It is now after a year that I start to feel. The feel is strong....although the news are the same. I just wonder....is that a good sign or just something to be dealt with.
It is the same stage as usual. Same answer. Wonder why do I still ask in the first place. Should I even let the feel expand or constrict it to ensure that it does not become unbearable.
In the midst of typing this and watching air crash investigation again and again and again, remember Corrinne May songs......oh well....I can call my name...call my name..
I just want to let it go....let it go...let it be frozen......just the movie.....frozen in time...winter...cold and just plain cold which is easier to managed.......risk is where there is higher return.....but I already given up....given it up.....no more turmoil...I can't or wish not to go through it again...Now I do recognise a difference....a loss of faith....a reluctance to use to a means to return......I want an authentic relation.....A relation not because of such need. So what can I do....what can I proceed....how to I walk in faith again....in faith of aware......
All bottle up and just wish to carry on with life......let it go......move on move on.....dun need to discuss or mention it much.....will there be a closure? Will there just a move on.....Attempt that mounts to nothing or just simply it is not meant for......a dream that is slowly becoming true......no longer I dream....no longer I have vision. A gift that is given up......I just ...being wordless and world-ful.....oh well...so what if.....no surprise....but your will be complete...regardless......no longer what I may want.......just let it be....just let it be.....anything ba.
Thursday, April 03, 2014
Sunday, January 12, 2014
A brand new year 2014.....and just realise time flies + some thoughts of CHOICES
2014 12 January.....almost 1 year since I last visited my own blog......
First of all thank to all who visited and left your comments on my blog......Spam or non spam, Anonymous (Individual or THE GROUP).....
Just a update.....the past year, a year that start in panic....but feeling that it ended off quite satisfactory.
As growing more Anti Social and less time thinking of the BGR stuff and hypothesis of human interaction, philosophy and stuff, I kind of like experience what is it like to be without a purpose in life. Or in a way to be where I am on how where I were and the choices that I make to leads me to here.
This comes to light as I type now, thinking of the Adventure book in the 80s or 90s (when I was really young and there are no blogspot or spotlight) Where u read a book, then at the end of the short paragraph, it directs you to a particular page or something. How life can be in that way may be easy and simple. However the reality, just like RPG now no longer is linear but multi-endings and each action affects the outcome. So this is the reality.
I believe there are some decision I have made for 2013 that brought me to where I am here. Articles that I read, things that I encounter and decision made, some how make me see things in a different lime-light. Not remembering whether I mention....well the person that I "worked" hard to know......and know the fact she is going steady with someone else.....ever since now not know what else has happened....I wonder how that knowledge and fact influence on me. Influence on how I think and decision making process. Sometimes, direction of life does not necessarily take a drastic change in direction to change the course completely. It take just 1 degree change for someone differ from one's original course, and over 10km, it will be about 0.174km which is about 174m. That is about 0.001% difference. In distance we can see this to be a slight difference. However how does a life path be quantified. Or I make a decision to eat my french fries today and this will cause my future GF to put on 500g in weight? Cause and Effect? Root to fruit? Branched decision outcome? Logic at basic of it while yet there are much more to explore.
Anyway where am I now? Serving in the kids ministry.....moving on with it....already thinking that this year will be my last year in that ministry....Doing regular (DND)(Do not Distrub) period...where I just wanted to be alone. To be in a Virtual reality. To be of escape from the truth of the matters. However, deep in me, I do know I am not the only one who is going through this. As I watch some light novel anime of the like of Sword Art Online (which I watched twice) and Log Horizon, these triggers thoughts how would it be like if the world is like a MMORPG with certain law and rules; governing how things work. Perhaps when I accumulated sufficient thoughts of it, I may just pen down my thoughts here......
There are also 2 videos that I watched that really trigger my thoughts.
http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/01/07/this-is-what-happens-when-a-kid-leaves-traditional-education/
Quoted from another site. This site includes Does Education Kill Creativity? by Sir Ken Robinson
As I prompt further, there are some (a few) other videos by Sir Ken Robinson which is thought provoking too.
Anyway keywords and titles provide, you can go google on it and do your research on them. I just did a primary knowledge and what free time allows, I will do my more in depth study.
Once again thanks for those who HAD, WERE, ARE or WILL BE visiting my blog....Hope little thoughts can trigger, comfort you in the moments you spent here is worth. The world is round....but NOT PERFECTLY round.
First of all thank to all who visited and left your comments on my blog......Spam or non spam, Anonymous (Individual or THE GROUP).....
Just a update.....the past year, a year that start in panic....but feeling that it ended off quite satisfactory.
As growing more Anti Social and less time thinking of the BGR stuff and hypothesis of human interaction, philosophy and stuff, I kind of like experience what is it like to be without a purpose in life. Or in a way to be where I am on how where I were and the choices that I make to leads me to here.
This comes to light as I type now, thinking of the Adventure book in the 80s or 90s (when I was really young and there are no blogspot or spotlight) Where u read a book, then at the end of the short paragraph, it directs you to a particular page or something. How life can be in that way may be easy and simple. However the reality, just like RPG now no longer is linear but multi-endings and each action affects the outcome. So this is the reality.
I believe there are some decision I have made for 2013 that brought me to where I am here. Articles that I read, things that I encounter and decision made, some how make me see things in a different lime-light. Not remembering whether I mention....well the person that I "worked" hard to know......and know the fact she is going steady with someone else.....ever since now not know what else has happened....I wonder how that knowledge and fact influence on me. Influence on how I think and decision making process. Sometimes, direction of life does not necessarily take a drastic change in direction to change the course completely. It take just 1 degree change for someone differ from one's original course, and over 10km, it will be about 0.174km which is about 174m. That is about 0.001% difference. In distance we can see this to be a slight difference. However how does a life path be quantified. Or I make a decision to eat my french fries today and this will cause my future GF to put on 500g in weight? Cause and Effect? Root to fruit? Branched decision outcome? Logic at basic of it while yet there are much more to explore.
Anyway where am I now? Serving in the kids ministry.....moving on with it....already thinking that this year will be my last year in that ministry....Doing regular (DND)(Do not Distrub) period...where I just wanted to be alone. To be in a Virtual reality. To be of escape from the truth of the matters. However, deep in me, I do know I am not the only one who is going through this. As I watch some light novel anime of the like of Sword Art Online (which I watched twice) and Log Horizon, these triggers thoughts how would it be like if the world is like a MMORPG with certain law and rules; governing how things work. Perhaps when I accumulated sufficient thoughts of it, I may just pen down my thoughts here......
There are also 2 videos that I watched that really trigger my thoughts.
http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/01/07/this-is-what-happens-when-a-kid-leaves-traditional-education/
Quoted from another site. This site includes Does Education Kill Creativity? by Sir Ken Robinson
As I prompt further, there are some (a few) other videos by Sir Ken Robinson which is thought provoking too.
Anyway keywords and titles provide, you can go google on it and do your research on them. I just did a primary knowledge and what free time allows, I will do my more in depth study.
Once again thanks for those who HAD, WERE, ARE or WILL BE visiting my blog....Hope little thoughts can trigger, comfort you in the moments you spent here is worth. The world is round....but NOT PERFECTLY round.
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