A quickie before i rest.... about Miss Smoky

It is about Miss Smoky.....  another incident today at work.

So after conversation yesterday and know that she is the best person in the team to do the job. So this morning I can't help but need to let her know about this.  Even as I blogged, I wonder why do I want to blog this down.... what is the rationale behind this.... well it is a pleasurable to remember all these and to know how personally I feel about....anyway, in the morning as I wait and told her that...bit by bit....she started to react upon the tight timeline that is given....and so much things that need to be done.... i really like....OMG.... did I just didn't prepare enough or shoot it too fast? I felt really bad....and then I start to consolidate the things on chat....Thank God that it open the way for her to mentioned her work schedule and commitment. And also reveal certain things that was communicated. Thus also the 2ICs are also brief about it today too.....

Well after the down turn....I really feel quite bad and almost decided that I should just retreat to my cave for the week and let it be bah.....since i am the Trouble-maker... So how, I still stupidly ask whether she lunching when she is having lesson.  How dumb can I be.....sigh

But well, she was honest to me saying perhaps it is the time of the month for her..... she is kind and I am appreciative of that.... in the end, the work issue is clarified....with more to come.... With need to sit down with 2IC.... speak to the heads..... which took me a while to understand.....

I am grateful though at times confused and uncertain....not in control and not being aware and assure of how and what i am thinking and feeling.... I not being praying as much as before....and my spiritual discipline is less.... though the situation is pushing me to really faithfully rely on God.

As I wonder now, what if I would get the F1 formula race? a pair of it......will I ask her to go along? Or even best, will i tell her that she can go with her more like date? those I am for towards the second choice, how will i react? well it is going to be months before i even be at the start of it..  It is just a thought....also Tree top walk .....a nice activity...inspired by Kyla leisure activity.... walking to enjoy the flowers at the side.

I know as June draw closer, I know I will I need a clear direction...a clear vision and understanding....how long can i be like this.... not too long I know.... some things need to move on....and some action need to take place. The question now is, how do I treat her as? Is there words to describe the stage?

For this, I may say, if she find someone whom she prefer, and she tells me, I will say,
Julia Roberts — 'You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness.'

A hard truth but it is something I am prepared to.....there are quite a few factors which perhaps I will blog another time.