5 Ways to Create a Smart Wedding Registry
Kimberly Palmer, On Friday 5 November 2010, 3:43 SGT
Creating a wedding registry can be overwhelming: You want a lot of stuff, including a new set of pots and pans and a high-end blender, but you don't want to seem too greedy, or pick items that your friends can't afford. Here are five ways to get what you want without offending your guests.
1) Don't skip the registry altogether. It might be tempting, especially if your kitchen is already fully stocked and you're really hoping that people write you checks instead. But here's a little secret: They won't write you checks. If you don't tell people what you want, then you'll probably end up with a dozen crystal bowls and mismatched champagne flutes. So do yourself a favor and give your guests a little guidance.
2) Pick items that you'll actually use. Not everyone needs to register for china and silver. Your grandmother might be hoping that you do, but if you're not the type to whip out fancy dishes at every opportunity, then those gorgeous tea cups will probably still be wrapped up in their packaging long after you celebrate your first anniversary.
Instead of wasting your guests' money on items you won't use, pick out items that will last for years and that you'll enjoy using every day. Good examples include daily dishware, kitchen appliances, a coffeemaker, sheets, and bath towels. Receiving them as gifts saves you money, and you'll probably get nicer ones than anything you'd buy for yourself.
3) Skip over the boring items. No one enjoys buying newlyweds a garbage can as a wedding present, even if it's a deluxe, stainless steel one that costs $100. People like buying celebratory presents, so make it easy for them, because you want them to feel good about what they're purchasing.
4) Don't register for cash. It's tempting, especially with the new websites that allow you to set up an account for people to contribute directly to your honeymoon or house fund. But try to resist the urge, because it can rub some guests, especially older ones, the wrong way.
[For more money-saving tips, visit the U.S. News Alpha Consumer blog.]
5) But do register for gift cards. That's the closest you can get to asking for money without appearing crass to some of your more traditional guests. Most retail sites allow registering couples to select a "gift card" option that subtly lets guests know that they can purchase them.
One last tip: Write your thank-you notes within a day or two of receiving the gift. If you wait until after the wedding when dozens of gifts have piled up, the task becomes overwhelming. Plus, people want to know that you received their present and appreciate it. It might make them more inclined to give you more gifts in the future, too.
Kimberly Palmer is the author of the new book Generation Earn: The Young Professional's Guide to Spending, Investing, and Giving Back.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
How to Save One-Third of Your Income
How to Save One-Third of Your Income
Kimberly Palmer, On Wednesday 3 November 2010, 3:23 SGT
One of the main arguments in my book, Generation Earn, is that we need to drastically increase the amount of money we're saving. On average, we should save about one-third of our income in our twenties, thirties, and forties for retirement, emergency funds, and big goals such as purchasing a home. I've gotten a lot of questions about that--how is it even possible? What did you give up to do that? Are you doing that right now? I wanted to share some of the ways I saved that much and explain why I think it's necessary.
First, a confession: I am not currently saving one-third of my income. That's because I've experienced two major financial shocks in the last year, having a baby and buying a house. Between mortgage payments and daycare expenses, I've fallen way behind, but I plan to return to my previous saving levels as soon as those costs become more manageable.
For most of my twenties, though, I was saving one-third of my income. About twenty percent went directly into my retirement accounts, so I never even saw the money. I put an additional 15 percent into after-tax savings accounts, which was mostly invested in money market funds.
Here are some of my strategies that made it possible:
Live like a college student long after graduation: My husband and I continued living in a small apartment with our old futon as a sofa for five years after graduation. At first, we didn't use cable and stuck with an old tube television. For awhile, we even figured out a way to make room for our baby in that small space.
Become a frugal chef. I didn't know much about cooking before I got married, but I quickly learned how to make vegetable-focused meals from the Food Network. Using small amounts of meat saved us money, as did limiting our restaurant meals.
Stick with one car. We've always chosen to live near public transportation so we can limit ourselves to one car, which saves us thousands of dollars a year. Between gas, upkeep, and insurance, cars are expensive, so sticking to one can make a big difference. (These first three items--housing, food, and transportation--take up about two-thirds of most people's incomes, so focusing on that pricey trifecta can have a big impact.)
Use old cell phones. We never joined the smartphone craze, so while we might not look as cool with our bulky old-style phones, we're saving a lot by avoiding pricey data plans and high-tech gadgets.
Splurge on small but meaningful indulgences. When I bought my husband a LCD television for his birthday one year (to replace the old tube set we had), I knew it was a huge splurge, and certainly not a necessary one. But given all of our other sacrifices, I figured it was worth it, and given how much he likes it, I think it was. We also buy high-quality beer to drink at home. Even though a $9 six-pack is no deal, it's much cheaper than drinking at a bar.
Everyone's strategies will be different, since they're based on your own preferences. You might bring a bagged lunch every day but go on an international vacation every year, or indulge in restaurant meals while collecting coupons for the grocery store. As long as you're cutting back on the areas that aren't that important to you, you won't feel like you're making an impossible sacrifice.
Almost everyone can save a significant chunk of income, regardless of income level or where you live. You just have to live a lifestyle that's a lot more frugal than the one you could actually afford. Sure, you might occasionally wish you had a fancier television, or furniture, but purchasing those items give such short-term bursts of pleasure that the cost is hardly worth it. Instead, invest in your relationships, hobbies, and career, all of which can outlast even the most expensive television.
What are your savings techniques? How much of your income do you try to save?
Kimberly Palmer is the author of the new book Generation Earn: The Young Professional's Guide to Spending, Investing, and Giving Back.
Kimberly Palmer, On Wednesday 3 November 2010, 3:23 SGT
One of the main arguments in my book, Generation Earn, is that we need to drastically increase the amount of money we're saving. On average, we should save about one-third of our income in our twenties, thirties, and forties for retirement, emergency funds, and big goals such as purchasing a home. I've gotten a lot of questions about that--how is it even possible? What did you give up to do that? Are you doing that right now? I wanted to share some of the ways I saved that much and explain why I think it's necessary.
First, a confession: I am not currently saving one-third of my income. That's because I've experienced two major financial shocks in the last year, having a baby and buying a house. Between mortgage payments and daycare expenses, I've fallen way behind, but I plan to return to my previous saving levels as soon as those costs become more manageable.
For most of my twenties, though, I was saving one-third of my income. About twenty percent went directly into my retirement accounts, so I never even saw the money. I put an additional 15 percent into after-tax savings accounts, which was mostly invested in money market funds.
Here are some of my strategies that made it possible:
Live like a college student long after graduation: My husband and I continued living in a small apartment with our old futon as a sofa for five years after graduation. At first, we didn't use cable and stuck with an old tube television. For awhile, we even figured out a way to make room for our baby in that small space.
Become a frugal chef. I didn't know much about cooking before I got married, but I quickly learned how to make vegetable-focused meals from the Food Network. Using small amounts of meat saved us money, as did limiting our restaurant meals.
Stick with one car. We've always chosen to live near public transportation so we can limit ourselves to one car, which saves us thousands of dollars a year. Between gas, upkeep, and insurance, cars are expensive, so sticking to one can make a big difference. (These first three items--housing, food, and transportation--take up about two-thirds of most people's incomes, so focusing on that pricey trifecta can have a big impact.)
Use old cell phones. We never joined the smartphone craze, so while we might not look as cool with our bulky old-style phones, we're saving a lot by avoiding pricey data plans and high-tech gadgets.
Splurge on small but meaningful indulgences. When I bought my husband a LCD television for his birthday one year (to replace the old tube set we had), I knew it was a huge splurge, and certainly not a necessary one. But given all of our other sacrifices, I figured it was worth it, and given how much he likes it, I think it was. We also buy high-quality beer to drink at home. Even though a $9 six-pack is no deal, it's much cheaper than drinking at a bar.
Everyone's strategies will be different, since they're based on your own preferences. You might bring a bagged lunch every day but go on an international vacation every year, or indulge in restaurant meals while collecting coupons for the grocery store. As long as you're cutting back on the areas that aren't that important to you, you won't feel like you're making an impossible sacrifice.
Almost everyone can save a significant chunk of income, regardless of income level or where you live. You just have to live a lifestyle that's a lot more frugal than the one you could actually afford. Sure, you might occasionally wish you had a fancier television, or furniture, but purchasing those items give such short-term bursts of pleasure that the cost is hardly worth it. Instead, invest in your relationships, hobbies, and career, all of which can outlast even the most expensive television.
What are your savings techniques? How much of your income do you try to save?
Kimberly Palmer is the author of the new book Generation Earn: The Young Professional's Guide to Spending, Investing, and Giving Back.
Monday, November 08, 2010
5 tips for reviving your relationship
5 tips for reviving your relationship
By Lisa Cericola
It happens to the best of couples: One night you’re happily cozying up on the couch with a pizza and Netflix…then, six Saturday nights later, you’re sick of pepperoni and your sweetie’s sick of your sci-fi obsession. No matter how much you care about someone, falling into predictable patterns is inevitable when you’re constantly spending time together. And while a little familiarity is nice, too much can make once-happy couples feel bored with each other — and possibly itching to get out of the relationship entirely. Most of the time, however, all these couples need is a small change in routine to keep things interesting. “There’s an old saying along the lines of, ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got,’” says Lisa Daily, author of Stop Getting Dumped! “If you can’t stand the thought of another 36-hour ESPN marathon or another weekend of antiquing, come up with a plan B.” For inspiration, take a tip or two from these couples below who got over the hump and are still happily together.
1. Introduce your mate to your interests
One couple’s case history: “When Aaron and I moved in together after a year of dating, we quickly fell into a routine — I’d come home from work and cook my heart out while he lounged on the couch, mesmerized by baseball. Though I’m a foodie and he’s a sports nut, I felt separated by more than just the kitchen/living room wall. Why couldn’t he learn to appreciate an apple tarte tatin? Shouldn’t I see what was so exciting about watching a Martinez-Smoltz match-up?” says Abby Phillips of Chicago. “So we came up with a plan: Every so often, he’d buy a ticket for me to accompany him to a ball game. In return, I’d take him out to the restaurant of my choice. Now he’s eating pappardelle bolognese, and, though I can’t tell the difference between a breaking ball and a slider, I can name most of the players in the Mets lineup.”
Love lesson learned: Mutual interests, whether it’s a love of dogs or shooting pool, are often what bring a couple together in the first place. But taking interest in your partner’s entire life — including facets you don’t initially take a shine to — is what will keep you together in the long run, says dating coach Liz Kelly, author of SMART Man Hunting. The reason: Whether your partner’s passion is baseball, gourmet food, or some other activity, it’s an opportunity to learn tons about a new topic and, for that matter, what makes your sweetie tick. There’s no way you’ll feel bored with this double-dose of new info and experiences!
2. Daydream about the future together
One couple’s case history: “My partner Dan and I have a lot of shared interests, but there are always times when we find ourselves sitting on the sofa, staring at each other out of sheer boredom,” explains Matt Levinson of New York City. “Lately, when we hit a slump, we grab the newspaper or go online to look for open houses because we both dream of owning a big house upstate, out in the country. And even though we’re not prepared to buy yet, sometimes when we find a listing we like, we’ll take a little road trip for the day to check it out and explore the surrounding towns. House-hunting gives us something new to talk about — how we’d fix up the house, how else we can save up money to buy a place in the future. It might take awhile for our plans to pan out, but it’s fun to dream big together in the meantime.”
Love lesson learned: A relationship that’s static can definitely feel stagnant, but that’s easily fixed by setting some goals together. Just ask yourself (and your partner), “In your wildest dreams, what would the two of us be doing three months/six months/a year down the line?” Then do something small — say, window-shopping for a home, or playing with puppies in a pet store even though you’re not prepared to take one home yet — that keeps you in touch with that dream. Even new couples can adopt a sense of direction. Maybe you both fantasize about flying to Cancun for a long weekend on the beach. Try browsing guidebooks together or set up a “Cancun fund” where you each contribute $20 per paycheck. “Even if your big plan is very far away, taking baby steps together can bring you closer to your goal,” says Daily. “And to each other.”
3. Break some rules
One couple’s case history: “When my long-distance girlfriend and I moved in together, we thought we’d have tons of fun, but it didn’t take long before we got caught up in our work schedules,” says Brenden Smith of Orlando, FL. “One Wednesday night we were both lying around, exhausted, when my girlfriend jumped up, grabbed her bag and announced, ‘Come on, we’re going out!’ We went to a club down the street, and had such a great time that we stayed out until two in the morning! Sure, we were even more exhausted the next day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how great it felt to ‘break the rules’ and stay out late on a weeknight. Now, whenever we’re feeling trapped by our schedules, we do something spontaneous that we know we shouldn’t really do — say, going out for ice cream sundaes instead of making dinner. It never fails to keep things fun and interesting.”
Love lesson learned: There’s something about rebelling a little that can instantly alleviate tedium — plus it can be a bonding experience for couples, instilling an us-versus-them attitude. So if you think your relationship has been weighed down by what you’re supposed to do lately, ask yourself, “What do I really want to do?” and follow your impulses with your beloved in tow. Go ahead and stick your feet out the window on a road trip, duck out of the office party for a makeout session in the coat room, or stay up until sunrise even when you know you two have a family event the very next day. As long as your actions aren’t illegal or harming anyone, these moments will remind you that your love life can take some interesting twists and turns once you stop caring so much about doing things the “right” way.
4. Plan the unpredictable
One couple’s case history: “Because of our busy schedules, my boyfriend and I usually only see each other on weekends. And while absence (until Friday) makes the heart grow fonder, we often found ourselves going to the same restaurants, watching our favorite TV shows or just having dinner at home,” recalls Renee Edwards of Emmaus, PA. “To spice things up, I suggested that we try planning ‘surprise dates’ for each other. Not only was my boyfriend a good sport about my idea, he totally charmed me by taking me apple-picking last fall. It was exactly the kind of outdoorsy thing I love to do, but would have never thought we’d do together. In return, I surprised him with reservations at a BBQ restaurant I knew he wanted to try. Keeping each other on our toes date-wise reminds us that it’s always important to keep trying, even when you’re in love and comfortable with each other.”
Love lesson learned: Surprises are the cornerstone of keeping a relationship interesting because they show your sweetie that you don’t take anything for granted — and that there’s more to you than meets the eye! So keep an eye out for any opportunity: If your sweetie mentions a play he or she wants to see, buy tickets on the sly and slip them in a pocket or purse with a note saying “You, me, and Shakespeare on Saturday?” Or, just tell your sweetie to keep a certain date clear for you — then don’t explain what you’re doing. The anticipation will keep your honey wondering all week what it could be and add extra zing to your plans, whether it’s reservations at a new restaurant, a night camping in your back yard, or going back to the place where you shared your first kiss. What you’ve planned doesn’t really matter — when it comes to surprises, it’s truly the thought that counts.
5. Escape the ordinary
One couple’s case history: “After starting a new office job, I didn’t have as much time to spend with my husband. Every day seemed to run into the next at warp speed. We were definitely falling into a rut, so he suggested taking a weekend off to go camping. I wasn’t sure what to expect; we hadn’t spent that much time together in months,” says Lisa Price of Traverse City, MI. “As we made the campfire the first night I thought, what are we going to talk about for the next five hours? But it didn’t take long before we found ourselves talking about lots of amazing things (even some big-picture issues). Over that weekend, time finally slowed down and if felt like we were the only people left in the universe. There were no distractions and the conversation flowed like it was a first date that was going really well. We returned home energized and ready to deal with our hectic schedules again — and reminded of the fact that we never have to stop getting to know each other.”
Love lesson learned: “Sometimes it feels like the world will stop spinning if we stop what we’re doing for one minute,” says Daily. “The truth is, it won’t. Life will go on, even if you take a few hours off.” Even if you don’t have an entire weekend for uninterrupted “us” time, take little time-outs to recharge your romance on a regular basis. Daily suggests setting an unbreakable lunch or dinner date every week — mark your calendar, if necessary. Or substitute separate workouts at the gym to take a long walk or hike together — you may be surprised where your conversation leads or what new tidbit you find out about your partner!
Lisa Cericola is a New York City-area writer. When it comes to spicing up a relationship with surprises, she thinks the kind of surprises known as presents work really well.
By Lisa Cericola
It happens to the best of couples: One night you’re happily cozying up on the couch with a pizza and Netflix…then, six Saturday nights later, you’re sick of pepperoni and your sweetie’s sick of your sci-fi obsession. No matter how much you care about someone, falling into predictable patterns is inevitable when you’re constantly spending time together. And while a little familiarity is nice, too much can make once-happy couples feel bored with each other — and possibly itching to get out of the relationship entirely. Most of the time, however, all these couples need is a small change in routine to keep things interesting. “There’s an old saying along the lines of, ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got,’” says Lisa Daily, author of Stop Getting Dumped! “If you can’t stand the thought of another 36-hour ESPN marathon or another weekend of antiquing, come up with a plan B.” For inspiration, take a tip or two from these couples below who got over the hump and are still happily together.
1. Introduce your mate to your interests
One couple’s case history: “When Aaron and I moved in together after a year of dating, we quickly fell into a routine — I’d come home from work and cook my heart out while he lounged on the couch, mesmerized by baseball. Though I’m a foodie and he’s a sports nut, I felt separated by more than just the kitchen/living room wall. Why couldn’t he learn to appreciate an apple tarte tatin? Shouldn’t I see what was so exciting about watching a Martinez-Smoltz match-up?” says Abby Phillips of Chicago. “So we came up with a plan: Every so often, he’d buy a ticket for me to accompany him to a ball game. In return, I’d take him out to the restaurant of my choice. Now he’s eating pappardelle bolognese, and, though I can’t tell the difference between a breaking ball and a slider, I can name most of the players in the Mets lineup.”
Love lesson learned: Mutual interests, whether it’s a love of dogs or shooting pool, are often what bring a couple together in the first place. But taking interest in your partner’s entire life — including facets you don’t initially take a shine to — is what will keep you together in the long run, says dating coach Liz Kelly, author of SMART Man Hunting. The reason: Whether your partner’s passion is baseball, gourmet food, or some other activity, it’s an opportunity to learn tons about a new topic and, for that matter, what makes your sweetie tick. There’s no way you’ll feel bored with this double-dose of new info and experiences!
2. Daydream about the future together
One couple’s case history: “My partner Dan and I have a lot of shared interests, but there are always times when we find ourselves sitting on the sofa, staring at each other out of sheer boredom,” explains Matt Levinson of New York City. “Lately, when we hit a slump, we grab the newspaper or go online to look for open houses because we both dream of owning a big house upstate, out in the country. And even though we’re not prepared to buy yet, sometimes when we find a listing we like, we’ll take a little road trip for the day to check it out and explore the surrounding towns. House-hunting gives us something new to talk about — how we’d fix up the house, how else we can save up money to buy a place in the future. It might take awhile for our plans to pan out, but it’s fun to dream big together in the meantime.”
Love lesson learned: A relationship that’s static can definitely feel stagnant, but that’s easily fixed by setting some goals together. Just ask yourself (and your partner), “In your wildest dreams, what would the two of us be doing three months/six months/a year down the line?” Then do something small — say, window-shopping for a home, or playing with puppies in a pet store even though you’re not prepared to take one home yet — that keeps you in touch with that dream. Even new couples can adopt a sense of direction. Maybe you both fantasize about flying to Cancun for a long weekend on the beach. Try browsing guidebooks together or set up a “Cancun fund” where you each contribute $20 per paycheck. “Even if your big plan is very far away, taking baby steps together can bring you closer to your goal,” says Daily. “And to each other.”
3. Break some rules
One couple’s case history: “When my long-distance girlfriend and I moved in together, we thought we’d have tons of fun, but it didn’t take long before we got caught up in our work schedules,” says Brenden Smith of Orlando, FL. “One Wednesday night we were both lying around, exhausted, when my girlfriend jumped up, grabbed her bag and announced, ‘Come on, we’re going out!’ We went to a club down the street, and had such a great time that we stayed out until two in the morning! Sure, we were even more exhausted the next day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how great it felt to ‘break the rules’ and stay out late on a weeknight. Now, whenever we’re feeling trapped by our schedules, we do something spontaneous that we know we shouldn’t really do — say, going out for ice cream sundaes instead of making dinner. It never fails to keep things fun and interesting.”
Love lesson learned: There’s something about rebelling a little that can instantly alleviate tedium — plus it can be a bonding experience for couples, instilling an us-versus-them attitude. So if you think your relationship has been weighed down by what you’re supposed to do lately, ask yourself, “What do I really want to do?” and follow your impulses with your beloved in tow. Go ahead and stick your feet out the window on a road trip, duck out of the office party for a makeout session in the coat room, or stay up until sunrise even when you know you two have a family event the very next day. As long as your actions aren’t illegal or harming anyone, these moments will remind you that your love life can take some interesting twists and turns once you stop caring so much about doing things the “right” way.
4. Plan the unpredictable
One couple’s case history: “Because of our busy schedules, my boyfriend and I usually only see each other on weekends. And while absence (until Friday) makes the heart grow fonder, we often found ourselves going to the same restaurants, watching our favorite TV shows or just having dinner at home,” recalls Renee Edwards of Emmaus, PA. “To spice things up, I suggested that we try planning ‘surprise dates’ for each other. Not only was my boyfriend a good sport about my idea, he totally charmed me by taking me apple-picking last fall. It was exactly the kind of outdoorsy thing I love to do, but would have never thought we’d do together. In return, I surprised him with reservations at a BBQ restaurant I knew he wanted to try. Keeping each other on our toes date-wise reminds us that it’s always important to keep trying, even when you’re in love and comfortable with each other.”
Love lesson learned: Surprises are the cornerstone of keeping a relationship interesting because they show your sweetie that you don’t take anything for granted — and that there’s more to you than meets the eye! So keep an eye out for any opportunity: If your sweetie mentions a play he or she wants to see, buy tickets on the sly and slip them in a pocket or purse with a note saying “You, me, and Shakespeare on Saturday?” Or, just tell your sweetie to keep a certain date clear for you — then don’t explain what you’re doing. The anticipation will keep your honey wondering all week what it could be and add extra zing to your plans, whether it’s reservations at a new restaurant, a night camping in your back yard, or going back to the place where you shared your first kiss. What you’ve planned doesn’t really matter — when it comes to surprises, it’s truly the thought that counts.
5. Escape the ordinary
One couple’s case history: “After starting a new office job, I didn’t have as much time to spend with my husband. Every day seemed to run into the next at warp speed. We were definitely falling into a rut, so he suggested taking a weekend off to go camping. I wasn’t sure what to expect; we hadn’t spent that much time together in months,” says Lisa Price of Traverse City, MI. “As we made the campfire the first night I thought, what are we going to talk about for the next five hours? But it didn’t take long before we found ourselves talking about lots of amazing things (even some big-picture issues). Over that weekend, time finally slowed down and if felt like we were the only people left in the universe. There were no distractions and the conversation flowed like it was a first date that was going really well. We returned home energized and ready to deal with our hectic schedules again — and reminded of the fact that we never have to stop getting to know each other.”
Love lesson learned: “Sometimes it feels like the world will stop spinning if we stop what we’re doing for one minute,” says Daily. “The truth is, it won’t. Life will go on, even if you take a few hours off.” Even if you don’t have an entire weekend for uninterrupted “us” time, take little time-outs to recharge your romance on a regular basis. Daily suggests setting an unbreakable lunch or dinner date every week — mark your calendar, if necessary. Or substitute separate workouts at the gym to take a long walk or hike together — you may be surprised where your conversation leads or what new tidbit you find out about your partner!
Lisa Cericola is a New York City-area writer. When it comes to spicing up a relationship with surprises, she thinks the kind of surprises known as presents work really well.
6 Careers You Can Do From Home
Claire Bradley Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Working from home can be a great career option for people with all skillsets and lifestyles. You can set your own hours and even work in your pajamas - a pretty appealing alternative to the old nine-to-five in a cubicle. Here are six careers you can do from home, and how you can get started.
1. Personal Chef
If cooking is your passion, becoming a personal chef may just be the job for you. This job can mean that you cook a week's worth of meals in a client's home, for instance, or you can look at delivering gourmet meals - the alternative to the old pizza delivery. With today's high-pressure jobs and families where both parents work full time, this type of service is becoming more desirable, particularly in urban areas. Be sure to understand local regulations regarding the kitchen you prepare the food in; many states require you to have a kitchen separate from your home, and may inspect for health code adhesion.
2. Birthday Party Planning
If you talk to any parent, they'll tell you: planning a birthday party is hard work, and a challenge when you're busy. Where there's a need, there's a job, and birthday party planning can be a great career if you're creative, like kids and can work weekends when parties are often held. You can also plan retirement parties, promotions - any event you think you can handle. For the best changes at earning a good income, make sure you research local rates and competition and understand your liability, particularly if you'll be working with little ones.
3. Home Staging
It's a tough real estate market out there. To sell your house in this buyer's market, it needs to look its best, and home staging can make all the difference. If you have an eye for design, home staging may just be the career for you; there are no education requirements, and although there are many courses and professional organizations for home stagers, they're not required to be successful in the field. Take some time to research rates in your area and practice staging your home or a friend's. Think about what services you'll want to offer, and the startup costs you'll incur. Networking with realtors can be very helpful in generating business.
4. Web Design
Are you computer savvy, and do you have an eye for detail? A career in web design may be for you. Even if you don't have the skills, consider going back to school to learn; there are many online courses, and current education tax benefits can make the bottom-line expense very low. Before you hunt for jobs, think whether you'll be starting your own business or work as a freelancer - the two are very different tax and legal-wise. Check with the IRS on tax obligations, and with your local small business chapter.
5. Virtual Assistant
With today's uncertain economy, more businesses are looking to hire temporary or per-project help, sometimes in the form of a virtual assistant. A virtual assistant can handle anything from receptionist duties to bookkeeping, depending on your expertise and the client's needs. For work in this field, look to online job boards. Tell your friends and family you're looking for administrative-type work to do from home, and check with any old business contacts you may have. Virtual assistants are still a fairly new concept, so expect to have to explain what you do a few times before generating business.
6. Tutoring Service
These days, problems are increasingly solved with use of the internet, including tutoring services. Work as a tutor can be helping a child with homework, or teaching adults how to use a computer - if you have a specific skill, you can become a tutor. You can find work on job boards, or at online colleges. If you have a college degree in your expertise (like math, or English), your chances at building a successful career as a tutor will be even better.
The Bottom Line
These six careers are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to at-home careers. For the best chance at success, look at your previous career for a start - you may be able to work as a consultant. At-home careers are a great way to explore your passion and make a living too. Earnings can vary greatly, depending on your expertise and experience, so take time to research before setting your rates. Make sure you understand your tax obligation, and whether you might be best off starting a small business to protect yourself legally. Your local small business organization or SCORE chapter is great place to get some help. Whether you're designing web pages or starting a small business as a party planner, working from home can be a great way to forge own your career path - and avoid the cubicle doldrums, too.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
The simple secret to great sleep
The simple secret to great sleep
By Nancy Rones
You already know that pregnancy pains and hot flashes can keep you tossing and turning at night. But there's a host of other, less-heralded health concerns that may be silently interfering with your shut-eye. Here's how to deal with these stealth sleep stealers, decade by decade.
YOUR 20s and 30s
Check your thyroid. New moms usually blame sluggishness or insomnia on the demands of parenthood, says Dr. Laura Corio, an OB-GYN in private practice in New York City and attending physician at Mt. Sinai Medical Center. But the true culprit may be postpartum thyroiditis, which 5 to 10 percent of women develop in the year following delivery.
Typically, it starts with mild hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid), which can rev you up and set off insomnia. After a couple of months, the condition may swing to hypothyroidism, in which a lack of thyroid hormone slows your body's functions, leaving you feeling constantly tired. If you're too jumpy to sleep or have extreme fatigue postpartum, see your doctor.
Health.com: 8 factors that could be keeping you awake at night
Say goodbye to sadness. Feeling blue can pack a double whammy when it comes to sleep: Not only can depression (which women are most likely to suffer from during their childbearing years) cause sleep problems such as insomnia, but some antidepressant medications may have sleep-related side effects.
Donna Arand, Ph.D., clinical director of the Kettering Sleep Disorders Center in Dayton, Ohio, and an American Academy of Sleep Medicine spokeswoman, recommends a two-fold treatment for insomnia with depression: cognitive behavioral therapy, a therapeutic approach which can be used specifically to target insomnia and bad sleep habits, plus talk therapy aimed at alleviating depression, adding or adjusting medication as appropriate. (The antidepressant trazodone may help with both insomnia and depression.)
Health.com: 7 signs of seasonal affective disorder
YOUR 40s
Notice when you go at night. If you're waking up to pee a lot more lately, don't assume it's a sign of aging -- you might actually have a urinary tract infection (UTI).
"Decreasing estrogen levels in the mid-40s leads to a thinning of the lining of the vagina and bladder, which makes perimenopausal women more prone to infection," says Corio, author of "The Change Before The Change."
Corio adds that women in their early 40s are often very sexually active, which can also lead to more UTIs. Talk to your doc if you notice a change in your bathroom habits.
Health.com: Gotta go? 13 reasons for urine trouble
Deepen zzz's with exercise. Deep, restorative sleep (called delta or slow-wave sleep) decreases in your late 40s, making nighttime awakenings more frequent.
Working out more may help. Your muscles and tissues are repaired during slow-wave sleep, Arand explains. When you give your body more repair work to do thanks to increased physical exertion, it responds by stepping up the amount of slow-wave sleep you'll get.
The type of exercise that's best for triggering slow-wave sleep isn't clear, but aim for 30 minutes of moderate aerobic activity on most days, suggests Wilfred R. Pigeon, Ph.D., director of the Sleep and Neurophysiology Research Lab at the University of Rochester Medical Center.
Health.com: The 7 best fat-blasters
YOUR 50s+
Mind your meds. Prescription drugs you may be taking for high blood pressure and cholesterol could affect your pillow time. Diuretics (used to treat hypertension) can necessitate nighttime visits to the bathroom, says Dr. Annabelle Volgman, a cardiologist and the medical director of the Heart Center for Women at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.
If your doc says it's OK, try taking your pills in the morning instead of the evening. And statins for cholesterol-control can deplete your body's muscles of co-enzyme Q10, a natural protein required for normal functioning of muscle cells; the resulting muscle aches might make falling asleep a challenge.
If that sounds like you, Volgman suggests asking your doctor if you might benefit from taking a co-Q10 supplement.
Health.com: Supplements for cholesterol: what works?
Saw less wood. If you're a heavy snorer, your bedmate might not be the only one whose sleep is suffering. Chronic snoring is a major sign of obstructive sleep apnea (OSA), a disorder in which breathing briefly stops periodically while you sleep, interrupting and worsening the quality of your snooze time. OSA can have some heavy consequences, such as worsening or increasing the risk of developing diabetes, hypertension, or stroke.
"The risk of developing sleep apnea increases after menopause when progesterone levels drop," Arand says -- possibly because progesterone may help the muscles of the upper airway stay open.
Being overweight is also a big risk factor for OSA (and weight gain is a common occurrence during menopause); in some cases, slimming down can actually cure the disorder. Talk to your doctor about your sleep issues; with treatment, you could be snoozing more peacefully in no time.
By Nancy Rones
You already know that pregnancy pains and hot flashes can keep you tossing and turning at night. But there's a host of other, less-heralded health concerns that may be silently interfering with your shut-eye. Here's how to deal with these stealth sleep stealers, decade by decade.
YOUR 20s and 30s
Check your thyroid. New moms usually blame sluggishness or insomnia on the demands of parenthood, says Dr. Laura Corio, an OB-GYN in private practice in New York City and attending physician at Mt. Sinai Medical Center. But the true culprit may be postpartum thyroiditis, which 5 to 10 percent of women develop in the year following delivery.
Typically, it starts with mild hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid), which can rev you up and set off insomnia. After a couple of months, the condition may swing to hypothyroidism, in which a lack of thyroid hormone slows your body's functions, leaving you feeling constantly tired. If you're too jumpy to sleep or have extreme fatigue postpartum, see your doctor.
Health.com: 8 factors that could be keeping you awake at night
Say goodbye to sadness. Feeling blue can pack a double whammy when it comes to sleep: Not only can depression (which women are most likely to suffer from during their childbearing years) cause sleep problems such as insomnia, but some antidepressant medications may have sleep-related side effects.
Donna Arand, Ph.D., clinical director of the Kettering Sleep Disorders Center in Dayton, Ohio, and an American Academy of Sleep Medicine spokeswoman, recommends a two-fold treatment for insomnia with depression: cognitive behavioral therapy, a therapeutic approach which can be used specifically to target insomnia and bad sleep habits, plus talk therapy aimed at alleviating depression, adding or adjusting medication as appropriate. (The antidepressant trazodone may help with both insomnia and depression.)
Health.com: 7 signs of seasonal affective disorder
YOUR 40s
Notice when you go at night. If you're waking up to pee a lot more lately, don't assume it's a sign of aging -- you might actually have a urinary tract infection (UTI).
"Decreasing estrogen levels in the mid-40s leads to a thinning of the lining of the vagina and bladder, which makes perimenopausal women more prone to infection," says Corio, author of "The Change Before The Change."
Corio adds that women in their early 40s are often very sexually active, which can also lead to more UTIs. Talk to your doc if you notice a change in your bathroom habits.
Health.com: Gotta go? 13 reasons for urine trouble
Deepen zzz's with exercise. Deep, restorative sleep (called delta or slow-wave sleep) decreases in your late 40s, making nighttime awakenings more frequent.
Working out more may help. Your muscles and tissues are repaired during slow-wave sleep, Arand explains. When you give your body more repair work to do thanks to increased physical exertion, it responds by stepping up the amount of slow-wave sleep you'll get.
The type of exercise that's best for triggering slow-wave sleep isn't clear, but aim for 30 minutes of moderate aerobic activity on most days, suggests Wilfred R. Pigeon, Ph.D., director of the Sleep and Neurophysiology Research Lab at the University of Rochester Medical Center.
Health.com: The 7 best fat-blasters
YOUR 50s+
Mind your meds. Prescription drugs you may be taking for high blood pressure and cholesterol could affect your pillow time. Diuretics (used to treat hypertension) can necessitate nighttime visits to the bathroom, says Dr. Annabelle Volgman, a cardiologist and the medical director of the Heart Center for Women at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.
If your doc says it's OK, try taking your pills in the morning instead of the evening. And statins for cholesterol-control can deplete your body's muscles of co-enzyme Q10, a natural protein required for normal functioning of muscle cells; the resulting muscle aches might make falling asleep a challenge.
If that sounds like you, Volgman suggests asking your doctor if you might benefit from taking a co-Q10 supplement.
Health.com: Supplements for cholesterol: what works?
Saw less wood. If you're a heavy snorer, your bedmate might not be the only one whose sleep is suffering. Chronic snoring is a major sign of obstructive sleep apnea (OSA), a disorder in which breathing briefly stops periodically while you sleep, interrupting and worsening the quality of your snooze time. OSA can have some heavy consequences, such as worsening or increasing the risk of developing diabetes, hypertension, or stroke.
"The risk of developing sleep apnea increases after menopause when progesterone levels drop," Arand says -- possibly because progesterone may help the muscles of the upper airway stay open.
Being overweight is also a big risk factor for OSA (and weight gain is a common occurrence during menopause); in some cases, slimming down can actually cure the disorder. Talk to your doctor about your sleep issues; with treatment, you could be snoozing more peacefully in no time.
18 Problem Solving Questions
18 Problem Solving Questions
Curt Rosengren, On Thursday 14 October 2010, 23:38 SGT
Whatever your path, at some point you're going to come smack up against problems that feel like in impenetrable wall. While there is no magic wand solution to making that wall disappear, asking questions is the next best thing. Asking questions can help you pinpoint where the trouble is, identify creative approaches to solving the problems, and even change your perception of reality so the problem disappears (or at least becomes irrelevant).
[See 14 Secrets to Career Change Success.]
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to using questions to solve the problems you encounter. So instead, here are 18 questions to help you design your own approach. You'll probably find some questions more effective than others, depending on the situation.
This isn't a step-by-step list of questions to ask, so scan the list and see which ones jump out at you. Pick one and start there. See what happens. Then pick another one and dig into that. Build on what gives you results and toss what doesn't. Use these questions as a starting point for a self-taught mastery of problem solving.
[See 7 Toxic Attitudes That Can Harm Your Career.]
1. What are the obstacles?
Take inventory of the obstacles getting in your way. Get them out of your head and onto paper so you can start sorting through them. It sounds like a no-brainer, but I'm always amazed at how often people leave their problems in the abstract, flying around inside their brains.
2. What one change could I make that would make the biggest impact?
Sometimes one big change can make seemingly impenetrable obstacles suddenly feel more permeable. It can shift things enough that the other contributing factors lose their potency or become irrelevant. Or it can take you far enough down the path toward a solution that you can get a new perspective.
3. Which obstacles can be easily removed?
If there are obstacles you're facing that are easily removed, start there to get some momentum. You might be surprised at how much difference it makes.
4. What needs to happen for this problem to disappear?
Look at the mechanics of the problem. Take a look at the factors contributing to the problem, and then explore which ones need to be changed, improved, or eliminated.
5. Where are the sticking points?
Think of getting from where you are to where you want to go as a process flow. First this happens, then that, and then that. Map out a step-by-step ideal world flow of how you could get there. Then look at that flow and identify the sticking points by comparing it with your less-than-ideal world situation. Where are the sticking points?
6. How can I improve this process?
Instead of looking at it from a problem perspective, look at it as a process improvement exercise. How could you improve your process? How could you improve how you approach it? How could you improve the efforts you are making?
[See more job advice at U.S. News Careers.]
7. Am I the problem? How?
No amount of external problem-solving will do the trick if the obstacle is really created by you. Do you have attitudes, habits, beliefs, etc. that are creating this problem?
8. Are there other paths to the end I'm looking for?
Write down the obvious way to get from where you are to where you want to go. Then ignore it. Come up with as many other paths as you can think of for getting there.
9. Can I change any of the variables?
Often when we look at problems, we see them in terms of a finite set of parameters. List all the variables you see (how much time it takes, who is involved, whether to do something yourself or hire someone to do it, etc.) and play with changing them. What effect could that have?
10. Who has done this before?
If someone else has already invented the wheel, don't bang your head bloody trying to create it again. Who else has been up against the problem you're encountering? Can you talk to them? Read about how they approached it?
11. Does this really matter?
This might seem like a funny question to include in a list with a problem solving focus, but the ultimate in problem solving is when the problem instantaneously ceases to exist. Sometimes we get so caught up in making something happen, or doing it a certain way, that we don't realize it is taking more of our energy than solving it would benefit us. If you are only trying to solve the problem "because it's there," consider dropping it and focusing your energy and effort elsewhere.
12. What would I do if I didn't think this were a problem?
Sometimes our perception that a problem exists becomes the problem itself. Try exploring what you would do if you didn't see whatever you're up against as a problem. The example that comes to mind is two people without a degree. One says, "I don't have a degree, so I'm limited in my options." The other says, "I don't have a degree...now how can I start creating more options?"
13. What information do I need?
What information am I missing? Sometimes problems exist because we don't have enough information to solve them. Identifying what information you need and what information you're missing gives you a starting point change that.
14. How would ______ solve this?
Get out of your own story and look at it from someone else's point of view. If there is someone you especially admire, or someone who is well known for solving things like this, ask yourself how they would solve it.
15. How would I solve this if I had to take an opposite-brained approach?
Are you more naturally linear or creative in your approach to things? Whichever it is, spend some time doing the opposite. Look for resources to help you take an approach to problem-solving that is the opposite of your natural tendencies.
16. How many solutions can I come up with?
Don't worry about quality with this one. Go for quantity. Make it a game. You'll probably come up with a whole lot of goofy ideas, but they just might pave the way for some good ones.
17. What new habits could I create that would help me overcome this?
If your goals are going to come to fruition, you are the one who is going to have to be the driving force. Are there any habits that could help make you more effective, reducing friction and limitations in the process?
18. How could ____ relate to my problem?
At the end of my sessions with clients, I used to pull a tarot card and read the explanation in the accompanying book. There was no divination intent to it. Instead, it was accompanied by the question, "Does this relate to your current situation in any way?" Sometimes it didn't, but 75 percent of the time that question yielded valuable insights. The card offered something specific for their minds to bounce off, helping them make random connections and have unexpected insights.
You can do that with just about anything, whether it is a tarot card, news about miners stuck in a mine (how could this relate to my career?), your favorite artist's approach to painting, or the traffic on the way to work. It offers a way to get outside your standard set of thoughts and associations.
Questions alone won't solve your problems. You also have to combine them with action and persistent, consistent effort. But the more good questions you ask, the more problem-solving potential you have.
After years as a professional malcontent, Curt Rosengren discovered the power of passion. As speaker, author, and coach, Rosengren helps people create careers that energize and inspire them. His book, 101 Ways to Get Wild About, and his E-book, The Occupational Adventure Guide, offer people tools for turning dreams into reality. Rosengren's blog, The M.A.P. Maker, explores how to craft a life of meaning, abundance, and passion.
Curt Rosengren, On Thursday 14 October 2010, 23:38 SGT
Whatever your path, at some point you're going to come smack up against problems that feel like in impenetrable wall. While there is no magic wand solution to making that wall disappear, asking questions is the next best thing. Asking questions can help you pinpoint where the trouble is, identify creative approaches to solving the problems, and even change your perception of reality so the problem disappears (or at least becomes irrelevant).
[See 14 Secrets to Career Change Success.]
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to using questions to solve the problems you encounter. So instead, here are 18 questions to help you design your own approach. You'll probably find some questions more effective than others, depending on the situation.
This isn't a step-by-step list of questions to ask, so scan the list and see which ones jump out at you. Pick one and start there. See what happens. Then pick another one and dig into that. Build on what gives you results and toss what doesn't. Use these questions as a starting point for a self-taught mastery of problem solving.
[See 7 Toxic Attitudes That Can Harm Your Career.]
1. What are the obstacles?
Take inventory of the obstacles getting in your way. Get them out of your head and onto paper so you can start sorting through them. It sounds like a no-brainer, but I'm always amazed at how often people leave their problems in the abstract, flying around inside their brains.
2. What one change could I make that would make the biggest impact?
Sometimes one big change can make seemingly impenetrable obstacles suddenly feel more permeable. It can shift things enough that the other contributing factors lose their potency or become irrelevant. Or it can take you far enough down the path toward a solution that you can get a new perspective.
3. Which obstacles can be easily removed?
If there are obstacles you're facing that are easily removed, start there to get some momentum. You might be surprised at how much difference it makes.
4. What needs to happen for this problem to disappear?
Look at the mechanics of the problem. Take a look at the factors contributing to the problem, and then explore which ones need to be changed, improved, or eliminated.
5. Where are the sticking points?
Think of getting from where you are to where you want to go as a process flow. First this happens, then that, and then that. Map out a step-by-step ideal world flow of how you could get there. Then look at that flow and identify the sticking points by comparing it with your less-than-ideal world situation. Where are the sticking points?
6. How can I improve this process?
Instead of looking at it from a problem perspective, look at it as a process improvement exercise. How could you improve your process? How could you improve how you approach it? How could you improve the efforts you are making?
[See more job advice at U.S. News Careers.]
7. Am I the problem? How?
No amount of external problem-solving will do the trick if the obstacle is really created by you. Do you have attitudes, habits, beliefs, etc. that are creating this problem?
8. Are there other paths to the end I'm looking for?
Write down the obvious way to get from where you are to where you want to go. Then ignore it. Come up with as many other paths as you can think of for getting there.
9. Can I change any of the variables?
Often when we look at problems, we see them in terms of a finite set of parameters. List all the variables you see (how much time it takes, who is involved, whether to do something yourself or hire someone to do it, etc.) and play with changing them. What effect could that have?
10. Who has done this before?
If someone else has already invented the wheel, don't bang your head bloody trying to create it again. Who else has been up against the problem you're encountering? Can you talk to them? Read about how they approached it?
11. Does this really matter?
This might seem like a funny question to include in a list with a problem solving focus, but the ultimate in problem solving is when the problem instantaneously ceases to exist. Sometimes we get so caught up in making something happen, or doing it a certain way, that we don't realize it is taking more of our energy than solving it would benefit us. If you are only trying to solve the problem "because it's there," consider dropping it and focusing your energy and effort elsewhere.
12. What would I do if I didn't think this were a problem?
Sometimes our perception that a problem exists becomes the problem itself. Try exploring what you would do if you didn't see whatever you're up against as a problem. The example that comes to mind is two people without a degree. One says, "I don't have a degree, so I'm limited in my options." The other says, "I don't have a degree...now how can I start creating more options?"
13. What information do I need?
What information am I missing? Sometimes problems exist because we don't have enough information to solve them. Identifying what information you need and what information you're missing gives you a starting point change that.
14. How would ______ solve this?
Get out of your own story and look at it from someone else's point of view. If there is someone you especially admire, or someone who is well known for solving things like this, ask yourself how they would solve it.
15. How would I solve this if I had to take an opposite-brained approach?
Are you more naturally linear or creative in your approach to things? Whichever it is, spend some time doing the opposite. Look for resources to help you take an approach to problem-solving that is the opposite of your natural tendencies.
16. How many solutions can I come up with?
Don't worry about quality with this one. Go for quantity. Make it a game. You'll probably come up with a whole lot of goofy ideas, but they just might pave the way for some good ones.
17. What new habits could I create that would help me overcome this?
If your goals are going to come to fruition, you are the one who is going to have to be the driving force. Are there any habits that could help make you more effective, reducing friction and limitations in the process?
18. How could ____ relate to my problem?
At the end of my sessions with clients, I used to pull a tarot card and read the explanation in the accompanying book. There was no divination intent to it. Instead, it was accompanied by the question, "Does this relate to your current situation in any way?" Sometimes it didn't, but 75 percent of the time that question yielded valuable insights. The card offered something specific for their minds to bounce off, helping them make random connections and have unexpected insights.
You can do that with just about anything, whether it is a tarot card, news about miners stuck in a mine (how could this relate to my career?), your favorite artist's approach to painting, or the traffic on the way to work. It offers a way to get outside your standard set of thoughts and associations.
Questions alone won't solve your problems. You also have to combine them with action and persistent, consistent effort. But the more good questions you ask, the more problem-solving potential you have.
After years as a professional malcontent, Curt Rosengren discovered the power of passion. As speaker, author, and coach, Rosengren helps people create careers that energize and inspire them. His book, 101 Ways to Get Wild About, and his E-book, The Occupational Adventure Guide, offer people tools for turning dreams into reality. Rosengren's blog, The M.A.P. Maker, explores how to craft a life of meaning, abundance, and passion.
Dogs can be optimistic or pessimistic?
Dogs can be optimistic or pessimistic?
LONDON - If your dog destroys the furniture when you are away, it could be a pessimist, researchers have concluded.
A study has found that some dogs are natural gloom-mongers while others have sunnier dispositions.
"We know that people's emotional states affect their judgments and that happy people are more likely to judge an ambiguous situation positively," said professor Mike Mendl, an author of the study and head of animal welfare and behavior at Bristol University.
"What our study has shown is that this applies similarly to dogs."
To measure canine psychology, researchers trained dogs to recognize that bowls on one side of a room contained food, while bowls on the other side were empty. They then placed the bowls in "neutral" locations between the two sides.
Just as happy people tend to see the positive in any situation, so optimistic dogs sprinted toward the bowl, expecting to find food, while pessimistic dogs hesitated or ran more slowly.
The study, published in Current Biology, which looked at 24 dogs at two UK animal centers, found that dogs' temperaments correlated with their behavior when separated from their owners.
Dogs that saw the bowl as half-full were calmer when left alone, sure their owners would return, while pessimistic dogs were more likely to worry, bark and misbehave.
About half of the 10 million dogs in the United Kingdom show "separation-related behavior" at some point, Mendl said.
Instead of getting rid of anxious dogs or ignoring them, owners should recognize that their dogs may have emotional issues and seek treatment for them, he said.
LONDON - If your dog destroys the furniture when you are away, it could be a pessimist, researchers have concluded.
A study has found that some dogs are natural gloom-mongers while others have sunnier dispositions.
"We know that people's emotional states affect their judgments and that happy people are more likely to judge an ambiguous situation positively," said professor Mike Mendl, an author of the study and head of animal welfare and behavior at Bristol University.
"What our study has shown is that this applies similarly to dogs."
To measure canine psychology, researchers trained dogs to recognize that bowls on one side of a room contained food, while bowls on the other side were empty. They then placed the bowls in "neutral" locations between the two sides.
Just as happy people tend to see the positive in any situation, so optimistic dogs sprinted toward the bowl, expecting to find food, while pessimistic dogs hesitated or ran more slowly.
The study, published in Current Biology, which looked at 24 dogs at two UK animal centers, found that dogs' temperaments correlated with their behavior when separated from their owners.
Dogs that saw the bowl as half-full were calmer when left alone, sure their owners would return, while pessimistic dogs were more likely to worry, bark and misbehave.
About half of the 10 million dogs in the United Kingdom show "separation-related behavior" at some point, Mendl said.
Instead of getting rid of anxious dogs or ignoring them, owners should recognize that their dogs may have emotional issues and seek treatment for them, he said.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
10 signs your date isn’t The One
10 signs your date isn’t The One
By Bob Strauss
Despite what you’ve been taught in school, that small voice in the back of your mind isn’t necessarily your conscience — it may be the last fully functioning piece of your brain, desperately trying to tell you that the guy or gal you’ve been seeing isn’t even close to being your soul mate. As unwelcome as this conclusion is, isn’t it better to come to it by yourself rather than being lectured about it by an expert? No? Well, in that case, read on for a list of signs that it’s time to get back into the trenches and continue that trudge toward true love.
1. Your date is devoted to another.
"On a regular basis, he spoke to his mother more than he did to me," says Bethany from Minneapolis. "He talked to her every day, and then he would compare me to her. She has him on such a short leash that he hasn’t ever made a major decision without her!"
2. Your spending habits don’t match. "
If she shops to make herself feel good, and he feels better when money is saved for the future, look out: irritation, frustration, and arguments can result," says Rita Benasutti, Ph.D., a therapist in Boca Raton, FL. In other words: Get out now, while your credit-card balance is still manageable.
3. Your politics are too different.
Although there are some famous liberal/conservative couples out there, "If you have opposite ideologies, it’s usually a deal-breaker," says John Seeley, author of Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life. So, "if you find yourself saying things like ‘I can’t believe you voted for him’ or ‘I can’t even kiss someone who likes that person,’" it’s time to move on.
4. Your sweetie just doesn’t get your jokes.
Take it from me: If that obscure Monty Python reference provokes polite but uncomprehending giggles on a first date, it’ll be met with frosty silence six months down the road. The same formula applies if she thinks Garrison Keillor is hilarious, but you’re more like Homer Simpson banging on the TV set and shouting, "Be more funny!"
5. Your love interest isn’t ready.
"I met someone over a year ago, and we really hit it off," says Michele from Atlanta. "He would call me from work daily, saying that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again. But the closer we got, the more he started to pull back. Finally, I threw in the towel, realizing that even though we were compatible in many ways, he was not emotionally ready for a relationship."
6. Your honey wants kids and you don’t (or vice versa).
"Often, a person is so happy to find The One that he or she assumes love, marriage and having children go together, but for the other person, being a twosome and being in love is enough," says Dr. Benasutti. "It’s a good idea to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your potential mate to understand his or her perspective."
7. Your tastes are too different.
"The number-one reason for failed relationships is what I call ‘refinement incompatibility,’" says Zannah Hackett, author of The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking. "Some of us are content to go camping, while others can’t survive outside a Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Some things are negotiable, but refinement incompatibility is not one of them, no matter how magnetically attracted you are to each other."
8. Your lifestyles clash. If you’re a corporate executive pulling in six figures a year, you’ve probably figured out by now whether you can tolerate a guy or gal who earns an order of magnitude less in terms of salary. No harm, no foul: ending things now is better than leading someone along (or unexpectedly sticking your date with the tab at that expensive restaurant).
9. Your first connection fizzles.
"When we first met, the chemistry wasn’t there," says Lauren from New York, speaking of a relationship she had high hopes for... at first. "Sometimes that attraction develops as you get to know a person and sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s very different from instantly having that sizzle of chemistry when your date glances at you for the very first time."
10. Your relationship has you on edge.
"I believe that The One strengthens you, lifts you up and does not produce anxiety," says Kathryn Alice, author of Love Will Find You. "When something isn’t right, your intuition keeps trying to let you know by putting nagging doubts in your mind as well as continual anxiety. This is a gut thing, and your gut is rarely wrong."
Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.
By Bob Strauss
Despite what you’ve been taught in school, that small voice in the back of your mind isn’t necessarily your conscience — it may be the last fully functioning piece of your brain, desperately trying to tell you that the guy or gal you’ve been seeing isn’t even close to being your soul mate. As unwelcome as this conclusion is, isn’t it better to come to it by yourself rather than being lectured about it by an expert? No? Well, in that case, read on for a list of signs that it’s time to get back into the trenches and continue that trudge toward true love.
1. Your date is devoted to another.
"On a regular basis, he spoke to his mother more than he did to me," says Bethany from Minneapolis. "He talked to her every day, and then he would compare me to her. She has him on such a short leash that he hasn’t ever made a major decision without her!"
2. Your spending habits don’t match. "
If she shops to make herself feel good, and he feels better when money is saved for the future, look out: irritation, frustration, and arguments can result," says Rita Benasutti, Ph.D., a therapist in Boca Raton, FL. In other words: Get out now, while your credit-card balance is still manageable.
3. Your politics are too different.
Although there are some famous liberal/conservative couples out there, "If you have opposite ideologies, it’s usually a deal-breaker," says John Seeley, author of Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life. So, "if you find yourself saying things like ‘I can’t believe you voted for him’ or ‘I can’t even kiss someone who likes that person,’" it’s time to move on.
4. Your sweetie just doesn’t get your jokes.
Take it from me: If that obscure Monty Python reference provokes polite but uncomprehending giggles on a first date, it’ll be met with frosty silence six months down the road. The same formula applies if she thinks Garrison Keillor is hilarious, but you’re more like Homer Simpson banging on the TV set and shouting, "Be more funny!"
5. Your love interest isn’t ready.
"I met someone over a year ago, and we really hit it off," says Michele from Atlanta. "He would call me from work daily, saying that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again. But the closer we got, the more he started to pull back. Finally, I threw in the towel, realizing that even though we were compatible in many ways, he was not emotionally ready for a relationship."
6. Your honey wants kids and you don’t (or vice versa).
"Often, a person is so happy to find The One that he or she assumes love, marriage and having children go together, but for the other person, being a twosome and being in love is enough," says Dr. Benasutti. "It’s a good idea to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your potential mate to understand his or her perspective."
7. Your tastes are too different.
"The number-one reason for failed relationships is what I call ‘refinement incompatibility,’" says Zannah Hackett, author of The Ancient Wisdom of Matchmaking. "Some of us are content to go camping, while others can’t survive outside a Ritz-Carlton hotel room. Some things are negotiable, but refinement incompatibility is not one of them, no matter how magnetically attracted you are to each other."
8. Your lifestyles clash. If you’re a corporate executive pulling in six figures a year, you’ve probably figured out by now whether you can tolerate a guy or gal who earns an order of magnitude less in terms of salary. No harm, no foul: ending things now is better than leading someone along (or unexpectedly sticking your date with the tab at that expensive restaurant).
9. Your first connection fizzles.
"When we first met, the chemistry wasn’t there," says Lauren from New York, speaking of a relationship she had high hopes for... at first. "Sometimes that attraction develops as you get to know a person and sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s very different from instantly having that sizzle of chemistry when your date glances at you for the very first time."
10. Your relationship has you on edge.
"I believe that The One strengthens you, lifts you up and does not produce anxiety," says Kathryn Alice, author of Love Will Find You. "When something isn’t right, your intuition keeps trying to let you know by putting nagging doubts in your mind as well as continual anxiety. This is a gut thing, and your gut is rarely wrong."
Bob Strauss is a freelance writer and children’s book author who lives in New York City. He’s also written the Dinosaur guide on About.com, the online information network owned by the New York Times.
5 reasons why she stopped seeing you
5 reasons why she stopped seeing you
By Julie Taylor
It happens to the best of men: you’ve been dating a girl for a couple of months and things seem to be going well. She laughs at your jokes, plays footsie with you under the table at restaurants, and sends every possible signal that she’s smitten. Just about the time you start thinking you two might have a meaningful future together (or at least another date), poof! She disappears. What just happened? In truth, women’s reasons for bailing are as varied as the women themselves. Here, we consulted relationship experts and real women to pinpoint the top five so you can predict (and maybe even prevent) another disappearing act.
Reason #1:
She’s dying to get hitched"After a few months, a commitment-minded woman is really taking inventory to see if you’re marriage material," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of Be Honest — You’re Not That Into Him Either. "If she decides you’re not, she’d rather quit wasting her time and move on." It’s quite possible that she’s never talked to you about any of this — after all, her bringing up the M-word when you’ve only been going out for a few weeks or months would make her look overeager, if not desperate. But that doesn’t mean she’s not secretly sizing you up — and has decided you’re not Mr. Right or that you’re just not ready to settle down yet.
Reason #2:
Someone better came alongThe truth hurts, but sometimes a girl simply gets a better offer. That’s what often happens to Robin Orr, 43. "I’ll meet a guy online who seems great, but I don’t take my profile down because the relationship is so new. Then another guy will email me who seems interesting, and I’ll start dating him — and, before you know it, Guy #1 is outta there." Breakup expert Elizabeth Kuster, author of Exorcising Your Ex, says this is common, especially among online daters. "There are so many potential partners out there, women often get overwhelmed by their choices," she explains. "Before long, their attitude becomes, ‘So many men, so little time.’" If you’ve been burned by a flighty woman like that, try not to take it personally. There are plenty of women out there who’ll think you’re a catch.
Reason #3:
The romance has fizzledSome women are romantics at heart, utterly intoxicated by the new-love giddiness that permeates those early dates. However, when the honeymoon period subsides, they quickly lose interest. "After a few months, you two have gotten comfortable with each other, so the newness and novelty wears off," Dr. Kerner says. This is completely natural, but for romance junkies, it can spell the end of the relationship. "By the time a guy feels OK about burping or picking his nose in front of me, he’s pretty much history," says one veteran dater named Jill Parkinson. "I’d been dating my last boyfriend around seven weeks when he decided to clip his toenails around me. To me, it was the ultimate turn-off. I want to be the girl guys want to impress, not a girl around whom guys are fine passing gas."
Reason #4:
She’s afraid to settleYou’re great… but could she get someone better? Harsh as it sounds, this question often nags women until they decide to cut bait and find out what else — or who else — is out there. "A woman will often wonder: ‘He’s a good guy, but is he good enough?’" says Kuster. But please, don’t take it personally. This question says very little about your desirability as a mate — and much more about her obsession with status. And that’s probably not someone you want to be with anyway, right?
Reason #5:
You innocently did something that offended herWomen often have an unspoken laundry list of dating "red flags" — and if you inadvertently do something on that list, she may high-tail it out of there. "Maybe you did something small — like asking her to split the dinner bill — that makes her feel she’s not being treated well," says Dr. Kerner. "Instead of talking to you about it, she’ll likely just bail without ever telling you why." (She’ll tell her girlfriends the whole story, but — because these deal-breakers can be so obvious to her — she may not discuss them with you, unfortunately.) And because each woman is different, those "no-no’s" will vary — making it practically impossible to predict what is going to set her off.Luckily, there is a way to cut her off at the pass: If you notice your date acting weird when you do something, ask her about it. If she confesses that she’s turned off by splitting the check for dinner, for instance, you can talk about it then. It could turn out that her last boyfriend was an unemployed mooch whom she supported for two years, and she doesn’t want to go down that road again. "If you can communicate about what’s really going on, that’s a good sign," Kuster says. "As long as you can both be open and honest, you’re on the right track."
Best Party Games
Best Party Games
Wednesday November 3, 2010 12:13 am PDT
By Ben Tan, Yahoo! Southeast Asia
Game on!
Yahoo! Singapore Weekend Edition's "Planning The Ultimate Party" series aims to help you plan memorable events with insider info and success-proven tips. In the second part of the series, Ben Tan gives the run down on party games.
The music is rocking, the food is excellent and the drinks are plentiful. Yet somehow there is a disconnect among the revelers. Conversations are stunted. People seem lost. A general buzz is lacking about the place.
Cue the party game.
Whether its an intimate gathering among close friends or a big bash, these games are sure to liven up any atmosphere and serves as an ice breaker.
Charades
A simple game that exhibits people's improvisation and acting skills, and is a good way to get a lot of people involved in the festivities. Played by 2 teams acting out words or phrases, the aim of the game is to guess as many of them correctly as possible.
With crazy categories like "Porn movie titles" and "Most annoying people you've ever met", Charades can be that laugh-a-minute party energizer to get everybody in the mood for a good time.
Remember to have your cameras ready!
You will need: Lots of imagination and a healthy sense of humour!
Circle of death
In this game, players do certain actions that are pre determined for each card. Usually, cards are shuffled and dealt into a circle around an empty cup, and each player takes turn drawing cards, and the players must participate in the instructions corresponding to the drawn card.
The beauty of this game is that it is very flexible and can contain an assortment of mini games that encourage drinking, you'll be amazed at how everyone starts to ‘sabotage' each other, with each praying that they won't have to drink out of the King's cup!
You will need: A deck of cards, cups, and alcohol. For non alcoholic parties, water will suffice, though no one is allowed to go to the bathroom until the end of the game.
Power hour
This is one of the ultimate ‘guys night out' games. Every guy has a shot glass in front of him, with a few cans of beer handy. All you need to do is chug a big gulp of beer every minute for the next hour and beyond. Skip a gulp and you lose. Puke out the beer and you're thrown out as well. The last man standing wins.
It sounds easy, but like every good drinking game, take this lightly at your own peril! The least number of shots I've seen taken was 18. And the most? 150. Can you top that? Girls are more than welcome to try, some of you might even give the guys a run for their money!
You will need: Glasses for every participant and lots of beer. You could use hard liquor although I would highly NOT recommend it.
Never have I ever
Time to get everyone to let their innermost secrets out! The game is about people taking turns to say "Never have I ever ______". And for those people who have done what that person has not does a forfeit.
You'll be amazed at the revelations and might even see your friends in a different light after all the juicy details have spilled out.
You will need: An open mind.
7 up
7 up is a game that can push your maths skills to the limits. Players sit in a circle and start counting from 1 in a direction. Every time the number 7, or its multiples are called, replace it by saying "Up". So numbers like 7,14,17, 21 are out of bounds. The first person to break the cycle does a forfeit.
To make things more challenging, you can add in extra rules, like "No finger pointing", "You can only hold a cup with your left hand" and "Change directions at every "Up".
With a bit of booze, this game can be absolutely hilarious.
You will need: Alcohol. Calculators and arithmetic tables are strictly prohibited.
Wednesday November 3, 2010 12:13 am PDT
By Ben Tan, Yahoo! Southeast Asia
Game on!
Yahoo! Singapore Weekend Edition's "Planning The Ultimate Party" series aims to help you plan memorable events with insider info and success-proven tips. In the second part of the series, Ben Tan gives the run down on party games.
The music is rocking, the food is excellent and the drinks are plentiful. Yet somehow there is a disconnect among the revelers. Conversations are stunted. People seem lost. A general buzz is lacking about the place.
Cue the party game.
Whether its an intimate gathering among close friends or a big bash, these games are sure to liven up any atmosphere and serves as an ice breaker.
Charades
A simple game that exhibits people's improvisation and acting skills, and is a good way to get a lot of people involved in the festivities. Played by 2 teams acting out words or phrases, the aim of the game is to guess as many of them correctly as possible.
With crazy categories like "Porn movie titles" and "Most annoying people you've ever met", Charades can be that laugh-a-minute party energizer to get everybody in the mood for a good time.
Remember to have your cameras ready!
You will need: Lots of imagination and a healthy sense of humour!
Circle of death
In this game, players do certain actions that are pre determined for each card. Usually, cards are shuffled and dealt into a circle around an empty cup, and each player takes turn drawing cards, and the players must participate in the instructions corresponding to the drawn card.
The beauty of this game is that it is very flexible and can contain an assortment of mini games that encourage drinking, you'll be amazed at how everyone starts to ‘sabotage' each other, with each praying that they won't have to drink out of the King's cup!
You will need: A deck of cards, cups, and alcohol. For non alcoholic parties, water will suffice, though no one is allowed to go to the bathroom until the end of the game.
Power hour
This is one of the ultimate ‘guys night out' games. Every guy has a shot glass in front of him, with a few cans of beer handy. All you need to do is chug a big gulp of beer every minute for the next hour and beyond. Skip a gulp and you lose. Puke out the beer and you're thrown out as well. The last man standing wins.
It sounds easy, but like every good drinking game, take this lightly at your own peril! The least number of shots I've seen taken was 18. And the most? 150. Can you top that? Girls are more than welcome to try, some of you might even give the guys a run for their money!
You will need: Glasses for every participant and lots of beer. You could use hard liquor although I would highly NOT recommend it.
Never have I ever
Time to get everyone to let their innermost secrets out! The game is about people taking turns to say "Never have I ever ______". And for those people who have done what that person has not does a forfeit.
You'll be amazed at the revelations and might even see your friends in a different light after all the juicy details have spilled out.
You will need: An open mind.
7 up
7 up is a game that can push your maths skills to the limits. Players sit in a circle and start counting from 1 in a direction. Every time the number 7, or its multiples are called, replace it by saying "Up". So numbers like 7,14,17, 21 are out of bounds. The first person to break the cycle does a forfeit.
To make things more challenging, you can add in extra rules, like "No finger pointing", "You can only hold a cup with your left hand" and "Change directions at every "Up".
With a bit of booze, this game can be absolutely hilarious.
You will need: Alcohol. Calculators and arithmetic tables are strictly prohibited.
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