Journey reflection of mine with Miss Smoky

Key points to be filled:

How it actually started?
Last year? BT? new staff?

Where are the trigger points?
she came into ION? She smokes? working on ITQ? Easy to chat with? being notti with her? She encounter with her RO? Guiding her who to look for? Her 100k watt smile? She systematic colour scheme and she being comfortable with me. Sharing yogurt time and common food. She dominating and just take my share... her intuition and witty? Or somehow my emotion leaks out?

Having lunch at Nandos after her breathy = 20 Feb? CNY reunion lunch for the elderly
Working very closely: she told me she like working with me and i responded the same to her.
Drank with her. once for celebration. then shared with her about love language and DISC and stuff. She is DS or IS....girls that i like to interact with. Empathize with her about wearing dress and wearing maximizer bra. She brushed me off as buzzed with booze though i think i was quite sober and know what I am asking. Her love language is QT and high on PT. We shared quite personal things and she tease me on what she wear internal though i rarely follow up on it....though usually i tell her it is always a single colour. I even tease her she has good body hair management.

I told her i accepted her as who she is, despite telling her i dislike smokers. She questioned me and asked me the difference between tolerance and acceptance. I kept the stand of accepting her.

I really feel like a real man.....someone empowered by her presence and seeking her presence, i strife to work harder. Recently i know as i discussed with my good friend about her, somehow there is that joy unexplain joy. I could hold eye contact with her quite long. I really like to orbit around her. Though she does not really orbit around me. She told me she is dating someone else which at this moment I don't mind. Though I already prepared what is the next phase to move to. A quote is prepared. I just want to fully maximize the time with her until she official change status. Or perhaps it is she is so similar to girls that I am interested but didn't get a chance to interact that she benefits it all?

A leaked word of wanting to spend more time with her? In the time of emo? or just plain gutsy? or due to the uplift of guts after JB trip?

As of 13 April, after ICTLT 30-31 March, after that moment of emo,  and with her needing more time to marked....and she mention to me that i appreciate the lunch because she is more busy.... i really appreciate that part. Coz means i can have lesser time with her. Which means good for me.... I can just focus on my work...getting work done...and she get her work done....getting her ground and stuff... The friday before 13 April, we spent a morning just lazing around for breakfast over at the P canteen.... it was a chillaxing.... and as i recount backwards, once of the quick lunch outside, she was telling me that dating is tiring...and her followup statement is that is not what i meant.... well i didn't really take into account. but it does trigger thoughts for it. For me, perhaps i have already gone emotionally beyond point of return. Now it is just evaluation and another thing to note for myself....dating should not be just tiring, but engaging and enriching, constructive emotionally. Regardless which, I am beginning to be sure and wish to by end May or June to do a emotional reset. So I will need to endure. Till then, it will be annual 40 days of fasting and prayers.

This is a time of building slow and long term emotion knowledge....to recognize what is the difference between lust and loving or winning someone's heart...or just plain blessing? It is being a while already since I have such a feeling and i am quite reluctantly to let go of it....