My First 3 positive things of the week? day? Starting with a good friend (Number 9)

1. Everything went smooth for check and the still one time, though could have being earlier detection. And that financial is it not draining but manageable. Procedure schedule asap on coming monday

2. A faith fulfilling journey to JB to meet the JB girl. A crazy journey up after hospital visit and knowing the situation. I flew there. With no ringgit. She paid for my mac fast food dinner while she is fasting. drove me to church service, me had a good worship time with God. 2nd round of desert and she sent me to JB checkpoint. If at anytime she drop me or kidnap me.... i am a goner lol...but Thank God for everything.

3. I am positive about how i am feel toward someone. It is being self-aware of what is to be accepting someone unconditional and wants to be with the person as much as I can. Remember the person. I thought i forgotten about this. But now it is spurring me to greater heights in faith and confidence. Stand up :)

My first time crazy adventure to Malaysia JB alone

As the title suggest, indeed it is a crazy trip to JB alone.

It all starts off with dad admitted to SGH for chest pain and now being considered for heart bypass. So after the initial scan and check, was chatting with Miss V. We were chatting about where to chill and productive to read books and such. So as I was also looking for a place to chillax and maybe also read a book. I agree and since it can be a getaway. Also I know of the same faith. On Good Friday. Thus with the basis, I agree, even saying that is she expecting me and she just said yes...
So with the determination, so off I went....joking saying that my passport is with me....though it is expired one.

Well off i go, spend a bit of time to figure out how to go and after getting my passport zooooooom i went. It was quick journey though only after i am out of singtel data range and into My Maximus range that i realize..... there is really alot of people at the custom. I had to sms informing that i may take 1 - 2 hours...... 10- 15 minutes and just take 5 steps....1730.....that means 1930 that crossed custom....and she need to go for Good friday service at 2030.  It only starts to dawn on me during the 2 hours wait....woah What am I doing here....i Think i am crazy to travel to a place that I have not being here before alone.....with no money or Ringgit and not familiar with the place. Well since i am committed, i will go all the way....let this trip not be wasted.

1930 then I arrived after going to 2 different Starbucks along the way.and she faithful wait there. Dinner was in my mind, with a keen mind and seeing baskin robin and other nice Mac stuff, she was fasting but am able to drink,

Before I arrived as it is really getting late, she invited me to her church service. Good Friday Service in Chinese. I agreed as I am not going to put my 2 hours to waste. Though then face to face, I asked how she is going handle. As her church is a family church and she is going to be there, she will need to handle. She is prepared. Ok off we go....and the journey was light hearted though with some quietness. I told her that I felt like being kidnapped and the vulnerability that I feel. She can just drop me somewhere and ignore me. Though I did have a solution if it does happen.

Despite those little joke, finally arrived on time and I thank God. It was refreshing and comforting presence of God. In the worship that somehow crystallize and clear up my mind. There is a clarity of heart and focus. Perhaps as I look back, it is a call back and a recognition of how it is to be in consultation of the the Holy Spirit.  It is like leveling up.

A full 1 hours of worship and prayer. A filling of the spirit to continue the journey ahead. Upon second round of chat, how things may go array. Prior in the trip, I already said tonight I don't intend to stay overnight in JB. It sounds hastily mentioned but the purpose is that to avoid anything. From the second round chat I know more about her. Book she read, the lifestyle she has. Also the reason of her passion in sports and into teaching PE.  Also the reading of the various of the few book that i shared from the little remembering. So as the 2nd chat slowly edge the away, it is time to go...being driven around is good. She even suggested I can come over during holiday...she said her friend does come too... I teased her in stating her friend should be female. Haha.. Mentioning I am a male, things will be different. Though she had a response for that.... It is nice to go have a staycation.  Perhaps can consider but see how it goes ba. I told zeng zeng maybe we should go JB at times and get another colleague to drive us around haha....another crazy idea in hatching haha omg in the making...... On the way driving back to JB sentral, an interesting comment said...it is so subjective..... My mum is not  at home. A easily misinterpreted message. Though I am glad she followed up with the reason. She is the driver and if she decide towards anything, I will on the reactive and responsive side.

Thank God that managed to reach on time. I wanted to return her $$$ however not knowing how to effectively settle this. Guess this will set up for another meetup. I managed, with wisdom, catch the AMK train and also to get a feeder bus 262 then which I can walk home nearer. No dreams or vision. It is a calm heart. A heart that is steady and stabilize to move forward. I can only thank God, that his staff is sufficient to travel through the valley of darkness.

Dream that woke me up in the middle of the night

Dream: walking around with this lady. slightly shorter than me. We were touring for food, touring around the stall. While touring and wonder what to eat, lady teased, waiting for you to make the move lol. With the urge to hold her hand.... The tour continue with not visible scene of hand holding. It is a suspense whether there is a start. Touring from a vertical column of street stall panning towards a horizontal row of food stall, still no sign of progress of the move. This is until I consciously stopped dream.

What is the dream about?
I have no idea. however i will blog it and see how it goes..... the following are some possible. Things unfound:
L shaped Food stall?
Walking around and touring around?
What is the tease about? How did I react? I was disturbed by the fact and really remember the fact that in recalling: though it may have being distorted. Is Waiting for you to make the move? That is very contrast to me. However in another blog post, may contradict this. Does that L shaped indicates a total change of direction? from how things are moving, it totally take a different direction, though it is not 180 complete change or 360 change. however the change is significant. What are at the stalls. though they are not the focus. This really jig me up into thinking, the subconscious defensive trigger.

To be discussed and look into further. Is this just a random dream or a consolidation of my thoughts in a pictorial form. For only God knows.

http://dreammoods.com/

Walking 
To dream that you are walking with ease signifies a slow, but steady progress toward your goals. You are moving through life in a confident manner. Consider your destination.

Teasing 
To dream that you are being teased suggests that you are behaving or acting inappropriately in some waking situation. You are not taking your actions seriously. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are feeling victimized by others or by circumstances. Teasing may also be a metaphor for someone who is being "a tease", perhaps even yourself.�


http://dreamingthedreams.com/
Dreaming of beingteased, denotes that you will win the love of merry and well-to-do persons. For a young woman dreaming of being teased, foretells that she will form a hasty attachment, but will not be successful in consummating an early marriage….

My First 3 positive things of the week? day? Starting with a good friend (Number 8)

1. Dinner though i was early / on time, it was a thought crystallization process, naming out the the qualities I am looking for, losing Clash Royale 5 in a rows, and then hopefully my good friend has a clear idea what hinders and progress towards "freedom" or at least away from phobia
2. Had a 5-6 hours Mega Civilization Board game at Games Haven with 15 other players. It was an experience. Epic.
3. Had a good dinner on Monday. Another treated drink with 1 whole week of going back to school for 6 days. A week of instability and glad to know that a dear colleague is getting well socially. Hopefully colleague will find more connection points and clearer goal with more control over smoking habit and a deeper knowledge of the loopholes of physical intimacy

Reflection over a rough weekend

Being a while since I am doing up a journal my reflection of the thoughts that run through my mind. Though they are true, it reflects the current state of my life and mind. After 4-5 years of uncertainty and shaken up in faith, knowing the truth really shaken my very core faith. Though I did sense that it is going to approach and come one day, I was still not ready for it. It was a tough journey indeed as I look back.

As I see now, the situation seems to present itself, similarly like in the past. I could see the reference and check points. Just that this time round, the age and year is different. I am more cbb, can't be bother; trained by my profession and though learning style hard.

I know I am naughty now than before, with lesser constraint, i dare to ask more. Thus this is the part that is encased and  now it is the time to release. The high sort of controlled curiosity, not necessary the traditional, yet modern context from all the pollution of the world. Knowing what you wear, noticing clothes trend, systematically knowing the behavior pattern of a person. I have a thought that is unshared and not sure whether should it be shared. May I just wish to re-live the times that I think i missed out. I thank God for the opportunity and this time round i don't wish to squander it.
EC, LYP..SD/DS....perhaps it is true or a fact to be accepted that I am just attracted to SD/DS girls but will have no ending with them.....EC: 1 year 4 months and gone into the background of life. LYP: barely anything and i am the 366th person she will be in a year. not even a leap year which makes is 367th person.

I can only pray and ask God, please let this last and let me be a blessing to someone. Even it is just more of a gift than receive, I think I don't mind. I can't imagine how will i react when I hear the same truth(if i get to know), will i have the same emotional stirring? Or should i even act to do what I can to prevent it. Or perhaps I am over-worried that it will never happen. Or it is none of my business.  Or even speaking of it will trigger the flow of the events towards the undesired outcome.

What I can pray is...may knowledge be spread, may the truth set people free. Let it be for Your will be done. I learnt that I have move to this stage like how Julia Robert quoted ""You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness."

I gladly accept this though not wholeheartedly. Look like it is the grace of God who carries me always. He is always faithful. 

Am I going to open up the floodgates again? Or I just remain status quot then... it is difficult for me to make a choice....... not more nice guy...but to slowly transform into a good guy...No more Christian Nice Guy anymore ok!

My First 3 positive things of the week? day? Starting with a good friend (Number 7)

1. I had a good time with my colleague and realize the factors, after the weekend, that i am attracted to. DS, SD..... it opens up a door which I didn't realize the trend till now.
2. I get to experience how my body reacts to large dose of alcohol and what are the control measure i need to put in place. In a safe environment. I learnt how "daring" i can become....though how sane i am still....though still vulnerable to temptation = self experimentation and recognition.
3.I managed to "disregards" things and sent my invitation for a colleague to come for TGIF event. Not usual for me...Though i will still ask then. This really reveals more things I wish to sort it out with God....about some of the choice and decision made before hand....i can still remember the "put it into a box" and a misbelief unbelieving vision.....it is a blessing or just a period of trial that at that moment in reality, i was not ready to handle it.

My First 3 positive things of the week? day? Starting with a good friend (Number 6)

1. Work: ITQ on track. Camp survive.... accompany colleague thru the sensory trail and learnt something ....walked thru it myself too...crazy enough. Luckily the colleague didn't grab too tightly or chiong up and hugged.....with control....thank God...I wonder what did I get myself into

2. My robotics boys finally won something at FLL Mechnical Design Award...
3. Went out for a lunch + Choco Wonderland mcflurry appointment with someone from SDN....all went smooth. I didn't know what did i get myself into again...