Top 10: Ways To Tell Your Casual Relationship Isn't Casual

So, you’re shacking up on a regular basis with a gorgeous girl that can’t get enough of your lovin’. There’s no commitment, you’re still free to roam and you have no-strings-attached sex on tap. High five.However, after you have been intimate with a woman on a regular basis, you may notice subtle relationship tendencies begin to rear their ugly heads. Beware, many of these signs can creep up on you overnight and may be the only indicator that you are sliding d*ck-first into relationship quicksand.Word to the wise: Don’t flip out before gathering hard evidence. You don’t want to scare away an awesome sex-buddy for no good reason, that’s plain stupid. Just keep your eyes open, your senses keen and stay on your toes -- you’re fighting for your independence out there, gentlemen.

No.10 - Assumed dates
If you start hearing things like “I thought Saturday was our night,” you may be dealing with a lady friend that is staking claim to your freedom. Resist. Make your voice heard now. It is important to realise that even at this micro level, you are mapping out invisible rules and boundaries that are difficult to reverse. Before you know it, you can find yourself having to offer up excuses as to why you are deviating from your expected quota of weekly dates. If this is the case, casual has left the building.

No.9 - Pet names
A pet name refers to a term of endearment that couples often give to each other, a sort of secret, coded language that heightens the bond between two people. Pet names can seem harmless enough and even kind of cute, but a grown man should never use a word like “shmoopy.”If the name used has anything to do with food (cupcake, honey, pumpkin), an animal (kitten, bear, monkey) or a hybrid with a word that sounds warm or comfortable (snuggle-bunny, cuddle-muffin), then you may be slipping into a relationship coma.

No.8 - Public displays of affection
Public displays of affection (PDA) refers to the exhibitionist practice of kissing, holding hands and cuddling in public. If you could translate body language into words, these actions say “this man is taken” and that man means you. No one wants a chocolate bar that has been licked by someone else.Resisting these moves may bring awkward conversations, but it’s better than someone pissing on your leg to mark their territory. Once a line has been drawn in the sand, we have ourselves a boundary. No means no.

No.7 - Repeat phone calls
If your friend with benefits is calling you multiple times a day to see how you are, she is thinking about you too much. Unless she’s touching herself on the other end of the line, this phone call is not sexual, it is romantic.Also, be on the lookout for trivial text messages such as “I’m eating a sandwich” or “I just looked at the sky and it reminded me of you.” Politely reply “That’s nice” and get off the train at the next stop.

No.6 - Dropping the word “boyfriend”
Sure, once or twice is OK, a mistake, a slip of the tongue, a Tourette’s spasm. However, if dropping the word "boyfriend" seems deliberate or if it happens too often, then you have yourself a problem.The trick with this p*ssy trap is that if you confront the situation, you invite the inevitable question of “So, why aren’t we in a relationship, then?” Let it slide but keep score. If she drops too many B-bombs, you need to light a fire and get out of there.

No.5 - Less emphasis on sex, more on "quality time"
In a casual relationship, quality time is made up of pillow talk and those brief moments before you have sex, when you say hello, nice to see you. If she’s booking cultural events or holiday time with you months in advance, she is projecting into the future and putting you there.You are now in a situation that is far from casual and have been led there under false pretences. You sent away a comic book coupon for sea monkeys and got back an envelope of crack cocaine. It’s not your fault. Walk away.

No.4 - Four words: “We look good together”
This is not the language of friends with benefits. This woman is fantasising about a world in which the two of you are together and happy. It’s sickening. It’s like catching her masturbating over a wedding magazine.There’s the outside possibility that it could be a casual remark, maybe the two of you do look good together. Keep your Spidey-sense on high alert though; these four words have been known to act as a gateway drug to a much more serious relationship.

No.3 - Staring: lovingly, adoringly or longingly
Newsflash: If she’s looking at you with puppy-dog eyes and her head tilted to one side, there’s an excellent chance that sex is not on her mind. She may look docile enough, but as she sits there staring at you, all her unnecessary bodily functions are shutting down so that she can focus all her energy on falling in love with you. While she is in this trance-like state, get up slowly and back out of the room.

No.2 - The toothbrush syndrome
Admire a girl for her practicality when she brings a tooth brush to your house. Fear the girl who leaves one behind, for she has begun moving in and this is her first little suitcase.One way to solve this problem is to carry the offending toothbrush around in your pocket and next time you see her, give it back. Play the dumb-guy card and say: “I thought you might need it.” Repeat when necessary.

No.1 - Meeting the Fockers
When a girl arranges, requests or suggests meeting her parents, you have clearly left her bedroom and walked into her life. If there is a way out, then dammit man, get out. But if you’re locked in, just get through as best you can by sticking to conversations about weather, current events and family pets. Don’t crack jokes and avoid discussing politics, money or religion.Also, don’t let your guard down around her father; never forget that he knows you’re sleeping with his little girl.

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