How birth order affects your love life

How birth order affects your love life

By Lisa Lombardi

Want some fresh insight into your love personality? Forget about whether you’re a Leo, Pisces or Aquarius; instead, consider whether you’re a first-born, middle child, or baby of the family. If you want to understand how you operate in every kind of relationship, “understanding birth order is a lifesaver,” stresses psychologist Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author of The Birth Order Book. Read on for more insight into your love life:

If you’re an oldest child...

It’s no coincidence that most U.S. Presidents were first-borns, because this is the sign of natural leaders. You’re a take-charge person, so not the type to drive friends and romantic partners crazy asking questions like, “I dunno where we should eat; where do you want to go?” Instead, you’ll make sure you have reservations — and land a prime table, too. And anyone lucky enough to pair up with you won’t spend weeknights wondering whether he or she has Saturday night plans, because “oldest kids are planners,” says Dr. Leman. You’re also old-fashioned (in a good way). You always come through on anniversaries and Valentine’s Day.

Your love challenge: Being more spontaneous. First-borns aren’t the “seize the day” sort (you’re not one to text your sweetie to suggest meeting at this fun café you just walked past). Likewise, “you hate surprises,” Dr. Leman warns. Pity the fool who springs meeting the parents on you or when you thought it was just the two of you going out tonight!

Best match: The youngest child. “It’s a case of opposites attracting,” says Dr. Leman. “You help the last-born be more organized, and the last-born helps you lighten up.”

If you’re a middle child...

Contrary to their reputation as insecure messes (example: Jan Brady), middle kids actually make stable and loyal partners. “One thing you’re not is spoiled,” Dr. Leman says. You probably grew up feeling like you got less attention than your siblings, and that drives you to work for every perk — including a happy relationship. Also in the “positives” category: You’re “a compromiser and negotiator,” Dr. Leman notes, so you’ll give your partner plenty of say in everything from how quickly your relationship progresses to where you go on vacation together. And your romance should be free of daily petty squabbles (middles hate conflict); instead, you try to put others at ease.

Your love challenge: Opening up. Have you ever been told you’re hard to read? “Middle children can be very secretive,” says Dr. Leman. “They got hammered by the first-born and swindled by the baby, so they keep their cards close to their chests.” You’re also not the best communicator when you’re upset. But if you learn to speak up instead of holding your anger in, you’ll have a more harmonious relationship.

Best match: Youngest child. “Middles aren’t as threatened by last-borns as they are by exacting first-borns,” says Dr. Leman, so the odds are good for open communication.

If you’re a youngest child...

You’re all about fun. The most outgoing of all in the birth order spectrum, youngest children live to have a good time (it may be because your parents were more laid-back by the time you came along). On a typical first date you’ll have your date laughing so hard that water shoots out his or her nose. In fact, “most famous comedians are youngest children,” says Dr. Leman. A partial list of famous examples: Jon Stewart, Jim Carrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy. And forget ho-hum plans like dinner and a movie; you love to do the unexpected, often on the spur of the moment. You’re the type to take someone to a party only to whisper, “Let’s get out of here” two minutes later... and then convince your date to take a road trip to Atlantic City or Vegas for the weekend.

Your love challenge: “Babies are the least financially dependable,” warns Dr. Leman (it comes from being, well, taken care of all your life). That means your date may be stuck picking up the tab when your credit card is maxed out. Also, some youngest children — not you, of course! — use that last-born charm and charisma to be a bit, ahem, manipulative, says Dr. Leman. That breed of baby will leave a date and sneak off to hit golf balls with pals or something similar, leaving the other person wondering what happened.

Best match: Either the oldest child (they serve as a good counterbalance in a parent-child sort of way) or middle child (they value friendships, so they totally understand why you love being the life of the party).

If you’re an only child...

You’re a rock-solid citizen — and a sweetie. “Only children are super-reliable,” Dr. Leman says. “They’re like oldest children taken to the extreme.” Growing up with only adults made you into a little grown-up early on — meaning you’re serious and dependable. You’re the rare person who will stay up half the night helping a friend or partner prep for a licensing exam or a big work presentation. You’re the type to move your partner’s car so he or she doesn’t get a ticket. Punctual and true to your word, onlies like you never leave a loved one waiting for a call or email. And you’re articulate, too, so your date can expect great conversations that really make a person think.

Your love challenge: Admit it — you’re a bit of a perfectionist. Maybe you send back steaks that aren’t cooked just so or point out a teeny-tiny stain on your date’s sweater. Also, you’re so cautious and pragmatic that you can be very slow to act (i.e., someone else has to make the first move).

Best match: Youngest child, because you balance each other out. The baby of the family adds spontaneity and romance, while you make sure you two aren’t dining by candlelight because the electric bill never got paid.

Lisa Lombardi has written for Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Shape and other publications. A classic middle child, she is happy to have picked a fun-loving last-born mate.

Quoted: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=7652&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=744515

How Positivity Opens Doors in Your Career

How Positivity Opens Doors in Your Career

Curt Rosengren, On Friday 8 April 2011, 3:10 SGT

I write frequently about how what's happening between your ears plays a big role in your career potential. A change in how you view the world--as a place of limits or a place of possibility--literally shrinks or expands the options available to you. And I don't mean that from a metaphysical "manifestation" perspective. I mean it from a common sense, logical perspective.

As humans, we are pattern-seeking creatures. It's what we do. Something happens, and our brain decides what box it fits in. When you see the world through a lens of lack and limit, that sets the pattern your brain is looking to match. So when negative things happen, it reinforces that worldview. And when positive things happen, they are both minimized in importance and truncated by waiting for the other shoe to drop. A perspective of possibility and potential, on the other hand, does the opposite.

All of that has an impact on what you'll be willing to try and how you will interpret whatever results you get. And what you are willing to try by definition defines what you have the potential to achieve.

If you want to craft and refine your outlook, a great place to start is by paying careful attention to the language you use. Is it limiting or expansive? Does it assume the best, or does it assume the worst? Often the language we use is habitual, a knee-jerk response.

Eliminate these four phrases from your career vocabulary, and you'll open doors for your future:

I can't

In a decade of my Passion Catalyst work, I have seen this assessment turn out to be wrong so many times. It might feel real, but often it's not. The reality is often something completely different. On closer examination, "I can't" frequently means things like, "I could, but I don't see all the options yet." Or "I could, but I'm not willing to do the hard work it would require." Or "I could, but not immediately."

They won't

Unless you happen to be a mind reader, steer clear of this one. You don't--and can't--know how other people are going to respond until they do. Need help from someone in your job search? Reach out and ask. You're guaranteed to not get it if you don't (in which case "they won't" is spot on). Want to collaborate with someone on a project? Again, don't assume you know the negative answer.

Even if you're right that "they won't" eight out of ten times, that still opens two doors that would otherwise have remained closed forever. Imagine the cumulative impact of that over the course of your career.

It's not possible

When I hear this, one of the things I often ask is, "Do you know that for certain? Can you prove it?" Often people just default to this without really thinking it through. "It's not possible" often winds up being, "It's possible, but it would take a lot of effort," or, "It's not possible in my current scenario, but if I make these changes it could actually be possible."

A good question to ask if this phrase comes up for you is, "What if I HAD to make it happen? How could I?" Stretch your creative problem-solving.

I have to

People have so many ingrained rules about what they have to do, and often they're little more than unquestioned assumptions installed by other people (parents, teachers, past bosses, etc.). If you find yourself operating according to a set of have-to expectations, ask yourself, "Do I really? Why? What if I didn't?"

Now, of course all of these are going to be accurate on occasion. There will be times when you really can't do something. And there will be times when, yes, you really do have to do something. But there will also be times when these assumptions simply aren't accurate.

If you take yourself off autopilot by questioning your assumptions when these phrases come up, you'll open the door to possibility and potential. And step-by-step, you'll leave that knee-jerk perspective of limits and lack behind.

After years as a professional malcontent, Curt Rosengren discovered the power of passion. As speaker, author, and coach, Rosengren helps people create careers that energize and inspire them. His book, 101 Ways to Get Wild About, and his E-book, The Occupational Adventure Guide, offer people tools for turning dreams into reality. Rosengren's blog, The M.A.P. Maker, explores how to craft a life of meaning, abundance, and passion.

Quoted: http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/How-Positivity-Opens-Doors-in-usnews-3221928141.html?x=0

Peace Because of Victory

When you are in a competition and you win, how do you feel afterwards? Especially if a competition was particular challenging or difficult, you may feel very good about what you have accomplished. You congratulate yourself, and let others congratulate you.

You are in some sense at peace with the results. You are no longer worried about your opponent or the outcome.

Your victory has been achieved, and you can now be at rest in the results. But how did you feel in the midst of your test or trouble? Were you really at peace, were you really confident in victory? More often than not, the answer is going to be no.

Something to note is that God prepares us in advance for what is going to happen. It never came to God as a surprise that one day Israel would ask for a king, or that His people would rebel against Him. In fact, He told Israel exactly what was going to happen in its history long before it ever came to pass. Christ did the same with the disciples. God know us, and He knows our hearts. He knows that in the midst of suffering, we are not going to be calm and cool and collected.

Nevertheless, He tells us to be at peace, because although we have trouble, we also have Him who is victorious. But Christ is not calling us into any random peace, but peace in Him and His word. J.C. Philpot tells us, "Now the Lord designs that all His dear family should have peace in Him...no peace in self...no peace [in the world]... no peace in anything else, [that] they may come as poor broken hearted sinners... and find peace in believing."

Living Life