Even since DMH or DMG, changes have being made and situation have changed too. There are still things that I dun not understand. Also believing that this blog noone would bother to come and read, thus there is no fear about it anyway... Also those who are going to read this blog, are likely not be involved. Thus there is no harm to write freely in this. Of course being me, and me, that is the limit.
First to start with, well I have reduced my talking around and avoiding talking to ... well am I making it too obvious. But this is for people to know and find out but well not that I would care less, but I know that God is just doing a work in me, and He is just helping me to stay focus..... there are just so many reason and supporting reason behind it, tons of those that I could get that off my fingertips, except still when so and so is around, I just wonder why I still CMI !!! Behinds I really CMI, and I should just surrender it fully, get back to just focus fully towards God and just be X-CP. Well though I may be complaining now, however, deep in my heart, I can confidently say this, God, you are one and I believe fully in your plans. Just let me do what you wanna me to do is more important. Life is still meaningful and purposeful when withou so & so. Anyway, this issue have degarded to the extent that there are more important things around other than this, unless situation arises that I am caught off-guard and surprised. But from what I understand so & so, things will not happen if I do no lose control.
Secondly, with a great news that may be coming, but why am I affected by it. A great start for someone, but may I trying to do too much last minute work??? May I trying to break things up or just wishing them the best of blessing, giving my best and hope to them the best??? After sharing with my DGL, I know I am far from ready. And too, do I really want, or have I want so much to an extent I already given up hope, and I am doing now is just fanning a rekindled fire??? The desire of my heart is for the person to know who God really is, and from then, God, with great wisdom, and guide the person towards a direction. I guess me hoping to go thru the materials from SOL1 will help and keep in focus, something that should not have a structure and just flows, to be one that is useful and not lose control. It is not about falling into it but growing into it. This is something that I learnt and I wish to remember it. All this is just a seperate thing, but an extension of friendship. A pro-longing of friendship to a different level. Guess despite I may think I know, maybe in actual fact, I do not know anything. But important and best thing is. God is God.
Lastly, regarding surprise birthday. Well, though many many times since then, I may have mentioned that I will disappear from my birthday. But no-one really wish to know what I actually want. Perhaps in the first place I do not know. Perhaps I just do not have the fortune to have such things. A total of 3 such things I have attended, but I guess me being a smart person, it is hard for me to be surprised. But I know, though I am shy to cry in such situation, I dun mind really tearing with joy....but that will take a lot of effort and seriously, no one I know will do such a thing to me for it takes a lot of wisdom to do so...Reason being, since I have already mention this in this blog, when the time comes again, I am unusually sensitive and hyperactive to things around me. I dun mind planning for surprise for others, but unfortunately, I cant plan any for myself. Well, nonetheless, God is good all the time. I will not die without it.
In conclusion, since this blog is not going to be read by anyone, so a conclusion is not really needed. Why conclude when there is no need start in the first place. God bless....God pray....A daily stable walk with God....the best conclusion despite everything. CHS or whatever. There are a total of 4 cai that I know, among, 2 I still know now and the other 2.....just away. then.
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