Wednesday March 30, 2011 12:54 am PDT
Do men truly ever listen?
Men are generally perceived as good listeners in the honeymoon stage of most relationships. It is the phase where most women find their words exceptionally meaningful and memorable to men. Women feel that their wants and needs are understood. They feel appreciated. Men on the other hand, are encouraged for their effort.
It's no surprise that listening has a strong association with understanding and eventual action.
Women often use this as a way to gauge whether men pay attention to what they say. So when the supposed action does not take place, men are tagged as poor listeners. Unfortunately, some women also associate men's listening capacities with love and passion. So when men "don't listen," some women would think this is due to lack of love.
In a heated discussion for example, almost everything a woman says becomes impenetrable to a man's ears, as if he were wearing a pair of invisible earplugs. A man retreats in silence while the woman talks.
This, according to "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" author John Gray, is defined by a man's need to "recover" in his own cave.
This reaction however, is quite often misunderstood by most women as being cold and uninterested. Thus, more questions and explanations are hurled in attempt to hear the men's thoughts - and when this attempt is unsuccessful - women become perplexed and frustrated. When all fails, the blame game begins.
Both men and women give their best shot in explaining their point of view in an argument. One disagrees, the other defends. Such head-on force only makes the reconciliation opportunities tougher for couples.
When Mediacorp artist Marcus Chia's marital woes recently hit the headline of a local tabloid, he was quoted saying, "When we had a problem, she said it wasn't her fault and that it was mine, so we had nothing to talk about."
With those words, I could imagine the frustrations they both went through. One tried to speak, the other tried to explain. So who listened?
If both parties refuse to budge and insist on delivering the best speech, aren't we just turning a deaf ear on each other? Is it fair to say that only men don't listen?
Women, give him space to sort out his thoughts. Men, listen to her need to talk and understand.
The need to communicate should align with the readiness of the other party to listen. If certain things can wait, it might be a better idea to leave it for a time when both of you are more receptive to suggestions or opinions.
Why force the issue when the other refuses to listen? What matters more in a relationship - winning a speech competition or communicating to understand?
Felia Wong is a keen researcher and observer on matters relating to love and relationships.
Quoted: http://sg.promotion.yahoo.com/weekend-edition/hype/post/hype/75/do-men-listen.html
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