It is coming and it has come. Perhaps in the first place it should not even exist but it seemingly exist. It may be a flicker of my imagination, of the mind that is trying to overpower the heart, make the heart "think" the way the mind. Or it could be just calling that now is the things to get things settled.
Just a day before my first paper of the semester and 7months since I am back in business, the attacks of the mind is getting stronger and stronger. It has come to the sense that I now doubt, whether in the first place, I may have made a wrong decision to just wanna to find out more about the person. Now I am in a situation that I feel that I have already achieved what I reached out, what I set out for, but why am I still holding on. That is not good. I am not focus on the objective that I have set up and deviating from the things that I should be considering to be in place. But anyway, these are also the times that I do serious reflection. Time that forces me to think deep, force me to re-think my actions and my way of thoughts. Also it test my faith and will of choice. Easily I could just flee, but I wonder why did I stay on. Why did i so called stay on to continue "torturing" myself in such situation. But I realise that without me going through it now, I will have to face it in a later part of my life. Thus sooner or later, I still have to face it and the situation, circumstance will be different from now. Thus, this time round, I wish to do it well, at least know that I have walked the path faithfully and leave the rest to God whom will be in control of all things.
The second thing that I will leave a note here is regarding the issue of stalking. It is the 3rd time round I found myself guilty of it. And still I don't fully understand or fully accept the fact or the truth. I remember what my cell leader told me that somethings human are just so simply need so many lesson to learn a lesson. With this remark, I ponder whether am I too, guilty of it and takes a few occasion to make me able to learn and intergrate the lesson into my life??? Puzzling it may be, but it is true. There are somethings in my life that still the Lord to teach and guide me. Blind spots they are called by some, as they are blind to the person who have them. Nevertheless, God is still gracious and merciful as HE will send people, brother and sister in christ, speaking through them and reveal the blind spots of my life. This is not to disgrace or disvalue me, but with the ultimate purpose that I will know HIM more, allow me to change to the person that God have intended in his plan for me, for the service to his kingdom. For one have said, it take easy to remain silent, but hard to "rebuke" constructively.
Ultimately, I still hold on to 2 truth. One from 1 Corinthians 1:4-9(NIV) :
I always thanks God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in in him you have been enriched in every way - in all your speaking and in all your knowledge- because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you dod not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. HE will keep you strong till to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.
2 from 2 Corinthians 2:3-7 (NIV):
Praise be to God and Father of our Lord JEsus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves haver received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patien endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just a syou share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 passages that although I have not really followed up every often for the past 4 years, but they are two passages among the few that I will hold on.................the 2 passage that I will use to testify for baptism, may they be.
-----
Posts
