How to maintain healthy relationships

How to maintain healthy relationships
By Ms Yang Su-Yin

How many of us have allowed ourselves to be caught up in the whirlwind of a romance, only to be disappointed when the “honeymoon” period is over and reality sets in? Often, our partner is blamed for not putting in the effort to make the relationship work. In every relationship, be it intimate relations, friendship or kinship, it always takes a minimal of two people to work at it. A fact that everyone is aware of but rarely practices.

How then can we maintain strong, healthy and self-fulfilling relationships with a partner, parent or friend?

Communication – “Two monologues do not make a dialogue ~ Jeff Daly”

Deep, frequent, heart-to-heart conversations are essential in maintaining any relationship. Relationships fail when individuals hold the belief that: if he/she loves me, he/she should know what to do or what to say. I don’t have to tell him/her what I’m feeling or thinking.

We have to keep in mind that we are meant to interact, and are not mind readers. If you have difficulty communicating deep issues face-to-face, start off by sharing about your day and build up the confidence gradually by sharing issues closer to your heart. The person on the receiving end of your sharing will usually be appreciative of your trust and honesty.

Make time for each other

Set specific times during the week to do something both of you (or in a group setting) enjoy doing. Make it a point to celebrate special occasions and if finances permit, why not spend a weekend away from the stressors in life? Recognise that it is equally important to make time for your family.

Recalling the good times

Remember why you fell in love the first place. There are always wonderful memories etched in our brains. Reminisce on the fun times you had together with your friends and children. Tapping on such memories will also allow you to be more appreciative of one another.

Do something nice for your loved one

Know your partner’s, friends’ and family’s love language and do something they can appreciate. Love languages are expressed by – buying gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time. Understand how your partner showers you with affection and allow your partner to understand how you shower him/her with affection.

Appreciate the present

It’s too late for regrets when a love one passes on. There’s no point in grieving when the person has passed on or has decided to be out of your life. Learn to appreciate the present. Life is too short to dwell on the insignificant.

Celebrate and Enjoy

Celebrate the relationships you have made and maintained over the years. Enjoy the fruit of each journey you walked with that individual. Thank the person for being your partner, friend or family. Be grateful that they are still by you this day.

The writer is a Senior Psychologist at Department of Psychological Services and Pain Management Clinic at Tan Tock Seng Hospital.
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