much makeup you apply, you can't hide a dry face. After your morning cleanse, moisturize your skin. This will make your makeup application smooth and silky looking. Without moisture, makeup looks cracked and unflattering.
Wacky Eyebrows
Your eyebrows matter! Over penciled or super thin eyebrows are a mistake. At the opposite end of the spectrum, you'll find the gal who has never used a tweezer in her life. I hope you fall in neither category. Visit a professional stylist who can give you a good base waxing. He or she will shape those brows and give you a great template to maintain.
Dark Lip Liner
For a brief time in the nineties dark lip liner over light lipstick may have been fashionable. If it was, the fad is now over. Please toss away the black lip liner and use a more flattering color.
Blending Your Makeup
Sometimes we get a flawless finish but forget to blend. This common mistake will leave you looking like you are wearing a mask. Buy a cosmetic sponge and blend, blend, blend!
Mascara Marks
Occasional mascara marks are expected, we all get in a hurry. However, chronic mascara prints may have your friends and coworkers snickering. The problem may result from trying to apply mascara without your glasses. If that's you, the solution is simple. Buy a tabletop magnification mirror. You won't need your glasses to get perfect mascara.
Ever spot a serious makeup mistake and think, "I wonder if she knows?" Chances are she doesn't, and she'll walk in to her next corporate meeting or parent/teacher conference totally oblivious to her makeup faux pas. Don't let that blurred vision of beauty become you! Review the top ten ugliest and goofiest makeup mistakes women make and give yourself an honest grade. Then share your new found information and make the world a prettier place.
Concealer/Foundation Confusion
Cruise the Internet long enough and you will come across all sorts of advice on this subject; concealer and foundation application. Never before have so many women got such bad advice and it shows. The real key to good concealer and foundation coverage is to start with a moisturized face. Then dab yellow concealer sparingly on brown or red spots. Don't worry about blending it in; it's concealer. Then apply your foundation. Do not put concealer over mineral powder or cream to powder makeup—it won't blend! You'll end up with an obvious patch job. Ugh!
Wrong Foundation Shade
Okay "summer girl" let go of the dark foundation. Your tan is gone and there is no sense in pretending. Let go of your summer foundation shade and embrace a paler, prettier you. Something to remember when shopping for foundation shades—color match to your jawbone, not your hand. Your hand skin is always darker than your facial skin.
Excessive Concealer
I hate watching my favorite all chick talk shows and seeing the show host wearing obvious white circles under her eyes. Girlfriend! Lay off the excessive under eye concealer or at least invest in one that does a little better job matching your skin tone. White is alright but too much of it will give you the reverse raccoon look.
Heavy Handed Eyeliner
I (sadly) am old enough to remember burning the tip of kohl black eyeliner before applying it to the inner rim of my eyelid. In the eighties, we liked our hair big and our eyeliner dark. Fortunately, style-wise, those days are over. Don't ring your eyes excessively, instead focus on using attractive colors in a flattering way.
Over Frosted Eye Shadow
Some may disagree with me but too much frosted eye shadow looks well... cheap. A bit of shimmer under the brows, a touch on the lid, these are pretty effects. However covering your eyelid from top to bottom with unblended, globbed on eyeshadow is unattractive. Go easy on the frosting!
Dry Face
No matter how much makeup you apply, you can't hide a dry face. After your morning cleanse, moisturize your skin. This will make your makeup application smooth and silky looking. Without moisture, makeup looks cracked and unflattering.
Wacky Eyebrows
Your eyebrows matter! Over penciled or super thin eyebrows are a mistake. At the opposite end of the spectrum, you'll find the gal who has never used a tweezer in her life. I hope you fall in neither category. Visit a professional stylist who can give you a good base waxing. He or she will shape those brows and give you a great template to maintain.
Dark Lip Liner
For a brief time in the nineties dark lip liner over light lipstick may have been fashionable. If it was, the fad is now over. Please toss away the black lip liner and use a more flattering color.
Blending Your Makeup
Sometimes we get a flawless finish but forget to blend. This common mistake will leave you looking like you are wearing a mask. Buy a cosmetic sponge and blend, blend, blend!
Mascara Marks
Occasional mascara marks are expected, we all get in a hurry. However, chronic mascara prints may have your friends and coworkers snickering. The problem may result from trying to apply mascara without your glasses. If that's you, the solution is simple. Buy a tabletop magnification mirror. You won't need your glasses to get perfect mascara.
The $20,000 Pet
The $20,000 Pet by Nancy KeatesTuesday, December 21, 2010
For Mary Cotter, the first sign of concern came when her 7-year-old, Logan, appeared dizzy. His regular doctor said everything was fine, but Cotter insisted Logan be seen by a neurologist, who after an MRI found a tumor in his inner ear. An operation followed, and for the next month Cotter took Logan on a four-hour round-trip trek every day from her home in Ledyard, Conn., to a specialty hospital in Boston for radiation therapy.
The total bill for the tests, blood work, surgery and radiation came to $14,000 -- not surprising in this age of sky-high medical costs. Except for one thing. Logan is a golden retriever. After another surgery for an unrelated illness, the total cost of Logan's care is approaching $20,000. Today Logan is healthy, but he has a new nickname: "20K."
It's no secret that Americans love their pets. But these days, all that love is leading to an unprecedented level of expense for millions of owners, who are only beginning to understand the pet-world concept of sticker shock. Caught up in a wave of new medical options and lured by an increasingly sophisticated cadre of veterinarians, pet owners across the country are forking over thousands -- and even tens of thousands -- of dollars to treat illnesses that would have gone undiagnosed or untreated just a few years ago. And then doing it again if they have to. Of course, pet owners and most vets have the animals' best interest in mind. But that doesn't make it any easier: With health insurance covering the humans in many families, it's not unusual for pet owners to spend far more money on health care for their cats and dogs than for their sons and daughters. Even the Great Recession failed to take a bite out of Fido's health care tab. According to a report by market-research company Packaged Facts, Americans spent $20 billion on veterinary bills in 2010 -- an 8.5% increase from a year earlier and more than double the amount spent just a decade ago.
Much of that money is being spent on new medical technology. With some of the advances in human health care spreading to the animal kingdom, pet owners have many more options for treatment -- and many more chances to fork over money to cure their pets or at least prolong their pets' lives. Dogs and cats can have pacemakers implanted at a cost of $1,000 to $1,500, while pets with kidney failure can get a kidney-clearing procedure that runs $20,000 to $25,000 for just the first few weeks. Not long ago a vet would most likely have recommended euthanasia for a cat or dog diagnosed with cancer or another serious illness. Today high-tech procedures and equipment, such as chemotherapy and MRIs -- and yes, CAT scans -- allow for better diagnosis and more-advanced treatment.
[Photos: Cutest Baby Animals]
They also require highly trained specialists. In the past three years, the percentage of veterinarians who are board certified for small-animal surgery has more than doubled, according to the American Veterinary Medical Association. Until the late 1980s, there were no board-certified veterinary oncologists, for a simple reason: There was no program for certification. Now vet schools offer oncology-specialization programs and have full-fledged cancer centers, while dozens of private centers have opened across the country with board-certified staff. At the Animal Cancer Center at Colorado State University, 14 veterinarians specialize in medical, surgical and radiation oncology. They're supported by a full nursing staff, residents and even a clinical-trials team focusing on diseases from canine lymphoma to feline sarcoma. Add it all up and "it's a revolution," says Stephen Withrow, the center's associate director.
Of course, expensive technology wouldn't be of much use if no one wanted to take advantage of it. That's where an equally powerful trend comes in: the increasing tendency of Americans to humanize their pets. All those people paying for pet massages and buying designer doggie clothes find it all but impossible to say no when the health -- or life -- of their pet is at stake. And like anxious parents with a sick child, these pet owners aren't about to argue when a vet recommends treatment for a beloved pet. Indeed, in a recent survey by the Associated Press and Petside.com , 35% of pet owners said they were very likely to pick up $2,000 in vet costs to treat a sick dog or cat, while 22% said they'd pick up $5,000 in vet costs.
Empty nesters, who make up a growing percentage of dog owners, are particularly vulnerable. As a former "helicopter parent," Vicki Parker, 55, of Scotch Plains, N.J., admits that she's turned her hovering tendencies toward her dog. "It gives me something to worry about," she says of her chocolate lab, Bear, who has become her constant companion since her son moved out three years ago. More than a year ago, when Bear received a diagnosis of hemangiopericytoma, a type of soft-tissue tumor, Parker paid $1,800 for the surgery. Since then, Bear has had chemotherapy, blood work and oncology visits, for a total cost of about $4,000. "It was really scary," says Parker. "But I felt like I couldn't say no."
That's small change compared with what some pet owners end up shelling out. Gary Nice, president of the National Canine Cancer Foundation, says he spent progressively more to care for three golden retrievers, each of whom developed cancer. First, Nice spent about $3,000 on tests for Bailey before finding out that cancer had spread to his lungs and there was nothing more to do. After that, Ashby developed a brain tumor. At the time, there was no treatment (there is now), and shortly after MRIs and tests that totaled about $3,500, Ashby died. Fast-forward to 2008, when an X-ray revealed Duncan also had a tumor. "By this time we were watching our dogs like a hawk," says Nice, of Longview, Texas. Duncan had his spleen removed and underwent a host of other procedures, for a total cost of $5,000. Although Duncan died 45 days later, Nice, 57, would do it again. "What would a parent of a child say if someone asked them how much they'd be willing to spend on a cancer cure?" he asks. "They'd probably hit you."
[How to Pick the Perfect Dog For You]
Of course, all the new pet-care options still make for some difficult decisions. Davis Magnus, director of the Stanford University Center for Biomedical Ethics, says that these cutting-edge medical treatments for pets raise some of the same issues faced in human care: At what point do we decide it isn't worth it to prolong life if we're not also improving its quality? The difference with pets, he says, is that they can be euthanized, so owners can ensure that their passing is painless and fast. Mike Bachman, a 27-year-old from San Diego who works in insurance finance, had to face those issues in August 2008, after his wife's cat was diagnosed with lymphoma of the liver. After all the blood work and biopsies, they decided against chemotherapy and chose steroid injections instead. That's partly because they didn't want their cat to have discomfort from the chemo, but the potential price difference of nearly $3,000 was also a factor. "That cat was part of our family," Bachman says. "But there is a line in the sand."
With all the growth, critics say, the market for pet health care lacks some of the checks and balances of the system for human health care. For starters, the federal government doesn't regulate health insurance or treatment for pets. And while health insurance companies have long pressured providers to keep costs down for humans, that check is lacking in the world of pets. Drugs can be another gray area. Only a few cancer drugs are approved by the Food and Drug Administration for use on animals: The majority of the dozens of drugs used by vets are prescribed "off label," meaning they're approved only for humans, though vets are still allowed to prescribe them.
None of those issues is about to get in the way of businesses drooling over the new opportunities. The Freedonia Group, a research company, predicts that spending on veterinary care, including services and retail products, will reach $33 billion in 2014 and $44 billion by 2019, up from $24 billion in 2009. Giant pharmaceutical companies like Pfizer (NYSE: PFE - News, Novartis (NYSE: NVS - News) and Eli Lilly (NYSE: LLY - News) have pet-care divisions, offering products from pain-control medications and antidepressants to weight-control pills. Vet schools are also gearing up. Enrollment has grown 8 percent over the past five years, a pickup from the slow but steady growth of earlier years. Lisa Greenhill, who handles institutional research for the Association of American Veterinary Medical Colleges, says the nation's 28 vet schools are expected to further increase enrollment in coming years.
[The Top 10 Pet-Owner Mistakes]
The rising cost of pet health care is providing a new boost to another corner of the market: pet insurance. Once considered an afterthought at best and a joke at worst, insurance for cats and dogs is appealing to more consumers as a way to ease the financial bite of pet care. The number of companies insuring pets has doubled in the past five years, to 12, with premiums growing an average of more than 20 percent a year over that time, to $350 million in 2009. Loran Hickton, executive director of the North American Pet Health Insurance Association, says he's been getting more calls lately from venture capitalists looking to get into the pet-insurance business.
Laura Bennett is a step ahead of them. Bennett, who won a business-plan competition at Wharton Business School for her pet-insurance concept, attracted angel investors and venture capital to help start her company, Embrace Pet Insurance. The idea is to allow pet owners to customize their plans by choosing the amounts of their deductibles and co-pays -- concepts all too familiar to consumers of health insurance for humans. "It is an incredible opportunity," she says.
The Treatment Trail
Diagnosing and treating a pet for cancer and other diseases can be a complex and expensive journey. Some key stops along the way:
The Exam
Cost: $200 to $450
To the surprise of some new pet owners, many pet clinics now send technicians to get a case history before the vet even steps in the room. Then the whole process gets repeated with the vet. "It's like going to a doctor's office," with the technician playing the role of a nurse, says a spokesperson for the American Veterinary Medical Association. It can get even more complicated, with blood tests, X-rays and ultrasounds to help pinpoint the problem.
MRI
Cost: $1,500 to $2,500
The magnetic resonance imaging scanners used for cats and dogs are the same as those for humans, and the range of image quality can vary depending on the type of MRI. Pets typically are put under general anesthesia, which adds to the cost of the procedure. In most cases, the pet's MRI is read by certified veterinary radiologists, but there are no set standards. Some places use veterinary technologists to administer the test instead of radiology technicians. "It's all over the board right now," says James Stuppino, chief executive officer of AnimalScan, a chain of MRI-imaging centers for pets. For bone lesions, a vet will often decide on a CT scan instead of an MRI.
Surgery
Cost: $500 to $6,000
The percentage of veterinarians who are board certified for small-animal surgery has more than doubled in the past three years, according to the American Veterinary Medical Association. The most common surgeries are to remove skin tumors; others include mastectomies, amputations and partial jaw removals. The website of the American College of Veterinary Surgeons provides explanations (with graphic photos) of the various surgeries.
Radiation
Cost: $1,500 to $10,000
As with humans, X-rays, gamma rays and other sources of radiation destroy the cancer cells in the treated area. In most cases, radiation therapy is given as a series of doses. Some specialty veterinary hospitals now use a "linear accelerator," which allows doctors to limit the damage to surrounding tissue. The Animal Medical Center in New York recently added "intensity modulated radiation therapy," which uses multiple small beams of radiation to deliver high doses to specific tumors.
Chemotherapy
Cost: $200 to $1,000 a month over three to six months
Experts say the chemotherapy given to dogs is the same as the chemo used for humans, with one exception: Since dogs weigh less, they need less chemo. Given as a series of treatments, chemotherapy is essentially medicine that is taken by mouth or injected into a dog's vein or under the skin. The drug used and the length of treatment depend on the type of cancer. Some pet owners decide against chemo because of its potential side effects: nausea, diarrhea, appetite loss, weight loss, skin discoloration, urine discoloration, low white blood cell count and fatigue.
For Mary Cotter, the first sign of concern came when her 7-year-old, Logan, appeared dizzy. His regular doctor said everything was fine, but Cotter insisted Logan be seen by a neurologist, who after an MRI found a tumor in his inner ear. An operation followed, and for the next month Cotter took Logan on a four-hour round-trip trek every day from her home in Ledyard, Conn., to a specialty hospital in Boston for radiation therapy.
The total bill for the tests, blood work, surgery and radiation came to $14,000 -- not surprising in this age of sky-high medical costs. Except for one thing. Logan is a golden retriever. After another surgery for an unrelated illness, the total cost of Logan's care is approaching $20,000. Today Logan is healthy, but he has a new nickname: "20K."
It's no secret that Americans love their pets. But these days, all that love is leading to an unprecedented level of expense for millions of owners, who are only beginning to understand the pet-world concept of sticker shock. Caught up in a wave of new medical options and lured by an increasingly sophisticated cadre of veterinarians, pet owners across the country are forking over thousands -- and even tens of thousands -- of dollars to treat illnesses that would have gone undiagnosed or untreated just a few years ago. And then doing it again if they have to. Of course, pet owners and most vets have the animals' best interest in mind. But that doesn't make it any easier: With health insurance covering the humans in many families, it's not unusual for pet owners to spend far more money on health care for their cats and dogs than for their sons and daughters. Even the Great Recession failed to take a bite out of Fido's health care tab. According to a report by market-research company Packaged Facts, Americans spent $20 billion on veterinary bills in 2010 -- an 8.5% increase from a year earlier and more than double the amount spent just a decade ago.
Much of that money is being spent on new medical technology. With some of the advances in human health care spreading to the animal kingdom, pet owners have many more options for treatment -- and many more chances to fork over money to cure their pets or at least prolong their pets' lives. Dogs and cats can have pacemakers implanted at a cost of $1,000 to $1,500, while pets with kidney failure can get a kidney-clearing procedure that runs $20,000 to $25,000 for just the first few weeks. Not long ago a vet would most likely have recommended euthanasia for a cat or dog diagnosed with cancer or another serious illness. Today high-tech procedures and equipment, such as chemotherapy and MRIs -- and yes, CAT scans -- allow for better diagnosis and more-advanced treatment.
[Photos: Cutest Baby Animals]
They also require highly trained specialists. In the past three years, the percentage of veterinarians who are board certified for small-animal surgery has more than doubled, according to the American Veterinary Medical Association. Until the late 1980s, there were no board-certified veterinary oncologists, for a simple reason: There was no program for certification. Now vet schools offer oncology-specialization programs and have full-fledged cancer centers, while dozens of private centers have opened across the country with board-certified staff. At the Animal Cancer Center at Colorado State University, 14 veterinarians specialize in medical, surgical and radiation oncology. They're supported by a full nursing staff, residents and even a clinical-trials team focusing on diseases from canine lymphoma to feline sarcoma. Add it all up and "it's a revolution," says Stephen Withrow, the center's associate director.
Of course, expensive technology wouldn't be of much use if no one wanted to take advantage of it. That's where an equally powerful trend comes in: the increasing tendency of Americans to humanize their pets. All those people paying for pet massages and buying designer doggie clothes find it all but impossible to say no when the health -- or life -- of their pet is at stake. And like anxious parents with a sick child, these pet owners aren't about to argue when a vet recommends treatment for a beloved pet. Indeed, in a recent survey by the Associated Press and Petside.com , 35% of pet owners said they were very likely to pick up $2,000 in vet costs to treat a sick dog or cat, while 22% said they'd pick up $5,000 in vet costs.
Empty nesters, who make up a growing percentage of dog owners, are particularly vulnerable. As a former "helicopter parent," Vicki Parker, 55, of Scotch Plains, N.J., admits that she's turned her hovering tendencies toward her dog. "It gives me something to worry about," she says of her chocolate lab, Bear, who has become her constant companion since her son moved out three years ago. More than a year ago, when Bear received a diagnosis of hemangiopericytoma, a type of soft-tissue tumor, Parker paid $1,800 for the surgery. Since then, Bear has had chemotherapy, blood work and oncology visits, for a total cost of about $4,000. "It was really scary," says Parker. "But I felt like I couldn't say no."
That's small change compared with what some pet owners end up shelling out. Gary Nice, president of the National Canine Cancer Foundation, says he spent progressively more to care for three golden retrievers, each of whom developed cancer. First, Nice spent about $3,000 on tests for Bailey before finding out that cancer had spread to his lungs and there was nothing more to do. After that, Ashby developed a brain tumor. At the time, there was no treatment (there is now), and shortly after MRIs and tests that totaled about $3,500, Ashby died. Fast-forward to 2008, when an X-ray revealed Duncan also had a tumor. "By this time we were watching our dogs like a hawk," says Nice, of Longview, Texas. Duncan had his spleen removed and underwent a host of other procedures, for a total cost of $5,000. Although Duncan died 45 days later, Nice, 57, would do it again. "What would a parent of a child say if someone asked them how much they'd be willing to spend on a cancer cure?" he asks. "They'd probably hit you."
[How to Pick the Perfect Dog For You]
Of course, all the new pet-care options still make for some difficult decisions. Davis Magnus, director of the Stanford University Center for Biomedical Ethics, says that these cutting-edge medical treatments for pets raise some of the same issues faced in human care: At what point do we decide it isn't worth it to prolong life if we're not also improving its quality? The difference with pets, he says, is that they can be euthanized, so owners can ensure that their passing is painless and fast. Mike Bachman, a 27-year-old from San Diego who works in insurance finance, had to face those issues in August 2008, after his wife's cat was diagnosed with lymphoma of the liver. After all the blood work and biopsies, they decided against chemotherapy and chose steroid injections instead. That's partly because they didn't want their cat to have discomfort from the chemo, but the potential price difference of nearly $3,000 was also a factor. "That cat was part of our family," Bachman says. "But there is a line in the sand."
With all the growth, critics say, the market for pet health care lacks some of the checks and balances of the system for human health care. For starters, the federal government doesn't regulate health insurance or treatment for pets. And while health insurance companies have long pressured providers to keep costs down for humans, that check is lacking in the world of pets. Drugs can be another gray area. Only a few cancer drugs are approved by the Food and Drug Administration for use on animals: The majority of the dozens of drugs used by vets are prescribed "off label," meaning they're approved only for humans, though vets are still allowed to prescribe them.
None of those issues is about to get in the way of businesses drooling over the new opportunities. The Freedonia Group, a research company, predicts that spending on veterinary care, including services and retail products, will reach $33 billion in 2014 and $44 billion by 2019, up from $24 billion in 2009. Giant pharmaceutical companies like Pfizer (NYSE: PFE - News, Novartis (NYSE: NVS - News) and Eli Lilly (NYSE: LLY - News) have pet-care divisions, offering products from pain-control medications and antidepressants to weight-control pills. Vet schools are also gearing up. Enrollment has grown 8 percent over the past five years, a pickup from the slow but steady growth of earlier years. Lisa Greenhill, who handles institutional research for the Association of American Veterinary Medical Colleges, says the nation's 28 vet schools are expected to further increase enrollment in coming years.
[The Top 10 Pet-Owner Mistakes]
The rising cost of pet health care is providing a new boost to another corner of the market: pet insurance. Once considered an afterthought at best and a joke at worst, insurance for cats and dogs is appealing to more consumers as a way to ease the financial bite of pet care. The number of companies insuring pets has doubled in the past five years, to 12, with premiums growing an average of more than 20 percent a year over that time, to $350 million in 2009. Loran Hickton, executive director of the North American Pet Health Insurance Association, says he's been getting more calls lately from venture capitalists looking to get into the pet-insurance business.
Laura Bennett is a step ahead of them. Bennett, who won a business-plan competition at Wharton Business School for her pet-insurance concept, attracted angel investors and venture capital to help start her company, Embrace Pet Insurance. The idea is to allow pet owners to customize their plans by choosing the amounts of their deductibles and co-pays -- concepts all too familiar to consumers of health insurance for humans. "It is an incredible opportunity," she says.
The Treatment Trail
Diagnosing and treating a pet for cancer and other diseases can be a complex and expensive journey. Some key stops along the way:
The Exam
Cost: $200 to $450
To the surprise of some new pet owners, many pet clinics now send technicians to get a case history before the vet even steps in the room. Then the whole process gets repeated with the vet. "It's like going to a doctor's office," with the technician playing the role of a nurse, says a spokesperson for the American Veterinary Medical Association. It can get even more complicated, with blood tests, X-rays and ultrasounds to help pinpoint the problem.
MRI
Cost: $1,500 to $2,500
The magnetic resonance imaging scanners used for cats and dogs are the same as those for humans, and the range of image quality can vary depending on the type of MRI. Pets typically are put under general anesthesia, which adds to the cost of the procedure. In most cases, the pet's MRI is read by certified veterinary radiologists, but there are no set standards. Some places use veterinary technologists to administer the test instead of radiology technicians. "It's all over the board right now," says James Stuppino, chief executive officer of AnimalScan, a chain of MRI-imaging centers for pets. For bone lesions, a vet will often decide on a CT scan instead of an MRI.
Surgery
Cost: $500 to $6,000
The percentage of veterinarians who are board certified for small-animal surgery has more than doubled in the past three years, according to the American Veterinary Medical Association. The most common surgeries are to remove skin tumors; others include mastectomies, amputations and partial jaw removals. The website of the American College of Veterinary Surgeons provides explanations (with graphic photos) of the various surgeries.
Radiation
Cost: $1,500 to $10,000
As with humans, X-rays, gamma rays and other sources of radiation destroy the cancer cells in the treated area. In most cases, radiation therapy is given as a series of doses. Some specialty veterinary hospitals now use a "linear accelerator," which allows doctors to limit the damage to surrounding tissue. The Animal Medical Center in New York recently added "intensity modulated radiation therapy," which uses multiple small beams of radiation to deliver high doses to specific tumors.
Chemotherapy
Cost: $200 to $1,000 a month over three to six months
Experts say the chemotherapy given to dogs is the same as the chemo used for humans, with one exception: Since dogs weigh less, they need less chemo. Given as a series of treatments, chemotherapy is essentially medicine that is taken by mouth or injected into a dog's vein or under the skin. The drug used and the length of treatment depend on the type of cancer. Some pet owners decide against chemo because of its potential side effects: nausea, diarrhea, appetite loss, weight loss, skin discoloration, urine discoloration, low white blood cell count and fatigue.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
5 secrets to making him love you
5 secrets to making him love you By Jerusha Stewart
Know a woman who always seems to be in perfect sync with the guy she is dating — they laugh at each other’s jokes, are considerate of one another’s feelings, and are devotedly in love (and best friends to boot)? Well, the reason this gal’s so lucky in love is pretty simple: It’s because she treats her guy right, and he can’t get enough of her company. Now, when I say she “treats her guy right,” what do I mean? She treats him like a friend, giving him the same five-star support, understanding, and (yes) slack we automatically extend to our girlfriends. If you want to reap the same benefits in your own love life, try some of these tips, and, trust me, you’ll notice a difference.
1. Share an activity
For women, it’s second nature to invite their girlfriends along for a shopping spree, yoga class, spa day, you name it. But activity-based bonding shouldn’t be relegated to females only. Guys love jawing over a shared pursuit, and while he might not be up for a mani/pedi (nor you for a day spent watching basketball), there are plenty of other options. Becoming gym buddies is a no-brainer (and can serve as that extra kick-in-the-butt you need to go more often!), or if you two usually dine out on a Saturday night, consider delving into a cook book and taking a crack at a recipe that’s a bit of a challenge, like duck terrine with glazed shallots. Whether it turns out terrific or so odd that you end up ordering takeout, the fact that you’ve worked toward a common goal together builds team spirit. And by investing in a history of shared experiences with your partner in crime, you’ll increase the things you have in common and experience a deeper bond.
2. Cheer him on
Women take great pains to make their girlfriends feel great about themselves, showering them with ego-boosters like, “You look amazing; that is the best color on you” or “Of course, you should email that guy — he’d be lucky to have you!” And while we might think the world of the men we date and even brag about them to our friends and family members, telling him these things doesn’t always occur to us. Maybe it’s because we assume guys possess impenetrable egos — but the truth is, they can be just as insecure as your female friends and would probably appreciate a compliment now and then. So, if he just got a promotion at work, toast him at dinner and tell him exactly why he deserved it. Or try a simple off-the-cuff statement, such as: “You look so good in that shirt — it really brings out the color in your eyes.” Don’t be surprised if he suddenly seems to be around a whole lot more often, basking in your presence.
3. Let him be himself
Most women find it hard to love guys just the way they are. We want to change their hair, their clothes, their job, and sometimes even their friends to fit our ideal. With our own pals, we’re more accepting of their differences; we can actually be proud to have a technology nerd, yoga snob or fashion slave as part of our collection of confidantes. Ruthanna Hall, a sales associate in New York, has learned to relax and appreciate distinctly male behaviors (with great results) in her own relationship. “When we go out, I might feel more like a cool lounge uptown, but then all he’ll want is a round of darts at the neighborhood dive,” she explains. Rather than sulk all evening about his lack of class, she’ll focus in on the funny conversation they’re having. “Sure, most guys do things that cause girls to go ‘uggghhh!’ But that’s just the way they are,” she says. “Why not get on with it and have fun?”
4. Tell him what you think
We don’t expect our best friends to always know what we’re thinking. In fact, we actually enjoy swapping our thoughts, hopes, and fears — that’s most of the fun! But why, then, are we so disappointed when our boyfriends don’t exhibit mind-reading tendencies 24/7? We’ve all been guilty of harboring romantic notions like, “If he’s been listening to me, he’ll know exactly where to take me for dinner on Valentine’s Day” or “If he were truly paying attention right now, he’d know I’m freaking out about this virus on my computer and offer to come over and help.” But trust me, you’ll save yourself a lot of disappointment by just telling him where you want to dine out on Valentine’s Day, or by asking him to come over with his anti-virus software. After all, it’s common knowledge that two heads are better than one, so just because you’ve decided he’s The One, don’t go mum and add major guesswork to your communications.
5. Give him his space
Sometimes, girlfriends just go MIA for awhile. They get so busy at work that they don’t return your emails. Do we give them flack for it? Nothing serious. But for some reason, the rules change for guys: We rail on them for not promptly returning phone calls, take offense if they want a guy’s night out. But remember, achieving a balance between “me” time and “we” time will make the time you do spend together even better. Bridget Cunningham found her relationship got so much mellower once she stopped stressing about where her boyfriend was every hour. “I don’t hold it against him when he wants to have his own time,” she says. “You don’t cut your friends off when they do things with other people, so why shouldn’t it be the same with the person you love? Meanwhile I’m free to go running off with my girlfriend and blab about girl stuff. We meet afterwards for coffee, and we’re both feeling refreshed and fulfilled by spending time apart…and that much happier to be spending time together again.”
Jerusha Stewart, a.k.a. The Last Single Girl in the World, reveals how to be singularly sensational in her book, The Single Girl’s Manifesta.
Know a woman who always seems to be in perfect sync with the guy she is dating — they laugh at each other’s jokes, are considerate of one another’s feelings, and are devotedly in love (and best friends to boot)? Well, the reason this gal’s so lucky in love is pretty simple: It’s because she treats her guy right, and he can’t get enough of her company. Now, when I say she “treats her guy right,” what do I mean? She treats him like a friend, giving him the same five-star support, understanding, and (yes) slack we automatically extend to our girlfriends. If you want to reap the same benefits in your own love life, try some of these tips, and, trust me, you’ll notice a difference.
1. Share an activity
For women, it’s second nature to invite their girlfriends along for a shopping spree, yoga class, spa day, you name it. But activity-based bonding shouldn’t be relegated to females only. Guys love jawing over a shared pursuit, and while he might not be up for a mani/pedi (nor you for a day spent watching basketball), there are plenty of other options. Becoming gym buddies is a no-brainer (and can serve as that extra kick-in-the-butt you need to go more often!), or if you two usually dine out on a Saturday night, consider delving into a cook book and taking a crack at a recipe that’s a bit of a challenge, like duck terrine with glazed shallots. Whether it turns out terrific or so odd that you end up ordering takeout, the fact that you’ve worked toward a common goal together builds team spirit. And by investing in a history of shared experiences with your partner in crime, you’ll increase the things you have in common and experience a deeper bond.
2. Cheer him on
Women take great pains to make their girlfriends feel great about themselves, showering them with ego-boosters like, “You look amazing; that is the best color on you” or “Of course, you should email that guy — he’d be lucky to have you!” And while we might think the world of the men we date and even brag about them to our friends and family members, telling him these things doesn’t always occur to us. Maybe it’s because we assume guys possess impenetrable egos — but the truth is, they can be just as insecure as your female friends and would probably appreciate a compliment now and then. So, if he just got a promotion at work, toast him at dinner and tell him exactly why he deserved it. Or try a simple off-the-cuff statement, such as: “You look so good in that shirt — it really brings out the color in your eyes.” Don’t be surprised if he suddenly seems to be around a whole lot more often, basking in your presence.
3. Let him be himself
Most women find it hard to love guys just the way they are. We want to change their hair, their clothes, their job, and sometimes even their friends to fit our ideal. With our own pals, we’re more accepting of their differences; we can actually be proud to have a technology nerd, yoga snob or fashion slave as part of our collection of confidantes. Ruthanna Hall, a sales associate in New York, has learned to relax and appreciate distinctly male behaviors (with great results) in her own relationship. “When we go out, I might feel more like a cool lounge uptown, but then all he’ll want is a round of darts at the neighborhood dive,” she explains. Rather than sulk all evening about his lack of class, she’ll focus in on the funny conversation they’re having. “Sure, most guys do things that cause girls to go ‘uggghhh!’ But that’s just the way they are,” she says. “Why not get on with it and have fun?”
4. Tell him what you think
We don’t expect our best friends to always know what we’re thinking. In fact, we actually enjoy swapping our thoughts, hopes, and fears — that’s most of the fun! But why, then, are we so disappointed when our boyfriends don’t exhibit mind-reading tendencies 24/7? We’ve all been guilty of harboring romantic notions like, “If he’s been listening to me, he’ll know exactly where to take me for dinner on Valentine’s Day” or “If he were truly paying attention right now, he’d know I’m freaking out about this virus on my computer and offer to come over and help.” But trust me, you’ll save yourself a lot of disappointment by just telling him where you want to dine out on Valentine’s Day, or by asking him to come over with his anti-virus software. After all, it’s common knowledge that two heads are better than one, so just because you’ve decided he’s The One, don’t go mum and add major guesswork to your communications.
5. Give him his space
Sometimes, girlfriends just go MIA for awhile. They get so busy at work that they don’t return your emails. Do we give them flack for it? Nothing serious. But for some reason, the rules change for guys: We rail on them for not promptly returning phone calls, take offense if they want a guy’s night out. But remember, achieving a balance between “me” time and “we” time will make the time you do spend together even better. Bridget Cunningham found her relationship got so much mellower once she stopped stressing about where her boyfriend was every hour. “I don’t hold it against him when he wants to have his own time,” she says. “You don’t cut your friends off when they do things with other people, so why shouldn’t it be the same with the person you love? Meanwhile I’m free to go running off with my girlfriend and blab about girl stuff. We meet afterwards for coffee, and we’re both feeling refreshed and fulfilled by spending time apart…and that much happier to be spending time together again.”
Jerusha Stewart, a.k.a. The Last Single Girl in the World, reveals how to be singularly sensational in her book, The Single Girl’s Manifesta.
A day that shows God's love
Merry Christmas. A day that was chosen to remember the birth of Jesus Christ. It is a day the HE come to Earth to die for WE.
How great love to give His one and begotten Son to die for us.
What I can say. God is just so good. He is just nearby....with me. As I pray, He answers. As I seek, He is there. Only fear and guilts isolate me from God. Sin in simple.
See, I see twice.
Speak, I managed to speak to more than 1. What more love and grace can be expected. Indeed that draws me to the quote: A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek HIM to find her- Maya Angelou.
God directing, Pointer to God statement. My words I think may be just alittle sharp, but in heart, I only know and can say. God you are soo good. God you really know me well...and You just WANT ME...Whole of ME.
Help me with my words and , my tongue for I am sharp and slow at words and mind.
How great love to give His one and begotten Son to die for us.
What I can say. God is just so good. He is just nearby....with me. As I pray, He answers. As I seek, He is there. Only fear and guilts isolate me from God. Sin in simple.
See, I see twice.
Speak, I managed to speak to more than 1. What more love and grace can be expected. Indeed that draws me to the quote: A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek HIM to find her- Maya Angelou.
God directing, Pointer to God statement. My words I think may be just alittle sharp, but in heart, I only know and can say. God you are soo good. God you really know me well...and You just WANT ME...Whole of ME.
Help me with my words and , my tongue for I am sharp and slow at words and mind.
Friday, December 24, 2010
3 dating hurdles tall women face
3 dating hurdles tall women face
By Elizabeth Roehrig
There I was, sitting with a friend on a Friday night, when we noticed a couple of hip and handsome guys sitting next to us. Witty banter ensued between me and the Casey Affleck lookalike and things were looking promising… that is, until we both stood up to pick a few songs from the jukebox. It was the moment of truth, and yep, at almost 5’10”, I was a couple of inches taller than him. I could feel him sizing me up, and our sizzle from a moment ago beginning to fizzle.
If you’re in the “tall girl” club like me, you’ve probably experienced this scenario. And while dating for women like us may have its inherent challenges, they’re not ones that we can’t overcome. Let our stories and advice serve as a little inspiration.
Hurdle #1: Fewer men approach tall women
Many of my tall friends, myself included, are very open to dating shorter men — the problem is often that they steer clear of us, thinking that we’re “too tall” given the expectation that guys must loom over their dates. Patricia Barba, 34, of Greenwich, CT, who’s just shy of six feet, had a male coworker spell out to her why she’s so often left on the sidelines. “We were at our holiday party, and a coworker who’s around my height asked if I’d like to dance. I said yes and mentioned that not many men ask me to dance, and he said it’s because men must find my height imposing. That was hard to hear!” Other times, men aren’t so straightforward and their preferences come across in the form of a subtler snub. “When I’m out on weekends, I’m the one who talks to all the guys and gets the conversation going,” says Richelle, 27, who’s six feet tall and from Boston. “But usually at the end of the evening, the guy I’ve been talking to will say, ‘Who’s your friend?’ And inevitably the girl he’s interested in is one of my shorter pals.”
Unexpected upside: The guys who do hit on us tend to be great catches
While being overlooked as dating material due to our height can be frustrating, there is a benefit to this situation as well. Because, you see, the shorter men who do hit on us are definitely worth their salt. “I recently dated a guy who is an inch shorter than me, but his personality and confidence made him seem taller,” says Patricia. “He seemed really self-assured, which put me at ease and made our height difference seem like a non-issue. I think generally that guys who go for taller women are pretty dynamic individuals.” In other words, look at your height as a gatekeeper that only allows the truly worthy shorter men into your inner circle. Mary, 27, from Woodbridge, NJ, is 5’8” and has dated a handful of shorter men, including her current boyfriend. “Since they don’t have the height that a lot of girls look for, these guys develop other, more meaningful qualities, such as kindness, humor, and consideration,” she says… which ultimately makes for a better boyfriend. “While a shorter man might not be my first choice, if he’s much more interested in me and attentive to my needs, who can say no to that?” Mary asks.
Hurdle #2: Few men meet our own height requirements
While many tall women are perfectly happy to date shorter guys, some of us, I admit, aren’t always so thrilled about it. And as a result, we often limit our own prospects and have no one to blame but ourselves for long dry spells between dates. “I would go out all the time and find only one or two guys that I considered to be good prospects because of my ‘height restriction,’” says Sarah, 5’10”, of Reading, MA. “I was only looking for guys 6’1” and over, because it just seems more natural for the man to be taller than the woman.” Of course, we know we should give shorter guys a chance, but it’s tough to change your own perception (let alone society’s) that the guy should tower over his gal. “You grow up with this notion that the man should be bigger than the woman so he can protect her,” explains Erin, 26, 6’2”, of Richmond, VA.
Unexpected upside: Tall women learn to recognize what really makes a relationship work
While tastes and attraction are hard to change, sooner or later, many tall women are forced to accept a valuable truth that often eludes other daters: that they should jettison the more superficial traits on their “wish list” for a partner — whether that’s being 6’2”, having a full head of hair or possessing six-pack abs. “While I used to believe that a man needed to be taller than me for me to feel safe, I know now that isn’t true,” says Erin, who ultimately fell for a man three inches shorter. “When I first met my now-husband, I thought he was cute, but I never thought we’d end up together due to the height difference. But we had a real connection and I know now that’s what counts.”
Hurdle #3: Once you’re dating a shorter guy, there’s a whole new host of problems
OK, so you’ve gotten over your own “He’s got to be taller than me” hangups and have hit it off with a guy who’s largely fine with the fact that you’ve got some inches over him. But even then, you’re not in the clear. For starters, try walking into a room together; you’re bound to get some odd looks. “I once dated someone shorter. He said it didn’t matter to him, but people couldn’t help but comment on it and make some pretty embarrassing jokes,” says Richelle. “Once we were asked if he stood on the curb to kiss me!” To keep the wisecracks to a minimum, many women abandon their heels in favor of flats. But even then, the undue attention can sometimes be unbearable.
Unexpected upside: You learn to stop caring what other people think
Know that phrase, “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” That also applies in this scenario: sooner or later, most tall women who date shorter men develop a Teflon coating. They stop caring if people point at them walking down the street together or if friends and family members make height jokes. They learn that all that really matters is whether you like the guy and whether he likes you. Six-foot-tall Ciana Clarke, 40, of Tallahassee, FL, may have felt awkward when she first began dating her shorter husband, but that soon changed. “His family and friends would tease him about his height rather than mine and say that he was lucky to land me, but he never let their cracks bother him,” she recalls. “He made me feel like a treasure and celebrated my difference more than anything else. I was proud of my height before we met, but his love and acceptance have made me feel more comfortable with our four-inch height difference.” And there’s no reason to relegate your high heels to the back of the closet when you have a self-confident guy in your corner. “My husband is really the one that made me start to embrace my height,” says Erin. “Before I met him, I don’t think I owned one pair of heels — now I can’t get enough of them. My man loves me for all that I am, height included!”
Elizabeth Roehrig has written for Redbook and other publications. For the other side of the story, read 3 dating challenges for short guys.
By Elizabeth Roehrig
There I was, sitting with a friend on a Friday night, when we noticed a couple of hip and handsome guys sitting next to us. Witty banter ensued between me and the Casey Affleck lookalike and things were looking promising… that is, until we both stood up to pick a few songs from the jukebox. It was the moment of truth, and yep, at almost 5’10”, I was a couple of inches taller than him. I could feel him sizing me up, and our sizzle from a moment ago beginning to fizzle.
If you’re in the “tall girl” club like me, you’ve probably experienced this scenario. And while dating for women like us may have its inherent challenges, they’re not ones that we can’t overcome. Let our stories and advice serve as a little inspiration.
Hurdle #1: Fewer men approach tall women
Many of my tall friends, myself included, are very open to dating shorter men — the problem is often that they steer clear of us, thinking that we’re “too tall” given the expectation that guys must loom over their dates. Patricia Barba, 34, of Greenwich, CT, who’s just shy of six feet, had a male coworker spell out to her why she’s so often left on the sidelines. “We were at our holiday party, and a coworker who’s around my height asked if I’d like to dance. I said yes and mentioned that not many men ask me to dance, and he said it’s because men must find my height imposing. That was hard to hear!” Other times, men aren’t so straightforward and their preferences come across in the form of a subtler snub. “When I’m out on weekends, I’m the one who talks to all the guys and gets the conversation going,” says Richelle, 27, who’s six feet tall and from Boston. “But usually at the end of the evening, the guy I’ve been talking to will say, ‘Who’s your friend?’ And inevitably the girl he’s interested in is one of my shorter pals.”
Unexpected upside: The guys who do hit on us tend to be great catches
While being overlooked as dating material due to our height can be frustrating, there is a benefit to this situation as well. Because, you see, the shorter men who do hit on us are definitely worth their salt. “I recently dated a guy who is an inch shorter than me, but his personality and confidence made him seem taller,” says Patricia. “He seemed really self-assured, which put me at ease and made our height difference seem like a non-issue. I think generally that guys who go for taller women are pretty dynamic individuals.” In other words, look at your height as a gatekeeper that only allows the truly worthy shorter men into your inner circle. Mary, 27, from Woodbridge, NJ, is 5’8” and has dated a handful of shorter men, including her current boyfriend. “Since they don’t have the height that a lot of girls look for, these guys develop other, more meaningful qualities, such as kindness, humor, and consideration,” she says… which ultimately makes for a better boyfriend. “While a shorter man might not be my first choice, if he’s much more interested in me and attentive to my needs, who can say no to that?” Mary asks.
Hurdle #2: Few men meet our own height requirements
While many tall women are perfectly happy to date shorter guys, some of us, I admit, aren’t always so thrilled about it. And as a result, we often limit our own prospects and have no one to blame but ourselves for long dry spells between dates. “I would go out all the time and find only one or two guys that I considered to be good prospects because of my ‘height restriction,’” says Sarah, 5’10”, of Reading, MA. “I was only looking for guys 6’1” and over, because it just seems more natural for the man to be taller than the woman.” Of course, we know we should give shorter guys a chance, but it’s tough to change your own perception (let alone society’s) that the guy should tower over his gal. “You grow up with this notion that the man should be bigger than the woman so he can protect her,” explains Erin, 26, 6’2”, of Richmond, VA.
Unexpected upside: Tall women learn to recognize what really makes a relationship work
While tastes and attraction are hard to change, sooner or later, many tall women are forced to accept a valuable truth that often eludes other daters: that they should jettison the more superficial traits on their “wish list” for a partner — whether that’s being 6’2”, having a full head of hair or possessing six-pack abs. “While I used to believe that a man needed to be taller than me for me to feel safe, I know now that isn’t true,” says Erin, who ultimately fell for a man three inches shorter. “When I first met my now-husband, I thought he was cute, but I never thought we’d end up together due to the height difference. But we had a real connection and I know now that’s what counts.”
Hurdle #3: Once you’re dating a shorter guy, there’s a whole new host of problems
OK, so you’ve gotten over your own “He’s got to be taller than me” hangups and have hit it off with a guy who’s largely fine with the fact that you’ve got some inches over him. But even then, you’re not in the clear. For starters, try walking into a room together; you’re bound to get some odd looks. “I once dated someone shorter. He said it didn’t matter to him, but people couldn’t help but comment on it and make some pretty embarrassing jokes,” says Richelle. “Once we were asked if he stood on the curb to kiss me!” To keep the wisecracks to a minimum, many women abandon their heels in favor of flats. But even then, the undue attention can sometimes be unbearable.
Unexpected upside: You learn to stop caring what other people think
Know that phrase, “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” That also applies in this scenario: sooner or later, most tall women who date shorter men develop a Teflon coating. They stop caring if people point at them walking down the street together or if friends and family members make height jokes. They learn that all that really matters is whether you like the guy and whether he likes you. Six-foot-tall Ciana Clarke, 40, of Tallahassee, FL, may have felt awkward when she first began dating her shorter husband, but that soon changed. “His family and friends would tease him about his height rather than mine and say that he was lucky to land me, but he never let their cracks bother him,” she recalls. “He made me feel like a treasure and celebrated my difference more than anything else. I was proud of my height before we met, but his love and acceptance have made me feel more comfortable with our four-inch height difference.” And there’s no reason to relegate your high heels to the back of the closet when you have a self-confident guy in your corner. “My husband is really the one that made me start to embrace my height,” says Erin. “Before I met him, I don’t think I owned one pair of heels — now I can’t get enough of them. My man loves me for all that I am, height included!”
Elizabeth Roehrig has written for Redbook and other publications. For the other side of the story, read 3 dating challenges for short guys.
6 misunderstood first-date signs
6 misunderstood first-date signs
By Julie Taylor
You’re on a first date, and it’s going horribly. Or is it? It turns out that it’s all a matter of perspective. The elements that are making your date a disaster could actually signal something much sweeter. Read on for the six signs that your doomed date is anything but.
1. Your date is not your type
Sure, you’ve seen your date’s photo on his or her profile — but when you meet face to face, you realize the person is so not your type. “Next!,” you say? Not so fast. “Remember that there are thousands of happy couples out there who are not each other’s type,” says Janice MacLeod, coauthor of The Dating Repair Kit. By ruling out someone just because he or she does not meet your romance requisites, you are cutting yourself off from a world of possibilities.
When Jenna, 32, of Key West, FL, met Jeremy, she thought it would never work. After all, he was three inches shorter than she was and was a bit scruffy for her taste. “I wanted to leave instantly, but I had agreed to dinner and didn’t want to be rude,” she says. “Once I got past the superficial stuff, I realized what a gem of a guy he was, and to my surprise, our souls totally clicked. I never thought my soul mate would come in a package like his, but it happened. The lesson? Never say never, no matter what your ‘type’ may be.”
If your date isn’t your type, try redefining your “type” in terms of how a person treats you and makes you feel. This will instantly broaden your dating horizons. “Then vow to finish out the date, come what may,” MacLeod concludes. “Just be in the moment, and give chemistry a chance to grow and prosper.”
2. Your date is super-nervous
When Jennifer, 38, of Las Vegas, NV, was on her first date with Bob, she couldn’t help but notice that his voice was shaking. And his hands were trembling. And he was sweating buckets, right through his shirt. “I thought something was seriously wrong with this guy,” she recalls. “I had no intentions of dating him again.” But luckily for Jennifer (and Bob), she changed her mind and decided to give him a second chance. “The next date, he was much more chilled out and relaxed,” she continues. “He later told me he was nervous because I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. That was a good enough reason for me!”
Extreme nervousness on a first date could be a good sign, says MacLeod. “It probably means this person likes you a whole lot,” she says, “and might need a few dates to get past the initial set of jitters.”
When your date is super-nervous, put him or her at ease by being deliberate and calm yourself. Take a few deep breaths, smile, and make eye contact. “It helps to be compassionate and understanding about what the other person is going through,” MacLeod advises. “A first date isn’t necessarily easy, especially if you’re super-nervous to begin with, so try to cut your date some slack.”
3. Your date tells you there are other people in the picture
It’s your first dinner date. Between the hot wings and the halibut, she drops it on you: she’s just out of a major breakup and is seeing a few other men at the moment. Instant date-killer, right? Wrong, says MacLeod: “This full disclosure means your date is very honest,” she says. “She’s laying all her cards on the table and not pretending to be someone she’s not.”
Over appetizers, Bob, 29, of Colorado Springs, CO, learned more than he ever wanted to know about his date, Jill. “She told me she was dating another guy, but they weren’t totally serious — they were more like friends with benefits,” he recalls. His response to her confession? “I paid the tab and told her to call me if she ever dumped her so-called ‘friend,’” he recalls. Four weeks later, she did — and Bob and Jill began dating in earnest. “She later explained that she liked me so much, she didn’t want to lead me on during that first date,” he says. “In retrospect, I guess I can respect that.”
If your date tells you he or she is dating other people, just be happy no secrets are being kept from you. (After all, it’s better to know now than later.) However, if the bombshell your date drops is more of the “I’ve cheated on every person I’ve ever been with” variety, this is a major red flag, according to MacLeod... beware!
4. You argue
You’re having a nice, normal, getting-to-know-you conversation when suddenly you have a difference of opinion. What begins as a friendly disagreement quickly escalates into an all-out fight. Whether you’re arguing over politics, religion, or even the merits of VH1’s current reality show lineup, an argument on a first date never feels like a good sign. But a fight can actually be a very good thing. If you’re arguing, it can mean there’s passion between you. Sparks are flying — sure, maybe not in the way you’d hoped, but they’re still there. “Arguing can lead into interesting conversation, which is part of what keeps a relationship alive,” says MacLeod.
When 28-year-old Noah, of Burbank, CA, met Lillian, they instantly clashed. “It felt like we couldn’t see eye-to-eye on anything that first date,” he recalls. “She was a vegetarian, and I ordered a rib-eye steak. An hour-long debate on animal rights ensued.” Despite the meat melee, their connection was still meaty enough to merit a second date. “She was my opposite, sure, but being with her was never boring,” he says.
The next time you find yourself in a heated argument with a new date, try embracing your differences. After all, who’d want to date a clone of him- or herself? Agree to disagree, then search for common ground.
5. The date feels more like an interview
The entire time Mark, 41, of Plano, TX, was out with Jackie, he felt like he was in the hot seat. “She just kept asking me question after question — where I was from, what my favorite ice cream flavor was, where I wanted to be in five years,” he says. “It was really uncomfortable, and it was hard to feel a vibe or any sparks over all the interview-speak.”
If your date spends the whole time you’re together shooting questions at you in rapid-fire succession and giving you the hard sell, it could just mean that he or she is impressed by you and is simply trying too hard, says MacLeod. That was the case for Mark and Jackie: “Once I ‘passed’ her pre-screening interview, she let her true self come out — and that’s when we actually started to have some fun,” he recalls.
When your date is grilling you, attempt to turn it around and ask some questions of your own. That way, it won’t feel so one-sided. If you have a second date, MacLeod suggests catching a movie. “That way, you won’t have to talk the whole time,” she says. After your first-date chatfest, it will be a nice break.
6. There’s no goodnight kiss
If your date isn’t sealed with a kiss, it doesn’t always mean you’re getting the kiss-off. In fact, a sans-smooch soiree could even be a good thing, according to MacLeod. “Not kissing you on a first date very often means he’s being respectful,” she says. “He’s waiting for the perfect moment to have that great first kiss, like people have in movies. Plus, this means he’s probably not kissing all his other first dates, either. He’s too selective to just give his kisses away.”
Judy, 32, of Baltimore, says her current boyfriend waited four whole dates to kiss her. “I was wondering if he just wanted to be pals or what,” she recalls. “It turns out that he’s really old-fashioned. He just wanted us to build a friendship before we took things to the next level. The wait made our first kiss even that much more spectacular. I think we both saw fireworks!”
In the absence of a smooch, look for other signs of attraction. Does your date make eye contact, give you undivided attention, and make you feel like you’re the only person in the room? In this case, actions speak louder than… no action. Hang in there, and you may well be smooching in no time.
Julie Taylor has written for Cosmopolitan and Redbook and is the coauthor of How to Be a Dominant Diva. She and her now-husband’s first date was less than perfect — but she’s eternally grateful she gave him a second chance!
By Julie Taylor
You’re on a first date, and it’s going horribly. Or is it? It turns out that it’s all a matter of perspective. The elements that are making your date a disaster could actually signal something much sweeter. Read on for the six signs that your doomed date is anything but.
1. Your date is not your type
Sure, you’ve seen your date’s photo on his or her profile — but when you meet face to face, you realize the person is so not your type. “Next!,” you say? Not so fast. “Remember that there are thousands of happy couples out there who are not each other’s type,” says Janice MacLeod, coauthor of The Dating Repair Kit. By ruling out someone just because he or she does not meet your romance requisites, you are cutting yourself off from a world of possibilities.
When Jenna, 32, of Key West, FL, met Jeremy, she thought it would never work. After all, he was three inches shorter than she was and was a bit scruffy for her taste. “I wanted to leave instantly, but I had agreed to dinner and didn’t want to be rude,” she says. “Once I got past the superficial stuff, I realized what a gem of a guy he was, and to my surprise, our souls totally clicked. I never thought my soul mate would come in a package like his, but it happened. The lesson? Never say never, no matter what your ‘type’ may be.”
If your date isn’t your type, try redefining your “type” in terms of how a person treats you and makes you feel. This will instantly broaden your dating horizons. “Then vow to finish out the date, come what may,” MacLeod concludes. “Just be in the moment, and give chemistry a chance to grow and prosper.”
2. Your date is super-nervous
When Jennifer, 38, of Las Vegas, NV, was on her first date with Bob, she couldn’t help but notice that his voice was shaking. And his hands were trembling. And he was sweating buckets, right through his shirt. “I thought something was seriously wrong with this guy,” she recalls. “I had no intentions of dating him again.” But luckily for Jennifer (and Bob), she changed her mind and decided to give him a second chance. “The next date, he was much more chilled out and relaxed,” she continues. “He later told me he was nervous because I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. That was a good enough reason for me!”
Extreme nervousness on a first date could be a good sign, says MacLeod. “It probably means this person likes you a whole lot,” she says, “and might need a few dates to get past the initial set of jitters.”
When your date is super-nervous, put him or her at ease by being deliberate and calm yourself. Take a few deep breaths, smile, and make eye contact. “It helps to be compassionate and understanding about what the other person is going through,” MacLeod advises. “A first date isn’t necessarily easy, especially if you’re super-nervous to begin with, so try to cut your date some slack.”
3. Your date tells you there are other people in the picture
It’s your first dinner date. Between the hot wings and the halibut, she drops it on you: she’s just out of a major breakup and is seeing a few other men at the moment. Instant date-killer, right? Wrong, says MacLeod: “This full disclosure means your date is very honest,” she says. “She’s laying all her cards on the table and not pretending to be someone she’s not.”
Over appetizers, Bob, 29, of Colorado Springs, CO, learned more than he ever wanted to know about his date, Jill. “She told me she was dating another guy, but they weren’t totally serious — they were more like friends with benefits,” he recalls. His response to her confession? “I paid the tab and told her to call me if she ever dumped her so-called ‘friend,’” he recalls. Four weeks later, she did — and Bob and Jill began dating in earnest. “She later explained that she liked me so much, she didn’t want to lead me on during that first date,” he says. “In retrospect, I guess I can respect that.”
If your date tells you he or she is dating other people, just be happy no secrets are being kept from you. (After all, it’s better to know now than later.) However, if the bombshell your date drops is more of the “I’ve cheated on every person I’ve ever been with” variety, this is a major red flag, according to MacLeod... beware!
4. You argue
You’re having a nice, normal, getting-to-know-you conversation when suddenly you have a difference of opinion. What begins as a friendly disagreement quickly escalates into an all-out fight. Whether you’re arguing over politics, religion, or even the merits of VH1’s current reality show lineup, an argument on a first date never feels like a good sign. But a fight can actually be a very good thing. If you’re arguing, it can mean there’s passion between you. Sparks are flying — sure, maybe not in the way you’d hoped, but they’re still there. “Arguing can lead into interesting conversation, which is part of what keeps a relationship alive,” says MacLeod.
When 28-year-old Noah, of Burbank, CA, met Lillian, they instantly clashed. “It felt like we couldn’t see eye-to-eye on anything that first date,” he recalls. “She was a vegetarian, and I ordered a rib-eye steak. An hour-long debate on animal rights ensued.” Despite the meat melee, their connection was still meaty enough to merit a second date. “She was my opposite, sure, but being with her was never boring,” he says.
The next time you find yourself in a heated argument with a new date, try embracing your differences. After all, who’d want to date a clone of him- or herself? Agree to disagree, then search for common ground.
5. The date feels more like an interview
The entire time Mark, 41, of Plano, TX, was out with Jackie, he felt like he was in the hot seat. “She just kept asking me question after question — where I was from, what my favorite ice cream flavor was, where I wanted to be in five years,” he says. “It was really uncomfortable, and it was hard to feel a vibe or any sparks over all the interview-speak.”
If your date spends the whole time you’re together shooting questions at you in rapid-fire succession and giving you the hard sell, it could just mean that he or she is impressed by you and is simply trying too hard, says MacLeod. That was the case for Mark and Jackie: “Once I ‘passed’ her pre-screening interview, she let her true self come out — and that’s when we actually started to have some fun,” he recalls.
When your date is grilling you, attempt to turn it around and ask some questions of your own. That way, it won’t feel so one-sided. If you have a second date, MacLeod suggests catching a movie. “That way, you won’t have to talk the whole time,” she says. After your first-date chatfest, it will be a nice break.
6. There’s no goodnight kiss
If your date isn’t sealed with a kiss, it doesn’t always mean you’re getting the kiss-off. In fact, a sans-smooch soiree could even be a good thing, according to MacLeod. “Not kissing you on a first date very often means he’s being respectful,” she says. “He’s waiting for the perfect moment to have that great first kiss, like people have in movies. Plus, this means he’s probably not kissing all his other first dates, either. He’s too selective to just give his kisses away.”
Judy, 32, of Baltimore, says her current boyfriend waited four whole dates to kiss her. “I was wondering if he just wanted to be pals or what,” she recalls. “It turns out that he’s really old-fashioned. He just wanted us to build a friendship before we took things to the next level. The wait made our first kiss even that much more spectacular. I think we both saw fireworks!”
In the absence of a smooch, look for other signs of attraction. Does your date make eye contact, give you undivided attention, and make you feel like you’re the only person in the room? In this case, actions speak louder than… no action. Hang in there, and you may well be smooching in no time.
Julie Taylor has written for Cosmopolitan and Redbook and is the coauthor of How to Be a Dominant Diva. She and her now-husband’s first date was less than perfect — but she’s eternally grateful she gave him a second chance!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Why I Don't Want an iPad for Christmas
Why I Don't Want an iPad for Christmas
by Brett Arends
Everyone wants an iPad this Christmas, right?
Apple's (NasdaqGS: AAPL - News) tablet computer is this year's hottest adult toy. Sales are booming. James Cordwell, an analyst at Atlantic Securities, expects the company to sell six million this quarter, half of them here in the U.S. It's driving the company toward what will probably be yet another blowout Christmas period.
But you can count me out. I don't want an iPad for Christmas, thanks very much.
Sacrilege!
Why? Here are my reasons.
1. It'll Be Cheaper Next Year
How dumb are people? Apple is coming out with iPad II in 2011. (Mr. Cordwell predicts April.) That means fanatics won't be seen dead with this year's model, and you'll be able to get it much cheaper. Try eBay (NasdaqGS: EBAY - News) or buy it "refurbished" direct from Apple. Price deflation in technology is a wonder to behold. Remember the first iPhones? The 8-gigabyte models cost $599. A few months later they cost $399. Now they're paperweights. The average middle-class American earns maybe $16 an hour after taxes. So if you save, say, $150 on a product, that's more than nine hours' extra work. Of course, if you love your job so much you like putting in an extra day for free, go ahead.
2. It's Going to Be Better Next Year
The next iPad will have new features—allegedly including video conferencing and maybe a better screen. This year's model will be so over. When Steve Jobs unveiled the second iPhone in 2008 he actually made fun of the slow first model—the same product that he had hailed a year earlier as the eighth wonder of the world. The audience yukked it up. Me? I'm not a fan of buying a product for $500 from a guy who's going to deride it a few months later.
[See Nine Technologies that Will Change Your Future]
3. Check Out Those Profit Margins!
OK, I admit it: I've been wrong about Apple stock lately. After correctly turning bullish at $85 two years ago, I turned cautious waaay too early. My mistake? This isn't a technology company. It's a luxury brand, like Hermès or Tiffany (NYSE: TIF - News). And it's wooed customers so they'll pay almost anything for its products. Last Christmas, Apple's gross margins were 41%. That's incredible. It's good for Apple, good for stockholders—but not so good for shoppers. Me, I don't want to support someone else's 60% markups with my own dollars. Generally speaking, the smarter move is to invest in the Tiffanys of the world—and shop at the Wal-Marts.
4. Competitors Are Coming
Right now the iPad has just one serious rival, the Samsung (KSE: 005930.KS - News) Galaxy Tab. So no wonder it's doing so well. But all that will change in just a few months. New tablets, many running on the Android platform, are expected to hit the market as soon as March. These will give you a much wider choice of size, style and operating system. And when these companies duke it out for market share, you know you'll be able to get a deal. So why would I buy now?
5. No Flash
Do you want to watch video clips on the Web? On a boring old laptop or PC, you can do that for free. On the amazing new iPad? Only sometimes. Most Web video runs on Adobe Flash, and the iPad can't—or rather, won't—handle Flash. So there are plenty of video clips you won't be able to watch. And plenty of others you will have to pay to watch, either by renting them from Apple's iTunes, or by paying for a subscription service like Hulu Plus. Mr. Jobs had a very public bust-up with Adobe over Flash this year. I have sympathy for his position, as Flash can be unstable. But it's still the software most Web video clips use, and I want that choice.
6. The Cost of the Add-Ons
The iPad starts at $499 plus tax. That's nearly twice as much as a netbook. And I know if I get the cheapest iPad I'll regret it. It has only 16 gigabytes' storage. And it can only go online when you are in a WiFi hotspot, like at home or in Starbucks (NasdaqGS: SBUX - News). A lot of the iPad's best features need an Internet connection. So if I want to use them wherever I go, I'll want the model with a 3G data plan that works everywhere. And those start at $629, plus at least $15 a month. Total cost: at least $809, plus tax, in the first year, and $989 over two years. This I don't need.
7. The Games
Yes, they're great. But that's the problem. Computer games are as addictive as cigarettes. And this is a habit everyone is taking up, not quitting. This is why I dumped my iPod Touch. Am I alone? Maybe. But I don't think so. I know lots of people with horror stories about addiction to immersive games. Someone I know—now, as it happens, a British member of parliament—once sat down to play Civilization, a role-playing game, on a PC one Saturday evening and didn't finish until three o'clock … Thursday morning. (He stopped when he ran out of cigarettes.) And that was on an old PC. Games on the iPad are more intense than ever. A friend recently showed me some of the serious news apps on his iPad. I noticed that to get to them he first had to "wave" us past several screens of games. Is he really using his iPad to read that article about the Indonesian economy, or is he playing Angry Birds? Hmmm. You make the call.
[See Angry Birds is the New Pac-Man]
8. The Waste
The scarcest resource in life isn't money, land, fresh water or gold. For singles under 25, the scarcest resource is sex, and for the rest of us it's time. And the biggest waste of time I've ever discovered—after games (see above)—is the Web. Nothing comes close. It's a total black hole. Do I want to carry a device that lets me surf the Web endlessly wherever I am? That's easy. It's amazing how much time I have to read now that I never look at Facebook.
9. It'll Get Boring
This year's totem is next year's meh. Economists call this "the hedonic treadmill." Human beings quickly get bored of each new item. We always want the buzz from something newer, better, bigger, faster or fancier. But the treadmill never stops. Think of how amazing the first Palm Pilots seemed back in the 1990s. Look at them now. The iPad may look like the eighth wonder of the world today. Soon it will seem so old.
10. The Whole Apple Cult is Starting to Creep Me Out
OK, I already knew about the fans. Last summer, three-quarters of the people standing in line so they could buy the new iPhone the moment it went on sale already owned an iPhone. But now it's the company, too. Look at how it reacted last spring, when a Silicon Valley blogger scooped an early iPhone 4: Next thing he knew he was being handcuffed on his lawn in front of his wife while police ransacked his house. And think of Steve Jobs, complaining that news coverage of the iPhone 4's troubled aerial had been "blown so out of proportion that it's incredible." Hmmm, out-of-proportion media coverage—you sure you want to go there, Steve? This is the guy marketing a new telephone under the slogan "This changes everything. Again." Maybe this stuff shouldn't matter to me, but I have to confess it's turning me off.
Write to Brett Arends at brett.arends@wsj.com
by Brett Arends
Everyone wants an iPad this Christmas, right?
Apple's (NasdaqGS: AAPL - News) tablet computer is this year's hottest adult toy. Sales are booming. James Cordwell, an analyst at Atlantic Securities, expects the company to sell six million this quarter, half of them here in the U.S. It's driving the company toward what will probably be yet another blowout Christmas period.
But you can count me out. I don't want an iPad for Christmas, thanks very much.
Sacrilege!
Why? Here are my reasons.
1. It'll Be Cheaper Next Year
How dumb are people? Apple is coming out with iPad II in 2011. (Mr. Cordwell predicts April.) That means fanatics won't be seen dead with this year's model, and you'll be able to get it much cheaper. Try eBay (NasdaqGS: EBAY - News) or buy it "refurbished" direct from Apple. Price deflation in technology is a wonder to behold. Remember the first iPhones? The 8-gigabyte models cost $599. A few months later they cost $399. Now they're paperweights. The average middle-class American earns maybe $16 an hour after taxes. So if you save, say, $150 on a product, that's more than nine hours' extra work. Of course, if you love your job so much you like putting in an extra day for free, go ahead.
2. It's Going to Be Better Next Year
The next iPad will have new features—allegedly including video conferencing and maybe a better screen. This year's model will be so over. When Steve Jobs unveiled the second iPhone in 2008 he actually made fun of the slow first model—the same product that he had hailed a year earlier as the eighth wonder of the world. The audience yukked it up. Me? I'm not a fan of buying a product for $500 from a guy who's going to deride it a few months later.
[See Nine Technologies that Will Change Your Future]
3. Check Out Those Profit Margins!
OK, I admit it: I've been wrong about Apple stock lately. After correctly turning bullish at $85 two years ago, I turned cautious waaay too early. My mistake? This isn't a technology company. It's a luxury brand, like Hermès or Tiffany (NYSE: TIF - News). And it's wooed customers so they'll pay almost anything for its products. Last Christmas, Apple's gross margins were 41%. That's incredible. It's good for Apple, good for stockholders—but not so good for shoppers. Me, I don't want to support someone else's 60% markups with my own dollars. Generally speaking, the smarter move is to invest in the Tiffanys of the world—and shop at the Wal-Marts.
4. Competitors Are Coming
Right now the iPad has just one serious rival, the Samsung (KSE: 005930.KS - News) Galaxy Tab. So no wonder it's doing so well. But all that will change in just a few months. New tablets, many running on the Android platform, are expected to hit the market as soon as March. These will give you a much wider choice of size, style and operating system. And when these companies duke it out for market share, you know you'll be able to get a deal. So why would I buy now?
5. No Flash
Do you want to watch video clips on the Web? On a boring old laptop or PC, you can do that for free. On the amazing new iPad? Only sometimes. Most Web video runs on Adobe Flash, and the iPad can't—or rather, won't—handle Flash. So there are plenty of video clips you won't be able to watch. And plenty of others you will have to pay to watch, either by renting them from Apple's iTunes, or by paying for a subscription service like Hulu Plus. Mr. Jobs had a very public bust-up with Adobe over Flash this year. I have sympathy for his position, as Flash can be unstable. But it's still the software most Web video clips use, and I want that choice.
6. The Cost of the Add-Ons
The iPad starts at $499 plus tax. That's nearly twice as much as a netbook. And I know if I get the cheapest iPad I'll regret it. It has only 16 gigabytes' storage. And it can only go online when you are in a WiFi hotspot, like at home or in Starbucks (NasdaqGS: SBUX - News). A lot of the iPad's best features need an Internet connection. So if I want to use them wherever I go, I'll want the model with a 3G data plan that works everywhere. And those start at $629, plus at least $15 a month. Total cost: at least $809, plus tax, in the first year, and $989 over two years. This I don't need.
7. The Games
Yes, they're great. But that's the problem. Computer games are as addictive as cigarettes. And this is a habit everyone is taking up, not quitting. This is why I dumped my iPod Touch. Am I alone? Maybe. But I don't think so. I know lots of people with horror stories about addiction to immersive games. Someone I know—now, as it happens, a British member of parliament—once sat down to play Civilization, a role-playing game, on a PC one Saturday evening and didn't finish until three o'clock … Thursday morning. (He stopped when he ran out of cigarettes.) And that was on an old PC. Games on the iPad are more intense than ever. A friend recently showed me some of the serious news apps on his iPad. I noticed that to get to them he first had to "wave" us past several screens of games. Is he really using his iPad to read that article about the Indonesian economy, or is he playing Angry Birds? Hmmm. You make the call.
[See Angry Birds is the New Pac-Man]
8. The Waste
The scarcest resource in life isn't money, land, fresh water or gold. For singles under 25, the scarcest resource is sex, and for the rest of us it's time. And the biggest waste of time I've ever discovered—after games (see above)—is the Web. Nothing comes close. It's a total black hole. Do I want to carry a device that lets me surf the Web endlessly wherever I am? That's easy. It's amazing how much time I have to read now that I never look at Facebook.
9. It'll Get Boring
This year's totem is next year's meh. Economists call this "the hedonic treadmill." Human beings quickly get bored of each new item. We always want the buzz from something newer, better, bigger, faster or fancier. But the treadmill never stops. Think of how amazing the first Palm Pilots seemed back in the 1990s. Look at them now. The iPad may look like the eighth wonder of the world today. Soon it will seem so old.
10. The Whole Apple Cult is Starting to Creep Me Out
OK, I already knew about the fans. Last summer, three-quarters of the people standing in line so they could buy the new iPhone the moment it went on sale already owned an iPhone. But now it's the company, too. Look at how it reacted last spring, when a Silicon Valley blogger scooped an early iPhone 4: Next thing he knew he was being handcuffed on his lawn in front of his wife while police ransacked his house. And think of Steve Jobs, complaining that news coverage of the iPhone 4's troubled aerial had been "blown so out of proportion that it's incredible." Hmmm, out-of-proportion media coverage—you sure you want to go there, Steve? This is the guy marketing a new telephone under the slogan "This changes everything. Again." Maybe this stuff shouldn't matter to me, but I have to confess it's turning me off.
Write to Brett Arends at brett.arends@wsj.com
Sneaky sleep stealers: 8 things keeping you up at night
Sneaky sleep stealers: 8 things keeping you up at night By Gail Belsky
When sleep disturbances persist for longer than a month, it's important to identify any underlying causes. Consider whether these common triggers could be contributing to your restless nights.
Pain
In one study, 15% of Americans reported suffering from chronic pain, and two-thirds also reported having sleep problems. Back pain, headaches, and temporomandibular joint syndrome (problems with the jaw muscles) are the main causes of pain-related sleep loss.
Mental illness and stress
Insomnia is both a symptom and a cause of depression and anxiety. Since the brain uses the same neurotransmitters for sleep and mood, it's often hard to know which starts first. Stressful situations or events, such as money or marital problems, often kick off insomnia that can become a long-term problem.
Snoring
If you are one of the 37 million chronic snorers in the U.S., your buzz saw may be no big deal; an estimated 30% to 50% of Americans snore, most without consequence. But in some cases snoring is a symptom of sleep apnea, a disorder linked to heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke.
Jet lag
Crossing over time zones throws off your internal clock, which tells your brain to sleep when it's dark and wake up when it's light. Your body can take up to three days to adjust to the new light/dark schedule in another time zone, and if you fly across time zones often, jet lag can cause chronic sleep problems.
Shift work
A schedule that's contrary to normal wake-sleep hours—like those of doctors, nurses, or other shift workers—can upset your body's circadian rhythm. People who work rotating shifts have lower levels of serotonin, a hormone and neurotransmitter in the central nervous system that helps regulate sleep, according to a 2007 study at the Universidad de Buenos Aires, in Argentina.
Hormonal changes
Menopause, menstruation, and pregnancy are some of the primary sources of sleep problems among women. Hot flashes, tender breasts, and frequent urination all interrupt regular sleep patterns. According to the National Sleep Foundation, approximately 40% of perimenopausal women (those who are in their menopausal transition years) have sleep problems.
Medical illnesses
Often, sleep difficulties surface along with other medical conditions. With lung disease or asthma, for example, wheezing and shortness of breath can disrupt your sleep, particularly in the early morning. If you suffer from heart failure you may develop abnormal breathing patterns. Parkinson's and other neurological diseases count insomnia as a frequent side effect.
Drugs
Medications, both prescription and over-the-counter, can disrupt your sleep, particularly if you take them close to bedtime or if your dosage is increased. If you notice sleep difficulties that coincide with a change in your medication regiment, ask your doctor about a possible connection.
When sleep disturbances persist for longer than a month, it's important to identify any underlying causes. Consider whether these common triggers could be contributing to your restless nights.
Pain
In one study, 15% of Americans reported suffering from chronic pain, and two-thirds also reported having sleep problems. Back pain, headaches, and temporomandibular joint syndrome (problems with the jaw muscles) are the main causes of pain-related sleep loss.
Mental illness and stress
Insomnia is both a symptom and a cause of depression and anxiety. Since the brain uses the same neurotransmitters for sleep and mood, it's often hard to know which starts first. Stressful situations or events, such as money or marital problems, often kick off insomnia that can become a long-term problem.
Snoring
If you are one of the 37 million chronic snorers in the U.S., your buzz saw may be no big deal; an estimated 30% to 50% of Americans snore, most without consequence. But in some cases snoring is a symptom of sleep apnea, a disorder linked to heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke.
Jet lag
Crossing over time zones throws off your internal clock, which tells your brain to sleep when it's dark and wake up when it's light. Your body can take up to three days to adjust to the new light/dark schedule in another time zone, and if you fly across time zones often, jet lag can cause chronic sleep problems.
Shift work
A schedule that's contrary to normal wake-sleep hours—like those of doctors, nurses, or other shift workers—can upset your body's circadian rhythm. People who work rotating shifts have lower levels of serotonin, a hormone and neurotransmitter in the central nervous system that helps regulate sleep, according to a 2007 study at the Universidad de Buenos Aires, in Argentina.
Hormonal changes
Menopause, menstruation, and pregnancy are some of the primary sources of sleep problems among women. Hot flashes, tender breasts, and frequent urination all interrupt regular sleep patterns. According to the National Sleep Foundation, approximately 40% of perimenopausal women (those who are in their menopausal transition years) have sleep problems.
Medical illnesses
Often, sleep difficulties surface along with other medical conditions. With lung disease or asthma, for example, wheezing and shortness of breath can disrupt your sleep, particularly in the early morning. If you suffer from heart failure you may develop abnormal breathing patterns. Parkinson's and other neurological diseases count insomnia as a frequent side effect.
Drugs
Medications, both prescription and over-the-counter, can disrupt your sleep, particularly if you take them close to bedtime or if your dosage is increased. If you notice sleep difficulties that coincide with a change in your medication regiment, ask your doctor about a possible connection.
Best quote seen
"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."- Maya Angelou
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Creeping back to church life
It just feel, at times so strange. The up and downs of life. The revelation of how things move. How small is the world. Some times, I just wonder how God is so great, to arrange all these things together. Acting as a remindar of His Grace always abundant and available within reach.
Yup. The title is Creeping back to church life. After pressing the Red button of life, now it is time to reconsolidate and get back to life. Getting back to church life is part of the step that slow increase my productivity. Not in the area of making babies, but in terms of work. Things have taken their counts and toll along the road of life. How much at times, wonder as I do, the tough road I selected. I remember there was a time where I ask God. May His will be always mine, and His choice is always mine. Let my choice be always abiding in His will. The journey has never being the same, didn't seems to be smooth sailing and yet as much as I could understand, He is still with me. Teaching me and molding me as I always believe He is. Perhaps it is just that the pain too much, the tempation is very enticing. In the end, He has a great plan for me. Until then, how do I reach there, I do not know. How may I going to bless the next generation, neither do I know how. What I know, and how much do I believe, that God has the means and power for all He chose to do.
As I start/ restart to read the book of Job, I could sense the cry, the pain, the unknowing faith upon why why why...yet sounds like God God God. A cry out for God, a situation that God tells us He is Almighty. How awe it can be. 10 years.....minus up to 1 year of not attending church service. What has God done.... I may know.... I can ask God now is...God please hasten the process...the work You for me. Please teach me how to learn. Time is precious. 4 years has passed and coming 5 years since I graduated. 30 is the number ....and 30 is the time I believe things will be different for me. How different, only God knows. So now I commit, in 2011, that God will prosper me, extend my chords and expand my tent for the world will know that you are God who bless and loves.
In Jesus name I pray
Yup. The title is Creeping back to church life. After pressing the Red button of life, now it is time to reconsolidate and get back to life. Getting back to church life is part of the step that slow increase my productivity. Not in the area of making babies, but in terms of work. Things have taken their counts and toll along the road of life. How much at times, wonder as I do, the tough road I selected. I remember there was a time where I ask God. May His will be always mine, and His choice is always mine. Let my choice be always abiding in His will. The journey has never being the same, didn't seems to be smooth sailing and yet as much as I could understand, He is still with me. Teaching me and molding me as I always believe He is. Perhaps it is just that the pain too much, the tempation is very enticing. In the end, He has a great plan for me. Until then, how do I reach there, I do not know. How may I going to bless the next generation, neither do I know how. What I know, and how much do I believe, that God has the means and power for all He chose to do.
As I start/ restart to read the book of Job, I could sense the cry, the pain, the unknowing faith upon why why why...yet sounds like God God God. A cry out for God, a situation that God tells us He is Almighty. How awe it can be. 10 years.....minus up to 1 year of not attending church service. What has God done.... I may know.... I can ask God now is...God please hasten the process...the work You for me. Please teach me how to learn. Time is precious. 4 years has passed and coming 5 years since I graduated. 30 is the number ....and 30 is the time I believe things will be different for me. How different, only God knows. So now I commit, in 2011, that God will prosper me, extend my chords and expand my tent for the world will know that you are God who bless and loves.
In Jesus name I pray
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I am getting old
Indeed, I feel like I am getting old. Went to appointment place...thought can have an earlier appointment. SMS beforehand...no reply...and final called....realised that the appointment was cancel....how silly of me.
Gosh. Though of 2011 planner before today....I guess I better execute it....otherwise all my schedules will be screwed up. All the last minute changes. Both sounded the same from the phone. Old Old Old.....what is my mind occupied with...other than grey and white matter.
Then when...finally another date with Patrick Tan....talked talked...still don't know the secrets about him. Talk talk talk.....He is just one interesting guy.....always managed to make me laugh...or almost want to burst.....interesting friend to have...interesting brother in christ.
I thank God to bless me with such a nice brother in christ.
HS.....Holy spirit...yup....a familiar friend indeed... HS and PT...wonder wonder.....only God know.
So well life goes on. I remember recent thinking of a statement.
God, Me, Life. Either God runs me to run my life to Life will run me like a God. Or Either God control me to run my life, otherwise Life will run like God, controlling me.
Thank God all these. Slowly creeping back to church life. I hope and pray that I will not be harded or isolate from God... May I always make the right choice.
Gosh. Though of 2011 planner before today....I guess I better execute it....otherwise all my schedules will be screwed up. All the last minute changes. Both sounded the same from the phone. Old Old Old.....what is my mind occupied with...other than grey and white matter.
Then when...finally another date with Patrick Tan....talked talked...still don't know the secrets about him. Talk talk talk.....He is just one interesting guy.....always managed to make me laugh...or almost want to burst.....interesting friend to have...interesting brother in christ.
I thank God to bless me with such a nice brother in christ.
HS.....Holy spirit...yup....a familiar friend indeed... HS and PT...wonder wonder.....only God know.
So well life goes on. I remember recent thinking of a statement.
God, Me, Life. Either God runs me to run my life to Life will run me like a God. Or Either God control me to run my life, otherwise Life will run like God, controlling me.
Thank God all these. Slowly creeping back to church life. I hope and pray that I will not be harded or isolate from God... May I always make the right choice.
A new statement that is learned and relearned
Just a simple statement:
It is not the greatest sin to give in to temptation. The greatest of all sins is not believing God has power to deliver us and keep us from yielding again!
From the book: Have You Felt Like Giving Up Lately
It is not the greatest sin to give in to temptation. The greatest of all sins is not believing God has power to deliver us and keep us from yielding again!
From the book: Have You Felt Like Giving Up Lately
Monday, December 20, 2010
Online flirting: it's all about lip service
Online flirting: it's all about lip service Reuters - Wednesday, December 15
LONDON - "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?," asked Shakespeare. Now, women of the world have replied: "No, just tell me I have beautiful lips."
A new survey of online flirting by dating website Badoo.com has found that the best Internet chat-up line for men to use is: "You have beautiful lips."
"We have found the Holy Grail of flirting," said Badoo Director of Marketing Lloyd Price.
The site, which boasts 87 million registered users worldwide, analysed the success rates of opening lines from nearly 200,000 online flirtations in 11 languages over the course of one month to come up with a "Compliment Success Index."
Site users were invited to use one of 12 different chat-up lines. Each complimented an aspect of a woman's body or appearance. Researchers measured the success rate of each line in two ways: first, their success at prompting any response at all; second, their success at launching a longer conversation -- one going back and forth at least four times.
Complimenting a woman's lips was the most successful overall, but other lines worked best in particular countries.
American, French, Italian or Brazilian women were more responsive to "You dress beautifully." Brits preferred praise for their legs, Spaniards responded to compliments about their hair, while Germans and Canadians preferred skin praise. Dutch and Portuguese women liked: "You have beautiful ears."
Jo Hemmings, a British behavioural psychologist said women responded best to compliments about their lips because it's a bold approach that seems more personal.
"What many women want is for men to take the initiative and not be wishy-washy," Hemmings said in a statement accompanying the survey. "A lot of men on dating sites send a sort of generic message and women recognize something that hasn't been customised for them."
David Givens, American author of the book, "Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship" said the results made sense because women focus a lot of attention on their lips.
"From adolescence onwards, they cosmetically adorn their lips, applying lipstick and colours. They have been doing so since ancient Egypt."
Quoted: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/rtrs/20101215/tod-odd-us-flirting-online-a929486.html
LONDON - "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?," asked Shakespeare. Now, women of the world have replied: "No, just tell me I have beautiful lips."
A new survey of online flirting by dating website Badoo.com has found that the best Internet chat-up line for men to use is: "You have beautiful lips."
"We have found the Holy Grail of flirting," said Badoo Director of Marketing Lloyd Price.
The site, which boasts 87 million registered users worldwide, analysed the success rates of opening lines from nearly 200,000 online flirtations in 11 languages over the course of one month to come up with a "Compliment Success Index."
Site users were invited to use one of 12 different chat-up lines. Each complimented an aspect of a woman's body or appearance. Researchers measured the success rate of each line in two ways: first, their success at prompting any response at all; second, their success at launching a longer conversation -- one going back and forth at least four times.
Complimenting a woman's lips was the most successful overall, but other lines worked best in particular countries.
American, French, Italian or Brazilian women were more responsive to "You dress beautifully." Brits preferred praise for their legs, Spaniards responded to compliments about their hair, while Germans and Canadians preferred skin praise. Dutch and Portuguese women liked: "You have beautiful ears."
Jo Hemmings, a British behavioural psychologist said women responded best to compliments about their lips because it's a bold approach that seems more personal.
"What many women want is for men to take the initiative and not be wishy-washy," Hemmings said in a statement accompanying the survey. "A lot of men on dating sites send a sort of generic message and women recognize something that hasn't been customised for them."
David Givens, American author of the book, "Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship" said the results made sense because women focus a lot of attention on their lips.
"From adolescence onwards, they cosmetically adorn their lips, applying lipstick and colours. They have been doing so since ancient Egypt."
Quoted: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/rtrs/20101215/tod-odd-us-flirting-online-a929486.html
Love is the biggest seller.
"Love is the biggest seller."
This is a quote from a news article that I saw just now.
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/ann/20101219/tap-feature-heartbreak-in-facebook-world-aee7c44.html
Just putting some of my thoughts on the above statement.
Love in ways is the biggest seller.
Look at the media around us. TV, drama. Where will there be an absence of Love or love related matter. Just like the latest Movie blockbuster, Harry Potter - Deathly Hollows Part 1. There are scents of kissing, of jealousy, of rage. - in relationship to love. That is what touches audience heart. It present what is so true to most people in a form of media that arouse the inner feeling but not too overwhelming.
That I believe what is so popular in the past about Taiwan drama and Hong Kong Family drama. Those that caught people chasing episode, one after another. I believe, as long one is free to watch drama, regardless whether loved or more room to be loved, a virtual reality appeals and stimulate our emotion and thoughts. Like at times I still frustrated on certain scene within drama...why A want to do this to B...or Triangle love relationship....Oh...Girl is doing harm to Guy when Girl like Guy...such and sort.
In what other areas does Love sells.
Think about Valentine Day. When I was younger, Valentine Day seems already quite popular and surrounding certain themes. I only know that was a card in a Card game that entitled - St Valentine's Massacre from a Game called Family Business
More on the Game Family Business: Check out: http://www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/170/family-business
Massacre.....on Valentine's Day...St Valentine. I did some research in the past. At this moment I don't really remember what. I will find out or Wiki it when I am free.
There is a though in my mind. What is so special about Valentine's Day. Now it is a marketing opportunity I agree, and I think it started off publicaly as an event too.
Half of the article and there are so much thoughts with me. I will leave you to think what is your opinion on the statement:
"Love is the biggest Seller".
I believe there are can many interpretation of the statement. Let my mind roam freely with the statement and of its usage....
Just like there are 2 more years to go...coz of End of the World 2012...haha
The Article quoted in case the link fails:
FEATURE: Heartbreak in Facebook world
ANN - Sunday, December 19
Kuala Lumpur (The Star/ANN) - "Goodbye, my friend, goodbye My love, you are in my heart."
Russian poet Sergei Esenin wrote this suicide note in his own blood and passed it to his friend the day before he hanged himself.
That was in 1925; imagine what he would have done if he had killed himself today.
When Alviss Kong, 22-year-old from Malaysia, decided to take his life after his girlfriend of four months left him last week, he posted a farewell status on his Facebook page together with a teary photo of himself.
The status at 11.15pm read "Count Down For 45 Mins...What should I do in this 45 mins?"
In the ensuing minutes, up to 204 Facebook members "liked" his suicidal status post on his Facebook wall, but no one stopped him or alerted his family on his suicidal intentions.
Only his sister Chelvin Kong, 28, reportedly tried to talk him out of the suicide, but Alviss assured her that he was joking.
A few hours later, his body was found sprawled on a car, fallen from the 14th floor of his apartment building in Cheras, Kuala Lumpur.
This tragic tale has been getting a lot of media coverage especially in the Chinese press, begging the question -- what do you do when someone tells you that he or she wants to commit suicide?
Student Ariel Yong*, 17, believes that many thought that Alviss' message was a prank and simply played along.
"Sometimes when my friend and I wait for the LRT train, we make stupid jokes about throwing ourselves in front of the train. But we know it's just a joke. I suppose on Facebook, it is difficult to know what somebody really means unless you are also friends outside."
She feels this shows the significance of "friend" or "community" on Facebook: "Most are not real friends. My real friends would really know if I am joking or serious or if I am depressed or happy."
International survey firm TNS last month reported that Malaysians had the most "friends" on Facebook and spent nine hours a day on average surfing the site of more than 500 million members.
Real friends or not, Kim Chua*, 19, hopes Alviss got some comfort from those who responded to his wall posting.
"They may not be his real friends or close friends, but no one wants to die alone," she says.
The psychology student says studies show that an estimated 12--20% of suicides are accompanied by a note and people write it to ease their pain, not as a cry for help.
Paul Jambunathan, consultant clinical psychologist at Monash University Malaysia and Sunway Medical Centre describes those who "liked" Alviss' Facebook status as "emotional voyeurs".
"People love to hear about what is happening to others and how they are suffering," he says, linking it to the trends in today's popular culture.
"This culture includes suicide as an option to past history within the family or significant others, movies, lyrics and media sensationalism. They all have an effect that makes suicide an option when really it should never be," he says.
But ultimately, no one can be blamed for Alviss' death except himself. It was irresponsible of Alviss to put up the posting on Facebook, says Jambunathan.
"He expected society to be responsible for him. He killed himself because he was depress�ed, and became helpless and hopeless. It is unfair to pin this on the girl when the only person responsible is himself, his choices in life and the kind of friends he kept."
Jambunathan believes that Alviss might not have jumped if there was any inkling of help or hope.
Consultant psychologist Valerie Jacques agrees that Alviss was deeply depressed and put his hopes in the relationship to make him happier.
"Nothing external will make a person happier when they are depressed from deep inside," she says.
What is clear -- and somewhat comforting -- is the notion that love and the way people deal with its ups and downs have not changed over time.
Jambunathan concurs, saying that les affaires du coeur (affairs of the heart) have been known to drive men to "madness."
He explains that very deep-level emotions are involved from even the early stages of love such as infatuation right to the latter stages of mantaining a functional relationship.
"How angry are you when you are hitting on a girl you have just met, and someone else is doing the same? (Love) evokes and stimulates the very basic and deep-rooted issues in people.
"These emotions lead to aggressive behaviour that can lead people to harming others or themselves," he says.
This is probably why people act uncharacteristically when love is the core issue at stake. As they say, "love makes the world go round" or on the opposite end "love hurts."
Jambunathan points out that while suicide seems to be an extreme option, others regularly indulge in self-destructive behaviour because of failures in their relationships. The "broken-hearted" might turn to alcohol to try and forget their relationship or sleep around to make themselves feel better, he adds.
Julia*, 30, remembers when she drove to see her then boyfriend after they had a fight over the phone. She was at a party and had been drinking a lot.
In any other circumstance, she wouldn't have driven but at that moment she really had to see her boyfriend.
"I had many near misses on the road. I almost drove off a bridge but in the end I arrived at my destination. It was a very stupid thing to do," she recalls.
She says that while career and financial issues are important, they are not as important as her romantic relationships.
Nazmi Johan*, 35, says that even tough-looking males can be "over-sensitive" when their relationships fail.
"It's quite funny to see a grown man cry because of a girl but it happens," he says.
"Love is the biggest seller. In almost every movie, there is always some sort of love element. People always believe that there is someone out there made for them and they will live happily ever after," he muses.
Gregory Tan* who has been "dumped" a couple of times admits that he felt lost and turned to alcohol when his heart was broken.
"When that "one" person rejects you, it's as if the whole world is rejecting you," says Tan.
These days, he tries to be more philosophical about things. "I try to take an 'everything happens for a reason' attitude. When I fail at a relationship, I would say to myself that I would find someone more compatible," he says.
Jacques believes love, not relationships, is a big reason why people consider suicide. In Alviss's case, she believes that the root problem was that he did not feel loved.
"Even though his family love him dearly, he had a deep belief that no one loved him and so he was not lovable. So, any external sign of rejection or break up can trigger bad feelings," she says.
*Not their real names
This is a quote from a news article that I saw just now.
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/ann/20101219/tap-feature-heartbreak-in-facebook-world-aee7c44.html
Just putting some of my thoughts on the above statement.
Love in ways is the biggest seller.
Look at the media around us. TV, drama. Where will there be an absence of Love or love related matter. Just like the latest Movie blockbuster, Harry Potter - Deathly Hollows Part 1. There are scents of kissing, of jealousy, of rage. - in relationship to love. That is what touches audience heart. It present what is so true to most people in a form of media that arouse the inner feeling but not too overwhelming.
That I believe what is so popular in the past about Taiwan drama and Hong Kong Family drama. Those that caught people chasing episode, one after another. I believe, as long one is free to watch drama, regardless whether loved or more room to be loved, a virtual reality appeals and stimulate our emotion and thoughts. Like at times I still frustrated on certain scene within drama...why A want to do this to B...or Triangle love relationship....Oh...Girl is doing harm to Guy when Girl like Guy...such and sort.
In what other areas does Love sells.
Think about Valentine Day. When I was younger, Valentine Day seems already quite popular and surrounding certain themes. I only know that was a card in a Card game that entitled - St Valentine's Massacre from a Game called Family Business
More on the Game Family Business: Check out: http://www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/170/family-business
Massacre.....on Valentine's Day...St Valentine. I did some research in the past. At this moment I don't really remember what. I will find out or Wiki it when I am free.
There is a though in my mind. What is so special about Valentine's Day. Now it is a marketing opportunity I agree, and I think it started off publicaly as an event too.
Half of the article and there are so much thoughts with me. I will leave you to think what is your opinion on the statement:
"Love is the biggest Seller".
I believe there are can many interpretation of the statement. Let my mind roam freely with the statement and of its usage....
Just like there are 2 more years to go...coz of End of the World 2012...haha
The Article quoted in case the link fails:
FEATURE: Heartbreak in Facebook world
ANN - Sunday, December 19
Kuala Lumpur (The Star/ANN) - "Goodbye, my friend, goodbye My love, you are in my heart."
Russian poet Sergei Esenin wrote this suicide note in his own blood and passed it to his friend the day before he hanged himself.
That was in 1925; imagine what he would have done if he had killed himself today.
When Alviss Kong, 22-year-old from Malaysia, decided to take his life after his girlfriend of four months left him last week, he posted a farewell status on his Facebook page together with a teary photo of himself.
The status at 11.15pm read "Count Down For 45 Mins...What should I do in this 45 mins?"
In the ensuing minutes, up to 204 Facebook members "liked" his suicidal status post on his Facebook wall, but no one stopped him or alerted his family on his suicidal intentions.
Only his sister Chelvin Kong, 28, reportedly tried to talk him out of the suicide, but Alviss assured her that he was joking.
A few hours later, his body was found sprawled on a car, fallen from the 14th floor of his apartment building in Cheras, Kuala Lumpur.
This tragic tale has been getting a lot of media coverage especially in the Chinese press, begging the question -- what do you do when someone tells you that he or she wants to commit suicide?
Student Ariel Yong*, 17, believes that many thought that Alviss' message was a prank and simply played along.
"Sometimes when my friend and I wait for the LRT train, we make stupid jokes about throwing ourselves in front of the train. But we know it's just a joke. I suppose on Facebook, it is difficult to know what somebody really means unless you are also friends outside."
She feels this shows the significance of "friend" or "community" on Facebook: "Most are not real friends. My real friends would really know if I am joking or serious or if I am depressed or happy."
International survey firm TNS last month reported that Malaysians had the most "friends" on Facebook and spent nine hours a day on average surfing the site of more than 500 million members.
Real friends or not, Kim Chua*, 19, hopes Alviss got some comfort from those who responded to his wall posting.
"They may not be his real friends or close friends, but no one wants to die alone," she says.
The psychology student says studies show that an estimated 12--20% of suicides are accompanied by a note and people write it to ease their pain, not as a cry for help.
Paul Jambunathan, consultant clinical psychologist at Monash University Malaysia and Sunway Medical Centre describes those who "liked" Alviss' Facebook status as "emotional voyeurs".
"People love to hear about what is happening to others and how they are suffering," he says, linking it to the trends in today's popular culture.
"This culture includes suicide as an option to past history within the family or significant others, movies, lyrics and media sensationalism. They all have an effect that makes suicide an option when really it should never be," he says.
But ultimately, no one can be blamed for Alviss' death except himself. It was irresponsible of Alviss to put up the posting on Facebook, says Jambunathan.
"He expected society to be responsible for him. He killed himself because he was depress�ed, and became helpless and hopeless. It is unfair to pin this on the girl when the only person responsible is himself, his choices in life and the kind of friends he kept."
Jambunathan believes that Alviss might not have jumped if there was any inkling of help or hope.
Consultant psychologist Valerie Jacques agrees that Alviss was deeply depressed and put his hopes in the relationship to make him happier.
"Nothing external will make a person happier when they are depressed from deep inside," she says.
What is clear -- and somewhat comforting -- is the notion that love and the way people deal with its ups and downs have not changed over time.
Jambunathan concurs, saying that les affaires du coeur (affairs of the heart) have been known to drive men to "madness."
He explains that very deep-level emotions are involved from even the early stages of love such as infatuation right to the latter stages of mantaining a functional relationship.
"How angry are you when you are hitting on a girl you have just met, and someone else is doing the same? (Love) evokes and stimulates the very basic and deep-rooted issues in people.
"These emotions lead to aggressive behaviour that can lead people to harming others or themselves," he says.
This is probably why people act uncharacteristically when love is the core issue at stake. As they say, "love makes the world go round" or on the opposite end "love hurts."
Jambunathan points out that while suicide seems to be an extreme option, others regularly indulge in self-destructive behaviour because of failures in their relationships. The "broken-hearted" might turn to alcohol to try and forget their relationship or sleep around to make themselves feel better, he adds.
Julia*, 30, remembers when she drove to see her then boyfriend after they had a fight over the phone. She was at a party and had been drinking a lot.
In any other circumstance, she wouldn't have driven but at that moment she really had to see her boyfriend.
"I had many near misses on the road. I almost drove off a bridge but in the end I arrived at my destination. It was a very stupid thing to do," she recalls.
She says that while career and financial issues are important, they are not as important as her romantic relationships.
Nazmi Johan*, 35, says that even tough-looking males can be "over-sensitive" when their relationships fail.
"It's quite funny to see a grown man cry because of a girl but it happens," he says.
"Love is the biggest seller. In almost every movie, there is always some sort of love element. People always believe that there is someone out there made for them and they will live happily ever after," he muses.
Gregory Tan* who has been "dumped" a couple of times admits that he felt lost and turned to alcohol when his heart was broken.
"When that "one" person rejects you, it's as if the whole world is rejecting you," says Tan.
These days, he tries to be more philosophical about things. "I try to take an 'everything happens for a reason' attitude. When I fail at a relationship, I would say to myself that I would find someone more compatible," he says.
Jacques believes love, not relationships, is a big reason why people consider suicide. In Alviss's case, she believes that the root problem was that he did not feel loved.
"Even though his family love him dearly, he had a deep belief that no one loved him and so he was not lovable. So, any external sign of rejection or break up can trigger bad feelings," she says.
*Not their real names
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